Monologue: Emma Stone on Spider-Man - SNL

Ladies and gentlemen, Emma Stone! We are hosting Saturday Night Live for the second time. It's been a pretty busy year for me. I got to be in Crazy Stupid Love and Help. And next year, I'm going to get to be in Amazing Spider-Man. So, that's pretty great. I play Spider-Man's girlfriend Gwen Stacy, who is a dynamic and brilliant science student. Not to be confused with Spider-Man's other girlfriend Mary Jane Watson, who is a skank and doesn't love him like I do. I'm really just so excited to be playing opposite such an amazing superhero. Did someone say superhero? Hey, Andy. What are you doing up there? Well, I heard about the new Spider-Man movie. Figured I would audition, maybe catch that part in my web. Hey, Andy, I think it's... I think it might be a little late to get the part of Spider-Man, though. It's never too late for Spider-Man. He can stop time. No, he can't. You're actually thinking of Zack Morris from Saved by the Bell. Yeah, that's right. And it's definitely too late, because the movie comes out in July. Well, then we have to move quickly. Here, read with me. Okay. Just, uh, yeah. It's okay. I don't need a script. I'm off book. Here we go. All right, I guess I better read with him. He went to a sad amount of trouble. Um, hi, Spider-Man. Sorry, Gwen, I don't have time to bone. I have to fight Green Goblin. Oh, wait, Green Goblin just canceled. We can bone now. Okay, Andy, aren't you just redoing the same monologue that Kirsten Dunst did like ten years ago? Uh, yeah, aren't you just redoing the exact same Spider-Man movie from ten years ago? No, but anyway... Okay, look, enough about the past, Emma. If you reshoot Spider-Man with me, I'll give you a performance to flip for! To flip for! I'm sorry, buddy. We already got a pretty great Spider-Man. Ha! Let me guess, some teen heartthrob like Ray Liotta or Patrick Stewart? Um, actually, his name is Andrew Garfield. Garfield? I'm sorry, does Spider-Man hate Mondays now? How's he gonna fight crime when he's busy eating lasagna and twerking Nermal, am I right? I think you might be thinking of the wrong Garfield. Andrew, can you come up here? Excuse me, sir, just because you co-created Facebook doesn't mean you can just barge up here. No, no, that was just a role I played, and I'm sorry, mate, but I am also playing Spider-Man. He's British! Oh, America's suffering record unemployment and we outsource Spider-Man to England? Oh, I'm so angry about this, I could flip out! Okay, we have got a great show for you tonight. Yes, Coldplay is here! So stick around and we will be right back!