Something Needs to Change

This is the kind of video that I have kind of known I need to make at some point. Several points over the last couple of months, ever since the start of 2026. It's also the kind of video that I just didn't really want to make. And I guess now we're here, because I'm making it. This video is going to be an honest, open, personal chat. And kind of like a heart-to-heart. And I just have some things that I need to get off my chest. And this community has always been there for me. So I just really felt like reaching out and sharing a little bit more about what's been going on with me personally. And I want to kick the video off by saying that I will be back with my regular videos again after this one. So this is not me telling you that I'm going to quit YouTube or anything like that. So I don't want anyone to worry, I'll be back with my regular videos after this one. But I really need to make a few changes. It is October, but oh my gosh, it's still so hot. It does not feel like fall to me. It feels like summer still. It's warm, it's humid, I'm sweaty, I can't wear my sweaters. And I've been getting like into fall, reading like fall books, making fall treats. But it's just, it still very much feels like summer. The trees haven't changed colors here where I live yet. So and it's super foggy today out. I know like there's quite a bit of light in the video, but it's really foggy. I cannot see like across the street. So I think that's good. I like foggy days, but I am just so ready to actually start fall. Anyway, what I want to talk about is that basically I've really been struggling a little bit with being a content creator this past year. At times some some other months I've been fine, but there have definitely been symptoms that could be related to burnout. And as many of you know, as someone who has been through very severe burnout before, I recognize some of these signs. Although some of them are new or different. But I want to take that seriously and it does worry me a little bit. I just came back from taking two weeks off in September. This is a little break that my partner and I had planned for quite a few months already. So every year I always take a month off in April. I did that this year too, that was great. And the next break that we had scheduled was the one for September, two weeks off. So I'm just getting back into working again after my break. The break was nice, we did some fun things. But I have been a big ball of nerves and tension and stress and anxiety. It has to do with a few different things. There have been just some things going on in my personal life over the last year. I haven't really talked about that on YouTube a lot. I have shared a little bit more about it in my videos for my channel supporters. But just some personal life stuff that has been happening this year, that has caused part of my my stress and my tension. And all of these nerves and anxieties and tensions have created some issues, both physically, mentally, emotionally, that have been at times really difficult for me to deal with this year. And they have definitely stood in the way of things, me being consistent with my work at times. Other times I've been very consistent, but sometimes it's been difficult to be consistent or I really have to push myself and overwork myself to be consistent. So that has been going on. But also just in my own personal life, they have been interfering with my overall joy and happiness at times. Some of these symptoms I have known before, they were also there before I burned out the first time. Some of the symptoms are new or different. For example, earlier this year I thought I might be going through perimenopause, because I had very perimenopausal symptoms going on that were really difficult to deal with at times. And I took a break in April, as I said before, I took one month off. And I was ready to like do some testing related to like my hormones and everything. But no need, because three days into my break all my symptoms went away. and they actually haven't been back yet. So the body does strange things sometimes, it is wise in its own way. And the symptoms that I was experiencing I think had to do with being overworked, being stressed. As soon as I took a break everything was fine. So yeah, that was one of my first clues. And there have been times this year when I've been doing well, and life is always a little bit of, you know, ups and downs, ebb and flows. So I wasn't too worried about some of the like dips that I had experienced. But recently they've become more frequent, they've become stronger and they have been standing in the way of many few things. And it worries me. And with being a content creator, working for yourself, I do everything by myself. This whole channel, everything you see is done by me. And so that sometimes is a little bit difficult when you're not feeling well. Because probably people watching don't really know like what the typical work week looks like for a content creator. You see like a 20 or 30 minute video pop up every now and then. And it must kind of look like, yeah, it's not like a lot of work necessarily maybe. But and I'm not complaining or anything, but making a video takes a long time. Especially if you do everything by yourself and you don't use AI or anything like that. So for a typical video on my channel that is about like 20 to 30 minutes, it takes me about four days usually to make it. Like four full work days, sometimes five depending on... Sometimes I need more time doing research or writing for the video, sometimes I need more time for the editing part. So when you look at that and then think about the fact that I typically upload five videos a month, that is three for the main channel here on youtube, and then two extra videos for my channel supporters. That's already a lot of work. And then everything else