7 Social Skills Every Man Must Master

A gentleman exists in the social realm and your ability to get along with other people will be a huge determining factor in your success in life. It can seem like some men are just naturally great with people, they are charismatic, they are confident, they're able to make friends with everybody, but really social success comes down to a set of skills that any man can understand, practice and perfect. So in today's video I will teach you seven social skills that every gentleman must master. Hello my name is James and I am on a mission to create a generation of gentlemen. We are going to begin with how many social interactions begin, which is with a handshake and mastering the art of a confident handshake is a very important skill for any man. You need to learn how to both offer a handshake confidently and how to give one that is strong, confident and assured. As soon as it feels natural to introduce yourself, I recommend extending your hand leaving your palm at around a 30 to 45 degree angle open for them to shake. That sets the tone and it also gives them the clear signal that it's time to shake hands. Today men are doing all kinds of crazy greetings. I see grown men fist bumping each other, dapping each other up. I think the way that a gentleman introduces himself to another man is always with a handshake. So if the person you're speaking with hasn't yet offered their hand, then you can lead the way. Extend your arm, open your palm and give them your hand to shake. To have a good handshake you need a strong connection and a great way to ensure a strong handshake every time is to aim the corner of your palm where your fingers meet the thumb. Aim this part of your hand for the same part of their hand. That way you have that good connection between the two hands. Nothing feels worse than a handshake that misses the mark or you end up missing a finger or two. It feels really weird for both parties involved. In terms of the firmness of the handshake, it's a mistake to be too weak. Of course we all know that feels horrible but it's also a mistake to be too strong. If somebody is trying to crush your fingers, honestly it actually smacks of insecurity. I would go for a 7 to 8 out of 10 firmness. Kind of like you're squeezing an avocado or a banana. You don't want to crush it in your hand and make a mess but you also need to have a good check. So that's how I would recommend thinking about the firmness of your handshake. Making a good introduction is an art that every gentleman must master. I'm talking here about introducing somebody you know to somebody that you've just met. You should always introduce them by name. For example, Michael, this is my friend David. And when introducing, let's say David, you want to give a small piece of context or share a commonality between them. So you could say David is also a keen golfer. David is also in the automotive industry. David just flew in last night from California. Give them something to work with. It doesn't feel good if you're the other person and you are introduced to somebody new. And they don't even say your name. They don't help the conversation flow. So as a gentleman, it's always your role to introduce one man to another or another woman to another man, woman to woman. Gender doesn't really matter in this context. Another social skill that's become particularly important with modern forms of communication like video conferencing is to give non-verbal feedback. When somebody's talking with you, when somebody's sharing some information, it's important that they understand you are listening and that you are following along. You don't need to always do this verbally by saying yes, I see. Okay, that can get a little bit repetitive. What you instead want to do is make strong eye contact and do other forms of non-verbal feedback such as nodding. You can also make a noise such as an mm-hmm or ah. I learned the importance of non-verbal feedback as a journalist because when you're interviewing somebody for a radio interview or a video interview, if the interviewer is constantly interrupting to say okay, mm, I see, yes, it really becomes annoying for the listener and for the speaker. So I learned the importance of nodding along, of tilting my head slightly, of maintaining eye contact. That way the person knows you are still engaged in the conversation. An essential social skill for every man is to remember people's names. Now, I think everybody struggles with remembering people's names. I know that I do and I know it's very easy to throw up the excuse that I'm not good with names, but the truth is it's simply a skill that any person can learn if they have the desire to do so. If you want to be better at remembering names, you have to be focused on their name when they share it with you. We've all been there where somebody gives their name or you ask for their name, but you're not really listening or you're not really making an effort to commit it to memory. The first step is that when you do ask their name, you repeat it back in your mind. Then you can use their name a couple of times during the conversation. So John, tell me, what made you move away from Venice? Then, as soon as the conversation is over, this is where the really powerful trick comes in. I highly recommend keeping a note on your phone, a running document, or something in your notebook where you will write down people's names as you meet them and give a little context, a little physical description, information about where you met them. This