7 Tips for Christian Dating

What's up guys, Natan Sutton back with another video and today we are talking about how to date as a Christian. This topic has a lot of info. I feel like we got to squeeze it all into one video. Such an important topic. If you're single, if you're in a relationship, if you're engaged, if you're married, we can all learn how to date better. Yeah, even if you're married, you still want to be dating the person that you're married to. So this is relevant to everybody. Absolutely, and strong relationships are the foundation of a lot of things in life. So it's important that you do the dating right. First of all, let's do a little evaluation of our dating life. Do you think when we were dating, you think we did it well? Some parts yes and some no. There are things that I think could have been better. And who should have done better? Me? Yes, you. Yeah, I actually admit that. I don't think I was the best dater and I think that caused a little bit of frustration in our relationship. And it for sure caused me a lot of frustration from other people that I dated because they were horrible. They could watch this. Yeah, they better. Anyway, so there's so much frustration around dating. So let's get it right. Which is a sad thing. Dating is supposed to be fun and exciting and not frustrating. I know. So let's get back to the basics. How do we do this thing? The longing to pair off with somebody is a good thing. I think God designed us to be that way. You know, we want companions. We want partners. Adam felt that he wanted a partner. And so God created animals for him to spend his time with and have somebody to be with. But Adam's like, this is cool and all, you know, like hanging out with rhinos. But I would rather have someone more like me that I can talk to. So then God created Eve and Adam's response was, at last. At last. I know if I was hanging out with rhinos and you came along, I'd probably say at last. I'd be like, hallelujah. Yeah, you know, back then with Adam and Eve, it was easy. Adam just woke up and here comes his wife. There she is. Naked. Naked out of all things. How much easier could it be? But you know, in today's day and age, it's much more difficult because we hit puberty around 13. And a lot of us don't get married until in our 20s and sometimes even our 30s. And sometimes even beyond that. So there's this stage where it's like, I am on fire. I am burning, girl. And I need a mate. And I'm only 13 years old. So it's like, how do we get from 13 to marriage? That time span, it makes it very difficult in our culture. Because you know, back then, people used to marry way younger. So in today's culture, it's like, we don't really get married until later. So how do you, what is that in between stage like? In the Bible, it doesn't really talk about dating, right? Not that I know of. Yeah, that I'm aware of. You don't really see dating in the Bible. So in this video, our goal is to use principles from the Bible that God has given us to try to navigate this dating area very well. So the most important thing to look for when you're looking for someone to date as a Christian would be someone who is chasing the same cause as you, which would be someone running towards Jesus because you're running towards Jesus. So you don't want to be running towards Jesus and your mates running off that way and you're trying to drag them back with you. You want to be running in the same direction. Absolutely. And I have experienced this firsthand. You know, when you meet a girl or a boy or a guy or whatever, you may think that, oh, well, they're not a Christian, but yeah, I can make them Christian. I know they have a sweetheart. They're a Christian. They just don't know it yet kind of thing. It's just crazy to see that when two people's souls don't align, that it creates way more just tension and difficulty than you could ever imagine. And drama. I feel like life is already so filled with so much drama that the partner that you pick should be drama-free because you guys need to be facing the drama of all the world together. Like they don't need to be the one bringing you drama. Oh yeah. There's enough of that already. Yeah. And as we're going through this video, just remember that you should not be looking for somebody to complete you. I mean, a lot of you already know this. It's obvious to you, but some of you, this may be the first time you're hearing this. And it's very important for you to know that another person is not going to complete your life. Your life is not going to become perfect when you meet the right person. God is the one that completes you. And once you have that foundation and the person that you're dating has that foundation, now you're ready to come together and create an amazing, beautiful life. So for those of you that want to know how to date in this video, we are going to go through seven principles that is going to teach you how to interact with one another, how to love each other, how Jesus calls us to, and how to date. Number one is to date prayerfully. So invite God into your dating process. A lot of us enter into relationships thinking, what can I do to impress you? Like that's the game is how can I, you know, make you think I'm cool or whatever. But confidence in God takes out the desperation that comes with dating and the anxiety. Yes. Because if you're confident in your relationship with God, you don't feel like you need this person, like they're going to complete you like we were talking about before. You know that you're okay without them. You're just kind of testing the waters and seeing, you know, are they a good fit for you? Yeah. Dating prayerfully is so essential because what that means really is going into your dating life, really just praying to God, asking him for his guidance to direct