comes on top of that. There's a lot of like administration and emails and comments and bookkeeping and writing my newsletter and like so many other things that I also do. So all that to say like this is definitely a full-time job. And when I finally finish a video, there's not a lot of time to like wait. You need to kind of start up the the new project quite quickly. Otherwise you're going to fall behind schedule. So I've been doing this for nine years now. It is honestly like, I cannot put into words how much I love this job, how grateful I am for it. It's been one of the best journeys, experiences of my life. And it's been so rewarding. I've grown so much, I've learned so much. It's been a ride and I am looking forward to continuing that ride. But if I want to do that, I know that I need to make some changes because this this isn't going well. And what I really have going for me is that I still love this so much. I love making my videos, I love connecting with you, with my community so much. It means so much to me. I'm always having fun. Not always like sometimes when you're pushing through an editing job or you know, sometimes it's not fun. But But overall, I'm still having so much fun. I still almost always have many ideas and inspiration for new videos to make. So I really have that part going for me. I'm still very passionate about this. But one of the things that's really been getting to me is that I frequently have felt this year that I'm working my ass off. I'm working so much and I'm just sitting behind my laptop writing, editing, doing all the things, putting in all the work and still almost always feel like I'm running behind. Like I'm not uploading frequently enough, at least not as frequently as many of my colleagues who are in a similar YouTube space as I am. And I just almost always feel stressed that I'm not doing enough, I'm running behind. And that's one of the things I've really been struggling with. Just the fact that I sometimes feel like I'm failing as a content creator, you know? I really promised myself I wasn't going to cry and make this whole thing very dramatic, because in the end it's not. I'm just, you know, I'm going through it. Okay, I've collected myself. So I know I'm not failing. I know that's not true. Like I'm a human being. I'm a person just doing her best. And it is what it is like you know and I'm definitely not failing but it does feel like I am sometimes. It feels that way sometimes when I'm not uploading frequently enough or to my own ideas of what enough is. It feels like that sometimes when I see other creators, my colleagues who are in similar space than I am on YouTube. You might be familiar with them. You might watch their videos too and they are doing so well it seems like they are you know uploading often they're getting so much more views yeah views than than I am if you use views as a way of like measuring success and so I'm I feel like I'm failing in comparison to those people who are doing such an amazing job but also there is this added layer of me like with the kind of content that I make the topics that I talk about self-care happiness slow living mindfulness intentional living all of these things and yet here I am approaching burnout from work you know or also some personal life stuff that is beyond my control. But it feels strange. Like often I do feel like I'm not just talking the talk in my videos. I actually do the things I talk about. So I actually also walk the walk. I definitely feel that way. But at the same time, I'm still struggling. So it feels like, you know, I'm not going to say like imposter syndrome, because it's not quite that bad. But it just feels like ironic, that this is the kind of content that I make and I'm still struggling so much. And yeah, that's part of what has been making me feel like I'm failing at YouTube right now. And I'm also just a very sensitive person who struggles sometimes with keeping up with like the pace of life, even when I have already simplified so much. And my life is a lot quieter, a lot slower, a lot simpler than what most people have to manage and deal with and juggle. But at the same time it still feels like too much for me to handle sometimes. I get really overwhelmed by everything, not just work but also, you know, typical things like working out and cleaning and going grocery shopping and cooking and having a social life and all the other things, the parts of life that are just as important as work. Sometimes I just feel like I am stacking all of these things in my head. Like all the things I need to like do and keep up. And you know, sometimes I can handle all of that just fine. I just take it day by day and activity by activity. And sometimes it stresses me out. And I do follow my own advice. The things I share here on the channel are all things that I try to do as well. And they help. It's not like they don't help. I think think that if I didn't do these things, if I hadn't simplified my life and if I don't do yoga and meditation and slowing down and all those things, it would probably be worse. So it's not like they don't help. They do. But it's also not that I'm always feeling balanced and regulated because this is the way I live my life. And I also just feel so lucky that this is my job. That I get to be self-employed and work from home and talk about all the things I'm passionate about with all of these amazing people from all over the world. Like this is my dream job and I don't think it gets much better than this. And so to still feel stressed by it and to still feel inadequate as a content creator sometimes is another layer yet that has made me feel like I'm failing at times. Like this is my job and I'm still not always doing so well. Like how how can that be you know? So this is just kind of like in a nutshell what I've been dealing with this year. It hasn't always been easy. As I