The Full Life Crew: Escaping the Roommate Phase in Marriage

The real question is this, are we living a full life? Are we making the right decisions when it comes to children, marriage, work, faith, and so many more issues we deal with daily? How can we know with confidence we are living a full life? Welcome to the Full Life Crew Podcast. We are your host and life coaches, Jareth and Debra Navarro. We will help you find the confidence in those critical areas of your life. Our goal is to help you bring to your family the support, structure, and providence we all desire so we can live the life we want, a complete life, a joyful life. We are so glad you're here. Now let's get started. Welcome to the podcast. I'm Jareth. I'm Debra. And we're the Full Life Crew. We have eight kids and uh yeah we're business owners. And this particular podcast is our marriage podcast. We have three podcasts. We like doing the podcast. This is like what we do for fun. Some people go out to fancy dinners, we do podcasts. This is our marriage podcast and yeah we do this for fun. And we also do this because we've been married for 26 years. We have eight kids. So we're not experts but I don't know. We have a little experience. Are you happy with me? I am very happy with you. I'm happy with you. So we must be doing something right. So if we have something positive that we can share that helps other people that's great. But what we're talking about today is the roommate phase. Escaping the roommate phase. What do you think that means? Oh I don't know. Roommate phase. Um kind of like I guess if we're just roommates. Like pick up your clothes, put your clothes on. I don't know. What do you, what does that mean? Well okay so let's talk about it. So you remember, you remember when we got together. It was all about just us. Yeah. Like where we're going, what are we doing. Yeah we did lots of stuff together. We dated six years before we got married. Yeah so it was just us. Our thought process was just us. So we were focused on us. Our relationship. Then we started having kids. Oh lots of kids. And then our relationship became more about kids. Like what do they need? Where do they need to go? What do they have going on? And then we we moved from this it's all about you and me to it's all about other people. That is true. I think what the top I think what it is is when people when married people go through this phase they they start out as a couple and you know you're usually in love and doing what couples do and you know traveling and having fun and you're very focused on your relationship and then when you have kids the focus changes and then you have kids for a period of time but then the kids leave. We've had kids for a long period of time. Now yeah we're kind of we're kind of unique. We have a 26 year old and a five-year-old. She's 25. So we have a 25 year old and a five-year-old. Don't make her any older than she is yet. So we'll never leave the the roommate the roommate phase. Okay see I have to disagree. So since you've been talking I think we are leaving the roommate phase a little bit now. We have a five-year-old. But our five-year-old started school this year. Yeah so it's been like everybody's at school and then we've had time with us again like during the day because for 25 years there's always been someone home with us. Yeah but most people aren't like us. Most people don't run businesses together and most people don't work together. Like usually the husband goes off or the wife goes off. They go off separate ways all day and then when they come back the kids are back when they get up from school. Anyway this this topic is you know like think about it. You fall in love. You're in love. Kids show up. Now you become like this a chauffeur, a cook. You're doing all this other stuff for other people. Then eventually the kids leave and the question is is can you escape the roommate phase? Can you get back to what you had when you were first together? And what are some things we should be doing to ensure that we don't fall out of love? I guess would be the question. Well um things that would definitely date night here and there. We don't do that. We don't do that. I think we should do that. Like date night. Um it's it would be. What night would you do it? Five nights a week baby. Um we should we should definitely take time for ourself. Like me and you together without like tagalongs. Which is the kids because if they hear we're gonna go eat. Well you're not gonna bring me I want to go eat too. You don't love me. So it's like you get that and then I'm like no you're not coming and then you feel guilty and you're like okay come on. You don't feel guilty? No because it's our date night. So I think you know a date night here or there. I would say like a weekend trip but that's kind of hard because we don't have like someone that to come spend the night like on the weekends and stuff. So that one's a little hard. And then the way we work we're usually working. We do work weekends. We work a lot. Well what do you think? I think I think relationships evolve. They do. I think when we first got together I was I think the right term was infatuated with