Epstein Killed Himself. Stop Asking Questions.

Will the White House host a UFC fight? Epstein, are you still talking about that? And Prime Day shows the news can't be trusted. Though to be fair, most days do that. That and more on this week's America Uncovered headlines. Welcome to America Uncovered, I'm Chris Chappell. Donald Trump has revealed what some are calling a stunning plan to host a UFC title fight at the White House in front of up to 25,000 spectators as part of America's 250th birthday celebration next year. The UFC. At the White House. I've heard of political fights, but this is ridiculous, huh? Okay, roll clip. We're going to have a UFC fight. Think of this on the grounds of the White House. We have a lot of land there. We're going to build a little... We're not. Dana's going to do it. Dana's great. One of a kind. We're going to have a UFC fight. Championship fight. So is this actually going to happen? We'll have to wait and see. I mean, it kind of sounds like Trump is planning it mid-sentence, when he goes from saying he's going to build it, to saying UFC president and sunburned big toe Dana White is going to build it. But I mean, what better way to celebrate America than with a sport dominated by Brazilian Jiu Jitsu? Forget the Pentagon, it's all about the Octagon. Though I think they're missing a giant opportunity if they don't call this Ememaga. Or Krav Maga. As you'd imagine, this idea has received backlash, with many calling it barbaric, and some saying it makes America the laughingstock of the world. But hosting an event featuring people receiving concussions isn't that crazy. After all, it wouldn't be the first time in recent memory the White House hosted someone with memory issues. Speaking of people with memory issues, Attorney General Pam Bondi. According to a memo obtained by Axios somehow, the Department of Justice and FBI have concluded that Jeffrey Epstein died by suicide, and that he didn't blackmail powerful figures or have a client list. Which makes all the sense in the world. I mean, how would people have gotten the idea that Epstein had a client list? DOJ may be releasing the list of Jeffrey Epstein's clients. Will that really happen? It's sitting on my desk right now to review. That's been a directive by President Trump. I'm reviewing that. Whoopsie daisy! So what happened? Did she think it was a client list, but upon further inspection, it turned out to just be a CVS receipt? Is that what they meant when they said they had all the receipts? The DOJ also released video surveillance footage from outside Epstein's cell the night he died. It didn't show anyone entering or leaving around the time of his death, so they concluded that he must have taken his own life. And there you have it. Turns out I and everyone who thought things weren't adding up are apparently just bad at math. Thankfully, this memo proved us all wrong. And we all took off our homemade tinfoil hats, accepted the results of the investigation. I'm just kidding. People are bringing up a lot of concerns. For example, there's a minute missing from the video that's raising questions. And many are pointing out inconsistencies between the footage and the old picture of Epstein's cell door. As well as issues with the layout of the prison itself. Why should anyone care about footage of the common area when Epstein's cell is allegedly actually around the corner away from view? So to many, the idea that Epstein killed himself is about as plausible as a Russian minister killing himself hours after being fired by Vladimir Putin. Man, he must have been really sad to shoot himself in the back so many times. Bondi justified her past statement about the client list being on her desk by saying that's not what she meant. I was asked a question about the client list, and my response was, was, it's sitting on my desk to be reviewed, meaning the file, along with the JFK, MLK files as well. That's what I meant by that. And as for the missing minute in the footage, Bondi said, well, you try to make sense of this. There was a minute that was off the counter. And what we learned from Bureau of Prisons was every year, every night, they redo that video. It's old, from like 1999. So every night, the video is reset. And every night should have the same minute missing. So we're looking for that video to release that as well, showing that a minute is missing every night. And that's it on Epstein. My biggest takeaway from that rambling explanation was that she considered something from 1999 old. What, is she a Gen Z-er that thinks anyone older than 25 is a boomer? So for a moment, let's entertain the idea that this is the same cell, and no one entered or exited it. Even if that's true, the fact that two guards slept through the checks on such a high-profile prisoner and falsified the records to cover their alleged mistake, and the fact that we were initially told the footage that's now been released didn't exist because it was erased due to technical errors, well, this all smells fishier than a shark's cloaca. If you want to know how I know what a shark's cloaca smells like, I minored in marine biology. Many Trump supporters are angry about this. And I mean really, really angry. Some are calling for Pam Bondi to resign. This even made Alex Jones cry. Which is sad, because given how red he is, I suspect he's severely dehydrated and can't afford to lose any more moisture. And some are asking, if there's no client list, then does that mean Prince Andrew did nothing wrong? I mean, he is free to travel abroad again now that the FBI has ended the probe into his Epstein links. So I guess that means he's innocent. The girl in that picture, by the way, also died by self-unaliving in late April, just weeks after saying she had days to live. After posting, she was in a car that was hit by a bus. And after saying in 2019 that after Epstein's death that she was not suicidal. As hard as I try, the math just ain't mathing here. And