said, sometimes I've been very consistent with uploading videos and even upload extra videos on my second channel, Vera Reads Books, which has been so much fun too. And sometimes I just feel like no matter what I'm doing, no matter how hard I'm working, I cannot seem to like make it truly work. And I still put so much heart into every video that I make, because I don't just want to upload to keep up my schedule. I want the videos that I make, I want to feel good about the videos that I make. I want to put as much time and thought into them as I feel like they deserve, and you deserve, because you're watching them and taking time out of your day to watch them. So I'm glad that I never felt so much pressure that I'm rushing through videos or anything. It's just that I'm overworking myself to get it done, and I keep hitting the same wall. And it's been going on for a while right now, so I need to take action. And it's just been quite hard sometimes for me not to compare myself and my channel and my productivity and my output and my success to that of some of the other channels that you might also be familiar with, that make videos about, you know, some of the same topics that I do. As I said, I see them doing so well. And I feel like, what am I doing wrong? You know, that kind of feeling popped up sometimes. And I know it's never a good idea to compare your reality to someone else's highlight reel. So I keep that in mind. And what I've just been trying to do is focus on my own journey, focus on my own videos, my own channel, my own audience. But I am on YouTube. So I do have a home feed and these videos pop up from these other creators. And I see them getting like, I don't know, 700,000 views in four days. And I'm just like, how? Like what? How? And I've never been too preoccupied with the views. I've never been too preoccupied with subscribers or any of the numbers or even the revenue or the money or anything. That's never been like my main thing. But when the channel is slowly declining over the years, which has been going on with my channel, slowly getting a few less views, less subscribers, like it's been growing consistently up until the year of 2024. And from then on, some things happened, some changes made that I'll talk about more, that kind of made the channel go down a little bit. And I'm still fine enough, like this is still my job and I'm still making enough money to to keep doing this and to make it happen. But I don't know where the decline will stop. I don't know if this is something that I can keep doing for many many more years, however much I want to. And I will always try my best to make that happen. But to see other channels just as I said upload more, get more views, like seem to be doing very well, it gets to me sometimes. And my hope is that by sharing this, I always want to try and make sure that all my videos have value for my viewers. I'm not just making them for myself, even though this one I'm definitely also making for myself. I hope that by me sharing my inner thoughts and feelings and being vulnerable and open about my struggles will be helpful to people watching. If you recognize some of the things I'm saying, because I feel like many of these things aren't just true for content creators. If you recognize some of them, I hope that they will make you feel less alone. And I hope that you'll take inspiration from what I'm saying and what my plans are going forward to also prioritize your well-being and to take action if you need it. If you feel like maybe you're approaching burnout or anything like that. I've always been very open about my burnout journey on YouTube because it happens so often. It happens to so many people and I want to be part of the conversation to make people feel less alone and share what worked for me so that hopefully it can help others too. So my hope is by sharing my story I'm getting some things off my chest but I also hope that it is at least interesting for you also and that maybe you can find some inspiration here too. Some other things that I've really been struggling with a little bit as a content creator recently is some of the changes that YouTube has made as a platform. platform, without getting too in detail or too technical about what it is that they changed and several things actually. Because I think that that information is probably only relevant to other content creators out there. But they have made some changes to the platform, maybe you've also noticed it as a viewer. But in my experience, they've made it harder for smaller and mid-sized channels like mine to succeed on the platform. At least they haven't made it easier, I don't think. There has also unfortunately been an influx of AI generated content, faceless channels, just a lot of content that is just very much like the shock factor and the clickbait and the negatively phrased titles and thumbnails that kind of, in my opinion, scare people into clicking. And these kinds of videos have been very successful that, in my opinion, in my experience, they kind of drowning out real people, real creators, real voices on the platform. Which has been frustrating to see. But most of all, I feel like I can kind of see the trends of what kind of videos are performing well over the last two years on YouTube. And the platform looks very different than it did when I first started making videos in 2017. I feel like the platform was just a lot more friendly, a lot more positive, a lot softer and nicer. And I've always had a very clear idea about the kinds of videos that I want to make. And that is all based on how I feel like my work could add value, a real value to people's lives. And that is always the feedback that I've gotten from you as well. That those are the things that you are finding in my channel. A place to calm down, a place to feel seen and heard, a place to get inspired about real