Jon Stewart on Lindsey Graham's Death & America's Geriatric Political Class

Welcome to The Daily Show. My name is Jon Stewart. Great show for you tonight. Later on we're going to be joined by the unbelievably amazing director Christopher Nolan's going to be joining us. Christopher Nolan's going to be doing a movie out called The Odyssey based on the video console from the 1970s. It's all about pollen. But first obviously big news from the weekend the sudden passing of Senator Lindsey Graham of South Carolina. Obviously I know him a bit from lobbying down at Capitol Hill but I didn't know him particularly well. So I'll let Lindsey Graham's best friend memorialize the late senator. Joining us now by phone is one of his best friends President Donald Trump. I know you lost one of your closest friends and an ally in the Senate. How are you feeling? Well I don't feel great. He was a great guy and he was a friend. He would call me all the time. I'd say stop calling me Lindsey. I'll never forget the way that I always let him go to voicemail. It was our thing. Obviously he's just opening the eulogy on a light-hearted note. I'm sure the poignancy follows. I loved playing golf. Loved being outside. It wasn't that he was a great striker of the ball. He wasn't exactly a perfect. He wasn't Jack Nicklaus. He was not Tiger. He was totally against me. He said I'll get you in South Carolina. I'm going to get you in South Carolina. That didn't work out too well. It was a nasty campaign. He was tough and nasty. I wanted to see the war with Ukraine end very quickly. I think he was more into you know keeping it going frankly. He was a total workaholic politician. You know some people don't call that work. Some people call that a lot of talking. Well I think the president has zoomed through the first five stages of grief and gone straight to number six. F**k that guy. By the way it takes a lot of balls for Donald Trump to gently roast someone for yapping too much. He's the one who toasted his friend on Meet the Press, CNN's State of the Union, Fox and Friends. Trump was everywhere remembering Lindsey Graham even when the host of the show appeared to not want him to. These people suffer from a very fine disease known as Trump derangement syndrome and he was seeing that. And Mr. President, did you notice? He was really coming a long way on terminating the filibuster. But Mr. President, did you notice anything different? They find millions and millions of ballots impossible and they didn't know in two weeks. They let it be known an hour later. Did you notice anything different from Lindsey on the phone? These elections are very dishonest. Oh no I'm sorry Mr. President the TV station's going through a tunnel. But of course even his best friend Donald Trump had to concede that Senator Graham's career did have a bad moment. Now he had one bad moment and that was you know in the January 6th thing when he stood up all right now I've had it that's it I can't do it anymore so I give him a 99 instead of a 100 you know most people a lot of people were at 100 but he did have that one little moment. You know my favorite part of any eulogy is when they announce the person's life score. He's doing a eulogy like it's Portnoy doing a pizza review. Yeah Graham had a good undercarriage good mouth feel yeah yeah well I'm doing a score life score I'm doing a life score over here. Anyway 8-2 I'm going to give him an 8-2 solid score. If he had let the people kill him on January 6th 9-2 monster score. I'd give him a monster score. Now before Graham passed he was not feeling well. He was kind of joking about how he didn't have time to die. Axios reported that several hours before his death Senator Graham complained of feeling unwell and I can't die now I still need to do the Russia sanctions get Iran sorted out and do Israeli-Saudi normalization. He passed away a short time later. Holy ----! Middle East peace is about as ambitious as a bucket list item can get. I want to bring Israel back into the family of nations and go whale watching. But let this episode be a lesson people write it down write your last wishes down write what you want to accomplish in your name down because Donald Trump had a very different interpretation of Lindsay's last wishes. He was pushing the Save America Act like crazy this is a big um this is a big blow to the Save America Act let me tell you. And then Lindsay said to me his voice weakening barely a whisper he said to me Donald when I die float my body down the crystal clear reflected pool water so so that I may lie in state in your completed ballroom. I said Lindsay don't don't save your he said no no no one more thing I want before I leave this mortal coil for them to put your name back on the Kennedy. Now a lot of you may be wondering as I was how the f**k did Lindsay Graham die before Mitch McConnell the f**k is that possible McConnell was the one who spent a lot of time in and out of hospitals since his Capitol Hill buffering episodes. McConnell was the one who suddenly disappeared for a month and nobody heard from him to the point where the governor of his own state was asking for proof of life which coincidentally we got yesterday. Ladies and gentlemen I give you totally believable evidence that Mitch McConnell is not only alive but the happiest boy in the hospital. Happiest boy in the hospital that's the smile of a make-a-wish kid whose wish was that everyone else in the hospital lost their health insurance due to his ******* policies. And after and after that of course Mitch and his wife released even more photos here they are at Disney riding Splash Mountain. Then apparently they climbed the spire of the Empire State Building and renewed their vows and then let's say went to a World Cup game. Might not be out of the woods yet. Regardless McConnell is still here and Graham's gone and so it was time for the media to discuss Graham's legacy for like a couple of minutes. Now this is this is so tough for you and for so many there on Capitol Hill because it really was so sudden no one was expecting this and we have to turn to the crude numbers of it all right. Todd Blanche's path to getting confirmed as attorney general just got a whole lot more complicated. Unfortunately a majority now down to 52. Mitch McConnell's continued absence now leaving Republicans with just 51 senators. If Collins votes against you down to 50 the vice president breaks the tie but what if it's Collins and Murkowski. Republicans were already struggling with the the numbers add in Lindsey Graham now being off the table. I'm sorry off the table ladies and gentlemen uh I believe we have a winner for worst dying euphemism yet off the tick where's old yeller but don't worry Timmy we just had to take him off the table although I guess the numbers have been pretty tight in the congress for a while now I wonder why that is. The current congress is the third oldest in U.S. history with the average age of senators nearly 64. 