mental health Q+A: overthinking in relationships, going off birth control, health anxiety

hi everyone welcome back to my Channel today I wanted to do an OG sit down chitchat Q&A all about my life my mental health because I know life can get overwhelming sometimes and I am seriously so grateful for everything and everyone in my life but there are definitely days where I just feel anxious and I thought it would be not fun but I know you guys really appreciate when I kind of open up about stuff like this so I went on Instagram and I asked you guys to ask me questions about my life my mental health like just my experience this this is all stuff that I've experienced this isn't going to be me like telling you what you need to do but these are just things that have helped me or things that are on my mind right now I'm really grateful to better help for being the sponsor of this video I feel like it's very fitting you guys know I've been in therapy for years now I went to my first therapy appointment when I was in high school trying to figure out like my life because I was deciding where I was going to go to college I was I felt like I had to please certain people in my life and that was kind of the first time I went to therapy and then I started going on a regular basis and it literally changed the game for me like if you haven't been to therapy you are going to be obsessed because it's so nice to sit down and talk to someone who is there for you to listen to you I'm a big people pleaser so I'm constantly feeling like I need to ask them how they are and what's new with them but with therapy their number one goal is to sit there and listen to you and give you positive coping skills to kind of handle whatever you're going through and just to kind of you know inspire you in one way or another so it's really nice that that person's not involved in my life at all they're just there to listen and chat and I'm really really grateful for therapy seriously for those of you who might not know better help is an online platform that connects you with a licensed therapist and you can do your therapy on the phone on a video call messaging they make it so easy for you and it's just so nice you just fill out a brief questionnaire and they get you matched with a therapist and it's just so easy cuz I feel like one of the most daunting Parts is like oh I I don't even know where to start how do I know this therapist is good like I'm just stressed better help does all that for you when they match you they're matching you with a therapist who has helped other people with the same or similar struggles as you so they're very experienced in that you're usually matched within 48 hours so you can also start chatting with them very quickly so if you're feeling overwhelmed or you're just needing someone to talk to or maybe you're going through a new life chapter let better help connect you to a therapist who can support you all from the comfort of your own home that's probably my favorite part I don't have to leave my apartment I can literally do it from home head over to betterhelp.com danielc Caroline or choose my name when you sign up to get a special discount on your first month of better help and remember it's okay to ask for help we're all in this together and better help is there for you and wants to match you with a therapist who can help you chat through whatever you're going through thank you again to better help for sponsoring the video and the amazing work they do to get therapy accessible to a lot of people someone said how is going off birth control so I stopped birth control like mid July and I'm really hoping that I'm going to feel some like sort of amazing effect because a lot of people said they felt amazing when they went off um I also don't know I might be going back on right now I'm just off of it to test my hormones but I just have to get it out of my system for a few months the one thing I am noticing though is I'm definitely breaking out and I was warned that when I went off breast control that that may happen because it was regulating my hormones for so long the first week or two I felt so weird so anxious I was also going through a lot of life change like I was moving I was traveling so that definitely could be a part of it but yeah I definitely have been feeling blah recently like I am doing all these amazing things and I'm I Lally love my life right now and I love my apartment and I love all of that but I just feel like honestly I've been feeling ugly so I don't know if that has to do with it or anything but my period's been normal which was nice like nothing crazy different what do you personally do to handle your anxiety so I do a variety of things but one of the things that has really helped me or a couple things one I literally always have my essential oils with me I have my sage Wellness essential oils it's like like a breathe scent because sometimes I feel like when I can't take a deep breath or the worst is like I feel like so many people that have anxiety understand this or just have this problem where you can't yawn that is the worst feeling and for the longest time I thought I had a breathing problem and then I went to the doctor and they were like you have anxiety I was like oh but having those essential oils especially like I've had moments recently where