Channeling Your Superpower w/ Tatiana Frank • Help Me, I'm Single Episode 6

I called up one of my friends and I was like hey man I need a favor and you're absolutely you're absolutely going to hate it but you know he came through for me and so when she she shows up her friend is this like very tall man and it's like she brings a dude to the date yeah and so it's like it's like well okay that's a straight man I'll get there welcome to help me I'm single I am matchmaker and dating coach Blaine Anderson and we are here to help brave and occasionally incompetent singles figure out their dating lives today's episode is for you if you have ever felt like a unique quality you have has held you back dating today's guest Steven discusses what that quality is for him and we give him tips on how to overcome it and make it his superpower instead of feeling self-conscious about it we also talk about the benefits of specific and genuine compliments and Steven teaches Tatiana Frank our hilarious and very genuine co-host a few country swing dance moves let's get into it Steven Tatiana thank you for being here Steven introduce yourself all right so my name is Steven you know as was said I am I am a 27 I am I'm from a Alexandria Virginia right by DC and I work for this small magazine called I called the American spectator I do like a like fundraising and a and a text stuff for them I write sometimes as well and I'm a happy to be here yay thank you for coming thank you for traveling here with us to us tell us about why you're here what are you struggling with in your dating life that we're gonna help you with today oh I know how much time do you have we got an hour actually specifically well okay um so I suppose like for some for some background I like basically had like no dating life up until about one year ago like I was kind of on the apps but it's like like I occasionally got matches and sometimes first dates but it's like I mean that's really it it's really only been this year that like I've actually started you know taking it seriously and I think for the longest time I just struggled with like interacting with with like people I guess and I think there are a few reasons for that I mean I'm I think I'm like a naturally introvert person and so I think learning to be more social was something that I actually had to work out and I think that's certainly improved though though not although perhaps not although perhaps not where it should be also something you know as you guys have probably noticed I have a speech thing it's it's called a stutter you know it's not I can usually I carry on a conversation fine but like people notice mm-hmm and I know it's that they notice and it's hard not to be insecure about that yeah I guess so that's certainly something I've had to work with as well but I like have started meeting people I have I have started getting more first dates I think what the challenge now is I'm finding something that like sticks and I suppose I'm not exactly sure what the impediment there is if it's like if I'm not meeting the right people or if I'm not probably if I'm not doing the right things who you know I turn first dates you set into you know second second dates third dates got it see got it okay so what I hear you saying is right now you're at a point where you want to lean more into your dating life but historically you haven't met a lot of people you've been more shy and maybe introverted in part because of your speech impediment which makes you sometimes feel insecure like you know not as confident as you might otherwise and so you're not sure right now is like are you not meeting the right people is at the top of funnel or is it down funnel from there and you're maybe not doing the right things on dates to turn them into second third dates and relationships yeah basically okay no that totally makes sense and I think Tatiana and I are equipped to speak to some of these things you're gonna be plowing through puss when we're done I don't know if I can say that no some of my best friends have stutters or one of my friends has Tourette's I'm a comedian all my friends are comedians and let's just say they do really well in the ladies department and I think part of it is because they found their passion so like the the speech impediment thing is like almost like a unique part of their personality that draws a lean in yeah and it's like and it makes them unique like you know if I mentioned a person like they remember they remember who that person is and I don't know I feel like I mean it's the I don't want to like preach about it because like I don't know what it's like so I don't want to be like that's your superpower but I guess it's cool that I know like several people in that scenario and like they're the people they're dating are like both really cool and also really attractive so I don't know this is good news for Stephen yeah I gotta put you guys in a group chat how does that make you feel hearing that um I mean I suppose it makes a you know a certain amount of sense I mean you know I mean I suppose I do stand out in that regard yeah I think it's also but let's talk about that first since we're already on this topic I think how you like I said lean into it is gonna can take you a really long way whereas I don't know what you were doing previously I think I know you've worked with one of the coaches on my team actually so I will mention that I think she mentioned that previously you maybe didn't talk about it so like you went on dates is that accurate and didn't bring it up um yeah I mean it's like it's like you know obviously you don't want to sound insecure about it but yeah like you also don't want to be like insincere at the same time yeah like you know how do you handle that yeah I'm a big believer of in anything that is going to like a woman might have questions about on a date or that she's going to notice you're better off getting ahead of it