Three Men In A Boat - Chapter 6 - Classic Fiction Audiobook Read by Dr James Gill

good evening three men in a boat Chapter six Kingston instructive remarks on early English history instructive observations on carved oak and life in general sad case of the stylings musings on antiquity I forgot that I am steering interesting result Hampton Court maze Harris as a guide it was a glorious morning late spring or early summer as you care to take it when the dainty sheen of grass and leaf is blushing to a deeper green and the ear seems like a fair young maid trembling with strange wakening pulses on the brink of womanhood the quaint back streets of Kingston where they came down to the water's edge looked quite picturesque in the flashing sunlight the glinting river with its drifting barges the wooden towpath and trim villas on the other side Harris in a red and orange blazer grunting away at the sculls the distant glimpse of the gray old palace of the Tudors all made a sunny picture so bright but calm so full of life and yet so peaceful that earlier the day it was I felt myself being dreamily lulled back into the musing fit I mused on Kingston or Kingston as it was once known in the days of the Saxon Kings when they were crowned here great seas across the river there and the Roman legions camped upon its sloping uplands Caesar like in the later years Elizabeth seems to have stopped everywhere only he was more respectable than good Queen Bess he didn't put up in public houses she was nuts on public houses was England's virgin queen there scarcely of any attractions within 10 miles of London that she doesn't seem to have looked in at all stopped out or slapped out at some time or other I wonder now supposing Harris safe turned a new leaf and became a great and good man and got to be Prime Minister and died if they'd put up signs over the public-houses he had patronized Harris had a glass of bitter in this house Harris had to have Scotch cold here in September 88 Harris was chucked out of here in December 1886 no there would be too many of them it will be the houses hit never entered which will become famous only house in South London the Harrison never had a drink in and people would flock to see it to find out what had been the matter with it how poor weak minded king Edwin must have hated Kingston ium the coronation feast had been too much for him maybe the Boar's Head stuffed with sugar plums did not agree with him it wouldn't with me I know he'd had enough of sack and made so he slipped away from the noisy revel to steal a quiet moonlight hour with his beloved LG via perhaps from the casement standing hand in hand they were watching the calm moonlight on the river whilst from the distant halls the boisterous revelry floated and the broken berth a faint heard in and tumult when the brutal odo and Sint Dunstan forced their rude way into the quiet room and whole course insults the sweet-faced queen and dragged poor Edwin back to the loud clamor of the drunken ball he is later in the crash of the battle music Saxon Kings and Saxon revelry were buried side by side and Kingston's greatness passed away for a time to rise once more when Hampton Court became the palace of the Tudors and a Stewart's and the royal barge is strained at their moorings on the banks of the river and bright cloaked galets swaggered down the watery steps to cry odd fairy ho cat zooks Gramercy many of the old houses roundabout speak very plainly of those days when Kingston was a royal borough and Nobles and courtiers lived there near their kings and the long road the palace gates was gay all day with clinking steel and prancing palfreys and rustling silks and Velvets and fair faces the large and spacious houses with their Oriole lattice windows the huge fireplaces and their gabled roofs breathe of the days of hose and doublet of pearl embroidered stomach as' and complicated oaths they were appraised in days when men knew how to build through hard red bricks have only grown more firmly set with time and that oak stairs do not creak and grunt when you try to go down and quietly speaking of oak staircases it reminds me that there is a magnificent carved oak staircase in one of the houses in Kingston it is a shop now in the marketplace but it was evidently once a mansion of some great personage a friend of mine who lives at Kingston went in there to buy a hat one day and thought in a thoughtless moment put his hand in his pocket and paid for it then and there the shopman he knows my friend was naturally a little staggered at first but quickly recovering himself and feeling that something ought to be done to encourage this sort of thing asked our hero if you would like to see some fine old carved oak my friend said he would and the shopman thereupon took him through the shop and to the staircase of the house the bolsters was superb in workmanship and the wall all the way up was oak paneled with carvings that would have been done to credit Palace from the stairs they went into the drawing room which was a large bright room decorated with the somewhat startling though cheerful paper of a blue ground there was nothing however remarkable about the apartment and my friend wondered why he'd been brought there the proprietor went up to the paper and tapped it it gave forth