My Musical Inspiration: "Love Like Liuli (琉璃)"

Note: The following is Yu (Yu Menglong)'s spiritual message.

Continued from My Musical Inspiration: "Nothing Compares to You"

After my guardian angel returned to my side following the time she was wounded and disappeared, I made a promise to myself:

No matter how much suffering awaited me in the future, I would never again seek release through death. I would keep living until I fulfilled my mission.

In a way, this was the only way I knew how to repay her. I would never again allow my own despair to become the reason she disappeared because of me.

After I made that decision, the way my guardian angel healed me changed as well. Whenever I was violated, she would bring me a spring of crystal-clear water and ask me to drink from it.

The moment I did, I felt as though my entire being had been immersed in a pool of healing. Every visible and invisible stain left upon me by those who had violated me seemed to dissolve completely in those pure waters.

That was simply how it felt to me. The spring itself never appeared in the physical world, and I do not know exactly what happened. My intuition tells me that it all took place beyond this world.

While immersed in that healing pool, I experienced something extraordinary. I no longer felt like the broken and defiled Yu Menglong. Instead, I felt as pure and sacred as my guardian angel herself.

From the day she gave me that clear, life-giving spring water, the overwhelming self-loathing and sense of defilement that had haunted me simply disappeared.

Because I was forced to serve so many senior Chinese Communist Party officials and members of the Red Second and Red Third Generations, I gradually realized something: the more power and status people possessed—or the more desperately they sought it—the more pleasure many of them seemed to take in humiliating and abusing others.

For them, it became a way of satisfying themselves and feeding upon the spirit of another person. Many entertainers could not endure such abuse and lost their lives. Their deaths were then staged as suicides, or body doubles were arranged to replace them.

My guardian angel told me that I had to protect my heart and never allow any evil environment to change who I truly was.

So I constantly reminded myself that no matter what those people did to my body, it had nothing to do with my soul. I was still a sacred life. I must never despise myself.

With my guardian angel's help, I gradually learned to separate my spirit from my body whenever I was being abused. Although I often felt that she was somehow bearing much of the suffering in my place, I wished with all my heart that she would have to bear a little less—if only a little.

After that desire took root within me, I discovered that I had become far more capable of enduring pain.

That realization brought me genuine comfort. At last, I felt I had done something for my guardian angel instead of allowing her to carry everything alone.

Strangely, that sense of peace made the abuse itself feel a little less unbearable.

But I did not yet realize that I was mistaken.

Whenever I was sexually violated, I stopped calling out to my guardian angel—not because I no longer needed her, but because I did not want her to witness the humiliating way I was forced to pretend to cooperate in order to survive.

One day, after once again being subjected to a violent group sexual assault orchestrated by a member of the Red Second Generation, I lost consciousness. Whether it was a dream or a vision, I cannot say. I never called for my guardian angel.

Yet she came anyway.

With deep sorrow, she told me that if I endured suffering without ever calling to her, allowing irreversible harm to come upon myself, then the burden of that suffering—the karma I brought upon myself—would only cause her to bear even greater pain.

Everything I know about loving others and loving this world, I learned from my guardian angel.

Without the warmth and beauty she brought from the higher realms into my hell-like life, I truly would not have found the strength to keep living. Because of her, I wanted to become someone who could also bring warmth and hope to others.

She told me that many people come into this world through reincarnation carrying missions entrusted to them by the higher realms. I hoped that when those people faced unbearable suffering, they too would find a reason to keep going.

That is why, no matter how much I was tortured when no one could see, whenever I met my Lemons, I always tried my best to leave them with beautiful memories.

They never knew the darkness and pain hidden inside me, yet their love became one of the lights in my life. The love of my Lemons, together with the healing of my guardian angel, became the strength that kept me alive.

Yet I never imagined that someone with a heart as broken as mine could ever truly fall in love.

I never had a real family, true classmates, or genuine friends. Although my mother—the intelligence agent assigned to raise me—took care of me, I never experienced a normal childhood or ordinary human relationships.

After entering the entertainment industry, I was surrounded by people assigned to monitor me. There was no possibility that anyone could sincerely love me.

Someone like me...

How could I ever believe I was capable of loving anyone?

Whenever Zhou Pin handed me a project about romantic love, I found myself completely without inspiration. Love was the subject I disliked writing about the most.

