7 Things “Nice Guys” Say That Turn Women Off

Hi everyone, welcome back to my channel. If you're new here, I'm Courtney Ryan, and have you ever felt like being the nice guy just isn't working out for you? The way society often defines a nice guy isn't doing you any favors. And let me be clear, this does not mean that you are a bad person. More often than not, this nice guy mindset stems from poor boundaries or low self-confidence, which can sometimes be rooted in unmet needs from a dysfunctional upbringing. While digging into the deeper causes of this is crucial, and something that I'm going to cover in another video, today we're going to be focusing on the surface level behaviors that can make nice guy syndrome incredibly unattractive in romantic relationships. The truth is, even if your intentions are good, certain patterns can unintentionally push women away. But here's the good news. Being a genuinely good guy who is doing the inner work and embracing confidence is not only possible, it's the ultimate goal. So in this video, we're going to be breaking down seven subtle things that nice guys do or say that turn women off, often without realizing it. By the end of the video, you'll know exactly what to avoid and how to create the kind of connection that leaves a lasting positive impression. Okay, the first thing nice guys do that turn women off is acting entitled because you're nice. Comments like, why do women always go for jerks? Or I'm such a nice guy, but women never choose me. They only want bad boys come across as extremely bitter and self-pitying, which is not attractive or confident from a woman's perspective. And I will be totally honest with you guys. I see this in my comment sections a lot, which is why I wanted to start here. Now, the reason why this is a problem is because being nice isn't a badge of entitlement. Statements like this suggest that you expect something in return for treating someone well, which can feel really manipulative. It's a huge turnoff when someone operates as if kindness is transactional. So what you can do instead is understand that kindness is the baseline for any healthy relationship, not a bargaining chip. Instead of focusing on what you think you deserve, focus on building a connection that's actually genuine and mutual. Let your actions show your worth without expecting praise or reward in return. Just because you're nice does not automatically mean that you are entitled to a relationship. The next thing nice guys do that turn women off is agreeing with every single thing that she says. Phrases like, oh, I'll let you decide, or I'm happy with whatever you want to do. I want to do whatever makes you happy may seem polite and accommodating, but when it's overused, they make you seem indecisive, unassertive, and even disingenuous, like you're just being a people pleaser. Always agreeing with every single thing that a woman says, or never taking the initiative to make plans, can be unattractive because it often comes across as lacking confidence, individuality, leadership, an opinion, a backbone, qualities that many women deeply value in a man. Great women appreciate someone who is authentic with their own opinions and the confidence to respectfully disagree when needed, as it's going to add depth and sincerity to the relationship and to any sort of conversation that you have with her. I also think taking the lead in planning dates or making thoughtful decisions shows effort, it shows that you care, and also an ability to create excitement, which is going to keep the dynamic engaging and balanced. Without these qualities, the connection can start to feel passive, predictable, unfulfilling, and honestly just stale over time. So what to do instead is to express your opinions respectfully, even if they differ from hers. Again, you don't always have to agree with everything that she says. That's weird. Being able to express your own opinions is going to show confidence and the ability to contribute to a balanced and engaging conversation. It's going to demonstrate to her that you're thoughtful and you're not afraid to have your own perspective. Now, I am not telling you to be combative, disrespectful, or to disagree for the sake of disagreeing. Please do not do that. I think we all know the person that has to argue or has to disagree, and that is way worse than even being agreeable, honestly. So don't be that guy either. I think being able to strike a balance here is really important. You want to be able to share your opinion, to disagree sometimes. Again, not agree with everything that she says. Be able to take the lead in dates without worrying about letting someone down or it not being perfect enough. Always going along with someone else's opinions or someone else's plans and not being able to do that for yourself is going to make you come across incredibly insecure, and that is just not the goal here. And let's be real. Constantly agreeing with someone or struggling to express your own opinions often comes from a deeper place of wanting to be liked or avoiding conflict. If you've ever found yourself in this position, it might be worth exploring why that is the case. Building confidence and developing healthy boundaries takes a lot of work, and sometimes having someone guide you through that process can make all the difference. That's why I want to take a moment to talk about today's sponsor, BetterHelp. BetterHelp connects you with a licensed therapist who is trained to listen and give you helpful, unbiased advice. Navigating the complexities of dating can be challenging, and seeking support from professionals can provide valuable insights and guidance. First, you go to their site. You can use my link, betterhelp.com slash Courtney Ryan. You just answer a few questions, and BetterHelp will match you to a professional who has experience helping people with struggles just like yours. You can do it all from your phone or computer, via phone