because then it gives her the opportunity to know it's not like a big deal to you if you don't say anything about it then she's like kind of left wondering like is is he trying to pretend like he doesn't have a stutter is he uncomfortable with it like can we like where if you disarm it by and I'm not saying like always be joking about it or like keep bringing it up and be like super self-deprecating but like just calling it out in advance it's like hey like kind of like how you did here it's like you probably noticed I have a bit of a stutter and then Todd Tennant's gonna tell you a funny joke to say after that about it yeah like saying something that's disarming I'm not sure exactly what it is we can workshop something for you maybe I kind of I can bring her along with me yeah easier yeah your joke interpreter I mean I can steal my friends jokes which I know like my friend Benny he has Tourette's and he'll during a set he'll interrupt himself and he'll be like I'm my own heckler and people love that you know cuz he's like interrupting himself I know a Drew Lynch I think he's a really popular talented comedian with a yeah so it's just I would say steal their jokes as long as you're not saying them on stage yeah okay yeah totally I know Drew cuz Drew Lynch talks about that a lot in his speech impediments like I would definitely watch some of his stand-up and again yeah like you said it's like you can lean on it and then you can even call it I think I stole that from another comedian with a stutter but I do my best here you know something like that like you couldn't even say that how do you feel like it's been interpreted on dates thus far um you know I really have a great mental model for for for how people feel about it I mean you know I know personally I find it very hard to you know listen to your recordings of a of a me speaking you know I can almost guarantee you I will not you know listening to his podcast for example I think everyone feels that way for what it's worth like I'm more used to it now but like when I first started recording myself and being on video I was like oh my god my voice is like nails on a chalkboard and I don't know some people still say that in the comments absolutely I hate I have to listen to my comedy all the time and I'm like oh I can't stand her but I think usually it's funny because we always think that the things that matter on dates are what we say but the biggest complaint that people have on dates is actually that the other person wasn't listening enough so it's not even I think that's the biggest takeaways like you're probably a really good listener because you care about other people listening when you speak what I would more focus on the other person and not unless I'm like because I know sometimes for myself I'll think I'll say something and they'll be my head like oh that was so stupid and then I'm not listening to them I'm analyzing myself and I'm not really present connecting with them and I think that's the most important thing is like connection it's less about like what our strengths and weaknesses are because we all have strengths and weaknesses and I think if anything I mean if you're dating women if you're straight I know women like we kind of love when someone has a thing and we get to be there like person in their corner you know like I think it's endearing and we're very nurturing in that way when someone has like I don't know like it could be anything but it's just like oh like it makes us more like it melts our heart yeah well being vulnerable and open is just huge because I think that translates into confidence like if you are able to be vulnerable and open and like hey this is something that I deal with it's like not a big deal to me but like FYI and then you move on with the date and you're a great listener and you are confident and that doesn't you don't let that hold you back I actually think that's like how it can be your superpower where it's like damn like he doesn't even let that faze him and like he is such a good listener and like really present and if you're doing all the other stuff right which like frankly most guys aren't then you're gonna come out ahead yeah the bar is low it's I don't know are you single um no okay yeah yeah you hear the stories I yeah I mean I've been on on bad dates and I've also probably been a bad day and I've learned a lot and I think that's the biggest thing is that is learning first dates are so stressful and it's because we're worried about how we're coming across and then once I started to like try to reset my brain of like stop thinking about how I'm coming across actually try to like almost interview the person the sense of like treat it like you're on a podcast and you're like this is the most interesting person in the world yeah and I have to get to know them yeah if you treat it like that every person's gonna leave that day and be like I really like yeah yeah yeah just want to talk about themselves and feel like special the best way to be interesting is to be interested on dates yeah like like if you go in and you treat it like I want to know about you and your desires and your interests and what makes you tick the stutter is not going to be like the thing that she comes out leap thinking it's gonna be like wow he was so thoughtful he asked such good questions but yeah first and foremost like with anything like you have to truly believe it's not an issue because if you do then like that's gonna also come out and like your underlying vibe so that's like that's an important piece of this I have a cloud what did it were so simple yeah I know I know we're like oh just like don't care what's the most recent date you've ever been on um like I went to this this like this like us it's like us social networking thing how there was a dance lesson and it was like a social dancing afterwards and I was there with like a but like a female friend of mine and it was like