a wooden sound oak he explained all carved oak right up to the ceiling just as you saw on the staircase but great Caesar man expostulated my friend you don't mean to say you've covered over carved oak with blue wallpaper yes was the reply it was expensive work had to match board over at all first of course but the room looks cheerful now it was awfully gloomy before I can't say I altogether blame the man which is doubtless a great relief in his mind from his point of view which will be that of the average householder desiring to take life as light as possible and not that of an Old Curiosity Shop maniac there was reason to his on his side carved oak is very pleasant to look at and to have a little of but it's no doubt somewhat depressing to live in for those whose fancy does not lie that way it will be like living in a church no what was sad in his case was that he who didn't care for carved oak should have his drawing room paneled with it most people who do care for it have to pay enormous prices to get it it seems to be a rule of the world each person has what he doesn't want and other people have what he does want married men have wives and don't seem to want them and young saeng if a single fellow cries out that he can't get one poor people can hardly keep themselves ate hearty children rich couples have no one to leave their money to and die childless then there are girls with lovers the girls that have lovers but don't want them they say they would rather be without them they say they bother them and why don't they go and make love to Miss Smith and Miss Brown or plain and elderly and haven't got any lovers they themselves don't want lovers they never mean to marry it does not do to dwell on these things it makes one so sad there was a boy at our school we used to call him Sanford and Merton his real name was stylings he was the most extraordinary lad I'd ever come across I believe he really liked study he used to get into awful rows for sitting up bed and reading Greek and asked for French irregular verbs that was simply no keeping him away from them he was full of weird and unnatural notions about being a credit to his parents and an honor to the school and he yearned to win prizes and grow up and be a clever man and all of those sorts of weak minded ideas I never knew such a strange creature yet harmless mind you as the babe and born well that boy used to get ill about twice a week so that he couldn't go to school there was never was such a boy to get as ill as that Samford a Merton if there was any known disease going within 10 miles he had it and badly who take bronchitis in the dog days and have a hay fever at Christmas after a six-week period of drought he'll be stricken down with rheumatic fever and he'll go out in a November fog and come home with sunstroke they put him under laughing gas one year Paul that and drew all his teeth and gave him a false set because he suffered so terribly with toothache and then it turned into neuralgia and earache he was never without a cold except once for nine weeks when he had scarlet fever and he always had chilblains during the great cholera scare of 1871 our neighborhood was singularly free of it there was only one reputed case in the whole parish that was young stylings he had to stop in bed when he was ill and eat chicken and custards and hothouse grapes he would lie there and sob because they wouldn't let him do Latin exercises and took his German grammar away from him we and the other boys would have to sacrifice ten terms of our school life for the sake of being ill for a day and had no desire water whatsoever to go our parents any excuse for being stuck about us and couldn't catch so much as a stiff neck we fooled about in drafts it did us good and freshness up we took things to make us sick there made us fat and gave us an appetite nothing we could think of seemed to make us ill until the holidays began there on the breaking up day we caught colds and whooping cough and all kinds of disorders which lasted till the term recommend mist when in spite of everything we could maneuver to the contrary we would certainly get well again and be better than ever such is life and we are but grass that is cut down and put into the oven and baked to go back to the carved oak in question they must have had very fair notions of the artistic and the beautiful are great-great-grandfather's why all our art treasures today are only dug up commonplace of three or four hundred years ago I wonder if there's any real intrinsic beauty and the old soup plates beer mugs and candle snuffer's we prized so now or if it is the halo of aged glowing around them that gives them the charms in our eyes the old blue that we bang on about on the walls as ornaments work on everyday household utensils a few centuries ago the pink Shepherd's and the yellow Shepherd s's we hand around now for all our friends to gush over and pretend they understand were under van were undervalued mantel ornaments that the mother of 18th century would given the baby to suck when he cried will it be the same in the future well the prized treasures of today always be the cheap trifles of the day before will Rose of our willow pattern dinner plates be arranged above the chimneys of the great in the years 2000 and odd were