131 out of the 530 members of congress are 70 or older. Graham is the sixth member of congress to die this term. What the this term he's the sixth member of congress to die this term six if this were any other business they'd shut it down to figure out what the is going on six of them have gas leak serial killer six of them are dead my god those are petco gerbil numbers what are they just coming to congress every morning with a shovel what the what's going on down there it's not like the job is dangerous they're just sitting there they're not filming deadliest catch oh come on no way he's in that show wow he really is healthy and not to put too fine a point on it but the last person to speak to Graham is our 80 year old president the governor who chooses Graham's replacement is 79 one of the candidates being considered is 78 but he backed out because he's too important at his current job in the house of representatives all to save the Todd Blanch hearings which are being co-run by 92 year old Chuck Grassley and whippersnapper Dick Durbin 81 the entire f****** congress is falling apart due to a lack of not just political will but bone density 83 year old board of democratic congresswoman Frederica Wilson recovering from an eye surgery 89 year old Chuck Grassley getting hip replacement senator Patrick Leahy a broken hip Nancy Pelosi hip replacement surgery Steny Hoyer is in the hospital with pneumonia Elmer Holmes Norton is in the early stages of dementia Dwight Evans who's 71 had a stroke Bernie Sanders is sidelined by a heart attack congresswoman Kay Granger lived in an assisted living facility for dementia patients while still serving in congress and drawing a congressional paycheck and all of those by the way are the ones who were still on the table the place is a skyrizzy commercial look I'm no f****** prize I get that people age differently why are we tolerating this level of national frailty in our lawmaking and it's not just anti-old people it's not disrespect to ask this but in Japan they revere the elderly but the one thing they don't do is put them in charge of what's the for argument here well age is a relative thing as we all know his experience is an advantage to us and not to be described as a disadvantage oh experience that's right this is actually the most experienced congress we've ever had how is that working out the most unproductive congress in the first year of a president in history potentially the least productive in modern history fewest laws passed since at least the 1950s as our government has gotten older the economy has gotten worse inequality more severe our safety net shredded the irony is that this long past retirement age government has policies that force everyone else to have to work long past retirement age mostly though without a health care plan that covers a in the hospital because we don't have a system that rewards experience and competence and performance we have a system that rewards incumbency these people aren't brilliant they're f****** barnacles utterly incapable of addressing a world moving much faster than the why does it matter here's the co-chair of the house army caucus co-chair congressman john carter of texas explaining why it's imperative to remediate our outdated defense systems another issue that's very important the department has historically relied on outdated production techniques of energetic manufacturing which may have remained unchanged since the civil this the second world war since since the since the since the civil war second world the blur in my mind having been at both how is the department ensuring that investment in next generation energetics manufacturing such as ai machine learning capabilities and enabling uh and assurance of insurance quality assurance i take no pleasure in this this is not right the stakes are too high there's no way that dude even knows how to put his phone on silent i mean how can our government make better use of the chat good put you guys i'm working on the government gonna get that checkerboard if i can get a checkerboard to put in a government we're gonna get a government get an assurance and an assurance in the civil war the checkerboard i do not think the people deciding rules about the most advanced technology on earth should look like they're steam powered i'll get a shot you can put no get some more coal up the ass and get me going again come on come on now shove that ---- right on my ass everyone understands you cannot have the country ruled by people this old and frail everyone except them senator mitch mcconnell said over the weekend i'm not taking a break from the senate business that matters to you i still have unfinished business to complete on your behalf and i have every intention of finishing the job you elected me to do don't finish it we're fine you don't have to finish the job and by the way i am going nowhere because i have unfinished business literally is what a ghost would say what a ghost would say i'm not leaving you cannot banish me my soul has unfinished business i must curtail your access to food stamps food and again i am in no way suggesting that old people cannot be productive at their jobs but at the highest levels of our government there is no check on when they are no longer capable of doing just that but their power remains advanced age is just one more way in which our government is at a remove from the needs of the people they purport to serve and they have too much power to be this disconnected if only there was somebody in the government who understood that we need a democratic party that opens its doors to new people new energy and new ideas that kid gets it