Therapist Unpacks Gabbie Hanna's Behavior... Again

Oh my gosh, see, I told you. Oh, you're so mean to me. See, you're abusing me. All right, hi everybody. Thanks for coming back if you have been here before and if you're new here, my name is Miki. I am a therapist and we talk about therapy things on this channel. We are talking about Gabbie Hanna again because this situation is like just never going away. I won't lie to you. I am hopelessly addicted to drama so I do find all of the fighting between Gabbie Hanna and other youtubers interesting like the Joey Graceffa, Daniel Prada thing that happened. I found that very interesting. But we are talking about it because I think this has some interesting like nuggets of wisdom for y'all in your own interpersonal relationships and some advice, I guess, that I want to pass along in terms of how to deal with someone who is behaving in ways that are similar to ways that she's behaving. We're gonna unpack a little bit of the behavior that is being displayed publicly and talk about how to deal with that if that's showing up for you personally. I want to issue a caveat here again. I don't like labeling people or diagnosing people on the internet. This is something that Gabbie Hanna seems to be very fond of doing. I want to be clear, especially in my role as a therapist, this is not my job. I don't want to diagnose people on the internet. I'm not allowed to do that. It's impossible for me to do that. Diagnosis is an imperfect science to begin with, but especially for someone that I have not had clinical interaction with, it's impossible for me to accurately or ethically diagnose someone, so I want to be clear. I'm not diagnosing anyone in this video, and I want to encourage you guys to please stop trying to diagnose people. Do not label people, even Gabbie Hanna, as narcissistic abusers or narcissists or people with bipolar disorder. I know there's a lot of speculation that Gabbie Hanna must be in the middle of a manic episode and like lots of this type of stuff. Please, I want to encourage you to avoid labeling things like that. We can identify that the behavior is inappropriate, that it's harmful, that it's hurtful to others, that she's violating boundaries for sure, that it appears that she is trying to manipulate others. Sure, but again, please avoid using the clinical labels. I also saw some questions on the video that I made last time that we're just gonna address real quick. I know that for some people using the word or the label narcissistic is not the same as labeling someone as a narcissist. I think that's fair. We can label someone as being narcissistic or self-centered. I think in this kind of discourse, it can get confused with labeling someone as a narcissist. So for my own purposes, I'm going to avoid using that term. But again, like I'm not the ******* therapy police, you know, like you guys are, most of you are grown adults. You can do whatever the **** you want. This is just my like ramblings and my opinion. So as always, grain of salt, please feel free to take what works and leave the rest. This is just my opinion, my advice as the professional, blah, blah, blah, whatever. Let's jump into it. Before we jump into it, I want to give a quick announcement for those of you who, well, I guess it doesn't matter if you're new here, if you're old here, whatever. I want to do a quick announcement. You may notice that there's a bald spot here. That is because we are doing a live stream on Saturday, July 17th. I did put a poll up on my community tab. As of now, the results look like we're going to be doing the poll at 2 p.m. Mountain Standard Time, which is my time here in Tucson. That is 9 p.m. GMT or 7 a.m. Eastern Australian Time. You guys can look at the community tab if you want to see the times that were listed. I will link a time converter in the description if you guys want to convert the time. But that's the time that we will be doing the live stream. So we will be making more shitty art. I know that you guys have also requested a tour. You guys have lots of questions about the art. So we will be going through and talking about each of them and answering your questions. Be there. I would love to see you there and talk about the art and make some more shitty art with you. You guys can paint with me if you want to. Come hang out with me. It's going to be a lot of fun. I'm very excited about it. We're going to celebrate getting 50,000 subscribers. That's my announcement. Let's talk about the video. All right, so the Gabbie Hanna situation is continuing to evolve. I'm hoping that this is the last time we will make a video about it because I think honestly a lot of the behavior to me seems... It's all related to the same core thing. Like it's the same type of behavior. It's just manifesting in different ways, which is one of the things that I wanted to talk about. I know that her behavior seems like it's continuing to become more and more erratic, which I think to an extent it kind of is. Gabbie Hanna has said this publicly that she wants to share her side of the story and I think a lot of the behavior seems indicative of that. That there's this fervent energy with which she's very invested and interested in sharing her perspective. And so when we talk about the behavior that's happening, I think again, I understand why people are labeling the behaviors becoming more and more erratic and more and more dangerous. And I think it is becoming more and more harmful. But to me it seems very much all just like related to the same thing and it's just kind of like spokes on the same wheel, if that makes sense. The reason I wanted to talk about this is because there is a thing, a technique called gray rocking that some therapists talk about when we are talking about dealing with a person like this in your own personal lives. It can be a helpful technique to use when someone is trying to manipulate you or trying to provoke you into reacting in a certain way. It's not uncommon for someone who is abusive or an abuser to say and do things that they know will push at your sore spots, right? Especially somebody who knows you well and knows where your sore spots are, where those like chinks in the armor are. They will push at those to get a reaction out of you, especially for you to kind of lose your composure and like maybe yell or say something hurtful so that they can then go, oh my gosh, see, I told you. Oh, you're so mean to me. See, you're abusing me. And I think that might be what we're witnessing here. And again, I want to be clear. I'm not labeling anybody as anything, but it does seem like there's this concerted effort to push some buttons, to have this pronounced reaction and then, oh my gosh, I'm being bullied. And like that's not really the same. And so