you know you could ask you know that girl to you know dance I was like yeah I probably should but I'm not going to and then she was like well I'm going to ask her or you if you don't and so I was like well okay suppose I have to now and and we did and it went pretty well and I just trip after afterwards um I'd like to you know buy you dinner sometime and like she kind of just looked like stunned for like five seconds but she I know got on board and so that end up working out and that's great I love that you asked somebody in real life to go to dinner and she said yes um yeah yes I mean I found like a like us a sort of central spot because she lived all the way out and like Winchester I was like yo two hours of DC's like I found somewhere that was like a midpoint um and you know we had dinner and and I thought I was going pretty good um but at the end you know she was like no Steven you know this is this has been great I mean you've been a real gentleman but I'm not feeling that we're compatible and and you know she just you know got up and like walked out I was like oh man okay well in some ways at least she just was straight up and told you like I kind of admire that but it was at the end of the day right yeah yeah were you not did you sense that that you weren't compatible where they're like their value misalignment um I don't know I think I mean she did it ask about her religion at one point and I think I might not have given a satisfactory answer there okay so like you religious yes okay um so like I suspect that was probably it but it's like I don't really know yeah I mean that's just who you are so maybe you aren't compatible there if she wants like a fellow Christian or something whatever her you know whatever her religion was and like and you're not that then like if you're going to hell and she's going to heaven it's like not gonna work yeah where would you see each other yeah I'm also going to hell so don't worry I'm there with you so I think that's I think I'm very that's still could be a great date you know like it was still good practice it sounds like you planned a good day you asked a woman out in person like that's great props for that yeah yeah no no that's not it I mean so so something that that you say a lot is that like he is that you know you'll you know give the recipe but you know we got to make yeah but I'll give you the recipe you've got to make the cookies yes and and that obviously makes that makes lots of sense but I think what for me has been the sort of impediment is that I mean you know let's say that I want your chocolate I'd say I want your chocolate chocolate chip cookies I mean I really like those um you know I can make them and and and you know I will have them and the thing is people don't work like that that is not how people work and so I suppose what I've just kind of struggled to you know deal with is that you is that you is that you can do it is that you can do everything perfectly and you know I very often don't but you can do everything perfectly and still have it like fail miserably but here's the thing you can't just bake the cookies once you can't just go on one date like you have to do everything you don't have to do everything perfectly but you have to do the right things at least enough of the right things over and over right and over and over again because most people you're not gonna be compatible with either because you have a complete value misalignment or because you're not attracted to her because she's not attracted to you it's like a very small overlap of like oh we both see this could work and we have all of like the values and commonalities and interests that are gonna like make this an actual relationship and we it's like the timing is right like that's hard it's basically magic I feel like that's why there's so many romantic movies because it's kind of a miracle that you find someone in this world that you're like a kindred spirit with and so when it happens you're like this is so rare so the fact that you're going through the motions and going on all these dates and why it hasn't happened yet that's really normal because to find your kindred spirit there's someone special out there that is just like you or perfectly compliments you and you'll find them and when you do you'll be like I can't believe I found this person because what are the chances and I think everyone expects things to happen instantly now because everything else in our life happens instantly you literally order your groceries anything you want and they show up at your door like within an hour any food you can watch anything on the TV you can look up anything and you can't just order a girlfriend by swiping on hinge like it's not how it works so it's a lot more work it's a lot more sticking with it and then and there's like obviously you have to be doing the right stuff as well so it's a combination of like learning the right stuff to do and then doing it and sticking with it iterating what works for you what doesn't work for you in order to find the right person so it's totally normal to feel frustrated and like oh why hasn't it worked yet but like one dates not enough yes I'd be going on a lot of dates so how else are you meeting women I love that you melt that met this woman at a dance are you mostly meeting women in person or do you also use that um I use the the apps as well I'm not I've gotten I haven't met too many people off of them I mean of the last in last year maybe I've had you know I've had a kind of like a two dates off the apps so like it's it's it's certainly more in person I'd say okay but that's great I have apps aren't reliable for a lot of people and I was gonna say do you have hobbies because that's such a great way I have a show where I interview different people every episode and the last one was about people that do armored combat like knights in armor yeah it's super cool and I went to interview them I'm