Rafael Devers gets traded to the Giants & Shohei Ohtani returns to pitching | Weekly Dumb

My name is Jimmy, his name is Drake, and this is the Weekly Dump. Jake, before you talk, shout out Arj, our most recent Substack subscriber. You ever feel like you're on your last scene? Happy Father's Day, everyone. Big sports weekend. Wet grass. Rafael Devers, the best Red Sox player, was traded away from them to the San Francisco Giants. Did you see this? I did. I did. I did. It was legitimately shocking. People predicted it. There was good drama. Rumblings that this was happening. Real drama. For people that aren't in the know, I'll give you the skinny in 30 seconds. Rafael Devers got signed by the Red Sox to a really big contract for someone that was going to pan out, not as a position player, but as a DH. Then a new GM came and was probably looking at that contract. I was like, that's a lot of money for someone who's just going to be a DH. Why don't I sign this third baseman, piss him off, then piss him off more, then piss him off more, and then trade him so it looks like he's the bad guy, not me. Some good drama there. Devers, early returns. He says he's happy. He's happy to be out. Boston says they're happy. I'm interested to see, because sports shouldn't work like this. You shouldn't get rewarded for trading away a really good player. If I'm being real, for real. In my honest opinion, and this is a dumb show, so maybe I shouldn't be honest here. I don't understand how the Red Sox have kept this identity of trading away stars and shitting them on the way out through like four different regimes of front office. I think it's easy to say in two regimes, poo regimes. High hat. Sorry, Red Sox fans. That's a bummer. But he crushed the Yankees and he was fun to root for. This is fantastic. If you're someone who plays the Red Sox. Yeah. Sorry to Zoe. Sad tweet. But it's almost a breakdown has happiness and sadness and brims. Rowdy Tellez tried to knock Kate Smith's head off his body, failed to do so, but succeeded in knocking his hat off his head. This line drive up the middle. Yeah. Scary times. I think the scariest part is sometimes if you wear a hat and you get knocked in the brim, that could really hurt. If it goes like the brim gets pushed. Yeah. You walk into a wall. Stop yourself short while your hat hit. Any brim job will really get you wiggling. Someone was to walk up to me and just go like that. That hurts. Yeah. I'm dazed right now. That was the most dangerous part for Kate Smith. Not nothing else. No injury. And how about our guy Rowdy Rowdy Tellez turned a single into a double and fear from the from the Guardians. Did you see Jose Ramirez plays dead takes inside? He got a hit on the leg and down he goes. This episode is sponsored by Seat Geek. The MLB is in full swing and the NFL schedule just came out. Wow. Which means football's around the corner. Seat Geek, the MLB's official ticket marketplace. Your tickets are fully guaranteed there and instantly fulfilled in your account after you purchase them and you get 10% off when you use code DUMB2025. D U M B. What a dumb way to spell the word. Twenty twenty five. 10% off any tickets at Seat Geek with code DUMB2025. Enough. It's powerful, huh? Enough with the rap. Bring the hook right back. I bet you I can make you say Shabu Bala Bufi. More sports? Shohei Ohtani, normally a headline. I guess this guy's lost his juice. That was our old show. Shohei Ohtani is coming back to pitch for the first time in 935 days. Got him. Straight guess? He liked that, yeah. Ain't that right? Now I'm going to have to leak this. By the time this comes out, it will have already happened. Reveal. I have a strategy that I would love the San Diego Padres to employ. You lose a battle, you win a war type stuff. Right. Ohtani's pitching, basically a rehab outing. He's only going one inning. Needs to get his work in. Padres, first batter, first pitch. Bunt. Don't even run. Next pitch. Bunt. Get out. Third pitch. Bunt. Get out. How's that for a rehab day? You got to change your schedule. Is he going to pitch two now? We're bunting. We're not letting this guy get a pitch in. Come on, man. Sports used to be fun. There's something to that. While also being featured on the Weekly Dumb. Serious show. OK, Mr. Biden. This is a serious show. Yeah. I'm telling you guys. The not sports was a Zach family story he brought to us. Mule riding Kentucky man has been accused of unleashing a raccoon in a bar after being kicked out of the bar. He's known by locals as Cowboy Cody, but his actual name is Jonathan Mason of Murray, Kentucky. He turned up at a bar that day that he was banned. He was banned from this bar due to a previous incident involving a mule and allegedly whipping a bullwhip at other patrons. Can't do that. Allegedly. I don't have a lot of boundaries, but that's one. That's alleged. Bullwhip. He came to the bar with the raccoon that he had trapped earlier in the day on his farm and had been carrying around with him. I think it's like a feeling out process. Like if there's a buddy situation that happens, maybe I'll keep you. If not, turn you in a hat. Where we have our name. Talking about Mary Halfner. Where Mary Halfner works, a bartender that says he has a crush on me. This is my favorite part of the story. So she goes out to try and distract him and talk to her to him. And he says, Oh, I see how it is. They sent a pretty face out here to distract me. If this was a movie scene with a drunk guy who's going to throw a raccoon into a bar that has a crush on the bartender, his lines would be, Oh, I see how it is. They sent a pretty face out here to distract me. Now, in journalism, one must always take into account the source of information. Signatures. Who is saying this? Mary Halfner. Yeah. I can't trust that. I don't trust like that. One employee attempted to catch the raccoon by grabbing its tail. And then was bit by the animal. Cowboy Cody cannot be blamed for that. Now, if I put an alligator in the room that you're in, but you can run out of that room real quick and instead you go up to the alligator to pet it and you get bit. That's on you, dude. Round up! Police cars chase a burglar suspect driving away in an excavator in the slowest car chase ever seen. Top speed reached three miles per hour. A man has been caught after successfully taking 120 flights for free by posing as a flight attendant. A helicopter in Colorado now holds a new record for highest rescue after retrieving two men that were struck by lightning on top of Torrey's Peak, a 14,300 foot mountain. Fourteener. Both got struck. They must have been hugging. A 70 year old Florida man has urinated on 188 units of Vienna sausages and 345 units of canned spam at a Sam's Club. The total cost of the damages was $10,500. That's what mine says, too. Good numbers. Time for our newest segment. Responding to a comment from last episode, Dan Dower 9673 said, Why isn't anyone talking about that thread hanging off of Jim's right sleeve? Rip it off. Where is it? Hanging out your right sleeve. Oh, this? Yeah, you can now safely watch the show. You did this, Dan Dower. And it's a nice jacket. No, it smells like cat piss. When wet. That was a weekly dumb. This employee wanted to get bit by an employee at a bar where Raccoon got thrown in by an ugly bartender. That employee is trying to win Mary's heart. They don't even get named in this story. Because Mary's telling the story and she doesn't like him. I'll catch a raccoon for you, Mary. Please bite me. Mary said, I was able to corner the raccoon with a towel and safely returned outside where I fled. Everything she says sounds like she's perfect. I'm pretty suspect on her, Zach. The employee's search history before he got bit was how bad is rabies? Thanks for watching. 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