都已經來年春分時節了，這一年的筆記已經好幾頁，才記得從春眠裡騰出時間來分享上一年關於文字的初遇和重逢～
(春眠是拖延後讓人見諒的藉口，其實是上一年著實豐饒充盛，從一月深雪夜明裡到年底有雨落青山隱，一度聽著audiobook誤把對岸的山頂覆雪認成古廟宇，然後在今年一個尋常春日裡終於整理，以下幾本學習的過程和過程裡碎碎念的筆記)

又是分類紀錄吧吧，喜歡守自己的成規～今天是最長的這篇，很開心有聽完這一本——希望讀到這裡的朋友們，如果這篇文字不是對您特別有用的內容，也會因為我先前辛苦找到的藉口，good naturedly笑話一下我再等下一篇呀

The principles of etiquette. by Emily Post

君子當知禮，不然無以立。而現代的社會裡，禮的表現方式有etiquette和人們常見的各種規則，和大家分享這本很practical的佳作

◦1. Introductions:
formal word: present
the younger presented to the older, gentlemen presented to the lady, no ladies presented to a man unless the president or cardinal,
若只说Ms A, Ms B( 地位更高的人的名字需要slightly rising inflection，第二位的名字只需要state就好
未婚女士presented to the married one, unless the latter is very much younger
介绍两位已婚女人或任何两位男士不需要暗 distinctions in tone or inflection
母亲介绍女儿只说(have you met) my daughter, 若女儿已婚加上夫姓若未婚则不加名字
准备介绍人时，you know so and so, don’t you? (不可用don’t you not)
Introducing a gentleman to a lady, can ask him if he has met her. But cannot ask if she knows him
Do not say:
“make acquainted with”
“Mrs. A, meet Mrs. B”
During introduction, do not say my friend 某某unless you have only 1 friend
“I want you to meet C”這句話不可以在C的hearing裡
可以說”Mrs. A, May I present Mrs. B”
男士和女士認識時，除非女士已經聽說過這位男士會主動伸手握，不然就直接bow her head即可
拒絕握手是rude但大部分時候可以自己決定是否要伸手
被介紹後：
”how do you do”
年長者不會說pleased to meet you這類話而是第一句打開conversation比如I hear you will be in New York soon
Taking leave of one you’ve just met:
Goodbye, I’m glad I’ve met you/I hope I shall see you soon—thank you, I hope so too
Taking leave of a group (whether just introduced or included you in their conversation): bow to those looking at you, don’t attempt to attract attention of those who were not
Don’t ask someone for their name, can always ask another person afterwards

Never introduce unnecessarily:
Everyone should be introduced to the guest of honor, in a dinner every gentleman is presented to the lady he’s dining with, small house party/dinner. Don’t interrupt conversations to introduce, don’t introduce by leading the person right and left around the room, don’t introduce if there’s distance/other people in between that makes the intro forced
If 2 girls meet another person who addresses one of them, the other walks slowly on, does not stand by and wait for an awkward introduction. If the 3rd asks to join them, the sauntering one would be joined by both, the 3r must not join unless invited though.
If someone introduces you to Mrs. Smith on the same occasion, smile and say I have already met Mrs. Smith, but say nothing if you met Mrs. Smith long ago and she showed no interest in you at that time. If Mrs. Smith is brought to you, smile and say I’m so glad to see you again!

Including someone in conversation without introduction:
Introductions unnecessary:
Do not introduce to a great person to someone he/she might not care to know
Letter of introduction is always handed to you unsealed. You should seal it in the presence of its author, thank the friend for writing it and go on with your journey