like I didn't even know people were doing this they're like we didn't either we just went to the park and saw people fighting in armor and we got into the sport and now we've made so many friends or met like dating interests because when you do something you're really like a niche thing you're interested in or passionate about where you can be yourself and you're not thinking about how you're coming across you meet other people like you first of all and people can see your genuine self so that was something true they were all telling me they're like I've made like it was really touching one person was like honestly like I was such an outcast and then I found this sport and now my birthday's coming up and I'm worried there's gonna be too many people to come into my birthday party that's the sweetest thing I've ever heard amazing I love that yeah about build I preach that hard build community to meet like-minded people what are some of your hobbies um well actually one this year is a country swing dancing and I think that's that's like really that's like really helped me you know I mean you would be more social because like you kind of need to else it's just I'll see you know yes you know stand there look stand there look like you're just standing there walking like an idiot show us a move is like a basic yeah I love dance I I've done some line dancing but I've never seen country swing is that it's like like like swing dancing from like the 60s or something like that is it like that kind of swing dancing are you like flipping girls around um cuz I've not done yeah if you could flip me right now kiss on the cheek maybe I have a boyfriend but he'll forgive it um I draw sorry yeah I draw the line at dips sad to say okay you gotta look out for your hips and knees yeah okay but they do people flip people to do um not where I do it anyway okay um I mean can you show us a basic like yeah easy no pressure yeah right here and I know you guys are really gonna make me do this already here it's gonna be your partner okay I'll show you so I might be scrambled for work there we love the leading it's like you it's a very you know it's very a useful skill to have it like helps you meet people totally also I mean it's not verbal so you know helpful for me I love that that's like really endearing you're going after a hobby that allows you to showcase a skill set that you have and you know you don't have to rely on words the verbal part I relate to that too because I'm also a bit I feel like you're very analytical and I'm very analytical and I get so in my head so I actually take dance class once a week not because I'm good at it just because it's something to get me in my body I love that and out of my head I do Jamaican dance hall very random very fun but when I do that I'm like oh wow like I'm not in my head I'm just moving I'm like is this how other people feel all the time when they're moving through the world so I really really it's you I'm also a big thinker and I think dating can be like dancing it's like get out of my head be here in my body and just listen and flow yeah and what you said before I think so many people go on dates and they're so focused on how they are presenting and getting in their head about that like did I say the right thing like how do I look did this person like me when instead they should just be focusing on like okay art can we have fun can I make this person smile and like can I see if I like them right that's an important thing on dates okay so you're meeting people have you met in any women and gone on dates through dance yet um anyone I mentioned yeah I feel like if you just like become great at dance I'm so sorry I interrupt you if you just become great like if you just lean in like take it get past the dip be swinging girls over your head like you will have infinity dates like it is so attractive to be able to be a good dancer and it also like signals you're good at other things I feel like and like women are like okay say about good dancers yeah yeah and in America it's really like I feel like in other countries men dance more in here like guys don't dance and it's yeah you do you're already go to a wedding and spin a girl around on the dance floor like you'll be getting married next and you know you're describing these things about being nervous on dates being in your head it's like women might we might seem chill on the outside we're also freaking out inside too so you're not alone maybe even more so yeah okay so how else do you meet women besides country swing I mean like I suppose and I suppose like you know normal you know networking stuff but I mean especially in my field that's that's like more male I'd say but like it it does happen so it's it's it's a mainly those two mm-hmm and you became I have a note here that you became a writer for a specific reason um I mean yeah I mean like I really I'm enjoying it I mean because I mean I feel like I have you know I have something to you know say and that I mean I mean I mean when you write you mean everyone's on like a level playing field so it's like I mean you're like with I mean the dance thing you know it doesn't really matter mm-hmm yeah so you can communicate your feelings better yes basically yeah do you write love letters to girls I think you've the ultimate I never write girls love letters have you had a girlfriend before um not really okay um there was one person well watch I suppose two people that kind of had that that were like up there but like that specific label I was not placed on it so to speak got it okay relationship um I kind of okay when were they was that like long ago in college um there was one in college and there was a one earlier this year actually what stopped you guys from going to the next step well the main problem with with the one earlier this year was that he lived in Indiana so that was kind of a mm-hmm how did you meet her then um I met her at like