My Spouse’s Spending Is Crippling Our Finances

[Music] brought to you by the every dooll app start budgeting for free today all right today's question comes from Sandra in Florida Sandra writes my spouse's spending is crippling our finances and our marriage each month we have only about 5 to 600 left after monthly bills and minimum debt payments and we only have $1,000 saved I've tried to speak lovingly to my husband and let him know how much the overspending scares me and affects my mental health I've also had moments of frustration have blamed him for financial struggles which I realize is not a healthy approach seems all my efforts and approaches are futile I understand the ramsy principles behind join accounts and have lived this way for years but at what point in my marriage do I say enough and separate myself financially right before divorce yeah yeah and I think we're here I think we're close this is way bigger Dave than uh I'm glad she I'm glad she had the courage to write is crippling our finances and our marriage because this type of behavior tells me there's other issues in that marriage it's not just money yeah this guy is um kind of got the axis of the world stopped through the top of his head everything spins around him he's the most important thing that ever lived I'm telling you his mama told him that yep and um and now uh nobody tells him anything yeah um I just can't imagine Dave I again I don't have a psychology for this I can't imagine Sheila taking me out and saying um anything I'm doing you're scaring me to death and me going yeah I don't care I I I I just I don't have that in my I don't have that in my body I understand that I don't understand how you could respond to to anybody that way if if the if the waitress at at Waffle House sat down and said hey the way you're doing things scares me and I I'm not I don't feel safe I I don't think I could be like I don't care like I I I just don't have that in me man so I don't understand this dude at all what a scumbag I just don't get it don't get it so um yeah it could be just immaturity could be a lot of things um in all seriousness all once I get past all my frustration and my name calling but um the um so there's two issues with this email number one uh you guys need to sit down with a marriage counselor and if he won't go go by yourself so that you can start to get language to how you're going to decide how much longer you're going to do this uh because my experience with this and I'm not a counselor and I'm not trained like John is but for 30 years I've done this and sat with couples and my experien is particularly ladies more so than men uh they reach an end point and it boils and boils and boils and then suddenly they go over the edge and the switch flips and once it flips there's no getting her back right she done when she's done she like like roadkill it's over it's done and you can't get it back and you're going to reach that boiling point and if you don't do it intentionally with some help with a good coach a good marriage counselor to give you words to do this in a very wise and reasonable way it's all it's sneak up on you and him and you're just going to go I'm done when somebody says the word futile everything I've tried yeah is for not is for nothing now that's lost hope that's lost hope that's right yeah and uh so you're you're getting really close and I'm telling you if there's a chance that you save this marriage it's going to be with some help guiding you through how to communicate to him if you can get through to Jello brain here and get him to do this okay now if you can and you turn it around that's great that's that's thing one that's the route to go hidden inside of this email is the question that I've been asked a bunch of times is a separate issue this how can I handle my money separately in a messed up marriage and it be okay and the answer is you can't you've got to make the marriage okay if you want to have prosperity in your relationships and prosperity in your net worth it has to be done from a functional standpoint not surviving a bunch of misbehavior and still prospering in spite of it that just doesn't happen in my experience we we see almost never does someone overcome this guy not changing and somehow you create a tactical way to separate your money and while you're still married to him and he continues to do the exact same thing somehow you go off and become a millionaire that does not happen that's just that's mythology there's not a tactic a legal document a process that causes you to be able to swim with an anchor around your ankle and and so you guys have got to work through this or work your way out of it to be able to have a great life for both of you and he's I think it's important to call out this husband is not um being a person of fidelity he is not upholding the marriage vows that said till sickness um to sickness and health um till death do his part um this is ours mine is yours and yours is mine he's not doing that um he's saying I really don't care about you I just don't I just don't create your free every dooll budget today the simplest way to budget for your life