if this is happening for you in your personal life, if you're noticing that there is a person who seems to push your buttons and then act very wounded and surprised when you react, gray rocking is a really helpful thing to do where essentially you make yourself as uninteresting as possible. You become a rock. You become as unresponsive as possible. And that's why I say I hope that this is the last video we have to make about the Gabbie Hanna situation because I personally would love to adopt a no contact approach with this particular issue because I think the attention that the internet is giving this issue is continuing to feed the cycle. It's kind of like, you know, how people say like don't be the trolls in like internet forums and chat rooms and things like that. It's kind of that. The more that you give attention to this type of behavior, the more that it continues to show up, especially when we talk about platforms like YouTube where people literally make money off of clicks and views. It behooves a person to say and do things that are inflammatory because even negative attention is still money making. And so I think from here on in, the best thing that we can do, both for the health of people who are being targeted, but also for like the greater good of like the health of the platform and for the community is to look away and to kind of take a community stance of gray rocking and being as uninterested and uninteresting as possible to choose to not react and to not respond to the attempts for attention and reaction. It's a very similar thing that parents can do with small children who are being very reactive and very responsive. It's just a calm, compassionate, non-reactive demeanor. You kind of just wait it out and they will tire themselves out eventually. You know, like with a small child, obviously, eventually then the goal is to have that kind of compassionate conversation about like, wow, what happened? With an abuser, we don't do that. We don't engage. Not that Gabbie Hanna is an abuser, but if you are dealing with an abuser in your personal life, don't engage. The most helpful thing that you can do is to cut contact and to not respond. Do not engage. Do not fuel the fire, basically. And that's the whole purpose behind gray rocking. With the Gabbie Hanna situation, to me, the five like video series that has come out seems intentionally inflammatory. And I don't know this person, I can't speak to their motivations, obviously, but I would not be surprised if that content was intended to fan the flames and create more and more attention and more outrage around this topic to get more clicks and views and attention to, first of all, make more money, but also to create interest and intrigue. The BuzzFeed article that came out where she literally said that about I'm fanning the flames seems to lend credence to that theory, but also just the the track record here of saying or doing something outrageous and sensational right before launching a series or a project or whatever seems to speak for itself. I mean, we've witnessed this behavior pattern with people like Trisha Paytas as well, where there's this, you know, really troll-y energy of saying or doing something that's really outlandish, really out there to get attention, to get the clicks and views, and then we don't address it. We don't acknowledge, we don't take accountability. And I think that is kind of my takeaway here. For those of you who are looking for this person to take accountability, I don't know that we're ever going to get that. I'm hopeful that we will. I would love to see a nice redemption arc. I think that would be really nice for everyone involved, but I am not super hopeful that that's the case. And so, again, I think the healthiest thing that we can do for our own respective mental health, for the health of the platform, but also for the health of Gabbie is to not engage anymore. Because especially too, when we talk about, from like a zoomed out perspective, someone who is behaving in this type of way, who's fanning the flames of their own, like online hatred, even for a person who says that they don't care, you care. And like, I have not been on the receiving end of a lot of hate. We had like the most mild of a micro scandal with the Psych2Go video, where Psych2Go responded and some of their audience came over and shared their feelings about the video that I made. And even that was like, ah, I was like kind of overwhelming for like probably 10 or 15 hours where it was like, oh my God, these people don't like me. It was like kind of scary. And again, like this is as a person who has done lots and lots of work on my self-esteem in therapy, is in my twenties and, you know, like done all of this stuff and I'm like confident and like okay with myself, you know? And so I can't imagine that this amount of hate is easy to sit with. And so even if she says that she's okay with it, it does something to a person to be on the receiving end of this. And not that that excuses her behavior at all, but I would be interested, I would pay good money to be a fly on the wall of those future therapy sessions unpacking the impact of this behavior pattern of like self-inflicted community ostracization. I don't know if that's a word, but she made herself a pariah essentially. And that is like a real head trip. So again, I think the most compassionate thing that we can do is to choose not to engage. So I guess this is my kind and compassionate way of encouraging you guys to look away, to stop engaging and consuming the content. I'm going to try and hold myself accountable to this, but also hold, you know, encourage you guys to hold yourselves accountable to that also. Because there's lots of wonderful creators on this platform who are making content that is life-giving and fun and intriguing and educational and exciting. So I would encourage you to fill your mental health space and yourselves and your brains and your minds, your communities with that content, you know? Like give back, like the love, give those clicks and those views and that money to creators who are working their bums. That word got stuck in my mouth. To make content that they know their audience wants to seize. I'm like really not, the words are not coming out of my mouth today. So yeah, I guess that's it. I hope that you guys enjoyed this. I know this may not have been like the reading to filth that some of you were hoping for, but I'm not sorry. If you like the video, like the video and subscribe to the channel. We make content like this, but also other fun therapist react style videos and share the video to help the channel grow and to help each other grow and come to our live stream on Saturday, July 17th at 2 p.m. Mountain Standard Time. I will see you there. Okay, bye.