a at like a inauguration party thing in like January and so she was just in town for that so just kind of worked um actually it was funny she had like written this like whole like your fancy story and I was like oh I know hey I'm a writer I'd love to you know read it and you know and you'll get feedback and and and we like scheduled a zoom call and I just kind of started from there so did you ever meet up in person again no okay that was the yeah okay okay and then any other dates recently get to second or third dates um no how do you feel like you're doing at making these dates feel romantic um that is a most recent thing I've been working on I mean I was recently informed that you should lead by you know by telling a girl that you know he looks great I mean frankly it's been you know I think that historically I've been not I've been not very comfortable expressing that kind of thing so that's been something I've needed to you know learn as well I think got like how to give a compliment yeah why don't we practice right now let's do a little role play okay you show up to a date with Tatiana what how might you greet her in a way that follows that guideline hmm well I love this restaurant Steven thanks for bringing me here yeah yeah I love how the what do I say um I love how the how the outfit like like kind of like kind of melds I gather the top and the pants whatnot the monochromatic yeah thank you I really like Browns so I liked putting all the Browns together thank you for noticing I feel like guys never notice fashion stuff so you must be into fashion I'm not I think you have a great outfit yeah I think you have a great outfit on too this is a good first date outfit yeah thanks um okay so that was that was good she helped you out there I think you know something you want to think about when you're giving a compliment it's okay you know it doesn't have to be the first thing you say to her it's okay to like take a minute to like take it in look at her and then you want to be as specific as possible so she helped you out with the monochromatic and the brown but like those are words like you could have used if you didn't even if you didn't have monochromatic in your vocabulary to like describe the color scheme like I love the brown like you look amazing in brown or like that's really your color being a little more specific than just like your outfit is looks good on you like what looks good about it like the more specific and more genuine you can be the more she's going to appreciate the compliment yeah like my eyes are also brown yeah so you could have been like wow really brings out the brown in your eyes and I'd be like noticed yeah I love like the tying in the eye color with I love complimenting people's eyes it's such a personal it could be very vulnerable but people really like I don't know like you have beautiful brown are they blue or green blue blue yeah you've beautiful eyes you have a great head of hair too it's true yeah I don't think you're ever gonna go bald it looks very thick I'm already in I'm already I'm already a though see yeah there's nothing wrong with gray a little salt and pepper silver Fox we like that yeah like a little experience yeah yeah no the gray is nothing to complain about yeah do you um like if you always been stylish have you always put thought into your wardrobe or is this a new thing um it's a very new definitely okay I actually it's funny I ran like a few pictures or like you know chat or you know chat GPT and acid acid you know make me a shopping list okay it did and that's how I got this Wow that actually turned out pretty good yeah I mean what was the picture that you sent it um it was us um it was something off of a half of a Pinterest I think oh cool I love interest oh so you like found outfits you liked and we're like make me some outfits that yeah yeah got it that's a good way to use it I do feel like I do believe that looks are for a woman women care a lot less about men's appearances than men care about a woman's appearances but still your first appearance does matter your first how you portray yourself how you carry yourself what you're wearing that's gonna tell her a lot about you how do you feel like women feel about you right now that's a tough one that's a tough one I don't know I mean what do you guys think I think you look really good I mean we were just like showering you with compliments over your hair in your eyes but I get this sense and like where I was kind of heading towards there is like I get this sense that you that might that might not be how you actually feel about yourself like that you don't necessarily show up to the date feeling like the most confident guy or feeling like you are attractive or sexy or like that she's going to be into you would you say that's accurate like do you play it safe yeah frankly yeah yeah I think there's something like to be said there about like you really owning who you are and getting really confident and comfortable with like who that is and what you bring to the table and that you are attractive you're tall to our taller you have five time okay yeah you're tall enough just made it buddy no five time is great we don't have to go tippy-toes to kiss I love that yeah I was gonna ask that too like how do you view yourself cuz that's gonna be the number one like indicator of like how people feel about you something I had to do to work on my relationship with myself is it's embarrassing but the mirror affirmations thing it's embarrassing but I tell all my friends when they're going through it I'm like you got to start talking to yourself in the mirror like in movies it really works and it's like and you know you need it when you look in the mirror and you're like oh I can't look in the mirror it's like well why can't I face myself do I not like myself and so I think that's like a great place to start it's building your relationship with yourself and your own image