Selina Lewis: Don't Tell Me How to Think Because I'm Black | Stories of Us

I don't feel oppressed. I don't feel victimized. I don't feel less than. Why do you have to tell me how to be black? Why do you have to tell me what I'm supposed to act, feel, and look? My name is Selena Lewis, and this is my story. I was born in Bellflower, California. My mom was born and raised in Panama, in a small city called Bocas del Toro. And my dad met my mom. He was in the military. She came to this country at 19, and then she had me at 20. Definitely, my mom had a really big culture shock. Zero English, didn't know how to cook, didn't really know how to, you know, be a wife and a mom at that age, so she was definitely taught to grow up very quickly. We had the blessing of being stable in our home when my two younger brothers came into the picture. The hard part was just having my dad out, in and out of the home a lot. And when he was home, it was really hard for him to transition. For my mom and my dad, there was a lot of arguments. I don't think they're things you're supposed to be hearing at 8 or 12 or even younger. But a lot of the times, it was very difficult for my mom to, you know, continue to be a wife and a mother. And so, she got up one morning, went down the hall and packed a bag and grabbed her stuff and she left. And when my mom left, my dad, I cashed in my childhood to be, you know, second in command to help out my brothers. My relationship with my brothers growing up was very wholesome. I would come up with unique games and ways for us to stay outside and just be children as much as we can. Anytime that I was outside of my house, it was beautiful. I always cherish those memories because being home was something that I did not want to be a part of. It was just very difficult to have a safe space at the house. There were moments where, you know, working out and taking that anger out on the track or out on the basketball court was the best way to just release the tension that I had. I felt silenced a lot growing up, so I did enjoy writing in my room. I would write stories and pretending I was a different character and try to, you know, envision a perfect childhood. I remember telling myself that I have a house, but I don't have a home. Before even the divorce and all that happened, my dad did install a lot of discipline and a lot of values in our family home. So, that is something that did provide structure to a degree. We were always raised to go to church, to pray, so religion was really important in our home. I definitely was taught not to feel oppressed, not to be a victim in society, that as long as I have education, I have a good head on my shoulders, that I knew the Lord. The doors were open for me. The options were endless. My parents taught me to be very independent at a very young age and to take care of others. I learned those foundational skills, which helped me be a stronger person. I grew up in a really apolitical, you know, family home. A lot of it was just very simple and surface level. The year that Obama won election, you know, I come home from school and I see the hall and I have a new photo frame and it's Obama on our family wall. We were just kind of proud to boast about Obama. When I was accepted to Vanguard University, I changed my major from kinesiology to theology and I remember that's when Trump and Hillary were running. I just kind of automatically was like, well, you know, there goes, you know, all hope for black America or Hispanic America, you know, just thinking the worst that could happen. Little did I know I wasn't really gonna have that view for too long. We were doing homework, the guy that I was dating at the time, and we were talking about Trump's policies and the immigration policies. I was really offended by his viewpoints and really taken back what he was saying. And then that's when he showed me my first PragerU video. I agreed with most of these things in this video, and that was a rabbit hole from there. It was a slow burn into embracing my conservative beliefs. I didn't recognize that it was there until I started challenging and reading and doing research and thinking rather than having the world tell me what to think and do. I started getting more comfortable in listening to Thomas Sowell, Walter Williams, Ben Carson, Larry Elder even. These are people that I was just like, wow, like, you know, just really surprised and stunned. And so it really challenged me to, like, revisit, you know, the foundations of economics and government and just our history and what America was brought upon. And seeing all these black conservatives was really inspiring, and I thought there were none. I had conversations with my dad about a lot of policies that I thought he would agree on, but he didn't. But I learned to still respect my parents, no matter how different we see things. During that time, that's when George Floyd was highlighted, I remember very clearly, like, not going to the rallies, not putting a black square on my Instagram, not posting or using hashtags. I felt very quickly isolated from my friend circle. They would come home from the rallies and leave, you know, their white silenced taped post-it on the floor and on the table. And I thought, well, what a better way to counteract this than leaving my book. So I would leave my Thomas Sowell book. I would leave Candace Owens' book, Blackout. I would leave it in the kitchen table, you know, with my Bible after I'm done eating and go to work. And I would come back and the books would be removed and they would be thrown face down in my bed. No one wanted to have this conversation openly, but they were quick to tell me, hey, you're not going to these rallies, but you're black. So why aren't you doing this? This doesn't make any sense to me. It doesn't make sense why you have to tell me how to be black, why you have to tell me what I'm supposed to act, feel and look. I don't feel oppressed. I don't feel victimized. I don't feel less than. So I'm not going to have my friends dress me up as a mascot because I'm this black person that's supposed to check off the box what a black woman should do. I think that was the point where I was like, let's, let's speak up. Let's change that. I joined Frager Force during the pandemic. Honestly, to find more like-minded people, people who were going to uplift me as well as challenge me. So now co-hosting Street Smarts for PragerU Kids is something that I never thought that I'd have the opportunity to do. I don't have a problem continuing, you know, relationships or friendships with people who don't view the same way. I don't let my political view affect my relationship with my brothers, my relationship with my parents. I want to continue to learn. That's what I'm doing. I'm still learning. Everything that I learned about Christianity and theology in politics, I questioned. We are called to question. We have that ability to question and to ask. Don't just take advice from the world. Challenge your mind. If you want change, seek change. Ask for help. Talk to your pastors. Talk to a therapist. Talk to your family members. I have had conversations with my dad and my mom that the things that they have done had hurt me. It's so beautiful. It's so rewarding. It's so healing. Despite my upbringing, I absolutely love my family and I wouldn't change it because my story is my story.