you. I would wake up thinking about you. I would be at work or school thinking about you. I just wanted to be with you all the time. Yeah. As we've grown and got kids I don't have to be with you all the time. No you don't. I think you like to be alone sometimes. Now I like to be alone. What's wrong with that? Nothing because I used to like to be alone. Now I want to be with you all the time. I'm like where are you at? Where are you at? Where are you at? What are you in the office? Are you outside? What are you doing? So anyway but this topic is escaping the roommate phase. So I guess for us this is like a future thing. We'll have to look back on this one and see if we're still together in another I guess in our 70s. I was like where are you gonna put me? You gonna get rid of me? No I'm just thinking Ava's five so if she if she stays in the house as long as some of the other ones didn't. She goes to college or grad school and does all this stuff. She'll be 25 so that's 20 years from now. We're gonna yeah we're gonna be old. Then it then it won't be it won't it won't for us it won't be finding the romance. It'll be like helping each other move around the house. You'll be feeding me. So we may not be the right people to talk about this topic. No I do feel like now that Ava's in school that we do have more time. So we're kind of we're kind of there. We're on the outskirts the far outskirts. But not everybody has eight kids. Not everybody has eight kids. Most families have like you know two or three. So I I I do I understand where you're coming from. Because our first our first three. We have two sets of kids. Our first three are out of the house. Well most of them. And then our other one that's a senior she's probably going to be going next year this time too. So I guess looking at it from another perspective if if they had a normal size family like most people have not this huge one like we have. You know they would be in their 40s and the kids would be gone. And they would be starting their date night again. Like they're instead of like a roommate deal they'd be back to. I guess the main question is. Do we still love each other? Did you lose something when you were running yourself to death for the kids? Or did you lose something? Do you fall in love again? I don't think I've ever fallen out of love. No but some people. That's what I'm saying. Like some people like they they they get together and like you said you're infatuated and you want to be there all the time. And then you have kids kids and you're going everywhere. And then some people lose sight of their significant other. Why? They become focused on kids and work and other things and they don't take time for their loved one. Which I think you've done a really good job. Like I feel like we're still connected very well. I like the little things you do for me. Even right now. What little things? Okay you might you might not think this is a big thing. But like you'll get up in the morning and you'll bring me my my shake my protein shake and my stuff. And then you'll bring me a coffee. To me that says a lot. Your shake and your coffee says a lot. Yeah. Okay. It says a lot. Like it's a little thing but to me it's a big thing. Like I don't I don't need a lot. Just those little things that you do for me. Another one you do for me is if I'm at the building and I'm working with kids and I've been there for four or five hours sweating to death. And it and we work late into the evening. And so if I have like a 7 30 class or eight o'clock class or a practice you'll show up with food. Well yeah and you pass out. So you do it because I'm gonna pass out or you do it because you. I do it because I love you. And I know you can't leave. Well that to me is a big thing. Like you can't leave to go get food. You can't do that. So it's like. I could door dash it. You could door dash it. That's a different topic. Check out the just stuff. But I mean. Okay what I'm saying is is maybe the way not to fall out of love is make sure you do the little things while you're. Because you don't have time to do. We don't have time to do date nights. No we didn't. There's no place there's no place on the calendar to fit it in. I'm sure we can fit it in. We'll fit it in. I'll fit it in. You're the one working the calendar. I'm gonna put it on the calendar. I do work the calendar. I think the last time we went on a date night we sat there and just stared at each other. We went to Pats. Yeah. And we just stared at each other because we didn't know what to say to each other. We talked some. Yeah. I think if we pick a different restaurant for date night I think it would help too. I don't even like going to restaurants on date nights. Okay I'll bring you to the park. I'll fix you a sandwich and we'll go to the park. That to me would not be a bad date night. We could do that. That's not a bad idea. Or going to work out. We could do that too. I like that. There's all kinds of things. But so yeah so I think a lot of families they do they they start off you know and then they they have a family and they get busy with the family and they get busy with we got to provide for this family now and so it's like the