in the mirror and then once you come to like that guy in the mirror everything else comes into place people are magnetized towards people that like themselves yeah I fully agree with that and when you meet somebody the only thing the only way they know how to interpret you is how you feel about yourself like they're picking up on that and like especially women we are astute readers of nonverbal signals so if you are if you don't feel good about yourself if you're not confident you don't feel like you deserve to be there that she's out of your league then like she is because like she's gonna pick up on that but if you truly believe that you're the man and like these things that yeah about you don't hold you back and like everything you bring to the table is makes you worthy like she's gonna see that too doesn't mean every relationships gonna work out it doesn't mean every dates gonna go someplace but until you have that foundation it'll be really hard to get second and third dates hmm that makes sense yeah we are you gonna do the mirror self-talk I plead the fifth oh yeah well don't come crying to me when no I'm kidding I can't even get my friends to do it I can barely get myself to do it but I will say it's a big game-changer I think yeah if I think of other things maybe that don't involve the mirror I'll let you know oh like like right even in a journal like writing down things you like about yourself or like a gratitude journal things you're grateful yeah I'm really big into manifesting to like writing down like I'm gonna show up at the date being my most confident self I'm going to make strong eye contact I'm going to speak clearly I'm going to have you know talk tracks around when I say talk tracks it's like there are certain things that are gonna come up on every first second or third date like for everyone everyone's gonna talk about where they live like why they moved there what they do for work then you're also gonna have talk tracks that are specific to you like for you your stutter what it's taught you your country swing like those are things you're definitely gonna talk about so make sure that you have crisp explanations that are clear concise and confident about those things I I truly truly believe like I think if you have been going into dates you know not addressing the stutter and not being confident and like we know why they haven't necessarily been translating but if you can tackle those two things if all of the other stuff is in place and the values are aligned and you're compatible like you're gonna do great yeah do you have a best friend um I have a few people that like I would like think of as like being my like my inner circle means guys are weird about saying they have a best friend like not like one specific best friend I don't think okay but you have a click that you'd hang out with yeah basically do you guys go out together sometimes cuz I was gonna say like we're talking about romance on a date and I feel like another form of like another way to say romance is like intimacy and when you haven't had a lot of romantic relationships another way to practice intimacy is in your friendships obviously it's not romantic intimacy but even like with a friend that you consider maybe your best friend or close to your best friend learning how to like be like yeah I'm just it's so good to see you like every time I see you I just feel so good like it's really and like that's really vulnerable you know and like practicing that vulnerability with people you trust makes you better at it in other relationships as well and I know my friends get uncomfortable with it sometimes too I love to give toasts at birthdays my friends hate it because they get so uncomfortable I love to raise the glass and be like Rachel like your smile lights up the room you make everyone feel better when you're around like I'm so glad you ever and it's like it's a little uncomfortable but like it's the best so I think that's like one way to practice yeah yeah it makes sense totally and like with like with the talk tracks I get practice them on your friends to practice like giving the compliments on your friends like all of the advice that we're giving don't reserve it just for like waiting until you're on a date to practice it for the first time it's like give your friends compliments work on giving them specific compliments work on like explaining who you are and talking about the things that are important to you so that way when you get to the date you have some reps under your belt you're not trying it out for the first time yeah and it's not this like business interaction I have to show up and give the best presentation and get the best outcome and it's it's a zero-sum game it's like get comfortable on the spectrum of like human connection and just connecting with other people without even worrying about the outcome I think people have are all like struggling with that right now across the board totally I've noticed yeah I don't know do you find it hard to date in DC like as a political climate because you work you said you work for a Republican magazine yeah um I mean honestly not really in that like it's pretty like I mean it's a pretty insular and that like the people on I mean like on our side like you know people usually are like you know like networking among themselves and you don't really interact with like the you know a broader populace I guess so I mean that is one thing I've not been all that challenged by my view that's interesting because there was just an article was it a didn't vote I don't know I was on was it unvogue about do you know I'm talking about there was an article about how like dating in DC yes yes really hard specifically like for people who are Republican because like it's like 90% 95% liberal and like a lot of liberals like I would never date a Republican um I mean here's in here's the thing right if you work in politics you are weird like