your steps, open the door if he wants it open, to close the door if he wants it closed. And to be open to both. Yeah. And to be open to both. Don't be attached to either one. And when you do that, it just, yeah, like she said, it takes away all the tension, all the anxiety of trying to make this work because he's so cute. You know, it really, it's, and what's so funny about that is when you hold that confidence in that position, it usually makes you more attractive too. Yeah. Principle number two, and this one is definitely one that I could have been better at, right? Right. And that is to initiate with clarity. So what does that mean? Initiate with clarity. What we mean by that is to be clear, be clear with your intentions, your feelings, where you see each other going, where you see yourself going in this relationship. There's nothing more frustrating than somebody leading you on, making you believe that they're into you only to find out weeks, months later that they're really not, or they may ghost you. That's, remember when you first heard that term, you were like, what is that? Yeah. But now I know it makes a lot of sense. Um, because I've had that happen to me many times. Uh, before I met Sutton, I was dating some girls and I don't know what they're doing. I think God probably just intervened and was like, you're supposed to be with Sutton. Yeah. I felt like in the beginning of our relationship, um, I was always questioning, like, are we friends? Does he like me? I just didn't know. I mean, he would ask me to hang out, but it was so rare. Like we really didn't hang out very often or talk very often. And like, we would hang out once a week and then we would talk never until he was asking, until he was asking me to hang out. And then later on he told me, he's like, I didn't want to spend all of our time texting. And like, we didn't have anything to talk about when we would see each other. But to me, I took that as like, well, maybe he's not interested in me. Because in the past, I mean, that's what I've experienced is like, if you're interested, you can talk to each other. Yeah. So being clear with each other is so huge. And it goes on the other end of the spectrum. You know, if you're not, if you're not interested in somebody, let them know from the beginning, you know, you just tell them. There's a nice way to do it. Yeah. There's even a proverb that says an honest answer is a kiss on the lips. Clarity is kindness. Being clear with your intentions, honest with each other. That is the way to do it. Yeah. And if a guy asks you on a date, girls, and you're not interested in it, don't feel like you have to go. You can just say like, that's really nice. But I honestly just see you as a friend. And you can even ask him his intentions. If he's asking you out, you could ask him like, are we hanging out as friends? Or are you wanting this to be more than that? And make him be clear too. I hear it all the time, like girls, especially, they don't want to be mean to the guy or hurt their feelings, but there's nothing worse than leading a guy on making them think that you're interested when you're really not. And for guys, it's very important to be clear with the girl on what is this. Hanging out is probably not the best term. Do you want to hang out? And I think that's typically how guys usually ask girls out. And it's not really clear, like, are we being friends or is this a date? So it's important to be like, would you like to go on a date? Or pick an event and say, would you like to be my date to this event? Or something like that. Just make it really clear. And our society nowadays has made it very hard for you guys to initiate with clarity. I think because of the screens and the phones, people aren't used to asking people out in person anymore. Principle number three is to date with autonomy. And dating with autonomy basically means coming from a place of morality rather than being led by your desires. Yes, which is a hard thing to do nowadays because I feel like now it's pretty common for people to want to live together or want to have sex with each other because people are like, oh, I got to test this out before I commit to marrying this person. And they want to import like these certain responsibilities that come with marriage, like living together and having sex, but they're not wanting the commitment of marriage. But it is the pressure of that commitment that propels you through the dating process. Because the goal, if you're at a point in your life where you want to get married, is to kind of like get through that dating process. You want to figure out, is this a good fit for me or not? And the way to do that is don't be living together. Don't be sleeping together because those are things meant for marriage. And if you're both giving each other that gift, then what's the point? Like, what's the excitement of getting married? I just like it. It just really elongates the process of you. I mean, if you're wanting to get married, it really stretches it out. Better to marry than to burn with passion. That's in the Bible. I see this a lot with girls basically being frustrated with a guy that like they want to move things along. They want to get married, start a life together. But the guy is kind of just like hesitating. Because it's like if you're living together, if you're sleeping together, you're having sex together, you're doing everything that a marriage does. But without the commitment of marriage, what do you expect? Yeah, you're meshing your lives together to a certain extent. And all that does is create confusion for both of you. Speaking of sex before marriage, principle number four is to date with purity. That's a big one. I love that one. The whole dating process is about evaluating the person that you're with. Is this