husband is all constantly working how can I be better. You're working too. Yeah yeah but a lot of times it's the husband he's working and he's working trying to get ahead for his family. The mom is also working because most people have to have two parents working these days because it's so expensive just to and then on top of that the mom's also cooking and cleaning and getting the kids to where they need to be and so yeah it's like they kind of a lot of times people kind of pull away so if you don't do the little things then when the kids do get out then you're basically still roommates. What are some of the little things I do? Oh you give me shoulder rubs. I love it when get on the grill. I don't do very well grilling so you'll grill. I like it when you cook. I really like my shoulders around though. That's real nice. You just do sweet little things like you'll come in and you'll tell me oh the house looks nice or you'll you give me compliments. So it sounds like to keep the spark alive you have to do the little stuff. Yeah. In the chaos. Yes. Because that that part where the kids are it's pretty chaotic. It is. Like our life is that's why we say life's a journey enjoy the ride because if you're not enjoying all that stuff and you're just looking for the destinations it's you miss out on so much you know so it's the little stuff that's important. You gotta appreciate the other person. I really. And I appreciate you. I appreciate you. I don't know I don't maybe this podcast is good for our marriage but I don't know if I've ever told you I appreciate you bringing me my shake in the morning. Like it's like a highlight of my morning. I come in and wake up your shakes here making all the noise I can. Well it's like it's like oh she does care about me. Well yeah I care about you. And then you bring me food at work and that I mean it seems like it seems like something so trivial but to me it's a big thing. And then you do other stuff too. Some of the stuff we can't discuss in the podcast. But I think too like keeping things at the house when you're here keeping it fresh too. A little kiss on the cheek every now and then is very sweet. Little things like that but it could be other things like just the way you dress sometimes. Yeah. Like it's like you know she's not in her sweat top today. Her baggy sweatpants. That's my favorite attire. My sweatshirt and my either leggings or my shorts or my super baggy sweatpants. Yeah so sometimes they're so comfy. Sometimes you know because you dress like that a lot you know sometimes I come home and you're not dressed like that. I'm like oh okay what we got going on today. And so it's like you know it kind of it's I think that's another little thing you know. Plus you take good care of yourself too. To me you taking care of yourself is another way you show me that you really care about me. So I guess roommates wouldn't really care about the other person then. No I wouldn't think so. I've never had a roommate outside of you. So. Now Alyssa's had lots of roommates. She has. Now she's getting her ultimate roommate. She is getting her ultimate roommate. Alyssa's getting married so she's gonna have a permanent roommate. But yeah you're right if you were just roommates you wouldn't do all the little bitty things. So I guess I guess what you got to do is you got to it's like a fire. You got to keep putting wood on the fire even though you don't have time to go get a bunch of stuff and make a big fire. I think the little things are important you know. Like every now and when like a while back when you come home you brought me a soda and I was like oh you know like. I brought you a soda. You brought me a soda and I was so excited like because you thought about me you know. I think what it is it's like in the chaos of life when you have when you're in the kid phase it's like the little things are more valuable than the flowers or the other stuff. Yeah. So yeah you gotta you gotta make time for the other one even if it's just five minutes. Yeah. And that way when the kids do start moving out and getting their own life and stuff then the roommate phase kind of phases off and you become you know back to where you were to begin with. So I guess I guess during the roommate phase you have to make sure you keep the you keep you gotta do the little things. You gotta keep the fire going somehow. Yeah. Do the little things. Do the little things. Well while you're out there doing the little things in your roommate phase if you're still there. If you're not then you know do the big things. But while you're out there just remember life's a journey. Enjoy the ride. Did you enjoy the podcast? Would you like to sponsor a podcast? If you're looking to advertise your brand product or message our platforms are the best place to do it. We reach a large and engaging audience and we can help you get your message out there. If you want to learn more about how you can advertise with us visit us at thefulllifecrew.com forward slash shop. So thank you once again for listening and tuning into our podcast and just remember while you're out there trying to live your absolute best full life. Life's a journey. Enjoy the ride.