◦ 2. Greetings, what to say when introduced:
“How do you do”
If you have long heard of a lady, and you know she has also heard of you, may say”I am very glad to meet you/I am delighted to meet you at last”但除非确定对方也delighted to meet you不然不必说这句
Do not use ”pleased to meet you" on any occasion
Informal greetings:
Good morning/evening, how are you. Or plunge into conversation with weather
Very informal occasions, can just greet intimate friends with “hello”, never shout it
Only 2 forms of farewell:
goodbye, good night
With a new acquaintance whom you’ve been talking to, shake hands and say ”goodbye, I’m very glad to have met you”,
a personage/someone especially interesting “it has been a great pleasure to meet you”, the other answers “thank you”
People do not greet each other in church except at a wedding:
speak to friends sitting near in a low tone
If a friend catches your eye, smile but never bow
若在一个church not your own, a stranger offers you her pew, in leaving say thank you
Do not greet anyone until out on the church steps
Shaking hands:
Ladies rarely shake hands with the gentleman introduced to them, but they generally do with other ladies if they are standing near together
All people who know each other, unless passing by, shake hands when they meet
As in bowing, show warmth and strength, 但不要太紧或完全无力, look at the person
Younger women usually shake the hand of the older, or both clasp hands, give a dropping movement, then let go
Polite greetings from younger to older:
A young lady passing by an older lady can stop and say ”how do you do Mrs. Jones” then move on
除非為了一件事或一個特別好的朋友不然不會cross the room to talk to someone

◦ Salutations of courtesy
In formal circumstances, lady should bow to the gentleman first, if they know each other well can bow simultaneously
In meeting the same person several times in the same hour or so, one does not bow after the second, look away, or smile is fine

◦ On the street and in public
Never call out a name in public
Do not attract attention to yourself in public
除非路很難走，或者the gentleman is usher at a wedding, he can offer his arm for the lady to lean on
A lady never on the left: sit on the right hand side in a car/at a dinner
Never do anything that is unpleasant for others, never take more than your share 

◦ At the opera, theatre, and other public gatherings
Theatre party is normally 6 to 8 people, invitations are telephoned, “dine and go to the play”
Before inviting anyone, the hostess must ensure good tickets are bought
A lady never sits in an aisle seat if she’s with a gentleman
In passing by seated people, face the stage and press as close to the front row as possible
如果後排說話，不要glare，可以禮貌說excuse me, but I can’t hear anything. If they persist, call usher to get manager
公共場合不能補妝

◦ 3. conversation
Give and take
Never say ”nothing of the kind/you’re wrong “, can use ”I don’t think I agree with you/it seems to me thus… and so…”
Never speak of one’s husband as Mr. unless to an inferior; just say “my husband/first name”
When talking, make the interlocutor feel clever
◦ Words, phrases, pronunciation
Never say”I desire to purchase”
Can say: I should like to buy
Never say “pardon me”
Can say: I beg your pardon/excuse me
Never say”lovely food”
Can say: good food
Never say “elegant home”
Can say: beautiful house/place
Never say “a stylish dresser”
Can say: she dresses well/she wears lovely clothes
Never say”charmed/pleased to meet you “
Can say: how do you do
Never say “attended “
Can say: went to
Never say “request” in ask
Can use only in 3rd person, in formal written invitations
Never say”will you accord me permission”
Can say: May I/will you let me
Never say “permit me to assist you”
Can use: let me help you
Never say “brainy”
Can use: clever, brilliant
Never say “I presume”
Can say: I suppose
◦ One’s position in the community
如何真正進入一個community
◦ Cards and visits
進房間在門口停一下找到hostess過去打招呼後和周圍認識的所有人打招呼並bow to認識但位置比較遠的人
坐姿不能在位置邊緣也不可以太靠後，不可以翹二郎腿，正確方式是sit in the middle of the chair或slightly sideways on the corner of the sofa, may lean back slightly with hands in lap&legs together, foot shouln't thrust forward so that there’s space between heel and other ankle, informal occasions can lean back with hands on the armrests of the chair
Having risen to go, do so swiftly without too many idle talk or gestures

◦ 4. Invitations, acceptance, and regrets
Answering wedding invitation:
an invitation to church only doesn’t require a reply,
an invitation to the reception or breakfast is answered on the first page of a sheet of notepaper, while handwritten should have same spacing as engraved (Mr &Mrs A accept with pleasure, Mr &Mrs. B’s kind invitation for Tuesday, the 1st of June) / the regret reads (Mr &Mrs A regret that they are unable to accept Mr &Mrs. B’s kind invitation for Tuesday, the 1st of June)
Lettering is own preference, but the plainer the better, scrolls in ornate trimmings are bad taste
Punctuation only used after each letter’s RSVP
Invitations for balls/dinners/stays, if interested, see chapter 11
◦ The well organized House
Becoming furniture & background, 可由books/museums和相關的magazines學習搭配購買設計擺放
買前問自己是否useful，是否好看in line or form or color，是否會suit the position it occupies，換一個會不會更好沒有它會不會想念，
Household people位次順序: secretary (當女主人很老很小或不方便出門時才有)分為private和social - housekeeper - lady’s maid/valet, butler, nursery maid (ask for personal references, 人品特別重要, 乾淨溫柔耐心), cook - kitchen maids, footmen, etc
Courtesy to one’s household:
公平對待每一位傭人，不在人前correct他們，不因自己情緒發洩或誇讚
不要too watchful/用人不疑疑人不用，過分擔心對方會做得不好

