Talking To Asian Parents About Dating

Hey guys, welcome back to the channel. So just a little quick update. Mia has gone on holiday So I've recruited, not really recruited, I'm back. I'm like Alan, come here. And today actually it works out well because we're gonna be talking about Relationships something that's not very commonly spoken of in Asian households. Exactly Yeah, so I thought it'd be interesting to get like a guy's perspective and also a girl's perspective Because like okay for myself growing up I was never able to really openly talk about relationships with my parents. I think that's the same with me Yeah, I think the majority of maybe Asian kids have gone through something like this. Yeah Because I think you know we grow up in a like a westernized kind of society But then in the household, it's very Asian. Yeah Yeah, and you see all around you like I mean dating is everywhere and everything in Western culture I mean, it's out there. It's in movies. It's on magazines, but it's like But why can't I join? I'm scared. Do you want to go first? I've never actually like told my parents Hi dad, hi mom if you're watching The first thing I think of is like Asian parents They think up until you're an adult which is 18 And beyond that Until you're like 45 and have kids you're still a child yourself. Yeah, and you are not allowed to date I was never allowed to like bring guys home Even if they were just friends like my parents would automatically think like what is this guy doing? Why is he here or anything like that? And the one time I did How did that go? It did not go very well. My dad sat him down and interrogated him Where are they? And was just It was the worst thing ever Was he an Asian guy or was he not? He was an Asian guy. Okay. Yeah. And then afterwards like after that whole chat I was like I am so sorry I put you through that He was just like yes Mr. Lee Thanks friend Goes with the territory I didn't feel comfortable talking to my parents about relationships It was just like don't do it I didn't know why And they gave you no explanation. Yeah no explanation No help going out And so like I would try to date girls I'd bring girls home and like my mom was really strict And like she would just grill The girls that came home Get really angry at me And we would have like really awkward Like quiet fights in the kitchen Wait how old was this? I was older I was like 16 or 17 By this point I wasn't like 13 years old I could drive I thought I was an adult Looking back on it I was definitely not mature emotionally And you didn't know anything at that point Because of that It made me very like Scared almost To even approach The idea Like I just didn't think about dating And then you're kind of like torn Because you're so protected And shielded at home And from these like specific topics But then you go out And you go to school with all your western friends And it's like I'm confused And you either get broken Or you prevail Yeah Of course I think parent supervision Is really important to kind of guide you along The way so you don't make these mistakes But like it's kind of weird If you're learning about relationships When you're like 20 or you're like in your 30s You're like stunted Yeah and you've just started learning about it And as everyone around you Has already been dating for maybe like 10 years Or 5 years So you kind of have So everyone's already like moved along And then you're just like Because the first few relationships Are always difficult You don't know what you're doing That's true Like you think Oh my god I found it But you look back and you're like Oh my god I dated her? I dated him? And I guess an argument for that Is from a more westernized viewpoint It's like you learn through experience For Chinese I mean I can only speak for Chinese understanding You just don't get The liberty to even Go through that The ideal situation is you learn little by little Asian dating it's like One day you're just like You don't really get this gradual build up And I think That leads to some heartbreak Especially if you're at that time You don't have parents to talk to But do you think it's possible When you're young and naive And just like I know everything to actually be able To establish that kind of communication I think half of it is how Chinese, especially Chinese Mainland Chinese culture is There's this distance that parents Put with their kids It's a little related to Showing affection Hugging Do you hug your parents? I started hugging my dad when I was in my early 20s Hug It was so weird getting past that Wow you're more progressive than I am I still haven't gotten to that stage I feel like I show Love and affection through actions And things I do That is very Chinese way I think the first thing For my parents or my mom at least She's just morally conservative So I have one chance And don't screw it up That's kind of her mentality So I think it's a couple things It's based on their own experiences But you forget that they were also Like you at one stage And so they've definitely Lived through things And so they know what happens And I think a lot of it is just like They want to protect you from Making the same mistakes that they did And I feel like for my parents That's definitely where my mom comes from I'm an only child Parents put so much emphasis On making sure that you turn out right Because you get one shot You don't have a younger sibling Feet messes up it's alright It's all on you So they're overprotective My mom She would say one thing to me It's kind of corny That song Wise men say Only fools rush in She would remind me constantly about that Only fools Only fools rush in And like that's all I got from Like listen I love my mom Mom I love you Probably watching this It wasn't really It was just like that and that's all I had Compromise That's what's missing It's a compromise A lot of the time it's no compromise It's just like flat out no If you do say no Tell me why And we can figure out a compromise There's no such thing Did you feel like your parents Didn't feel like they needed to give you an explanation Was it kind of like that or did they just not know How to talk to you about it I think my mom tried more Because you know like a mother daughter You have a different kind of relationship I had a pretty big problem with them being A little too protective of me Because I found out that I had to learn a lot of these things Later on in my life Because they protected me from failure They protected me from not being able To accomplish the things that I wanted By helping me all the time It's a good and bad thing It's a good thing because I came out without too many Devastating things happening in my childhood But as I became an adult I felt like I was a little spoiled A little coddled in many ways Like how I just kind of wish that I failed more As a kid so I could have dealt with it Especially with relationships I wish I had experienced a lot more things younger You can't do this because You don't understand yet But I feel like at that age we all think No but if Your parents treat you as an adult If they go up to you and talk to you I think you'll want to be more mature and responsible It's just like Kids I think at a certain age naturally want to rebel I mean it's just in there And the more you tell a kid no no no Without giving them a reason Without showing them respect Or explaining to them Why they're doing these things The more they're going to want to go crazy If my kid came up to me And asked me Then I would be open about things To a certain degree Because you kind of can gauge How much they should know Or they can handle Or maybe just put it in a way that's understandable to them And they shouldn't be scared To talk about it I think kids are growing up faster and faster It's so scary I look at little Teenagers now on their Instagram And I'm like dang They got their makeup on And back then I was still In my room learning long division But that's why I think Parenting needs to change too To kind of keep up With it Of course you want to have some kind of discipline But I want to make sure that if I have a kid That they know the door is open And they can come and talk to me about anything And hopefully they will because I think that's what every parent wants They want a mentor I would have very specific I would be like These are the things that you should know And discipline them in a way that In terms of morals And things like that Just have that instilled in them Because I think the strongest values That a person can have Have to come from themselves But that's also learned from parents Of course it's learned from parents It's better if they understand why But I think the main thing to really understand is Try to understand where your parents are coming from They come from a good place And they're probably right They're like human beings as well They've been through what you're going through So don't think that they're just like total aliens And I think it takes a while To really reach that point And communication is key for everything Not only just with your parents It's good to be empathetic And try to see it from multiple perspectives Rather than just like So yeah Let us know your experiences What you guys think about this What you guys went through We'd love to hear it This is Alan by the way I'm Alan, thanks for watching Don't forget to like and subscribe Thanks guys, see you in the next one Movies or like a local coffee shop And then your house But if you can't bring that person to your house You're going to be like It's going to be so difficult And it was just like hanging out Like nothing Are you sure? Alan