the white cups with gold rims and beautiful gold flower inside species unknown that are Sarah Jane now breaks in sheer light-hearted spirit will be carefully mended and stood upon a bracket and dusted owned by the ladies of the house that china dog that ornaments the bedroom of my furnished lodgings it is a white dog its eyes are blue its nose as a delicate red with black spots its head is painfully erect and as expression is amiably carried to the Virgin of impeccability I did not admire it myself considered as a work of art I may say it irritates me as friends jeer at it and even my landlady herself has no admiration for it and excuses its presence by the circumstance that her aunt gave it to her but in two hundred years time it's more than probable that that dog will be dug up from some or other - its legs and with its tail broken and be sold for old China and put in a glass cabinet the people will pass it round and mire it they'll be struck by the wonderful depth of the color on its nose and speculate as to how beautiful the bit of the tale that is lost no doubt was we in this age do not see the beauty of that dog we are all too familiar with it it is like the sunset in the stars we are not awed by their loveliness because they are common to our eyes so it is with that China dog in 2288 people will gush over it and the making of such dogs will have become a lost art our descendants will wonder how we did it and say how clever we were we should be referred to lovingly as those grand old artists that flourished in the 19th century and produce those China dogs that sampler that the eldest daughter did at school will be spoken of as a tapestry and of the Victorian era and be almost as priceless the blue and white mugs of the present day roadside Inn will be hunted up all cracked and chipped and sold for their weight in gold and rich people will use them for claret cups and travelers from Japan will buy up all the presents from Ramsgate and souvenirs of Margate that have escaped destruction and take them back to Jade Oh as ancient English curios at this point Harris threw away the skulls got up and left this seat sat down on his back and stuck his legs in the air Montmorency howled and turned a somersault and the top hamper jumped up and all the things came out I was somewhat surprised but did not lose my temper I said pleasantly enough hello what's that for what's what for why no on second thought I'll not repeat what Harris said I may have been to blame I admit it but nothing excuse violence of language and course method of expression especially in a man who's been carefully brought up as I know Harris has been I was thinking of other things and forgot as anyone might easily understand that I was steering and the consequence of that was we got mixed up a good deal in the towpath it was difficult to say for the moment what was us and what was with the Middlesex bank of the river but we found out after a while and separated ourselves Harris however said he had done enough for a bit and proposed that I should take a turn so as we were in I got out and took the towline and ran the boat on past Hampton Court what a dear old wall that is that runs along the river there I never pass it without feeling better for the sight of it such a mellow bright sweet old wall what a charming picture would make with the Lich and creeping here and there a moss growing there a shy young vine peeping over the top of this spot to see what is coming up the river and the sober old ivy clustering a little farther down there are fifty shades and tints and hues every ten yards on that old war if I could only draw and knew how to paint I could make a lovely sketch as they ought old wall I'm sure I often thought I would like to live at Hampton Court it looks so peaceful and quiet it is such a dear old place to ramble around in the early mornings before many people are about but there I don't suppose I really would care for it when it came to the actual practice it'll be so ghastly dull and despairing in evening when your lamp cast an uncanny shadow on the paneled walls and the echo of distant feet ran long stone corridors and now drew nearer and died away and all was like death silence save for the beating of one's own heart we are creatures of the Sun men and women we love light and life that is why we crowded in towns and cities and the country grows more and more deserted every year in the sunlight in the daytime when nature is alive and busy all around us we like the open hillsides and the deep woods well enough but in the night when our mother earth has gone to sleep and left with left is waking oh the world seems so lonesome and we get frightened like children in a Silent House when we sit and sob and long for the gas-lit streets with the sound of human voices and the answering throb of human life we feel so helpless and so little in the great stillness when the dark trees rustle in the night wind there are so many ghosts about and they're silent sighs make us feel so sad let us gather together in great cities and light huge bonfires of a million gas jets and shout and sing together and feel brave Harris asked if I'd ever seen the maze at Hampton Court he said he went in once to show someone else the way he'd studied it up on a map and said it