Kelly Clarkson on Life After Divorce & Moving to NYC | PEOPLE

There's many things that excite me about this new season. I like that we're shooting more of like a live taping. That is very exciting to me because I operate better in that environment. And then I think for me, just to be real blunt, like, I can't wait to be present. Like, I was present like as much as I possibly could be, but I was going through a really rough few years. And even in the first season, it was rough, like behind closed doors. So, you know, just to be able to come into season five and feeling good and knowing my kids feel good and, you know, the dust has settled, you know, so it's it's I people kept telling me it was going to happen, you know, one day and I was like, sure. So it's nice that it actually did. I was very unhappy and L.A. and had been for several years for personal reasons. And I just I was like, I don't know that I didn't want to like, you know, slap a gift horse in the mouth because we've been so successful and it's a blessing like to have that kind of success. And I'm not like ungrateful for that. But I was very unhappy in L.A. and I felt like I needed a fresh start. And I was just, you know, a lunch with like people from my label at Atlantic. And literally my executive was like, man, would you ever like live here? And I was like, girl, I'm like a Texas kid. Like, I don't think I could live in this concrete jungle. I was like, like what? And then and then during the lunch, literally me and my manager were like, could we? I was like, wait, what? And then literally that's where the idea kind of sparked. And I literally told, you know, my team with the show. And then then we told NBC and it was like, like, I'm not trying to sound ungrateful. I just I'm I can't I can't live here anymore. Like for me and my family, like me and my kids, like we need a fresh start. They weren't doing well either. So, you know, luckily, you know, I think because we've had the success and because I've had a successful relationship with them via the voice before that, you know, they they were like, all right, let's see what we can do. And then they moved us, you know, to not only out here, but into 30 Rock, which was incredible. And that's really it is literally like just personally, like I I was like, I don't I don't know if I'm going to be able to continue the show because I can't stay here anymore. Like for me, for like my mental health, like, you know, and, you know, for the past few years, I've just been, you know, showing up and smiling and doing what I'm supposed to do. But like you can only compartmentalize so long until you break. Not that I didn't enjoy it. I just you know, all of us go to work no matter what job or, you know, vocation you have, like you you show up and you're maybe not. Things aren't going great behind closed doors, but you show up and you put your smile on and you do your job because that's your professional. And everybody can relate to that. We all go through stuff like that. So I'm I'm excited. Like, I'm actually extremely happy. I'm in such a loving environment. My kids are as well. Like, we're just doing really well and we're happy about the move, which I'm so glad about because that was my idea. So, yeah, so I'm just I don't know. I just and it's, you know, also as an artist, separately from the TV show, it's exciting to be in a city that has so much creative opportunity for me outside of even the TV show or even to include with the TV show. Tell you good, sweet and action. I think the greatest thing that's happened so far with my kids is one of them came out of the school and literally was like, you know what this is? And this is to my name. My nanny told me this because she picks them up because I'm usually at work during the day. And and she said, oh, my God, Remy came out. And she was like, I just want to tell you, because I know you were nervous about making this big move because all of us were affected, you know, by moving, you know, across the United States. And, you know, I just want, you know, your son walked out of school and was like, this is the school for me. This is better than the last school. Like this is this is where I should be. And he's seven. And so it was like as a mom, like work is amazing that it's going well. But like as a mom, that's like a win for your kid to like come home and be like, oh, I can be hard on myself as a mom. But I think I I do a pretty good job. I'm very I'm not like overly nurturing. I'm definitely not a helicopter mom. I do like that. They're very independent. But but I'm enough to where I can be hard on myself. And I'm really adamant about my schedule, about making sure I'm there, you know, because if you have the money like, you know, my mom couldn't be there all the time because she was a single mom sometimes. And then even when she was married, it was just still hard financially. She had to go to work and couldn't make everything like I'm my boss, my boss. You know, so it's like I'm like I have the capability of creating a schedule where I can be really present with my kids. So not every parent has that luxury. And I am well aware of that. So I think I'm pretty good at making sure like I'm there, like in all those important moments and as much as I can be. But also, I think I'm good at showing my kids like, hey, if you want to be a parent when you're older, that doesn't mean you give up your life like you're capable of doing both, you know. And I think people think you have to give that up in some sense to be the perfect parent. There is no perfect parent. I am definitely screwing up my children somehow. I don't know how yet, but I definitely I see us being in therapy one day going. And I'm like, I did. Oh, I didn't know that was happening. Like, you know, I'm you know, you see things differently when you're a parent, you know, even with your relationship with your your parents. So, you