My wife planned her goodbye 6 months before she died... #grief #lovestory

My wife started sleeping on the edge of the bed six months before she died and I didn't understand why until I cleaned out her nightstand. I haven't told anyone this because I can't live with the answer. My wife was diagnosed with ALS three years ago. At first it was her hands, then walking became harder, then eating. Eventually she needed help with almost everything. I told her every day that we'd get through it together and I meant it. About six months before she died she stopped sleeping close to me. She'd stay right at the edge of the mattress. I'd wake up in the middle of the night and pull her towards me. Every single time. She'd smile, wait until I fall asleep, then she would move back. I thought maybe she was uncomfortable. I bought a bigger mattress, new pillows, different blankets, but nothing changed. She always drifted back to the edge. After she passed away, I couldn't bring myself to touch her side of the room for weeks. Eventually, I forced myself to clean out her nightstand. Inside was a folded piece of notebook paper. On the outside, she'd written only if I am gone. I almost didn't open it. Inside she wrote, I'm sorry I kept moving away from you at night. I know you always pull me back. The truth is, I'm trying to make it easier for you. One day you're going to wake up and I won't be beside you anymore. I was hoping if you got used to reaching further every night, maybe it wouldn't hurt quite as much. When you reached over and found nothing. I dropped the letter. I couldn't breathe. For six months, the woman I love had been practicing leaving me and every single night without realizing it, I kept undoing her goodbye. It's been almost a year. I still wake up around 3am. Half asleep, I reach across the bed. Sometimes my hand still reaches further than it used to. And every single time, I think about how she spent the last months of her life trying to protect me from the very thing that was killing her.