Yet one detail in the production materials stirred something deep within me—the word liuli (colored crystal). For reasons I couldn't explain, it prompted me to call out to my guardian angel.

Whenever inspiration failed me, calling for her had long since become both my habit and my greatest source of comfort.

I asked her, "I've never truly loved anyone. How am I supposed to write a love song?"

She replied, "One day, you will meet someone who loves you deeply. When that day comes, you will understand what love truly is."

I couldn't even imagine such a person existing.

So I asked another question.

"If that person really appears... will you still stay by my side and continue protecting me as you always have?"

She smiled gently and answered, "As long as you never forget your mission, and as long as you never harm yourself, I will always be with you."

I told her despairingly that, in the state I was in, I could never accept anyone's love, nor did I believe I was capable of loving anyone in return.

But she said, "Human destiny is guided by predestined affinity. What is meant to happen will happen. When the time comes, that bond will lead you to love that person."

I asked her one more question.

"Then what kind of predestined affinity exists between you and me, that makes you protect me like this?"

She simply smiled, shook her head, and handed me the healing spring water, silently asking me to drink it.

I thought that once I drank it, I would once again find myself immersed in the healing pool.

Instead, I was taken somewhere entirely different.

Before me unfolded the most beautiful world I had ever seen.

And once again, I became that pure and sacred being I had glimpsed before.

My guardian angel told me that this was where she and I had first met, and where she had made the vow to protect me.

All of this took place within a dream, so I cannot clearly remember what that beautiful world looked like.

What I do remember is that it was filled with countless magnificent palaces of colored crystal.

At the time, I assumed it was simply because the project materials had mentioned liuli. I thought my dream had merely been shaped by what I had read that day.

Yet after I awoke, one feeling remained vividly with me.

It felt like I had truly gone home.

Deep within my heart, I longed to return there again.

My guardian angel told me that every person we meet and every event we experience is guided by predestined affinity. The young woman I would one day meet, she said, was connected to the mission I had come into this world to fulfill.

But according to the arrangements imposed upon artists by the Chinese entertainment industry, I knew I would never be free to choose whom I married. If I ever married, it would only be to someone assigned to me by the system—an intelligence agent. There could never be a future for the two of us.

My guardian angel quietly replied,

"Not every kind of love is meant to end in being together. In this world, some forms of love exist for the sake of redemption."

With my guardian angel's guidance, I finally finished writing the song.

Even so, one question continued to linger in my heart.

Would I really one day meet the person who would love me so deeply?

愛若琉璃 Love Like Liuli

Original Lyrics & Music by 余夢龍 Yu Menglong

命運在今生寫下了伏筆 Fate has penned its hidden lines in this lifetime’s rhyme.
夢境般與你不期相遇 Like a dream, our paths entwined beyond all time.
你留下痣在眼角標記 You left a beauty mark beside your eye to guide me true.
卻忘記前世的約定 Yet forgot the vows we made when life was new.

注定了結局看不穿天機 Our destined end, heaven’s secrets still concealed.
我們始終難逃脫宿命 From fate’s embrace we’ve never been unsealed.
隱藏在面具下的表情 Behind our masks, emotions softly lie.
你永遠不懂的悲喜 The tears and smiles you’ll never recognize.

找回你眼中失去顏色的風景 I’ll paint once more the faded colors in your eyes.
陪你看盡繁華如許花落荼蘼 With you I’ll watch all splendor bloom, then gently die.
解開你心底所有塵封的回憶 I’ll free the memories buried deep inside your soul.
當月升起憶如潮汐如夢初醒 As moonlight climbs, memories rise like tides, and dreams unfold.

Yu Menglong:

The primary reason I have shared the stories of the abuse I endured is to expose the black industry chain.

I hope that my supporters—the Lemons, the Yu Family, and all who care about me—will not immerse themselves too deeply in those painful experiences, as doing so may cause emotional trauma of your own.

I fulfilled my mission. My guardian angel and I have already reunited in our world. So please do not grieve too deeply over the suffering I endured during my lifetime.

Note: Liuli (琉璃) refers to traditional Chinese colored crystal or glazed glass. In Chinese culture, it symbolizes purity, clarity, beauty, and preciousness.

Continued in My Musical Inspiration: "In Search of You" (Part 1)

Explore the complete collection of stories behind Yu's original music:

https://www.ganjingworld.com/collection/1ilf9v6tumi3bHSSitX6quX11i0p

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愛若琉璃 Love Like Liuli

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