know, I don't know. I think I'm doing all right. I'm doing my best as a parent. But I'm I'm pretty hard on myself. But like, you know, trying to be better and better and better. My kids are 100 percent my kids. Like if you if if at any point someone was like, did the baby get switched? No, they are identical to me. My daughter is a mini me. And even my son, they're both highly artistic. They're just kind of like the best kind of odd and weird. Like and I feel like I'm weird, too. Like and I think those are the most fun people. And and they're just definitely, you know, they're themselves. But, you know, sometimes karma comes back because my mom was like, I hope if you have children one day, they talk as much as you do. And trust me, one of them does. Was it someone's going to show you how I can be in the beginning when I started writing chemistry? I didn't I didn't see it other than me. This is my outlet. This is how I was taught as a child. Like my mom handed me a journal and was like, if you're not going to talk about it, like you can't just blow up. Like you need to like figure out a way. And so one moment literally changed the course of my life because that writing is what really not only like some people aren't good right in the moment, you know, when you're having a hard time. I'm not really so good at that. Like right in the moment, like because I'm a let go person. I don't hold grudges. I don't and so I can't remember everything or why I'm so frustrated right now. So taking that moment and really delving into like what happened in my life and why and what am I going to do about it? It's almost me figuring it out. So the album chemistry is literally me figuring out what I'm going to do. And I cannot express how appreciative and blessed I feel for even having that kind of healthy outlet, because the level of depression and things that come with, you know, divorce or grieving in general is extraordinarily hard. And that that's the album for me. It literally was just me getting through that. And yeah, and then putting it out is almost like a you kind of taking your power back in that sense, too, of like, OK, I let this overwhelm me and, you know, take over every part of my being like for too long. And so almost like putting out the music is almost like, no, no, no. OK, I can. This is actually me. I'm taking, you know, my power back in this sense. So that sounds very therapy, but that's because I love therapy. And I think it's important to have those tools that someone teaches you to kind of navigate your life and your relationships. I think I've always known that love is hard, but I don't know. And I said this in an interview recently, and I, you know, don't think I'd ever said that. But I think for me, love has always come with this like elephant in the room of like sadness. And I didn't really realize that because that's how you're a human. You're born, you grow up around what you grow up around, obviously nurture and nature, you know, nature. But like those behavioral things that you learn as a child that impacts you without you even realizing how much so. Right. So I don't know. I think I've always kind of. I've known love is not forever, and I don't mean that to sound depressing, but I also think there's a lot of pressure we put on that word. And sometimes love is looking at someone and going, this is not good. Like this is not good for you. This is not good for me. Sometimes that's true love of knowing that. And and that's a hard thing to to face. But but when you do, I think you you grow and you see like people are putting too much pressure on that, on what love is like, you know. And it's OK, too, for things to have seasons in life, like relationships or friendships or, you know, things like that. I think everything has to be so final, you know, for us sometimes. And humans, we complicate that. And sometimes it's it's not that, you know. I really enjoy my life like I enjoy. I forgot like how much I enjoy. I was single basically till I was like 30. Like and I forgot how really good at that I am. Like, you know, I love my kids. That takes time. I have my family. I have my friends. I have my jobs. I have so much on my plate. And and it's all these beautiful things that are working really well and feeling quasi balanced, whatever that means, you know. And like, I don't know, I said this to a friend the other day. I was like, this is going to have to be an individual that brings, you know, their own life and their own thing to the table and without needing anything from me. You know, the kid that was on Idol, like I started that show as a teenager. And I, you know, I dream pretty big, like I'm a brave person in general. But I know I never thought that I would have that much success as a musician. I never thought, you know, I would go into the TV world and do this. I never thought anything. But I do think what really helps is whenever you're a kid that grows up with not much, there's not much to lose. So you have a different sense of bravery than most and boldness. So, yeah, I don't really care about failing. Like I'm like, you know, some things go well, some things don't. And I do think ignorance is bliss, though, a little bit with the TV element, because I didn't know that most shows don't make it. I had no idea. Like nobody told me that until after we shot the pilot. So I was like, wait, what? So I didn't know that part. But I was like, sure, I guess I'll I'll try it. You know, a couple of times I said no, because I was like, this is a horrible plan. But yeah, I'm glad I'm glad I said yes. And, you know, it's a lesson, I think, for me and for others that, you know, hear the story is like sometimes you just don't know what life has in store for you. And you think your life is going to go one way. And it's OK that it doesn't go that way and it goes somewhere else. Like you never know how beautiful that might be.