I'm just in a very chaotic setting I'll run to the bathroom or right there wherever I am and take out my essential oil and I just inhale it a few times and I don't know why it just allows me to breathe without thinking as much about breathing cuz I'm like oh this smells so nice I'm relaxed I'm in a spa that really helps also randomly sparkling water when these are all like random tangible things but like if I'm feeling kind of just out of my body very very anxious I to ground myself I'll drink something that's sparkling or fizzy and something about the Sparkles going down my throat calms me down I like feel it in my chest I cuz a lot of my anxiety comes from my chest like I feel it very heavily right here comment down below if any of you guys feel this way or if you try it and let me know I don't know that's another thing a huge thing is like if I'm in an anxious moment like the other day I was at dinner with my friends we were in London and I don't know why sometimes you don't know why your anxiety is happening like I was just feeling a panic attack coming on I was really hot I was just kind of like it would have been a long day like who knows but instead of like bottling it in and like trying to push it off I was like hey guys I'm feeling kind of anxious right now and my friends were literally the best they were like so how's Ryan like what's he up to like are you excited to see him when you get back just kind of distracting me from my anxious thoughts and just asking me other questions and also talking about oh I'm s it sucks you feel anxious I was feeling a little anxious earlier like just talking about it has really helped I've been in multiple settings where I was like oh my God I'm literally about to have a panic attack but then if I bring it up and like talk about it it's like okay it's not all in my head anymore I'm talking to my friends about it they're acknowledging it I am safe I think the biggest thing for me when I'm feeling anxious or I'm panicky it's like I feel unsafe or my fight or flight is going so reminding myself that I'm safe you're okay you're literally fine Danielle it's all good like literally saying stuff like that to myself really helps how do you balance friends family boyfriend and have time for yourself I will give myself a pad on the back I think I am so good at this I really pride myself in this however at times I feel like I'm a little too good at it where then I'm like I don't know sometimes I'm just like why am I thinking so much about it but like in college I had a roommate and I would pay attention to the amount of times I would like have Ryan sleep over or like the nights Hern I would have because also I enjoy my time with her so I wanted that time as well I just also like the people in my life that I truly truly care about like I'm checking in with them like I nothing pisses me off more than when people are like I'm a bad texter like no you just don't want to text me then or like like you don't want to call me because if it's the people that you love and care about in your life like you will pick up that phone or the next time you're on your phone you will see if they texted you you will check like I have trouble with that and I understand like if you're working something like that's different like if you're busy that's different I genuinely look at my week and I'm like okay like what nights can I hang out with Ryan what nights do I want to like have a girls night what nights do I need to myself like tonight I'm like I need a moment to myself like I know I need that I'm going to set that boundary it's all about setting boundaries and being able to say no to things like my friends have plans later this week and I was like I I'm not busy but I can't go like I just need time to myself so I can charge up for the weekend and hopefully see you guys this weekend Danny what do you think makes you a good friend you have an amazing bunch of friends oh that's so I've gotten a few comments recently I could tell you're a really good friend and like I don't know why that was like the best compliment ever and it made my entire life I think just because I am such an over thinker and a people pleaser I not even that I'm not even going to like my therapist always says don't should on yourself like you should this should no I'm not going to [ __ ] on myself I think that I treat people the way I want to be treated isn't that like the golden rule we learned in Like Preschool like I put in that effort to my friends because I want them to do the same for me and I genuinely care I'm like oh I forgot broe was doing this let me ask her how that was or stuff like that I just it's top of mind and the people in my life mean so much to me and they do so much for me and fill such a void in my life like I am just so grateful for the people in my life like they make me laugh they help me they give the best advice we spend good times together so I think I just treat them the way I would want someone to treat me and I'm really grateful for that how have you been curating your new apartment to help support your wellness and mental health love this question that's like that Tik Tok oh I love this question as you can see my apartment is very neutral like could not be more neutral like I'm finally adding some darker features to it but the most color I have