Help For No Contact Anxiety and Struggling

No contact anxiety is the number one thing that people talk about when having to deal with a breakup and coaching to get an ex back. And so I'm going to help you be able to get through some of this anxiety that you're feeling as you're trying to do no contact. I have five really powerful things that you can do and I'm going to throw in a bonus at the end. The first thing, and this is going to sound simplistic, but hear me out. Review your plan. And the reason I list this at number one is it's actually, in my opinion, one of the most powerful things on this list that you can do. Review your plan. Because the way that your brain works is you will feel anxiety, especially when things are not addressed and there is no plan and you feel like you're just wondering out in the woods trying to figure this out. But if you tell yourself, I have a plan, this is the plan. I have watched videos. Maybe you've talked to a coach on my staff and you know what you need to do. You know you need to stay away. You know you need to be in no contact. And I talk about that a lot. And so I'm not going to get too much into the reasoning on that, but you know that moving toward them when they want to break up will push them away. I hope that you know that because that's reality. And so remind yourself of all these things that I talk about, about how no contact is effective. It doesn't work all the time, but it works a lot. It's the best thing you can do. You're giving yourself the best chance at this. Say those things to yourself and review and remind yourself of your plan and say, I've got a plan. This is part of the plan. And yes, it will be difficult, but it's also going to be difficult on them. And it may not be difficult right away. I'll get into that more in just a little bit. But if it's difficult on you, then you can see just how impactful this can be. And that's another thing that you should remind yourself. Say, it's difficult for me and it's going to be difficult for them. It's just a matter of time. And that's something I suggest saying. When you review your plan, when you remind yourself of why you're doing this, also tell yourself, it's just a matter of time. Say that. You might even say it every day. Say, Coach Lee says, it's just a matter of time. And the reason I say to mention my name is just because it helps to know there's someone else who says this and that you're not just telling yourself this. So try that. I think it'll help you a lot. Let's move on to the next point. This one may be tied for the most important and it's breathing and breathing exercises. And on my website, I have a breathing circle and it's an amazing thing that you can do because when you make yourself breathe slowly and deeply, you slow your heart rate, you lower your blood pressure and you tell your body and your mind, it's okay because I'm breathing slowly. So I'm not being chased by a dinosaur. I'm not hanging off a cliff in fear for my life. I'm breathing slowly. So everything's okay. And so the chemicals that cause this anxiety will begin to slow their production and lower their production because your brain and your body are doing little tests and they're saying, okay, we're all right. So if you can get your breathing under control and really just dive into that and feel like you're breathing deeply and slowly, you will start to really enjoy it. It will feel good. It will be something you can lean on and it definitely helps with anxiety and people in no contact. Whenever that comes in your mind, when you start wondering what they're doing or if it's working or you get tempted to go look at their social media, breathe, take those slow deep breaths. And like I said, I have a breathing circle on my website. It's animated. It helps you breathe and I'm going to link that in the description below or you can go to myexbackcoach.com and find it under resources and it's free. Number three on this list of how you can help your no contact anxiety is to remind yourself that this day that you're in right now will add to the weight that can tip the scale each day. It is like putting a penny onto one side of the scale over time. Those pennies add up and eventually the scale tips and that's how you need to think about it that this day counts. So even though it's difficult to just think I'm going to get through this day and it's going to have a positive impact and the scales are going to be tipped and each day that I add to it, it's another penny, another penny on top of it. And though pennies are small and they don't weigh much over time, they add up. And so you can tell yourself that. Remind yourself this day counts. I'm doing a positive for myself. I'm doing something that's contributing to what I want and in time it just gets more and more powerful with each day that passes. And so tell yourself that today is just another day I can use in the process of tipping the scale in my favor, in your favor. And so just remember each day adds to the scale each day you're getting closer. Before I get to point number four, take a quick second and get information on my emergency breakup kit. It's at myexbackcoach.com. I'm going to have that link in the description. It's a powerful guide to help you get your ex back and it makes it easy for you to book sessions with coaches on my staff. Number four, don't social stalk or analyze. And this is really difficult because I know it is so tempting for you to go look at what your ex is doing on social media. What did they say? What picture did they post? And you try to find meaning in that. You even look at it a little bit like a conspiracy theorist and that you're trying to find clues. The problem is that if your ex is giving you clues and trying to manipulate you through those, then they're not ready yet and you're actually going to hurt things if you fall for one of them. So for example, if they were to post something about being sad and you think that must be that they're thinking about me, they're missing the relationship and they're feeling sad. So this would be a great time