4 years after losing our son👼🏼 / Regrets & Advice on how to help someone dealing with loss

There's nothing we can do. We're super crooked, aren't we? No one could tell. We look crooked, babe. Today marks the four year, we call it an angelversary. It's the day that our son passed away four years ago, so Today we wanted to do a little bit of a different video And this is kind of just for all of you out there because at one point in your life You will either be going through a tragic Loss whether it's a family member a friend or you're gonna know someone that's close to you It's going through a loss So we felt like this video would be helpful for any of those people Which is everybody at one point this information will be beneficial to you in some way So the first thing we wanted to talk about are things we wish we did that we didn't necessarily know about Right after our son passed away After Milo passed away at the funeral just spent time with him before everybody got there because we didn't really get a chance about we Just kind of showed up, and then like everyone showed up as we were showing up, so um I Remember in the hospital when he passed away as he was on the hospital bed They let me hold him for a little bit and spend some time with him, and that was a huge blessing I just wish that I had gotten to do it again before right so when Thomas's sister, okay his sister passed away Six months after Milo and his mom and his other sisters asked if I would help like do her hair and makeup for her casket and so we went in like our well, this was like the day before the funeral to like kind of get her ready and Really, but that like last moment spent with her I felt like I regretted so bad that we didn't do that with Milo And you know we cried a lot in there with all the sisters And we laughed a lot like we shared lots of memories, and it was just a really good experience So that's something that I wish we would have thought to do um Before and that's something that we regret that we didn't do another thing I wish we would have done is got his fingerprints that kind of sounds weird But I'm going to show you guys some pictures of things you can do with loved ones fingerprints There's really really cute necklaces that you can make I mean really as long as you just have the print you can do all sorts Of different things with that so that's something else that we wish we would have done something We ran into you guys that like no one should ever have to go through is dealing with someone's kind of scamming you on a headstone so we put a lot of money down on Milo's headstone because we wanted it really special and Like three years went by we never got a headstone. We had to go through like the news I'm an attorney and it was a real big hassle. So definitely do your research on who you're going to use for your headstone and Really look at reviews because they actually matter you guys if someone has One star and there's tons of people that say I waited two years three years do not use that person no matter what I promise even think to look but once we once it had been like a year that had gone by and we didn't get our Headstone yet. We started googling this guy and we're like oh my gosh He's a an F on the better, which is crazy because he has an actual business and establishment. So we thought like oh, he's legit Yeah, well three years later and lots of heartache we Finally got a half finished headstone. Yeah, it's still not done. Yeah, but don't make that mistake Don't make that mistake. So some things that we're glad that we did This was actually done for us. We wouldn't have known about this, but we got these hand and foot molds Oh, he has this necklace on there This is one of my favorite things that we have yeah Milo and It probably like doesn't look like much to you guys but when you have someone pass away like these Help a lot. I don't know every time you look at him like it reminds you of him So these are probably one of the best things you could do. I love it Okay, love it I was gonna show him that too, but I'll actually just I'll zoom in on this close But I actually had someone because I was so upset that I didn't get But okay. So one of the things I was upset that I didn't get is his Fingerprint. Well, I had someone reach out to me and ask Do you have like a footprint or anything? And I was like, well, no and then she's like well Didn't you get like a mold of his foot and I was like, oh, yeah I do have I have a mold of his foot So she had me send a picture of his foot to her and then she made this necklace and mold out of it So that's his footprint and I thought that was really special that I had a necklace with his footprint on it So that's those are some things we're grateful. We did another thing you can do We also kept one of his pinkies. Oh, yeah, we did the last person to suck on this pinky was Milo So there's other types of molds you can you can make too so like if it's a Let's say like a husband passes away or a wife there's these really cool mold you can do or grandparents I mean really and I'll post the picture right here These molds are really cool and I feel like if if I had lost a Loved one like if I lost Thomas seeing this type of a mold would just like oh It would just make probably make you it probably would make me cry all the time But I would love to have something like this. So you just wanted to share After Milo passed away at our house I actually and Ashley agrees like we really enjoyed visitors coming by Like we enjoyed family and friends constantly being there because for some reason you feel