changes that could make a positive difference in your life. And I've always really wanted to make those kind of videos that I can feel proud of, that I can stand behind and that I would want to watch as well. That has always been my main goal with these videos. And no matter the kind of videos that are trendy right now, I have always felt very strongly that if a video is trending and it happens to be something that I also am passionate about and that I feel could, you know, add value to my viewers lives, then sure, I will make a video about it too. And I'll kind of like lift on the trend. Because that's important when you do social media or online content. But if it is a trend that I don't feel like I have anything useful to say, or that I don't feel like it actually adds a real value to my viewers lives, then I don't want to make that video just because it's trendy. Just because, you know, I'm hoping to get the views. And I haven't done that. I've always just been kind of doing my own thing on here, focusing on my own videos, my own community, not really like paying too much attention to what is happening online. I've also steered away from, you know, Instagram, TikTok, things like that, that don't personally feel like the platform that I want to be on. So I've just always been kind of doing my own thing basically. And so far that has always worked out. The channel grew very slowly, but also very steadily. And even just kind of like doing my own thing, it has worked out. But recently I do feel like that is getting a little bit harder. Because what I just see happening is the videos that are doing very well, at least that are being presented to me on my feed, are very often kind of like, as I said, shock value clickbaity, very negatively phrased. And these are the kind of videos that I see popping off. And I also see other creators who, like me, are not really participating in those trends. And they seem to be struggling with their views a little bit sometimes too, when I look at how their channel is doing now compared to before. So I feel like there are more creators who are struggling with this particular thing. Like the channel, the platform is going in a certain direction where I don't feel like I can follow. I don't want to follow. I don't want to just make the videos that get the views if I am not sure that I can make it in a way that actually provides value to people. Or at least to my community of people. With all due respect to my fellow content creators and my fellow colleagues. And I'm not saying that these videos never have any kind of value in them. Because of course some of them definitely do. And that is great. So follow who you want to follow. watch who you want to watch, and who actually makes a positive difference in your life, absolutely watch these videos if you want to. So I'm not bashing anyone here, but it is just a place I don't want to go. It's a place I don't want to follow. And as I said, it used to be easier to just do my own thing than it is now. And that is causing some stress, because this is my job. And people have continuously said to me, like, we don't care about that stuff. Just upload whenever you feel ready. We'll be here and just make videos about what you're passionate about. Like we'll watch them and that is so nice and I appreciate it so much. Like you know, the support, the encouragement. It really means a lot to me and I appreciate it. It's not the full story though. When this is also your job and you see your income going down a little bit every year and you know, it's also just kind of scary. I cannot always just upload whenever I feel inspired or whenever I feel good or whenever I, you know, if I do that, there's a chance that I couldn't do this anymore as my job and I need to quit. So, and I don't want to quit, so don't worry. But as a content creator, you always need to balance that part, like the inspiration, the creativity and the making things from your heart, but also making things that get clicks, get views, keep your channel going. Because otherwise the channel momentum and in the algorithm is something you lose very quickly in my experience. If you don't upload for a while, if you have a few videos that haven't done very well in a row, your channel momentum goes down so much. And it's really has been difficult for me to like build it up again. And I don't just want to make the videos that get the clicks. I want to make things that provide value and that I can be proud of. And sometimes I have an idea that kind of intersects both, and that's perfect. But not always. I also want to give some insight and some background info, context about the financials of being a YouTuber. Because first of all, it is relevant to some of my recent stress about it. But also I feel like it might be interesting to hear. Because most people watching this video are not YouTubers and they probably don't know exactly how things work on the financial side of doing this as your job. The only way to know that is basically to be a YouTuber yourself. I've been doing this channel for 9 years now. And I've been very fortunate that this has been my job and my only source of income for the last 7 of those 9 years. And even within those first couple of years that this was my job, the channel only made a little bit of money back then. But it was enough for back then. I would say like after doing the channel for about five to six years, that's when my income started to match what I used to make when I was just doing like an office job before I started this channel. And contrary to maybe some of the ideas that are out there about doing this as your job, being like a content creator, it's actually not super easy to make enough money doing this and to have this be a sustainable living. Most creators, including me, need several different kinds of income streams to make that happen. Of