call, video chat, or messaging, however you feel the most comfortable. It is the easiest possible way to start talking to a therapist. And because finding a therapist is a little like dating, if you don't really fit with that therapist, which is a common thing with therapy, you can easily switch to a new therapist at no additional cost. So let BetterHelp connect you to a therapist who can support you, all from the comfort of your own home. Visit betterhelp.com slash Courtney Ryan, or choose Courtney Ryan during sign up, and enjoy a special discount on your first month. Okay, the next thing you should avoid doing is overloading her with compliments. And what I'm really talking about here is excessive compliments. It is okay to give a compliment. You should give a compliment, and I will go over that a little bit later, but we really want to avoid excessive compliments, because it comes across as though you are overcompensating. So excessive compliments like saying, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. I can't stop thinking about you. Your eyes are mesmerizing. Your smile lights up a room. Again, just overdoing it, being excessive, constantly complimenting her. While this might seem sweet, and that's probably the way that you intend for it to be, it often comes across as insincere, or even a little bit needy and clingy. And another simple fact is that when compliments are overdone, they lose their impact. Overloading a woman with compliments can make you seem overly infatuated and obsessive, or lacking confidence, as though you're trying to win her over with flattery, rather than actually creating a natural, genuine bond with her. So what you can do instead is be thoughtful and selective with the compliments that you give. Maybe focus on specific traits or actions that show that you're paying attention to her personality, maybe her passions, something unique about her. For example, saying something like, I really admire how passionate you are about, insert her interest. It's inspiring to see someone who's so committed. I think this compliment not only feels more genuine, but it's also going to show her that you're interested in her on a deeper level than just what's on the surface. Now, don't get me wrong, you can and absolutely should compliment her physical appearance as well. Maybe saying, you look beautiful, or I love your outfit, it looks great on you. You know, you show up to a date, you say, you look great, I love your outfit. Just don't overdo it or make it excessive. You don't want to be the guy who never gives a compliment and never shows interest, but you also don't want to be the guy who's overdoing it and being obsessive and excessive. Being able to find a balance is the key here. You want to give compliments. You just don't want to be excessive about it, or again, make it come from a place of overcompensating rather than being genuine and actually meaning it. Okay, my next point here is over apologizing. This is another thing that I experience a lot in my inbox all the time. I see, sorry to bother you, but, or I'm so sorry, I know you're busy. You must get a ton of questions, but I want to ask you this. While this can seem polite, it often signals insecurity. Over apologizing makes you seem unsure of yourself and creates an unnecessary imbalance within the conversation. It's going to suggest that you don't feel worthy of someone's time or their attention, which can be a huge turnoff. Over apologizing in general, not just when starting a conversation, can be unattractive to women because it often signals insecurity, a lack of confidence, or an excessive need for validation, qualities that can completely undermine a man's perceived self-assurance. While apologizing when warranted is a sign of emotional maturity, I think constantly apologizing for small, unnecessary things can come across as overly self-critical or anxious to please. This behavior can really create an imbalance and make it seem like the man is putting himself in a subordinate position rather than standing as an equal partner. Women are often drawn to men who are self-assured and who take accountability without diminishing their own value. And over apologizing tends to have the opposite effect. So rest assured knowing you don't need to apologize for existing, for who you are, for what you like, for what your preferences are. Save the apologies for when you actually need to use them. When we're talking about initial interactions or sending a message, be confident in your approach. There's no need to apologize unless you've done something wrong, which you probably haven't done. So instead of saying sorry to bother you, try something like, I wanted to hear your thoughts on this, or I thought of you when I saw this and wanted to share, or just be bold and send a message. Hey, I'm blah, blah, blah. Great to meet you. I've done some videos in the past on what to say in scenarios like this. So go check those out if you haven't already and need some help. But not included in that is ever saying, sorry to bother you, or I'm sorry for taking up space. I'm sorry for existing. I'm sorry for breathing. You just don't need to apologize for those things. So stop over apologizing. You don't need to do it. Okay, the next thing that you guys have got to stop doing is putting yourself beneath her. Phrases like, you're too good for me, or you're way out of my league, or even I have seen, I can't believe someone like you agreed to go out with me. While this might sound flattering, they actually create an unequal dynamic and are incredibly unattractive to women. It's going to actually make her think, oh, maybe I am too good for this guy, or why does this guy think I'm so much better than him? He must have a problem. Comments like this signal low self-worth and put her in an uncomfortable position of having to constantly reassure you. While women appreciate being valued, they also want to feel like they're with someone