like this will not for some reason Obviously you feel a huge void in your home and by filling it with people It kind of helps like fill that void a little bit because your mind's not really on that and it really helped So we love people coming over um people bringing us meals people bringing us food We actually enjoyed it and it helped lift that burn in a little bit It did and it was weird we noticed like after a couple weeks We're like, why do we always want at least one extra person there? And it was like we we someone was missing and so by having someone there kind of like filled that void Really? It was it was really interesting to go through but if you're on the outside Watching someone else go through a loss I really would say the best thing you can do for that person is pray for them. We physically felt lifted for weeks It was crazy and you there's no way to explain it other than you actually felt people praying for you so if anything else if you can't do anything else if there may be far away just Pray for them and I promise that will make a huge difference in their lives One of the toughest things for us was and I think a lot of people can relate to this is after it's all said and done like after the funerals over and and I've I've had friends that I've lost and family members and siblings that I've lost and It's hard to continue to reach out to someone after that happens because you're like, okay now like it's kind of moved on Except the person that was most affected by it doesn't move on as fast as we do You know, like as quick as I had a good friend die Well, he had kids and they were teenagers and and after the funeral was all said and done You know, we kind of all moved on with our life because we can't just sit there and dwell on it, right? Well, then I saw his kids posting like man today it really hurts and it was months after But we don't really like realize that bit man I haven't reached out to them since that happened and right and I feel awful. Maybe I should reach out to him now, right? So yeah, I feel like I know that's another huge One of the best tips we could give you is to not only reach out to them before like that week after But after the funerals over that's when I feel like you get the most lonely Right after like it's all kind of said and done as what we say Reach out to the person talk to him call him go visit him. Like we didn't have one visitor After that week after the funeral We didn't see anyone and that was like the toughest because it really settled in and it's back to real life It's like yeah, you just have to go back to and I'm not saying let's continue the process of grieving and Mike Let's just continue to be in that but but just go stop by and say hi Yeah, go a little bit check on it. Bring them a meal. Yeah, that's something else I wanted to say you guys we remember every single face I don't remember what I had for breakfast, but I can remember during that horrible time I remember every every person. Yes. I remember Deborah brought us Jamba juice I remember Justin brought us Olive Garden like we we remember brought Simon Cohen a power wheel Yeah, I'll never forget that either our kids first power will though Yeah, I remember my friend Jarrett and Tony and their wives coming over and bringing us barbecue meals Yeah, I remember all of it. Yeah, like everything everyone did for all my friends bringing me the cutest necklace and Gentry brought us that drawing of Milo really like every card every just thoughtful thing people did for us we remember every single thing so just be there for those people and Reach out reach out to them especially after after that week of just like I don't know I feel like we got like Millions of cards millions of flowers millions of texts and calls and then it's like it abruptly ends It makes it a little bit easier and what I mean by that is no it does like we don't feel any less pain That Milo died But you learn to live with the pain and you learn to move on from it and kind of like yeah The pains always there, but you learn to live with it Yeah, you learn to live with it and and it does get kind of better in a way Especially when people are reaching out. Yeah I'd like it the best thing is just knowing people are thinking about you and and Praying for you like just a text that says I'm praying for you I hope you're doing good like really pray for people too because I swear I am like a testament that I have felt people's prayers. I'm not like crazy I've literally felt them and they like lift you up and they really do help you God really does listen to our prayers Yeah, I think that that was just the little bit of information We wanted to share with you guys and hopefully that will help you either dealing with a loss or watching someone else deal with a loss just things to I don't know kind of do for them and Just different ways that you can think of them and show them that you're looking at that So so today is Sunday. We will be doing We always do like random acts of kindness on These days because we feel like it just it just lifts our spirits when you're thinking of other people doing service We try to focus on other people on his deathday and on his birthday, and that's what we've always done And so that's another thing if you've lost someone That's something that we would recommend you do as well is try to dedicate those days to service because I know that's what they would They want us to continue living our life while we're here, and I think that's just a good way to honor them So thank you guys so much for watching. We'll see you next time