Elon Musk, naturally, is asking why Ghislaine Maxwell is still in jail. Ooh, a question I can answer. She's in prison for conspiring with Jeffrey Epstein to sexually abuse minors, which, according to the law, she did, regardless of who may or may not have also been there. Although as Marjorie Taylor Greene asks, what about Maxwell's little black book? I can't believe I'm on the same side as Marjorie Taylor Greene on this one. But speaking of Musk, many are theorizing that the reason the FBI and the DOJ did such an abrupt about-face on uncovering the Epstein client list is because Trump himself is implicated in them. Musk himself said so in a now-deleted X post. You know you're on the wrong side of things when the guy whose AI started referring to itself as Mecca Hitler is questioning your moral integrity. This is not the Wolfenstein remake I was expecting. Of course, if Trump were on the list, why make such a big deal about releasing it for, I don't know, nearly a decade? Fortunately, Trump had a rational explanation that proved us all wrong. And we all took off our homemade tinfoil hats and accepted the results of the investigation. I'm just kidding. Roll the clip. Are you still talking about Jeffrey Epstein? This guy's been talked about for years. You're asking, we have Texas, we have this, we have all of the things. And are people still talking about this guy, this creep? That is unbelievable. I love the smell of shark cloaca in the morning. And after the break, you might not have to take your shoes off at the airport anymore. Welcome back. The TSA will end its nearly 20-year policy of requiring passengers to remove their shoes at major airports during security screening. This new policy will allegedly start on Sunday, and will be rolled out to every US airport shortly. So take that, you PSA pre-checkers. I get to keep my shoes on, too. You're not better than me just because you spent $85 once. This policy shift might have something to do with the fact that the TSA hasn't found many bombs in shoes over the last 20 years. Which is shocking, because everyone agrees that the TSA is a great use of money. Plus, everyone who would try to smuggle anything already knows that they're going to have to take off their shoes, and are more likely to smuggle contraband in their, um, other locations. Rectum! I bet it did! So it looks like we'll all get to keep our shoes on in the TSA line. Hopefully that means it'll help make the ridiculously long lines move slightly faster than they currently do. Which is about the pace of a double amputee sloth. Now, if only we can make it so keeping your shoes on is mandatory on the plane. This is the only terrorist act involving shoes I'm worried about on trips. Trump delayed imposing higher tariffs on US imports until October 1st, but announced new tariffs for some countries. As always, Trump is likely using this as a negotiating tactic. He said this August 1st deadline for when new tariffs will begin is firm, hours after saying the deadline wasn't firm. And anyone who called him out on that, I'm sure he responded by saying, are you still talking about that? We have Texas. We have all the things. And people are still talking about that. That's unbelievable. Trump has also floated the idea of a 200% tariff on foreign pharmaceuticals. Which is crazy, because the pharmaceutical industry is more beloved than the TSA, and more trusted than the FBI and DOJ. But it's been a hard few weeks for the doomsayers. Not only are we not in World War 3 with Iran, all the pundits who said Trump's tariffs would cause global financial chaos were wrong. The markets are largely ignoring the latest round of Trump's tariffs. Did you know the Bible says false prophets should be stoned to death? No reason I'm bringing that up. And before we go, I hope you all had a wonderful time celebrating the most sacred holiday in America that happens in July every year. No, I'm not talking about Independence Day. I'm talking about Prime Day, which is now Prime Week. Man, I can't wait until July becomes Prime Month, and stores switch from Pride to Prime, and go from rainbows to rebates. But speaking of Prime Day, have you ever wondered why your screen is full of Amazon Prime Day advice leading up to the event? With major news outlets posting articles for tips, and even specific items like they're just advertisers for Amazon? Well, that's because they are. According to Bloomberg, Amazon offers publishers higher commissions on links that track sales back to their recommendations. So besides being news spinners, major media outlets are basically glorified sign spinners. And given all the layoffs happening across media industries, they're desperate to do what they can to cut costs and bring in extra revenue. I know I've talked for years about how trust in media is lower than a speakeasy in hell. But I'm sure them openly acting as an advertising wing for major corporations is sure to help them regain the public's faith, right? It doesn't seem to be working as intended, though, as there are some reports that Prime Day's first day sales plummeted 41%. Amazon says these claims are inaccurate, and that lower sales on the first day can be explained away by Prime Day being twice as long this year. And it definitely has nothing to do with the fact that so much of the advertising is coming from deeply distrusted sources. Remember when journalism was all about journalism and not corporate growth quarter over quarter? Because the media sure doesn't seem to. Their memory is worse than a White House UFC fighter with a concussion. And before you go, be sure to check out this other episode of America Uncovered, recommended by The Algorithm. Not to be staken with the Al-gore-rhythm. Did I make this joke just to show you this video? Yes. Yes I did. And as always, support America Uncovered by subscribing to our new website, AmericaUncovered.tv. Once again, I'm Chris Chappell. Thank you for watching America Uncovered.