who sees himself as an equal, not someone who's putting themselves below her. And again, while it may seem flattering on the surface, these statements unintentionally highlight insecurity and a lack of self-worth, which can make a woman feel uncomfortable or even burdened with the responsibility of validating you. Instead of building connection or attraction, these statements suggest that you see yourself as less deserving or inferior to her, which can diminish the sense of mutual respect and equality that's crucial for a healthy relationship. And being completely honest from a woman's perspective is incredibly unattractive. Confidence, not self-deprecation, is what makes genuine compliments feel sincere and attractive. So you don't need to put yourself down to show your interest in someone else. And if you're at a place where you're doing that, we need to get to the root cause and stop doing it. You really want to focus on mutual admiration. So instead of pedestalizing her, express genuine appreciation for the connection that you guys are building together. For example, you could say something like, I think we have a lot in common and I'm excited to see where this goes. It's as simple as that. It makes you come across confident and balanced and you didn't need to put yourself down in order to show your interest in her, which is how it should be. Okay, next we have over-texting or over-investing too soon. Sending multiple texts like, hey, how's your day? Are you okay? Did I do something wrong? Why aren't you replying to me? Too early in the relationship can feel clingy and overwhelming. And honestly, at any point in the relationship, I think this can feel clingy and overwhelming. Now, why this is a problem is because over-texting signals insecurity and creates a very uneven dynamic. Over-texting and over-investing too soon creates a very strange dynamic and again, makes you come across very clingy and needy stage five clinger vibes, which we want to avoid. It can also make her feel like she has to manage her emotions, which is exhausting and incredibly unappealing. So what you want to do instead is let the conversation flow naturally. If she's slow to reply, don't overcompensate with more messages. You want to show interest, but maintain your independence because yes, you're interested in her. You're excited about it. You want to see where it goes, but you also have your own life or you should have your own life outside of this connection that is meaningful to you. So try to remember that. Send her one thoughtful text and then give her time to respond. Keep the focus on quality communication rather than quantity. And the last thing here that nice guys do that turn women off is claiming that you're not like other guys. Statements such as I'm not like most guys or I won't hurt you the way your ex did might seem like a way to differentiate yourself, but they often have the opposite effect. This can come across very defensive or even manipulative. I think it also reminds me of point number one that was on my video today of acting entitled because you're nice. I think instead of focusing on building a strong connection, this really draws attention to past relationships, which obviously is not going to be helpful for moving yours forward. Avoid comparing yourself to other people and instead focus on being authentic and consistent. Trust that she'll notice the difference without you needing to announce it or say it. I think a lot of guys will also do this with a woman who just got out of a relationship or who is still in a relationship. They might say things like, well, I would treat you so much better than your ex boyfriend did or I would treat you better than your boyfriend does. I have had guys say that to me before and it is always incredibly weird and never comes across the way that you probably intended. Again, to differentiate yourself, to make yourself seem like the better choice. But all it does is make her not want to be with you even more. And I can speak from personal experience on that. So there's no need to say it. There's no need to announce it. If you are something, it will simply speak for itself. And I will also say this, and it might be a harsh truth, but I need to say it. If you have to say that you are something, whether it be nice, kind, different than other guys, smart and alpha male, you're probably not. These things do not need to be announced. They will simply just speak for themselves. At the end of the day, I think the goal is to become a good man, someone who's confident, self-assured and capable of building meaningful connections without losing himself in the process. If anything in this video hit home for you, I want you to know that these behaviors don't define you. They are just habits and habits can be broken. What really matters is your willingness to grow and your commitment to becoming the best version of yourself. Because the truth is, women and people in general aren't drawn to perfection. They're drawn to authenticity and self-respect. So as you move forward after watching this video, I want you to ask yourself, how can I show up in my relationships in a way that is both genuine and balanced? How can I cultivate confidence and really value myself as much as I value the person that I'm with? So if anything in this video resonated with you, feel free to share down in the comments. I would love to hear your stories or any questions that you have for me. And also remember that growth takes time, but I think you're already on the right path just by being here and by trying. So if you like this video or found it helpful, be sure to give it a thumbs up and subscribe to my channel to be in the loop for when I release new content. If you haven't already, be sure to follow me over on Instagram at CourtneyChristineRyan. I love connecting with all of you guys over on there as well. As always, thank you all so much for watching and I will see you all next time.