was so simple it seemed foolish hardly worth the 2 pence charge for admission Harris said he thought the map must have been put up as a practical joke because it wasn't a bit like the real thing and only misleading it was a country cousin that Harris took him he said we'll just go in here so you can say you've been it's very simple it's absurd to call it a maze I'd keep on taking the first turn to the right we walk around for 10 minutes and then go get some lunch they met some people soon after they got inside who said they've been there for about three-quarters of an hour and that had been the N of it Harris told them they could follow him out if they liked as he was just going in and then they should turn around and come out again it was said they felt very kindly towards him and fell in behind and followed they picked up various other people who wanted to get it over and as they went along until they had all absorbed into the personas of the maze people who had given up all hopes of ever getting either out or in or of ever seeing their home or family again plucked up courage at the sight of Harris and his party and joined the procession blessing him Harris said he should judge there must have been 20 people following him in all one woman and a baby have been in there all morning insisted on taking his arm for fear of losing him Harris kept on turning to the right but it seemed a long way and his cousin said he supposed it was a very big maze oh one of the largest in Europe said Harris yes it must be replied the cousin because we've walked already two miles Harris began to think it was rather strange himself but he held on until at last they passed the Halfpenny bun on the ground that Harris's cousin swore he'd noticed seven minutes earlier Harris said Oh impossible but the woman with the baby said not at all as she herself had taken it from the child and thrown it down there just before she met Harris she also added she wishes she'd never met Harris and expressed an opinion that he was an impostor that made Harris mad and he produced his map and explained his theory the map may be all right enough said one of the party if you know your whereabouts in it where we are now Harris didn't know and suggested the best thing to do which would go back to the entrance and begin again at the beginning again part of it there was not much enthusiasm but was regarded to the advisability of going back to the entrance there was a complete unanimity and so they turned and trailed after harris again in the opposite direction about ten minutes more passed and they found themselves in the center harris thought at first of pretending that he'd been aiming for this all along but the crowd looked dangerous and he decided to treat it as an accident anyhow they had got something to start from them they did know where they were and the map was once more consulted and things seems simpler than ever and off they started for the third time and three minutes later they were back in the center again after that they simply couldn't get anywhere else whatever way they turned brought them back to the middle it became so regular at length that some people stopped there and waited for the others to take a walk around and come back to them harris drew out his map again after a while but the sight of it only infuriated mob and they told him to go and curl and curl his hair with it Harris said he couldn't help feeling that to a certain extent he had become unpopular they all got crazy at last and sang out for the keeper and the man came and climbed up to the ladder outside and shouted directions to get them out but all other heads were by this time in such a confused world that they were incapable of grasping anything and so the man told them to stop where they were and he would come to them they huddled together and waited and he climbed down and came in he was a young keepers luck would have it and new to the business and when he got in he couldn't get to them and then he got lost they caught sight of him every now and again rushing along outside the hedge and he would see them and rush to get them they would wait there for about five minutes and then he would reappear again in exactly the same spot asked them where they had been they had to wait until one of the old keepers came back from his dinner before they got out Harris said he thought it was a very fine maze so far as he was a judge and agreed we should try to get George to go into it on our way back end of chapter 6 well I hope you're enjoying three men in a boat I'm certainly enjoying it and I'd really like to say thank you for the comments that people have put down below they've been very instructive both about continuing on but also what we're going to do when three men and a boat has finished my apologies for the slight delay and getting this one up unfortunately there's been a lot of things going on and have not been able to sit down and do any recording but hopefully the normal schedule will resume from now if you've become enough to subscribe down below then you'll get an update next time we publish what will be chapter seven of three minute a boat and hopefully that'll be in a week's time for you has planned thank you for watching or listening and hope you have a good evening take care you