"Your Brother Is A Moocher And Your Dad Is Weak"

[Music] brought to you by Xander Insurance. Compare rates from top-term life insurance companies in seconds at xander.com. Uh I have a I have an older brother who's 59 uh and uh he's being uh I guess financially assisted and has been for a few years by my by our parents. And I guess over the last three or three years or so, our relationship has been strained a little bit. And I don't know if it's just, you know, uh, equity in terms of or, you know, being fair in terms of support, um, or if it's, um, you know, something that I don't have any say in. So like um so my brother is being being you know bailed out uh over the last I guess 20 years or so and it's gotten a little bit worse in the last few years and part of me is like it's none of my business. It's between my parents and my brother but when my brother takes money from my parents it's not that the turkey you know the Thanksgiving dinner tastes different. It doesn't taste different for him. Uh, and I don't know why. And maybe I just need to deal with it. Um, but I'm concerned, you know, for my parents. Your parents have the money to do this and still be okay. They do. Okay. It's just uh, you know, it's pretty egregious now. I mean, he has two loans on his his house and he's he's got my parents to take out a a home equity loan on their house. Why? I thought you said they had the money. They do, but my my dad did not want to sell appreciated stocks in a in a investment account. So, uh he thought it was easier to take out some equity as opposed to realize a capital gain. Who are you mad at? You mad at your dad or you mad at your brother? I think it's I'm I'm mad at my brother. Okay. And but I know it's it's it's my parents are getting older so I don't he's my older brother so I feel weird going to him to say cut it out because he's been doing it for so long and it's he feels maybe a little entitled to the money that he thinks he's going to get eventually but it's really been my parents and you know they're now 80 and so I would go sit down with them because you know talking to your older brother he's always been a mooch. He's always going to be a mooch and so talking to him is is feudal. It's a waste of time. Any guy that asks his 80-year-old father to put his house on the block because he's two helocks under his own house is just a person who's just a is a mooch, right? And so, but sitting down with your parents and saying, "Hey, I just want to talk to you about the plan for the future, your financial plan. I'm worried about how y'all are spending money. Dad just put his house on the block." Um, and parents don't always want to talk to their kids about money. Or maybe ask, "Hey, I've got a real sensitive question. I'm just in this for myself. I've got my own family. Like, can we talk about um power of attorney stuff? Can we talk about where your will is? I just want to know where things are as y'all get older. Just how I can love y'all best. And you might figure out, dude, your dad's way ahead of you. He knows here's how he's going to do this. Or he may tell you to go shove it. But at least you'll have that conversation under your belt because right now, I think the mystery of it all is what's making you nuts. Yeah. I mean, we have a power of attorney now set up and we've gone and talked to the financial advisors. Who's the power of attorney? Um um they have just recently made me and my brother power of attorney. Well, that's useless. Yeah. No thank you. No thanks. I don't want to sign up for this. I'd probably tell him if he's on it. I'm not. I'm not. No way. This is setting up World War II. I know. They're wanting you to tell them no cuz they've never had the backbone to. Exactly. No, I'm not signing up for this. Your dad's a wimp. Okay. So, I should get out of that and not Yeah. Go talk to your dad and say, "Listen, I'm I'm not okay with y'all m with this guy mooching off of y'all. Happens to be my brother. And I don't want to be power of attorney with him. You either make me power of attorney or make him. But not both of us. I'm not doing it." Okay. Because that was I was trying to help them out. You're not helping them. You're just another enabler in this story. Yeah. Somebody else that didn't want to call say the emperor has no clothes. The emperor has no clothes. Your brother is a mooch and your dad is weak. Yeah. That's mean, isn't it? I just need to kind of relax. I just No, I'm just telling you I'm I'm saying these things out loud because you've already said them in your head. No, I know. And it just makes me un un You know. Yeah. It's uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable to say it out loud. So when you get uncomfortable, do the next right thing, which is all I can control is me. I want to make sure I've had this conversation with my dad. Dad, I want to be able to execute what you want done. I'm not okay with this tom foolery that's going on where you're supporting a guy who won't bother to work and be responsible. And I'm not going to be a power of attorney with him. If you want him to do it, fine. If you want me to do it, fine. But I'm not going to do it, co. Because that's going to cause a fight, Dad. And I don't want to fight. Appreciate that. Yeah, that and that'll start the conversation. What will he say if you if you have that conversation with your old man? They I don't know. I think they just they've always kind of helped him out and they No, talk about the power of attorney. Power of attorney thing. Oh, I think that would be fine. I mean, I it was my impetus to try to help them out. And the financial advisor said, "Well, we can't really talk to you about their finances without you being uh a power of attorney on their account." Yeah. Well, that but that doesn't mean your brother has to be. Not exactly, but I think they did it out of fairness of some way. I don't know. I missed where these people are fair. Yeah. It's not fairness. It's They weren't fair to you. Yeah. Yeah. They're scared of a hard conversation. And there's not they're not being fair at all. They're being hands off. We'll let these two guys, one who has been taking care of his business his whole life, the other that we've had to support for whatever guilt laden reasons, we'll let them duke it out after we pass away. That way we don't have to have a hard conversation or we don't have to deal with the reality that one of our sons did not become who we hoped he would become. That's the reality. My wife has been telling me and I just Yeah. Can't It's hard hard to realize. Yeah, it is, dude. Brother, it's okay to still love somebody who's deficit. There's nothing wrong with that. That's just mercy. But it's not okay to condone their misbehavior. That's enabling. And it's it's not okay to enable it and then attach yourself to it. Oh, God. Yes. So, if I'm spending some time during the summer in close proximity, do you have any advice on how to I mean, I'm not going to reconcile, but with close close proximity with your old man or with your brother? Both. Well, I I' I'd probably, man, it it you're so far in now and y'all are old enough now. I'd probably go out with both of them. Take your dad and your brother out for breakfast one day and say, "All right, boys. Here here's the deal." And look at your brother and say, "I know that dad's propping you up and keeping you going. I don't like it, but I'm not involved in this." And hey, Dad, if you just leave everything to both of us, it's going to be tough, man. And if your brother's an immature brat and throws a fit, then you you know that more than I do. So if that's the case, then just go out with your dad. But if he can hear it, your brother will hang his head say, "I know. I don't want to I've got a I got a plan." If if he's that kind of guy, then he can hear the conversation, too. But if he can't, then sitting down with your dad and saying, "Dad, I'm not going to do the power of attorney with him. I'm not I live my life differently. I've never asked you for money. You taught me good lessons and I've put them into practice. I've got my own family. I'm doing my own thing. I want to take care of you at old age, but I can't manage you and your misbehavior with him." That's right. And my my older brother who still can't be on his own two feet have as far as being in their presence. I would just look at them and say, you know, it's like having someone in the family that's got some kind of other problem, you know, they they recovering alcoholic, they're recover or they're not a recovering alcoholic or whatever. And you're going to spend time with them, you just go, "Well, they they're just deficit. Your brother's deficit in character." Yeah. He's just got a deficit. He's got a problem. and you just look at him with you look at him with pity and you just go well that's him and I just happen to be kin to him and it's sad and every time in his life when the weight got heavy in the weight room is your parents came and took the weight off the bar so it would be easier for him to lift and now he's 16 he didn't have the muscles and so it just is what it is man yeah that's sad I'm sorry it breaks my heart man I'm sorry if anyone depends on your income you need affordable term life never cash value insurance visit xander.com today for floats.