◦ 5. Teas and afternoon parties
Generally to meet someone
Afternoon party 通常是介紹成年的女兒或新得的兒媳
如果和主人是朋友在門口打招呼後聊天直到有其他人過來
◦ Formal dinners
Hostess must know all details even if others work on them
Guests- food- table furnishings- service- environment room size ornaments and temperature- attire clothes and jewelry- conversations-
Setting the table:
geometrically spaced,
If tablecloth is white, a felt must be put beneath it,
Center piece can be an arrangement of flowers or fruit or 擺件,
2 feet from plate Center to plate Center 是兩位客人間距比較好的位置, 但很大的房間裡面椅子之間至少1 foot of space,
Have silver that shines or none, china is also a good choice,
Bread and butter can be put above and to the left of the forks in breakfast lunch or super, but never at dinner
Napkin rings are not fashionable except in nurseries.
Formal dinners:
Hostess is last to go to a dining room, a new bride can be guest of honor otherwise it's the oldest lady, sitting to the host’s right. The Second Lady in rank sits to his left, the oldest/most distinguished gentleman sits to the right of the hostess and everyone else fits in,
年長的女士可以讚美年輕女孩的裙子但不可以反過來讚美對方的珠寶,
Ladies generally stand until dinner is announced, one doesn’t talk to strangers except those sitting by during dinner or in the drawing room.
Ladies always wear gloves to formal dinners, take them off at table, folded and put in lap, napkins are folded in half and laid over them on the lap top,
If something is amiss, unless it is to a guest, pretend to not have seen it, don’t apologize or explain,
記得讚美傭人, 即使出錯也像教小孩子一樣耐心說明不要生氣

◦ 早餐12:30，午餐1-3pm
午餐偶尔可以有陌生人，晚餐一定是close friends
◦ balls and parties
同齡的女孩可以說your dress is divine, 但不可以問where did you get it
ball主要是年輕人最大剛剛結婚的夫妻, tea 就需要entire invitation list甚至可以包括母親的
Whisper & giggle not in public
Good posture 坐站行舉止
Character & disposition, find what you’re good at and work hard and succeed
Surround oneself by people with quality not quantity
美貌要加一個品質才行

◦ 6. Engagements and courtship
breaking one’s word is a disgrace
The gentleman asks for her father’s approval, then questioned on intentions/financial capabilities/plans…, then maybe settle immediately or have to wait a certain period before he can consider himself engaged
As soon as the lady’s father agrees, the parents of the bridegroom should visit the bride’s (in 24 hours of the father’s approval)
在訂婚後可以告知親友，正式求婚後才帶訂婚戒指通常是鑽石
女孩父母可以先說而男孩父母需要在正式訂婚後才能發請帖etc
訂婚戒指由男士買女孩可以選擇袖口etc作為禮物，但訂婚後不能送anything to wear可以送珠寶圍巾之類accessories除非新郎母親特別希望新娘戴她的頭紗
◦ First preparations before a wedding
即使千里之外也要發邀請因為是hospitality和send the news
Reception must be at place of the bride’s parents or grandparents
嫁妝含nightgown and household linen
◦ Mourning
關窗簾，給他們的親人一個陽光房間和一點食物，關心但是每件事都要詢問
Pail bearer 男士生前的的朋友或女士生前的親友, procession 和進去教堂時一樣不過pall bearer 先出來

◦ Letters
字迹工整简洁清晰内容逻辑布局合理纸笔颜色材质合适且有quality
◦ 小孩子
餐桌上只能用食指拇指一根根取出骨頭和刺，葡萄籽可以吐在手心的餐巾上其它東西吃了就不能吐出來
◦ 日常禮儀
以身作則，父母必須同一表現即使不同觀點，飯時不讀書且不討論隱私

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