The Full Life Crew: Can Your Marriage Survive Running a Business Together?

Good morning and welcome back to the channel crew. My name is Debra, my husband is Jareth, and together we have eight kids and we run a business. And today we're talking about running a business together and still maintaining a marriage. I am doing some book work today. He is actually out selling snow cones and ice cream in the tiki truck. We had an event. So today this is what I'm doing. We had a and then I have some book work and some paperwork that I need to do. What's up crew? I'm out here working the tiki truck today and one of the things we're talking about today is, you know, can you run a business together as this as a couple and not end up killing each other? First of all, do y'all have love bugs? Do you know what love bugs are? Wherever you live, do you have love bugs? So it has not rained here in almost a month and then we had heavy, heavy rain and the love bugs have just come out by the millions and then running the tiki truck, the scent of the sugar draws them and attracts them. So yeah, the love bugs are completely crazy. They're insane. There's so many and I'm trying to serve the shaved ice to the kids and the more the kids walk around, the more they come. Yeah, today we're talking about how to run a business spouse. First of all, warning, if you're freshly married, I don't recommend starting a business. Before me and Deb got married, I had already owned a business and so she got kind of thrust into the business world. She actually went to school and became a nurse. What do you guys do for a living? Do you own your own business? What do you do for work? Put in the comments below. Yeah, so when it comes to running a business with your spouse, you need to make sure that you define the role. So in our situation, I'm like the spacey, creative, try new things guy and then she's like the the little stuff person. So we have a good relationship because I'm always coming up with the ideas or these things to try and then she does a really great job coming in behind me and like making sure everything is getting done. So we have a good, it's the way we operate, the way her brain works versus the way mine works. We got a good situation. We also have an advantage too. We're high school sweethearts, so we've been knowing each other for many, many years. Been married for 26 years, but we dated for seven years before we ever got married and then started this business, started getting into the business world where she started coming into it. So I had a business while we were dating, but she was gradually worked into it. It always hasn't been easy. It's pretty stressful because at the end of the day, when you own your own business, nobody's paying you a paycheck. Other responsibilities and bills, you've got to be, I would say the number one thing you got to be when you own your own business, especially a small business, is frugal. You have to be very, you got to spend less and find ways to generate more revenue because costs nowadays are astronomical. I mean right now filming this video, I think diesel is five something gallons. So when diesel goes up in price, everything is shipped on trucks. All of our supplies go up in price because the fuel to get them to you is more expensive. I don't know, you just got to define your role. You got to know who's doing what and then you got to stick to that. You got to have some ground rule. We work pretty good together, but I think we're a special case. I don't recommend just like if you're freshly married and decide to open a business, you better know each other very well. You better have a good friendship and a good marriage and then we also have eight kids. So our situation is very complex, but by the grace of God, we make it work. But yeah, know your roles. Who's doing what? Who's in charge of what? Who's and then separate the roles. Now that doesn't mean like I'm the only creative person. She comes up with a lot of creative stuff, but that's my main. I do mostly that type of work and she handles all the little things in the background. And honestly, a lot of people think, wow, if you work with co-workers now and you're at work for four, five days a week, eight hours a day, that's a lot of time. So you're thinking, wow, can I run a business with my spouse seven days a week, 365 days a year? I mean, that's a challenge and most people think, eh, I couldn't do it. Like I'd probably kill each other, but honestly, it's not bad. But you have to put strict boundaries. There must be rules set in place or guess what? You will be in a 24 hour, seven day a week, 365 days board meeting. So today we're going to peel back the layers and try to see how we do it and be successful. Running a business with your spouse, you have to set boundaries. You have to set, okay, who is in charge and who is, who takes the lead, who doesn't. Okay, you both can't be the leader on certain tasks because when, if you are the leader on certain tasks, then there is going to be a power struggle and that doesn't work well. So in our business, I do a lot of the back work. So I have, I do a lot of the computer work. I do more of the logistics. You know, you have orders. I take the orders and I get them in place. And Jer is more of, I would call him the CEO. He's the brains of the business. He