course there are some influencers and content creators who are making bank. So those exist as well. But for most channels of my size, I would say, or smaller than me, it's not that easy. And so I have several different income streams that together make my income a sustainable living still. So I have the ad revenue on my videos the one that you're watching right now, if you see an ad on it, that means that I get paid a tiny amount. But then when the views add up, the ad revenue adds up as well. So I have that income stream. I do the occasional sponsor. That is another income stream that I have. I have the sales of my decluttering ebook and my two online courses. So my own digital products, that is another income stream that I have. And lastly, I have the income stream that I get from channel supporters. So everyone who has joined either my Patreon or my YouTube memberships, that is the fourth income stream that I have. And I can imagine if you see a content creator with a channel with as many subscribers as I have for example, who also does the occasional sponsor and who has videos behind a paywall with the channel supporters and things like that, it might look like this person is making bank. And I'm not complaining, I'm really not. I'm so fortunate that it has been enough money for me to, you know, pay the bills, have a little bit saved extra for retirement and things like that. And do something fun occasionally. So I'm very happy and grateful still with my income. Even though it has declined over the last two years, I'm still very happy that it has been enough. Although another part of that is definitely that I have really been simplifying my life a lot, living a minimalist lifestyle for many years. So my costs, like my living expenses and things like that, are relatively low. My lifestyle costs are relatively low. So that makes it easier to keep doing this as your job. But sometimes I get questions about my videos that are behind a paywall on YouTube memberships, where you have to join in order to be able to watch them. And when you see videos like that from me, especially during times when I'm not as frequently uploading the free videos here on YouTube because I'm struggling, it might look like, you know, me trying to like get rich off the videos that are behind a paywall. But that is really not what's happening. Just what's happening is that I'm always really trying my best to fulfill my promise to my channel supporters of two extra bonus videos each month. Because the channel supporter income that I get now, it has become more and more important part of my overall income over the recent years. Because of the fact that the income that I make on the other income streams has decreased a lot. My ad revenue has gone down, I do fewer sponsorships. So it has gone down, but my channel supporter income has been very stable. So it's a very important part of my income now. And not just because of that. I also just want to honor my promise and upload two videos a month for my supporters. So when I have to prioritize, like I cannot make both, then sometimes I will need to prioritize making a video for my channel supporters. Even though not everyone is going to be able to watch that. And I'm trying my darndest to also always upload three videos a month for YouTube, just my regular channel. And I'm always working hard to do that, but sometimes I'm struggling and I can't. So that's kind of what that's about. Because sometimes I do get comments like, yeah more and more videos are behind the paywall, like I can't watch them. And it seems like some people think, and I think that's very understandable, because many people don't know the financials of being a YouTuber. That I'm just here like getting rich off my extra videos and that's really not what's happening. I just really appreciate the help and the support of both my community here on YouTube. Because if you're watching the free videos, then you're also helping support the channel. So I really appreciate that and just the good vibes overall. But also the encouragement and the support and the financial support of my channel subscribers. Because if it wasn't for them, then it has come to a point now where I wouldn't be able to do Simple Happy Zen maybe, if I didn't have the the financial support of my channel supporters. also. So this is just me like wanting to be consistent for them, honoring my promise of two extra videos each month. And that's what that's about. Plus it's also just really fun for me to make those kinds of videos. But it's also really fun for me to make the videos over here on the main channel, Simple Happy Zen. It's also fun for me to make the videos of Vera Reads Books, my second channel. It's all still very fun to me. So that goes for all of those. But I thought like like maybe some extra content could be nice and helpful. Not just for like my channel, but I feel like many creators of around my channel size will be able to relate. Although some of them who are getting consistently much higher views than I am might not have these struggles. But I feel like many content creators will be able to relate as well. So with all of that to say, my work stresses my personal life stresses that have been happening behind the scenes this year too and the fact that's just my personality the fact that I always like I'm always trying my hardest not to disappoint anyone and not to let anyone down to work as hard as I can to produce as much as I can like that's just part of my personality and then also the sensitivity part and everything combined. It's been a lot. And I want to take these symptoms that I've been experiencing very seriously. Because I don't want to burn out again. I really don't want to cross that point. And I know it's sneaky. Because last time I really burned out, I wasn't doing well for about two years before that point even. And it was kind