Social Skills Everyone Should Know

Full disclosure, one thing I've never been naturally good at as a recovering awkward person is social skills. Social skills, the tools we use to communicate, relate, and build relationships. Now, what's interesting is as a researcher, as someone who's obsessed with science, I always wanted to know, are there different types of social skills? So in this video, I look at the 14 different types of social skills, and I think everyone has a top two or three that they're really good at, and a bottom two or three that they've always wanted to work on, or they have to cover up and hide. So in this video, I'm going to go through all 14 of those social skills. You're going to rate and rank yourself on those social skills, and we're going to find our top three and our bottom three. Let's get started. The first social skill is linchpin. If you were a linchpin, you would say yes to the following statements. I am the glue that holds my social group together. As a team member, I'm involved in lots of projects and bringing ideas and people together. I am the only person who talks to everyone in my family and keeps people in the know. So if you said yes to all three of these statements, you are probably a linchpin. So linchpin is a specific kind of social skill. You are a gatherer. You gather ideas and people. You bring people together. You're like a social glue. What's really great about you is typically you're a bridge. So you keep groups, companies, teams, families feeling like their relationships are strong, and glue is a really, really great social skill to have. Social skill number two, conversationalist. Conversationalists would say yes to the following statements. You have been told you are a great conversationalist. You are good at both leading and facilitating deep discussions. You speak articulately and can easily express yourself. So you know if you have the gift of gab. Conversationalists just This is not my skill. Clearly. Sorry. Okay. Conversationalists. Okay. This is not my social skill. Okay. Conversationalists easily make conversation with anyone. They are really good at small talk. They can chat with their boss. They can chat with the guy behind the counter. They are really, really good at easily making conversation, and typically you get long, long overnight discussions. You hop on a phone call that ends up being two hours of deep talk where people share their deepest, darkest secrets. Being a great conversationalist is actually a specific social skill. It's different than a linchpin. It's different than the other things we're going to learn. It means you have the gift and you should set yourself up to be a great conversationalist, whether that's a listener or a facilitator of deep discussion. Social skill number three. Comedian. Comedians would say yes to the following statements. I am funny. I love to make people laugh. I can always see the bright side of any situation. You have probably met a comedian and you remember them for being hysterically funny. The interesting thing is as a social skill, being funny holds its own. You might be really funny but not be great at conversation. You might be really funny but not be social glue or a linchpin. You might be really funny but not be good at decoding body language. Being funny is a very specific social skill. It's great for presenting, meetings, posts. You're also good at making people feel at ease. The nice thing is you can actually work on how to be funny. We have a whole guide on our website with all these social skills. You can work on them but I love the how to be funny one because it's one that people don't often think of. Social skill number four. Speaker. Speakers would say yes to the following statements. I can captivate an audience. I love being on stage or leading a meeting, even on video. I love writing speeches, giving toasts, and giving presentations. If you said yes to all these three, you are a speaker. That is a great social skill to have. What we don't realize is we are speaking all the time. We're speaking on stages. We're speaking on video meetings. We're speaking when we give a toast. Anytime you're giving directions or a statement or a story to more than two or three people, you're speaking. This is a great one to work on if you don't have this social skill. Social skill number five. Influencer. Influencers would say yes to the following statements. People typically listen to what I have to say. I can be very persuasive. I am good at pitching myself. Influencing is a really helpful social skill to have in business. It means people listen to you. You can pitch your ideas. You have no problem talking about who you are and what you do. It also means that you can bring people to your point of view so you're good at clearly expressing an idea and convincing people that they should agree with you. Luckily, an influence is another social skill we can absolutely work on. I highly recommend it if you're in sales, marketing, or working with big teams. Social skill number six. Listener. Listeners would say yes to the following statements. People always come to you to vent, complain, or talk about their problems. You tend to listen more than you talk. You are very good at being fully present with people and giving them your full attention. Listening is one of my bottom social skills. I have to work on it really hard, and that's because I am a high neurotic. I tend to worry, and I am always so worried there's going to be an awkward silence. The moment there's any kind of break, I try to hop in, make sure people are okay, make sure they're feeling all right, share a funny story or anecdote because I'm worried that they're not having a good time or there's going to be an awkward silence. To help myself with this skill, a couple of years ago, I took a vow of silence. You might remember it if you follow me on social media, where I was silent, no writing, no talking for an entire eight-day period, and I did all my normal things. I went to meetings, networking events, just to learn how to be a better listener. It was an incredible experience, and I highly recommend it if you want to work on this social skill. Social skill number seven, magnet. Magnets would say yes to the following statements. People usually like you. You are charismatic and authentic. People find you approachable and warm. Okay, so I'm totally obsessed with magnets. If this is your social skill, I love meeting you. I would love to hear from you. Magnets are these very rare, special people. Very few people have this social skill. They're just attractors. People want to meet them. They want to get to know them. The moment they walk into a room, people are just drawn to them. I wrote an entire book about magnets. Captivate is my study of different magnets who have this natural social skill and how people who don't have this social skill can learn it. If you want to be a magnet, I highly recommend checking out Captivate if you haven't already. Social skill number eight, storyteller. Storytellers would say yes to the following statements. I always have a story to share. I save and remember good stories. People always ask me to give toasts or introduce people. Storytelling is a very specific social skill. It's different than being funny. It's different than being a good conversationalist. We often lump storytelling and being a good conversationalist and humor into the same social