the person that I want to be with for the rest of my life? And bringing it in sex, it complicates things and it clouds your evaluating process. Because sex creates this bond between you two. It's like the scientific study that when you're when you have sex with someone, oxytocin is released into your body, which is a bonding chemical. And you're bonded to that person, whether you like it or not. If the whole goal of the dating process is to figure out is this girl, is this guy someone that I want to spend my entire life with? That's such a big decision. The last thing you want is to be throwing in things that's going to cloud that decision, creating that soul tie bond that comes with that. So hold that part back, hold the sex back, because that is the part of your relationship that you're pretty much guaranteed is going to work out. I mean, it's going to be okay. If it's not, you'll figure it out. It's the other stuff that is the complicated part. So set that aside, hold it back, and evaluate your relationship without that being involved, because it's going to cloud your judgment. Yeah, believe me, when you find someone that you just know that you guys are a great partner, a great partner for life with, I don't think you're going to have too much trouble in that department. In our culture today, you hear so much of like, oh, well, I have to know, do we make good sexual partners? Which I just honestly believe that's such a joke. The reason you wouldn't make good sexual partners is because you guys really don't make good partners. It's not the sex that's going to determine whether you have a great relationship or not. And God created sex, and he created the machine of the human body. He knows how we work best, and he knows that sex is intended for marriage. The first commandment was be fruitful and multiply. So he's on board. He's on board for you to have sex. You just gotta get married first. Yeah, and the creator of sex, he knows how we were designed. Don't you want to do it how he designed? Because that's how it's going to be the best. Interestingly enough, psychology today did an experiment where they found out that the severity of a breakup is not determined on how long you were with that person, but the intensity of the experience that you have with that person. Which means that if you bonded sexually too quickly, it's a lot more hurtful to break up because it's almost like withdrawing from a drug. That's how it feels like inside of you. So obviously we know that all of you guys watching this are not virgins, and we aren't trying to shame you at all, because the amazing thing about Jesus and his grace is that there is grace in that place, and that you can always be forgiven and start over and start fresh. So we're not trying to shame you at all, but start today. Don't give it away. You can always play later. Principle number five is to date graciously, to be kind to one another, to treat each other like they're a daughter or a son of our king. In Proverbs, it says that a gracious woman attains honor, and what is desirable in a man is his kindness. And I can think back on people that I've met before, like, you know, guys, they may not be the best looking or the smartest or the funniest or the most athletic or whatever, but if they're kind, girls are just like flocking to them. Principle number six is community. So as you're going through this dating process, it can be dangerous yet tempting to isolate yourselves and try to figure out, are you a good fit on your own? But the smart thing to do is to get a group of believers around you, whether it be your church or your friends, whoever it is, to help you evaluate this relationship and help you decide, like, are you guys a good fit from an outsider's perspective? Because infatuation could blind you and you could not really be able to see whether or not you're a good fit on your own. Proverbs 11 says, where there is no guidance, people will fall, but in abundance of counselors, there is safety. So lastly, principle number seven is to date patiently. It can be hard. Yeah, that can be hard, but there's no need to just get so overcome with infatuation and being around the person every second of your life. Right after you meet them, it's like, I wanted this to go, go, go. It's so wise to just be able to pray through your relationship as you're dating somebody, to lean not on your own understanding, but to trust God that He's gonna direct you guys in the right path. Yeah, I think the goal is to date as fast as you can, but as slow as you must. Retweet. Because, you know, ultimately, God cares about your story. God wants to be involved in the details. And we believe that if you follow these principles, that if He has someone designed for you, that these will lead you to the right person in the right time. And lastly, I just wanted to say, I felt like saying this to somebody, maybe you need to hear it, is to don't compromise. You know, it's so frustrating to me when I see someone who lives such a great Christian, godly life, only when they find someone that they become so obsessed with, all their morals and judgment kind of just goes down the drain. So, please, do not compromise with your dating life. If you see someone that you feel like they're just, you can't really find anything better, but they don't really match up with where you want to go in your relationship with God, just walk away. Walk away, because God has better for you, and when you find that person, it's going to be so worth it. So worth it. All right, guys, hope you enjoyed this video. I hope it was helpful to you, and that it will help lead you and guide you to the right person. But in the meantime, this is Natan Sutton, sowing seeds of truth, love, and inspiration, one view at a time. And that was how to date as a Christian.