for me to reach out and I can tell them you don't have to be sad because we can get back together. Rarely is a simple social media post going to be what they would do if they were ready and if they were to that place where you can be effective. Sometimes it doesn't have anything to do with you necessarily. Or it could be that they're just sad because the breakup happened and that's a sad thing. And sometimes even people who want the breakup will feel sad. That usually means you did a good job of not pushing them too far away because they can get to a point where they just think, I'm so glad this is over with. This is such a relief. And a lot of times that's when they block you everywhere. And I have a video about that. Feel free to search my channel where I talk about what you can do if you have been blocked. But a social media post where they say they're sad is not enough for you to contact them. So don't fall for that. And a lot of ways that's like bread crumbing. They're wanting you to do some of the work and they're wanting you to boost their ego and make them feel like you still want them even though they dumped you. Because that is one of the ultimate ego strokes is when this other person still wants me even though I brush them aside and don't want to be with them. And so sometimes an ex can even be confused and they're sad because they're wanting to feel like you still want them. And I know that that sounds awful and even narcissistic and in many ways it is. And that's why I'm telling you not to fall for it. It's actually best if you don't look at your ex's social media. And sometimes I'll point out, you might notice some things on their social media that can give you some information. And I really only say that because for the life of me, I can't get you guys to stop looking at your ex's social media. And if you're not looking at it and you haven't so far, leave a comment and tell me about it because I want to give you a thumbs up. You're doing the right thing. If you can stay away, if you can make yourself stay away. And sometimes you might have to say, I'm just not going to look today and get one day under your belt. So you kind of know what it feels like. And maybe you can get two days, but the more you can stay away, your anxiety will thank you by not showing up because just seeing their picture on their social media, just seeing what they've said and trying to analyze it and looking for clues that maybe they want you back. And maybe they want you to contact them. That's what causes so much of your anxiety because there's a lot of pressure and even seeing their face can make you feel terrible things that cause anxiety. So don't look at their social media. If anything, try to see it as from your perspective, they don't even exist until they reach out to you. That's really the best way to look at it. And that will guide your actions and help you not do things that later you're going to regret. Number five is plan social events. That means going down your phone, looking at all your contacts, reaching out to people you haven't seen in a while and scheduling lunches or going out for drinks or going bowling or walking or walking your dog, go into a driving range, go into a game, go into a concert, different things that you can do with friends, catch up with friends and feel some of that love from people who won't break up with you. And you will want to talk to them about it. Most of the time, if you feel close to this person, try to keep that limited because some of it's good for you, but too much and they won't want to be around you because eventually they just don't want to hear about it anymore. So I'm just being honest with you on that because I don't want you to damage your friendships, but become your own social planner and schedule events as far out as you can on your calendar. Just start texting, go down your contact list and say, Hey, would you be able to do anything this week? How does Tuesday look? How does Wednesday look? And get some things on your calendar. So you have things to look forward to and you have things to do. So you're not just sitting around struggling with your anxiety and feeling that the more you can do with people who love you and surrounding yourself with love not only helps you feel better, but actually makes you more attractive. The more you can feel love from others. It's amazing how that will work and I'll get into that in another video. Just know it will help with you being more attractive than you are right now. Thank you for subscribing to my channel. And I'm going to tell you the bonus point now. And then I'm going to talk about a video that you can watch next. The bonus point is practice your response. And what I mean by that is practice your response to your anxiety and feeling all this pressure and worry about your ex in the future. Practice the response you want to have. So if you want to be able to say, I'm not worried about it or if you want to have a great day where you're happy and you've got things to do and you're busy and you're not thinking about it, practice that. Pretend you're that person or pretend that you are far enough along that you can do that and you will actually get good at it. It will be easier for you and it will become natural and you'll feel better while you're doing it. And you can even joke with yourself. I'm going to pretend like everything's fine. Now from a longterm standpoint, that might not be the healthiest thing to do, but short term, you're just practicing it so you can actually do it more naturally and you will have more time where you don't feel that anxiety and where you feel good and where you're not just sitting around feeling awful about this. In the end screen here, there's going to be a thumbnail for a video called what your ex needs to know to come back. It's a great video to follow up this one because it helps you to review your plan and to understand more about what this is going to do for you and what your ex needs to come back. So watch that video. This has been Coach Lee. And as always, thank you for watching.