will really help commit their name to memory. And even if you don't remember it just from doing this, before you go back to that place, let's say before you go back to that bar, that gym, that office, you can take a little review of your notes app or what you have in your journal and then you'll be reminded, ah yeah, that guy with the gray hair, that was David. Since I started doing this, I've found that I have an almost uncanny ability to remember people's names, even if I haven't seen them in over a year. And people are always amazed and flattered if you do remember their name because we all know how it feels, even talking to somebody for a while, they see you again and they don't remember who you are. It doesn't make you feel very special or important. And a huge part of social skills, social mastery is simply making other people feel important. Now, so far we've spoken a lot about what to say or how to say it, but it's also important for a gentleman to understand when not to say certain things or when to tone it down a little. I like the phrase locker room talk because boys will be boys. We all like to talk about things that are maybe slightly inappropriate or slightly taboo for certain situations. And that's okay. You don't have to feel bad about that. You just have to know when is an appropriate time and place. Locker room talk should stay in the locker room. If you're at a restaurant, if you're at a bar, if you're in a professional setting, it's time to save that stuff for later. And also be aware of the volume of your voice. If you want to share a story that perhaps might be seen as distasteful by some people, lower your volume. Be aware of that. Don't use profanities. Don't share lewd stories at a volume that other people might be able to hear. I'm not here to look down on people or scold people for wanting to share funny stories, slightly offensive humor. I'm British. That's a big part of who I am. But a gentleman knows when to keep it clean. Eye contact is a vital social skill. And yes, making strong eye contact is important. But the next level to this for a gentleman is to understand how to control his eye contact, when to hold it, when to look away. You don't want to constantly stare at people. They will begin to feel self-conscious. It's great to show that you're engaged in a story and what they're saying and nod along and give those non-verbal forms of feedback like I shared earlier. But you also need to know when to look away. You also need to know when to hold eye contact with other people that aren't necessarily dominating the conversation. There is a very powerful eye contact technique that can be incredibly persuasive. It's called epoxy eyes. If you're in a group setting, there may be a person within that group whom you are trying to influence or whom you are trying to have a strong connection with. Try holding eye contact with that person for no more than a few seconds at a time. Even if somebody else is speaking, look out for their reactions. Look out for the emotions on their face. They may notice that you're making this eye contact. They may not. But this forms a stronger connection. And this is very powerful in work settings. This is very powerful in romantic settings. So I highly recommend having this tool under your belt. A lot of these skills are simply a matter of awareness. And the final social skill every gentleman must master is the art of the cold open. Somebody has to start a conversation. But a lot of people today are shy. A lot of young men in particular lack the social skills to start talking to a new person. So you may often have to be the person that strikes up a conversation. A great place to practice this is actually elevators because you don't have to come up with anything witty. You don't have to come up with anything particularly engaging. If you enter an elevator, let's say in your apartment building or in your office building, you can simply give them a smile and a nod, say good morning, say hello, good afternoon. That's all it takes to start building up that social strength to get those reps in to help build your social confidence. Another great place to practice conversations is going to a bar and striking up a conversation with the person next to you. I think one of the most popular videos on this channel ever is how to go to a bar alone. And you don't go to a bar alone just to sit in solitude. You go there to strike up conversations and to meet new people. Whatever the context, you don't need to reinvent the wheel. You don't need to be a genius and say something incredibly interesting and funny or entertaining with your first line. I was at a bar in New York by myself just the other night, and a gentleman struck up a conversation with me simply by offering me a cigar cutter and asking what cigar I was smoking. We ended up chatting for the next two to three hours. So gentlemen, those are the social skills that I believe every man must master. Of course, these are just the basics. These are just the beginnings. But let us know in the comments one social tip, one social confidence trick that has really helped you become a more proficient conversationalist, better at striking up conversations and forming deeper connections. Remember to check out our Members Club if you haven't already. The link will be in the description. We've got some great events coming up all over the world, and this network is truly thriving. So I'm so proud of what we are building here, and I would love for you to be a part of it. I'll see you in the next video.