keeps it running. He has the ideas and so the power struggle there is not there because I actually don't want to be in charge. I want him to be in charge and I support him and I help him on what needs to be done. And he understands that. So like, and if he's struggling on something, he'll ask, hey, what is your opinion on this? And I am very happy to give it to him. But there needs to be a line of who, who takes the lead and who doesn't. If not, there will definitely be some power struggles and you both can't be the head honcho. Probably the most important message in all this stuff is you got to know the why. Because if you forget the why along the way, when things get difficult and money comes in and money goes out and you're looking at each other, you don't want to be blaming or pointing. So you need to have a mission and you need to have a deeper why. And it can't be just we want to run a business to do this and make money. Our particular why is we have eight kids, we have a large family and we want them to be as successful as possible. So one of the purposes of starting our own family business was to let the kids work inside the business with us. I mean, between you and me, sending your kid off to school is already, I would say, not a fully positive experience because you're dealing with kids and kids that don't have the same type of parenting at home. So they act different, they talk different and may not just be always the best examples. I mean, kids do have friends at school, but there's a lot of negative influences in school nowadays. I mean, just think about all the school shootings and all the other things that happen in school. So we wanted to keep them with us as long as possible, have them incorporated into the family business. So all of our kids grew up working in the family business and that also brings up its own challenges also. But when it comes to raising children, running a business, believe it or not, a family business, a small one, is a great way to make sure that your kids have the skills they need to succeed out in the workforce. For instance, our kids go and they work the tiki truck with us so they understand business, they understand customer service, they understand hustle, they understand all these things because they're experiencing them. So our family business is not only to provide financially for the family and to create something that may have a legacy for them, but it's also a training ground. Not all of them are going to stay in the family business. Our oldest has got a physical therapy degree. She has a master's degree, sorry, a doctorate degree. If you tell her she's got a master's, she's going to fuss at you. But she has a doctorate degree in physical therapy. But she grew up in the tiki truck and in the business with me, working events, so she understood what it took to be successful. How hard you have to actually work in order to be successful. You can't just wake up and show up. It doesn't work that way. And something else that we don't do a really good job at is rewards. We work so much. Because we have such a large family, it takes a lot in order to keep the whole thing functioning. But we just don't do the rewards the way we should. Now, we do them, and the kids know when there's a reward, and it's because business was good. But yes, celebrating the small things, we don't do that well. That's something we're working on. But with eight kids and a busy schedule, we find ourselves just on a hustle all the time. What does your schedule look like? Is your schedule like ours, where it's like basically wake up, kids to school, work, afternoon activities, and then go, go, go till midnight. That's basically what our life looks like. Now, there are these moments to where certain times of the season, usually on a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, when pretty much everyone else is at work, working a nine to five, we have more freedom and flexibility to do what we want during the day. So that is a big plus. But probably the biggest plus to running your own business is being together and doing it together. That's why I said originally, you better make sure that the person you're running your business with, from a spouse perspective, she's your friend before she's your spouse. And you better be really good friends, and you better be understanding of each other. And you got to learn to give and take, and you got to learn compassion, and you got to learn when to push and when to pull back. Also, when you're in a business with your spouse, you have to set a time limit of when you're going to stop. Because if you don't stop in the evenings, and you just carry on your work and your business till 10, 11, 12 o'clock at night, that is not healthy for your relationship. There should be a stopping point where you stop in the evenings, and you focus on your relationship with your spouse. Sit down, maybe watch the news, watch a TV show that you both like, or just do something other than work. There should be a stopping point to where you have time to decompress and just enjoy your spouse, just you and him. And that's very important, because if you carry work on through the night, in the middle of the night, it's not a healthy relationship then. I would say probably one of the most important things is, remember this, if you do