of like the way it's going now. Where it has ups and downs. But the frequency of feeling down became more, and the down points became a little bit lower, sneakily. So you kind of feel like you're still, you know, struggling a little bit, but it's still going fine. And then all of a sudden, it's not going fine. And it's sneaky like that. So I want to prevent that this time from happening. I don't feel like I'm there yet, but I'm definitely approaching that point. And I've done a lot of thinking about it. Like what is really causing me the most stress right now when it comes to my work and when it comes to the things that I can control. Not necessarily like the algorithm changes or anything like that's out of my hands. But I feel like the number one thing that's getting me right now is just the fact that I always feel like I'm running behind and that I'm failing and I'm not uploading enough. It makes me feel so stressed. And even when I finish a video that I've worked my ass off to create, I still feel like I'm running behind. But there are also like other videos that I need to make. And some weeks I'm working like maybe 30 hours, because I'm just super tired. Other weeks I'm working 40 hours, sometimes 50 hours, and I still feel like I'm running behind. And I feel like that is because of the deadlines that I impose on myself. No one is telling me to do any of these things. That's that's the stupid thing. So the number one thing I've decided is that I need to let go of any sort of like uploading schedule. I need to let go of these self-imposed deadlines. And I want to approach work from now on for a while as just working as hard as I can. In a way where I'm not overworking myself. So that I can like work hard, but still feel comfortable. And then just have the video be ready when it's ready. And some months I might have three videos to post here on YouTube for everyone. And other months maybe it's one or two. I need to have that feeling of just being able to work until I feel really tired and then stop. And not have to push through to get the video up because it needs to be ready tomorrow or some other time. And every time I miss an upload, feel super guilty because I know that people were waiting for it. Because I know that some people are. And that is, it means so much to me. You can't like understand how much it means to me that people want to watch my videos. It means so much to me, thank you. So I don't want to let anyone down and then I feel bad. And I know I'm taking this way too seriously, but that is also like my personality. So I just feel like it would really be very helpful for me to make this shift. instead of going from deadline to deadline to just work on a video and when it's ready I'll post it and as I said sometimes I might be able to do the three videos a month sometimes maybe it's only one or two it'll be more like different days so if you want to stay in touch of course it helps if you are subscribed to the channel but even then YouTube might not show you my videos I cannot tell you how many comments I get after I take a little break. I'll take a few weeks off. And then I'm back uploading frequently again for months. And people message me like, hey, why aren't you back yet? Like why haven't I seen any videos from you? It's like, yeah, I've been back for a long time. I've posted like three, four, five videos ever since I got back. And people just haven't seen them on their feed because, yeah, they're not being recommended. So if you are subscribed, it helps. You can see my new videos in your subscriptions tab. Another thing you can always do is subscribe to my free newsletter, because that is something that I always do. I always send out a newsletter when there's a new video up, with a little written piece also. I always write a little short inspirational thing to think about for the week, or something that I've been thinking about. So I always really like writing these newsletters, and they're free. You can subscribe if you want to, simplehappyzen.com slash newsletter. And then you will always get a newsletter from me if there's a new video. So that is something else that you can do. But I do feel like that change alone could already be very helpful. And then when it comes to the occasional sponsor that I do, I'm very lucky that I have a few brands that I've worked with for a very long time. I know those people very well. We have a very good working relationship. And so I know like these are super nice people always. When I email them, it's like, hey, I'm sorry, the video is going to be a few days later. they're always fine with it. So it's always possible for me, even if I do have a deadline with a sponsored video, to be a little bit more flexible about it. So I want to approach it from a different point of view, rather than meeting deadline after deadline after deadline and feeling super bad. If I can't, I just want to make the video and have it be ready when it's ready. And not stress too much about it. So I feel like that would already be very helpful for me. And And another thing just has to do with accepting the things that are outside of your control. I cannot influence the changes that YouTube is making, I can't influence what kinds of videos are popular, and the fact that they don't always coincide with what I want to make. Those are all things that are outside of my control. And usually I know this, and I'm pretty good at just accepting and doing my own thing. It gets to me sometimes, but overall I feel like I'm pretty okay at just doing my best and not worrying so much about what I can't control. So that is something that I want to keep trying to work on. If you see fewer videos from me for a while, please know I'm still here. I'm still working at it. I'm still doing my best. Someone recently asked me in a comment like, I can tell you're not uploading as frequently. Is