you are a very strange person you have a very strange sort of social circle and I think that that makes it a bit you know a bit you know different than like the broader populace I do think that that is like a problem for a lot of people but like specifically for people that work in in politics I think it's it's a it's a it's less so anyway would you date somebody who a different political alignment than you how within reason yeah okay so if you can like agree to disagree then that's yeah that's basically the the standard I would say okay what are your political values how well you know I'm like a pretty normal ish Republican I would say like I don't like the Andrew Tate or you know or you know Nick Fuente stuff I don't like those guys but like I'm a pretty normal ish how Republican I'd say so at what age did you come to those views I don't know like 18 I guess okay is your family like would you do are you politically aligned with your family yeah okay so like you grew up with that yeah yeah it's basically when you could vote is it yeah more or less are the women that you've been on dates with do you know what their political stance was or it didn't mostly you know mostly they're like I mean you know mostly they're further out there than I am like further Republican yeah oh interesting so you're kind of like targeting like because it seems like there's like not that many Republicans in DC so you must be targeting them somehow I guess you know yeah like it's the you know social networks you you know travel in any young Republican women out there you want to be flipped around get in touch with Steve do you have any have you been on any interesting dates do you have any like crazy dating stories I have a couple notes here and that I was tipped off to about like interesting things that might have happened where should I start so I met that's like one that's like one woman that like this networking thing and and I was kind of interested I asked her he is like in our one conversation you mentioned that you like to karaoke and so I was like you know how do you do it karaoke how do you do it karaoke well well actually I'm fine because is the part of the brain that you use for speaking and the part that you use for your singing is like totally different so I can you know that's so interesting so I had proposed that and you know she was like oh well I'll be away that weekend and it was not the first thing that she'd like turn down so I was kind of like well well you know all right she's probably not interested so I'll just let that one go and then so so I proposed that for a you know a you know Sunday and so at like 4 in the afternoon on on Sunday like I just get this random text from her saying that she's back in town I'm like oh crap so I like called up a female friend of mine and we're like strategizing over the phone as to like what I should text this person and she like started saying me like pictures of like her her outfit and whatnot and girl the date girl yeah okay yeah and it was like I mean it was like like it wasn't anything yeah I mean it it wasn't like inappropriate but like it was like flirty yeah I mean it's like not stuff that I think that most in the most you know that most women would send men that they're not into yeah and so I think that I was very reasonably under the you know view that that you know basically as long as I you know showed up and you know didn't you know talk her out of it like it'd be good um so about two hours before we meet she asked if she can bring a friend and I'm like um well I can't really say no so instead I'll respond homie if I can bring one and you know she said yes and so I and so I I am I called up one of my friends and I was like hey man I need a favor and you're absolutely you're absolutely going to hate it but you know he came through it for me and so when she she shows up um her friend is this like very tall man and it's like she brings a dude to the date yeah and so it's like it's I was like well okay that's a straight man I'll get there and so it's like well all right I mean you know maybe it's you know maybe it's like it's like her yo gay bestie and and how we walk in and we sit down and at one point like about about like you know 10 minutes in and they like start kissing and so and so it's like oh okay you were the gay bestie um apparently so you're trying to like loop you in no okay no she was sending you outfit pics like being like yeah yeah and yeah and so like and so you do have good style shoes see and and the thing about it that um that was you know that was you know that was the funniest is that um I mean you know me and my friend left after that obviously you're like oh yeah it's happening yeah that was weird so like we left and then later that that night she she likes arts like she starts texting me all these Instagram reels and she she asked me hey what what did you think about the you know guy I was with I wasn't quite sure about him and it's like I mean you mean you seemed pretty sure about him you know whoa okay I think you dodged a bullet with that one yeah probably has like poor judgment yeah yeah or at least she's not not a stable character reading the room correctly what did you say to her nothing did you say it seems like you were pretty sure about him because I know I said nothing I mean like I mean like at that point I mean it's like I mean like don't give that person yeah I mean like it's not like it's like you know what on earth you know what on earth could I possibly say in that circumstance you know mm-hmm okay so maybe a learning here though is to be more clear if you ask a woman to hang out like I would love to take you out I would love to take you to karaoke I think just using like the take you makes establishes it more as a date versus like a friend hang um yes and and the thing is that every friend that I that every friend I showed that you know conversation you afterwards thought