decide, or you currently are in a small business with your your spouse, just remember that the business exists for the benefit of the family, not the other way around. What kind of businesses do you guys own? Or, if you don't own one yet, what kind of business do you want to own? So there will be times that you will disagree on something, and you both think it should be another way. And those times will be hard. And you have to separate those from, hey, this is business, we need to talk about the business now, instead of bringing it into a couple's relationship. And many times we have actually failed to do this. We have brought our business problems into our relationship, and it has not, it's been turmoil sometimes. We're still working on that, and so if there's a problem with the business, or we're both hard-headed on, this is how it's going to be, I don't like your way, you don't like my way, and we got to figure it out. And so that's when we have to decide, okay, this is a business problem. We discuss this while we're working on business stuff. And then afterwards, if we're going out to eat that night, don't talk about it. Let's talk about something else. Let's let's remove that from our relationship. Even though the business is a big part of it, you have to, it's a struggle, but you have to find the fine line of, hey, this is a business, we disagree on this, but our marriage is something else. And so we have to work separately on those things. Hey! Did you have a good day at school? Yeah. Hey. Did you have a good day? Yes, sir. Everything was good until we got home, and then he got out and shut the door. Hey, I have a question. Did you smile pretty for your picture? Yeah? Show me how you smile. The other day, we had somebody comment on one of our videos, like, oh, it's so fake. That's a good example of how not fake this really is. This is real, real life. And the only reason she's upset is Jace shut the door on her. She was perfectly fine. So we have to deal with all these little small situations, too, along with, you know, what's on the schedule next for the day. So to, like, for example, today we've already, this morning, I fixed the toilet. Then I went and worked the tiki truck. Now got home, fixing to leave again. Got to go work the building. We have classes and lessons at our baseball training academy. And then James has a football game, which I'll miss. That's another thing, too. Running a business, you got to be willing to give stuff up. And big stuff, like missing your kid's football game, missing their sporting events. And you got to learn to be okay with it. If not, it'll eat you up. And they understand, too. The kids understand, too. Like, you know, dad's got to work. So they get it. They understand. But this is real life. This is not scripted. So whoever made that comment on one of my videos, just understand. This is about as real as it gets out here. So our business is our form of income. So what we do is that is how we make money. So there is times when we have to discuss finances. And everybody out there knows, in a marriage, that discussing finances usually puts a little tension. Especially when it's a big bill or there's bills that just have racked up and you've got to do something. And so you, as far as working, it's like you're working for the family. You're not working against each other. You're working together to pay the bills and be financially stable. So a lot of times these topics are very hard. So there are business topics for finances and then there's home that you have to talk about also. So when you go to talk about these things, you need to make a clear point before you ever start. Okay, today we're talking about business finances. And then have a sheet. Have a book. This is what it looks like right now on paper. This is where our business is at. And after that, if you move to personal finances, then you have to draw the line and say, hey, okay, now we're going to talk about our personal finances. And this is where we're at. They're two separate things. But for us, since our business handles all of our household needs, it's kind of hard. Sometimes they overlap. So you have to be where you have to be aware before you ever start a conversation of where you're trying to get the point across and what you're talking about. Hey mom. What? Today at school on the announcements, they called that our student of the month. What? Are you serious? Yep. High five. Good job dude. Ava, what are you doing? Let me see my name. Let me see. Oh, very nice. Very nice. I'm already finished. Good job. And what are you doing? I just finished my part of homework. All right. So, okay. Yesterday was Labor Day. Today's Tuesday. We're in the afternoon. So Gage worked 21 hours. So I need to bring him his paycheck. Yeah. And then, so you're going to bring all the little ones to the football game. I'll go work the building. And then how are we going to get Jace to practice at 5 30? Oh, um, I thought they were just all coming to the football game. Okay. So Jace will just have to skip. You just have to skip. Okay. So it's the big football game. First football game of the season. For James. For James. I don't know if he's excited or not. But we play tonight. Who do they play? Lewis. Oh goodness. Alrighty. Well, I'll be at the building and I'll see you tonight. Okay.