in this apartment is the greenery like I have a couple plants and that is literally the only color for everyone it's different and some people are like you literally need more color in your apartment it I love color and I think it's lovely and I love staying at hotels with color and I love going to my friends's apartments that have color for me having a very serene space makes me feel so relaxed like when I'm going to bed I just feel so cozy and nice so when designing my apartment and buying the things like I was looking at this like really crazy fun funky headboard and I was like no like I want simple clean lines and everyone's different and I'm going to add a little bit more color in the walls like artwork but for me I basically want my apartment to feel like a hotel spa and those places are where I feel very relaxed um so I definitely do that I always have candles burning or something like that cuz the flame is very relaxing to look at like I'm thinking about all these things also with that I try to keep everything out like I don't like to have a ton of things on my counter if I can so I got like nightstands so storage I organized everything in my bathroom I have a dresser that's very sleek and can store everything like I like minimal stuff everywhere I've been struggling with health anxiety recently and want to know how you deal with it health anxiety is I feel like not talked about as much as like other I don't want to say types of anxiety but I feel like a lot of people have like this mental anxiety of just like day-to-day things or something that they're going through but health anxiety I feel like I didn't even know was a thing because I thought it was just a me thing and then I found a side of the internet that also deals with it and I felt very validated if you don't know what health anxiety is um this is what my version is I never had this growing up it just developed in the last few years where if I get a heart palpitation or if I get like a weird bump on my arm that's not as common it's more of like internal stuff I'm like oh my God I am having a heart attack oh my gosh I have heart problems and one thing that's helped me a lot is going to the doctor and another thing that's like so messed up for me is that I also don't like going to the doctor so the health anxiety and the not going to the doctor don't mesh because I feel like every time I go like literally the other day I went to the gynecologist every time I go to the gyno they're so sweet so kind I leave with you know your Healthy all is well but for some reason I just enter the doctor's office assuming Doom assuming they're going to tell me something's wrong and and that's okay too sometimes there is something and they'll work through it and that's what I remind myself is like go to the doctor like I literally went to the cardiologist a few years ago because I thought I was having heart problems and they were like no it's just anxiety uh they like did a whole sonogram and everything but I felt so much better after that knowing like okay I can rest my brain a little bit now that's not to say that I still don't feel like that um there'll be times I'm doing cardio workouts and I'm like oh my gosh my heart is beating faster than normal I'm dying no I'm not like and it's been really nice some people in my life like my brother is so encouraging like I used to always do cardio and have no problem with it and but my brother's been really helpful like he was here recently and we went to go work out and he was like look look at my heart rate look how high that is and that's normal that's okay I just went I ran I ran on the treadmill that's okay um honestly stuff like that really does help me like I I don't know so have I cured it no I don't know if I ever will but just reminding myself that I'm healthy like I literally do affirmations every single morning like I am healthy I am safe I am going to live a long life stuff like that so I think a mixture of like like I finally went to the doctor and I got like my whole blood panel done like every single thing you could test in your blood I've done and there were a few things that were like I talked about in a vlog when I was in the Hampton there were a few things that the markers were a little bit higher than average and did it freak me out yeah but I'm like you know what I'm 25 years old I'm so proud of myself for going to get that done I'm so I'm still so young that I can use those things that knowledge to kind of go forward in my life and make better decisions based off of those levels stuff like that that's the best advice that I have that's what I've been doing for myself would you say you're in a better place with your anxiety # anxiety girlies I'd say so yes I feel like once a month for like a week and this probably all has to do with my cycle and stuff too I get like extra anxious and I just kind of expect that it's usually right before my period starts but I think I'm in a better place than I was a few years ago for sure like I just I understand it more I understand my body I understand how my body reacts to certain things like certain types of alcohol everything like I just know myself a lot more but are there days where I'm like H I just want to like go on a medication for anxiety yes and that is not bad either but then there's other days where I