skill, but they're actually different. You can be an exceptional storyteller, but not very good at chitchat. You can be an exceptional story and not very good at being funny or having a good timing with jokes. The reason why I point this out is because if you're a good storyteller, you should leverage and strengthen that as much as possible. Put yourself in positions where you're telling a lot of stories. Or if you're a good storyteller, your toasts, your presentations, your speeches should be focused on stories more than anything else. So if you're not a good speaker, but you are a good storyteller, you can use this social skill to leverage the other social skills that you're a little bit weaker in. Social skill number nine, nurturer. Nurturers would say yes to the following statements. You love taking care of people. You tend to be a people pleaser and have trouble saying no. You're very empathetic and compassionate. So I love nurturers. We love to have them in our life because they take care of us. Nurturing, empathy, compassion is a very specific social skill. When you are a nurturer, I found that these folks, you cannot help it. You want to nurture everyone and everything. You're always worried about others more than yourself. The danger, this is your skill. This is your top skill. You probably have trouble saying no. You probably have trouble setting boundaries and you might have difficult or toxic people in your life that you have trouble getting rid of. So for this social skill, I want to make sure if this is you, you protect yourself. Social skill number 10, decoder. Decoders would say yes to the following statements. I am very perceptive. I can usually tell what people are thinking and feeling. I'm very good at decoding body language. If you said yes to this, you're a decoder. Decoders are sleuths. You're super perceptive. You're typically good at reading between the lines. Someone might say something, but you notice a facial expression or a nonverbal tick. Decoders are typically very, very accurate at reading people, at spotting lies, at spotting deception. I studied decoders so much for my lie detection course. That is because there's a very small portion of the population called truth wizards. Truth wizards are naturally good at spotting lies, above average, above average than chance. They're just very good at spotting out any kind of inaccuracies. The good news is you can absolutely work on your decoding ability. I highly recommend checking out our facial expression guide, where you can learn the seven universal micro expressions. That's scienceofpeople.com slash face. Social skill number 11, leader. Leaders would say yes to the following statements. I like to empower others. People often come to me for guidance. I'm better at giving directions than following directions. The interesting thing about leadership is it's different than the influence social skill. Influencers, you're good at getting people to listen to you. You're good at pitching your ideas. You're good at convincing people. You might not necessarily be leading a team. You might not necessarily be leading by taking the pulse of a group. Leaders typically are good at influencing, but they're even better at seeing an entire team or a family or a baseball team or a group, taking the pulse of that group and trying to guide to one direction. They can get lots of people to agree with the same idea or go in the same direction or follow directions. That's a little bit different than influence, but I wouldn't be surprised if you were good at both leadership and influence at the same time. That means you're really set up to be a great leader. Social skill number 12, connector. Connectors would say yes to the following statements. I spend a lot of time and effort networking with others. I'm good at building relationships with influential people. I've developed a large network of colleagues and associates whom I can call on for support when I really need to get things done. We desperately need connectors. So connectors specifically are good at understanding who should know who. You also are very good at building a very robust network that you can rely on. You're good at reaching out to people, relying on them, getting social support. Connecting is a specific kind of social skill. Most people combine being a magnet and being a connector. They're actually different. Magnets attract people to themselves. Connectors bring people together. Social skill number 13, dream builder. Dream builders would say yes to the following statements. You are great at solving people's problems. You love to encourage people. You're known as a fixer. So I love dream builders. Dream builders are often cheerleader types, so they're really positive, really optimistic. You're really good at encouraging and appreciating people. Or you're a fixer. You're a solver. You're good at getting to the heart of the problem. You're good at mediating. You're good at facilitating. People come to you to solve things, and those are two typically different kinds. Typically, but not always, I notice that fixers tend to be males of this version, and cheerleaders tend to be females of this social skill. Social skill 14, chameleon. Chameleons would say yes to the following statements. You can get along with anyone. You are a floater socially or professionally. You have a variety of friends and interests. So if you're a chameleon, you are great at adapting yourself. In fact, I saved chameleon as the very last social skill because you're probably the person who has a little bit of everything. If you said two, if you answered yes to two of every single one, you could be a chameleon. That means you're very high in all of them, but you don't specialize in one special thing. Chameleons are great because they're super adaptive. They can fit into almost any group of people, and they're really, really valuable on teams. Here's my goal with this video. I want you to think of social skills differently. Not all social skills are created equal. People often think, oh, if I'm going to do a social skills training or I'm going to get better at social skills or I'm going to be more likable, that's one skill. But actually, there are 14 different ways that we can be likable and authentic and charismatic. You can have someone who's a very charismatic listener where they don't talk a lot. They're great at being empathetic and compassionate. Maybe their two social skills are listening and nurturing versus you can have someone who's very charismatic, who's a great storyteller, a great comedian, and a great influencer. And they're always the life of the party. They're always running conversations. They're always sharing really funny things. Those are two different kinds of charisma, but both of those people are charismatic. My goal for this is for you to think about how you are charismatic. What is your flavor of charisma? And work on honing those skills. Remember, if you want to really level up these skills, I have an entire online course about this called People School. It is 12 of these social skills in depth, in action. We actually work through them. I give you frameworks and case studies. You come into People School with one big goal and I help you achieve it. I hope you'll consider joining me in my next class at People School or start with Captivate if you haven't already. Thanks so much for watching. I did it. I can say that word.