that like you know my view of it was like what they would have thought okay it wasn't like you were just totally yeah yeah reading in in that's in that's in that's and that's in that specific instance I think it was just bad luck mm-hmm yeah wrong person yes wrong person okay any other wild dating stories or mishaps you've had recently um it's interesting right because something like that where it's like someone that I'm interested in has like you know made out with with like some other guy in front of me and last year that's happened about four times wait what yeah yeah um so and so as a reoccurring theme that you like women that you are romantically inclined towards end up making out with somebody else in front of you um so so I so I thought for for a while that that's a I mean I don't know maybe the universe you know just doesn't like me um but my friend you know she sat me down said you know Steven you know you have a type and I'm like and what's that I mean you know and and what she you know said was it's it's it's you know it's it's a it's you know it's women who are very into into you know male attention and you know you know like using that and you think that you can you know be the one who wins he wins them over and you feel sad and you feel sad when you can't and when she told me that it's like man okay um and and I mean listen you know it's it's not that like I don't like those women you know obviously I do but I think something that I've learned is that what they're looking for is not this so I need to look elsewhere I think they're looking for more like the bad boy type someone who's gonna like be more exciting hot and cold with them maybe yeah yeah and that's just not me ultimately yeah yeah I think that sounds like good advice I would agree that if like this has happened four times that's a pattern and it probably has something to do with the type of woman that you're interested in because I wouldn't say that's like normal behavior like especially and I don't want to discredit like your part in it like maybe you can do more to show up as the romantic suitor yes and to you know show up with confidence and show up not being scared to ask for what you want and confidently take her on a date and take the lead and give her a compliment and go for a kiss I can assume if you're not comfortable giving compliments you're probably not going for the kiss either at the end of the date so if you can start doing those things and positioning yourself more as a romantic prospect to the right also to the right women who aren't just seeking like attention then you're gonna be in a better spot I think dance is a great place to meet more of these women networking events clearly worked in your favor before yeah I think so sounds like you're I mean you stood up for yourself you know like they did something messed up and you knew your boundary and you didn't take it you walked away and some people can't even do that so it's good to show someone that you know you respect yourself and you expect respect from them and all you can do is walk away yeah on to the next one yeah what I'm like the keys with dating is you know we were talking before I was like you have to keep doing you have to keep going on dates and you have to know when to cut your losses on you like an investment you know I think some people get way too we've been talking for like so long or like I just think I can convince her because like we had a really great first date even though the second two haven't been that nice it's like no as soon as you realize someone isn't matching your energy and matching your attention that signal that it's probably not the person and direct your attention and your efforts elsewhere yeah I've I've found that I fall into that perhaps perhaps perhaps more than I should I mean I think something that I need to work on is I I get attached I think a bit too quickly and I think that I need to have I mean you know stronger boundaries I think yeah and I think so if you have if you're meeting more women if you're going on more dates if you're putting yourself out there more you're gonna be less likely to get attached so quickly because you'll fit you know like okay like if it doesn't work out with her there's like another woman around the corner and like I can meet somebody else as opposed to being oh I need to make it work with this one specific woman because like she's giving me a shot if you go in with that attitude like it very rarely goes any place yeah I think a lot of people myself and people I know like especially when you're younger it's like you go for these people that aren't as interested in you because it's like a way to validate yourself and I think as you mature and come to love yourself you start you stop going for that type and you start to be attracted to people that like you and it's such a breakthrough when you start to be like oh I like this person because they like me and they're being nice to me and them not liking you is a disqualifier where it's like okay if this person doesn't appreciate me and doesn't like me then like I don't want to be with them anyway yeah spot-on well Stephen thank you so much for coming and being open and vulnerable I think it's very inspiring there's a lot of people out there dating who have something whether it's a speech related or something physical that they feel that they worry could hold them back and I think you've done a great job showing that like that doesn't have to hold you back and in fact as Tatiana said can be your superpower and Tatiana thank you for your great advice tell everyone where they can find you yes add me on Instagram Tatiana Frank NYC I'm a touring comedian coming to your city come see me live check out my show on YouTube thought daughter or Tatiana Frank on YouTube oh yeah having you playing this is awesome it was so nice to meet you Stephen hi you too you too we're me we're rooting for you yeah thank you