feel really great and I you know I take my supplements I take my magnesium my ashanda and I feel great now that I'm offr control I'm not on any medication so I kind of like that I feel privileged that I don't need to be but I just kind of like that so I don't know I don't know but I'd say I'm better than I was a few years ago how do you not overthink your relationship I I am so upfront with Ryan like I don't know if it's cuz my parents got a divorce and whatever and that scares me but I am am so upfront with Ryan like if he does something that makes me upset or feel sad like I tell him immediately U poor guy um but he takes it like a champ and he I think he appreciates it too because the longer we've dated the longer I've realized like he does not read my mind men cannot read minds as much as we want them to you have to literally tell them so I think I don't overthink because I know I also just know Ryan and he has such a simple good loving heart that he never means anything with Mal inent and he's such a good guy and literally everyone in my life loves him I don't know it's all a different situation we've been dating for so long like I trust him at the back of my hand like I just feel so comfortable with him that there's not much to overthink and he doesn't make me feel uncomfortable like he doesn't Gaslight me like I just I know when he says something he means it so I don't overthink it where's the first place you go and what do you do to recharge your social battery my apartment My Sanctuary and if I'm not home and I'm traveling honestly like like I said like if I'm at a restaurant with friends or if I'm out at a bar or like if I'm out like I'll go to the bathroom like I have a small bladder so I like always have to pee but a lot of times I will use the bathroom as a way for me to just have a moment alone and kind of ground myself or I will go for a walk and be along the water if I'm near a body of water like whether it's a pond literally a fountain a lake an ocean I'll take whatever being near water definitely really soothes me and kind of allows me to clear my brain a lot I have a lot of questions about growing up being a real adult and honestly that's something I'm having a lot of trouble with right now like you guys know I am super nostalgic I literally say I'm in my senior year of New York like I just like that I loved High School I loved college and I love postgrad like I literally love my life so much I love the people of my life like I can't say that enough Ryan and I were hanging out the other day and I was like growing up scares me and he was like I know like it's just it's so crazy cuz I feel like your whole life like when you're younger you dream of growing up and I am just so happy to have my own big girl apartment and do this for my job and get to travel and everything but with growing up comes lots of different responsibilities your parents get older people in your life you know come and go people get sick like it's just a really scary thing and I don't have the answer to that one growing up scares me and um I think it scares a lot of people I think that's very normal so I just try like I think there's a fine line between like pushing yourself but then also reminding yourself that you do still have so much time like I feel like so many of my friends that are my age just feel shitty that they don't maybe have a partner yet or you know of whatever chapter they are in their life and then I think about literally thank God for the show section in the city because those women are in their 30s upper 30s I I think in the show and like none of them even have Partners yet and for me like you guys know it's like sometimes I'm like like people always ask like why don't don't you and Ryan live together yet and my answer is because we have the rest of our life to and I we both we've talked about this so many times like yes it would be so fun to live together but also we have so much time for that and we hang out a lot anyways and it's really fun to have our own space and he has a roommate that he's always wanted to live with and they have such fun like guide time you don't get back like I just but then I overthink it and like oh my God like and we're like no like this is what we want and it's okay we're 25 years old all of my friends most of my friends live in the city that are 25 live alone or with a roommate right now they're not living with their partner at the moment so I just I don't know growing up is scary I have friends that are getting married I have all of you guys asking me if I'm getting married and I'm not getting married next year or the year after I'm not getting engaged any any anytime soon and that is because of everything we say is like also in New York I feel like it's a little bit of an older age that people start like no one here I know is really getting engaged it's like a lot of my friends from college are which is just so sweet and I'm like loving going to the Weddings But I don't know it's just not my timeline right now it's not our timeline Ryan and I have talked about it constantly so yeah I'm going to end it there I really enjoyed chitchatting about life mental health relationships and just everything in between um thanks again to better help for sponsoring this video and I will see you guys very soon for another Vlog bye [Music]