This Is Why You’re Bad With Money

[Music] brought to you by the every dooll app start budgeting for free today this show has um become inordinately successful with 30 million of you so or so out there in a given month um on YouTube's you know podcast on uh the various platforms that 680 radio stations that carry us because we understand that personal finance is not math the problem with my money is the guy I shave with the mathematics of becoming wealthy are somewhere you learn them somewhere around the sixth grade this is not an intellect problem this is a behavior problem if I can get the in my mirror to behave he can be skinny and Rich but he's got issues and he engages in stupid people tricks to the extent that I have dysfunction in my relationships I'm going to struggle to build wealth to the extent that I have dysfunction in my behaviors like a lack of work ethic a lack of Integrity uh other character issues I'm going to struggle to build wealth um to the and so there's a tie in between your emotional well-being your relational Acumen uh that is more predictive of your ability to become wealthy than your income in other words you it doesn't matter what you make if you're addicted to to cocaine you're going to lose everything 100% of addicts as an example of this discussion end up broke eventually 100% eventually some in 10 months some in 10 years and they lose everything that's a misbehavior that caused that it's not a math problem that caused that it wasn't they didn't understand how mutual funds work it wasn't that they didn't earn an income a lot of cocaine addicts earn a great income um and they hide their addiction but if if you don't know how to interact with the opposite sex and you continually choose poorly in your mate you are going to make it almost impossible to create a sustainable Financial life and I isn't that weird yeah and I'm just haunted by like that last call haunts me because when you say it like you you won't accept this from your for your own child everyone goes no I would never accept that but you just become blind to it and you just keep doing it you just keep doing it and you keep doing it and you wonder you keep going back to the the the money the money issue why are we broke why are we broke why are we broke you gota you got to let this Predator who is praying on you in your time uh you got to let him go I ain't doing that all right well there's not there's not like a crypto secret we can tell you to help you make money there's not like a budgeting hack we can give you um you and him have to go work It's just tough man if if you're not connected with your spouse you can have trouble can be a relational thing I mean it it's um you know one of the jokes that we had in the early days of the show was you know if you marry a woman that that likes spending you better enjoy working right you know and so uh but it's also the opposite way ABS obviously um if you marry a man that likes spending you better enjoy working uh and so cuz you can't but you can't can out earn it and you can't keep up and the correlation among millionaires between spouses that work together and that both shoulder the load together it's almost 100% of them yeah the very few people build wealth dragging a deadbeat along are dragging someone who's misbehaving in some area of their life along someone who won't work someone who uh can't tell the truth someone that won't file their taxes uh someone that uh you know lies all the time uh you know you you just these dysfunctional people that are in all of our Lives to the extent that they are uh that we're wrapped up with them pretty much ensures that we're going to create a a situation where we can't build a sustainable financial situation one of the reasons I've been able to build wealth is my wife is a freaking Rock right she's a rock I mean the number the amount of drama in 43 years I've had at home when I got home at night with little kids at home was precisely zero yeah the only drama my I bring it occasionally there was drama before I got there right but it's not like wait till your daddy gets home no fear the wrath of Sharon instead you know I mean it's like I there is not a you know I was not having to carry three or four things around while I was at work I was carrying work around and it's why we were able to make such progress yeah it's it's fun they they say the one of the the greatest um determinants for joy happiness in your life is marry well it's the most important decision you make because marrying poorly um it's disproportionate how bad your life is and marrying well it's disproportion how wonderful it makes your life but our friend Dr Henry cloud with the book boundaries whether it is your marriage partner or not just the other people in your life your business partner your your Budd suck the marrow out of your your bones right because you won't put up a boundary right or for some reason don't know to put up a boundary you weren't raised in such a way well I was raised you always take care of daddy well uh did you notice that your daddy is a problem right or um well that's just so and so like stop that's just the way he is I I would love a great exercise for folks is to write down the the top five to 10 to 15 people in your life they can be co-workers they can be family members they can be friends if you're lucky you got 10 in this current world we live in if you got if you're you're exceptionally lucky if you got 15 write them down and just draw a line across the paper and say vampire or contributor is this a person that when I get done being around them I'm just like GH or I get done being around them and I can't wait to go hang out again they are somebody that that brings me up and I I challenge you in 20124 to find Opportunities to be around vampire people less yeah and be around those who pour into you who are excited who challenge you more and that doesn't mean you get along all the time like some of the people who contribute most of my life man we are button heads all the time and I love them and I I believe the very similar things with some of the most vampiric people I just made that word up that just you get done it's like golly dude I feel like I was just slogging through quicksand I mean when you come out of a meeting or you come out of a social gathering with someone and you feel like you need to take a shower I don't want to repeat this right I'm done right and my wife's like well we need to be nice no I don't need to be nice we need to be nice to us so that we not going to be nice I can be nice from a further distance I'll wave from over there you know but this this close physical proximity with slime is a problem yeah you know and it's um you know and it's okay I'm not it's not that I'm a snob no I like you but I'm not going to hang out with you yeah I'm it's it's uh I can be nice to you I can help you love you I'm I can encourage you but I'm not going you're not going to be part of my crew that's right yeah because you become who you hang around with and if you find out that you're married to somebody who is more of a vampire than a contributor this is the Year let this be the year that you put that on the table and say let's build something new let's let's build something new yeah I'm taking your sharp teeth yeah well or like the first caller of of this hour that I'm going to be clear for the first time because I find myself I don't like you I don't want to be around you the things you do annoy me and I I I kind of H and haul and hint I've never just been honest with you just never told you let's put all that on the table this year decide to uh heal this thing moving forward because at some point um there are people in the margins that are struggling that's not who I'm talking to I'm talking to most of us most of us at some point choose the relationships we have and we choose the the dance that we choose to do in those things and at somebody at some point somebody's got to pull pull the pull the rip cord and say this this one's over this one's over we're going to build something new and the reason for the sidebar right now is this this is the time of year to look at this and say okay I want you to leave from this little little rant that we've done for the last five minutes I want you to leave with this idea who you hang around with and who you are going to create relationship with is 100x more important towards whether you're able to build wealth than whether you understand how a mutual fund works or what your income is they're going to screw up your life if you let them create your free every dollar budget today the simplest way to budget for your life