your heart still in it? And I know that this person meant well. So I'm not like saying it's a bad comment or anything, but it did kind of hurt me. Because I can imagine if people don't see a video from me for a little while, it might look like I'm just like not really working or I don't know, doing whatever. But I'm not. I am working. It's just, it takes a while. It takes a long time to make a video when you do everything yourself from scratch and not using AI and all that stuff. So it takes a while and even if I'm not uploading, I'm working on it. And yeah, so please know I'm still here. My heart's still very much in it. And even if you see fewer uploads from me, that just means that I'm prioritizing my self-care. And by what I mean by that is just stopping with work when I'm actually super tired. Like when I've edited all day and it's 3 p.m. and I have a headache and I'm like super tired. I want to stop working. I don't want to push through because the video needs to be ready tomorrow. You know, things like that. I'm going to try and do that. Because this is one of my pitfalls that I'm trying to avoid this time. I did that last time with my burnout too. When I felt like that, I always kind of like skip and cancel all non-related work stuff. So I might not like go on my morning walks, or I might cancel visiting a friend, or things like that. Because I'm like, yeah it's too much, I need to work. And then I'll cancel the things that actually recharge my batteries. Which is a very unhelpful thing. And so I don't want to do that this time. I want to hang out with friends, I want to go on my walks, and do the self-care things that I need. So that's my plan. Also in the short term, like I said, I've been a big ball of nerves. My subconscious is in overprotection shell mode. So I'm having all these symptoms and experiences associated with that. I'm trying to calm my nervous system, doing some things that regulate my nervous system. I'm doing relaxation techniques. I'm telling my subconscious in a sweet and friendly way most of the time, that it's okay to relax and I can let go and I'm safe and nothing's wrong. And you know, all those kinds of things. I'm working on that stuff and it's helpful. It's just not over yet. I'm still experiencing some of these symptoms. Even though last night I actually had a good night's sleep, which was great, because I haven't been sleeping for the last couple of nights. So maybe things are improving. Some of the things that have been going on in my personal life that caused some of the stress are now over, or should be over. So that that's good, that kind of like fixed itself. One kind of bigger thing is still going on and will continue to be going on, that is outside of my control. So that's just something that I have to try and deal with as best I can. But things are looking up and I do feel like the the changes that I talked about today are going to be helpful too. Thank you so much for being here, and for listening, and for being interested in my almost like little rant. As I said, I always try to make my videos like not self-indulgent and make them more so for you than for me. This one was definitely also for me. I needed to say these things and I hope that it also was helpful to hear for you, or at least interesting. Thank you so much for being here, for listening. I really appreciate it. I know that not everyone is going to watch this video. So my message of like I might be uploading a little bit less frequently or a little bit more like sporadically, that message is not going to reach everyone. And that is difficult for me, because I just want people to know like I'm still here, I'm still working, like you know. But that is also something that I have to accept. And yeah, I think that's it for today. I'm sure the video has gone on long enough. I'm also filming a video for channel supporters today, where I talk a little bit more about some of the things that I was up to during my break, some of the life lessons I have learned recently, and just like a little bit more info about what's actually been going on. So I'm filming that video after this one. I'm going to take a little break first. If you are willing and able to join and become a channel supporter, then links are in in the description box. No pressure, you can join and cancel anytime. And if you do, you will immediately get access to all the bonus videos that I've been making for the last, I think like six years I've been doing Patreon. And then about one and a half years ago, I also started uploading the same extra bonus videos on YouTube memberships. So I have both options available. You can choose which one, which platform you would prefer. But you will get access to all the videos that I've posted so far as soon as you join. And there's the added bonus of supporting the channel, helping me to keep making these free videos for everyone here on YouTube as well. For everyone who doesn't have the means or isn't willing or able to become a channel supporter, these videos are still available for everyone. And I'll keep making those too. So you are helping me to do that as well. Thank you to everyone who watched this video. Thank you to all of you who leave me lovely comments and send me lovely emails. And thank you to my channel supporters as well. I'll be back soon with a regular Simple Happy Send video. I already have a nice idea for it. So I can't wait to start working on that one. I don't know when it's going to be ready. That is my new thing. No deadlines. So it's ready when it's ready. Okay, thank you so much. I love you. Thank you. Bye bye. It's so foggy today and I just love that. I always love fog because it's so like mysterious, but it's also really calming to me in a way. And I can't actually see the opposite side of the street, but I can hear the birds, and I can see like tree outlines, and it's so cool.