Ebony McMorris Bego, White House Correspondent | The Good Word

I'm Tisha Lewis, and this is The Good Word. We love that you're watching. For those joining us for the first time, welcome. And for The Good Word family returning, welcome back to your dose of faith, inspiration, and The Good Word. To my right, Ebony McMorris-Bango joining us. You wear a lot of different hats. White House correspondent. Also a first lady, what church? Yes, the Point DMV. We're at 49th and Sheriff Road in Northeast D.C. Hey, go to church. You have a powerful story. Thank you so much for being here. No, honestly, thank you for having me because content that you bring here is so important. Outside of all the things I know you and I always see and have to be involved with all the time. And do, right? So you were on this fertility journey, like so many people. Tell us about it. I'm still on the journey. I am still on the journey. I was married seven years ago. We celebrated on October 19th. And along that journey, you know, it's not like the good old days where you thought you just laid down, had a little sex, and everything was good. It was not. But we've been trying to conceive for seven years and have not been able to. And along that journey, miscarriages happened. And I always say the biggest thing was having. The desire to hope for more in the midst of everything, right? Do you stay in this waiting room in this period and try and have babies? And not just that, being in doctor's offices and them telling you, no, you don't qualify for IVF, you don't have any eggs, you have to do this. And then looking at the price, like adding it up. The pressure of just trying to do it was mounting just as you're getting older, dealing with marriage, and we got married literally like right before COVID. So I think COVID marriages deserve bonuses. I do, I do, I do. Hats off to you. But no, it has, it's been a journey, but it also has brought me into communion with other women who have been trying and not been successful, but still trying to figure out how to have the audacity of hope through the process. And so many people are navigating a fertility journey silently. Why is it important for you to share your story? It wasn't until I began to open up to other women that I actually got some relief, right? I think the idea of community is so important. I think so many times we are taught, especially women now, we press through, we suffer through, we are strong, we have that S on our chest, and you were not made or designed to handle all of that. You know, you bring up a good point about the S on the chest because I had a girlfriend of mine, we were conversing, and she said to me, you are the strongest woman I know. And, you know, it echoed in my head over and over and over again. And then I realized I don't want to be the strongest woman, you know, I want to live that soft life. Or you want to say, girl, I'm really tired. I'm really not as strong as you want. And so it brought me closer to my faith in God, right? So even working in the church, serving alongside my husband and having to minister to other women, I find myself in the middle of a storm while having to give hope to other women at the same time. And what it did is it made me double down. Honestly, after first time, I'm not gonna lie, I rejected it. I was like, I don't want to be strong. I don't want to have hope. I want to just tell me if it is or if it ain't. I'm good if it's not. But it's the audacity of trying to hope. Wow. And you talk about ministering to other women, helping other women. When you were navigating your own journey, what was the hardest part about that? Oh, man. So every Tuesday I lead a prayer call called Wailing Women Win. And at the end of the prayer call, I open up and other women are looking to me for some type of hope, for some type of word. And when we had just had the miscarriage, I think I had had a prayer call like that upcoming Tuesday. But I said, I'm not going to stop. I'm going to get on because I understood I need the The power of this woman. These women, I know what it means to have a praying mama, some praying girlfriends, some people around you to stand in the gap when you cannot do it on your own. And so having the faith and the fortitude to get back up and keep moving and still do the reporting, still be at the White House, dealing with all the craziness, maintaining home and not going into a corner. And just sitting and staring into a corner, because that felt good for a minute. Just kind of coming back, it was challenging. You brought up a good point about how you still did the prayer call. And often I find myself saying, God, if you never do anything else, you've already done enough, right? And so what was it like for you? You're navigating this fertility journey. You're praying for a breakthrough. Maybe you're close to the breakthrough. Maybe you're not, we don't know, right? We don't know. But you're still hoping and believing and praying and leading. You know, it's so funny that you said that, because literally this morning, I was almost in tears thinking about coming to speak to you, because I literally, I don't even want to cry, I had to lift up my hands and say, God, if it never happens, I thank you. I thank you that you're giving me peace of mind. I thank you for your grace. I thank you for your favor. I thank you for all the times when I didn't, couldn't see the end of the tunnel, you've been there. I had to remember, it was almost like when God said, Moses, I need you to remember what I told you. And that helps to lift me up out of that. That gives me the ability to talk and minister to other women and say, it's okay to feel how you feel. It's hard. It's hard. It's not easy. And God doesn't tell you to deny. You don't have to deny. God, I'm having a hard day. This is, I feel like I'm breaking. Because it says, in your weakness, I'm made strong. Well, if I'm trying to act like I'm strong and not like I have any weaknesses, I'm not giving an opportunity for God to come in. Let me ask you, what would you say is the biggest stigma for couples navigating fertility? Oh, man. I would say, and maybe this is a caution to people who are talking and sharing with other people, because I always would get this a lot and it would bother me. First of all, stop telling people the Sarah testimony. And I'm not knocking it. But people were like, you know what? And I'm like, I'm not trying to be 80, 90, having a baby. I'm not trying to do this. So that would kind of bother me. But that was, you know, a little bit of a joke. But also, sometimes when people try to help you, being a little insensitive to sometimes the needs or telling you it's OK, you needed to do this and not giving you room to actually be who you are. And so being in this position, serving beside my husband. I think there was sometimes an expectation that I was just going to fly through it. Everything was going to be okay. But I had to tell the women who I speak with, no, I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I feel like I'm about to break. Right? And it's okay to be that way. It goes back to always trying to be strong. And even saying, this is expensive. It's expensive financially. It's expensive emotionally. It's expensive. And for my husband as well. Because on top of that, which I didn't say, I was dealing with fibroids. fibroids. I was one who was always in the industry and working and not checking on my body, not checking on my own emotions, pushing through, thinking that I was like Teflon, everything was okay. So I didn't even understand the fibroid portion of it. And then going through perimenopause, you know, and now it's a lot, but it is okay to say, I am not okay. It's okay to seek help. Professional help, and also read your word and have hope at the same time. Your friends are not professionals. And I just learned you were the child of preachers. Yes, my mother, my mother, Prophet Sylvia McMorris, who I love, who has been like, oh my gosh, can we just give it up for mothers? Right? Especially when they... One time. Oh my gosh, like, ain't nothing like a good mama. And a praying mama. Let me tell you, a praying mother, because throughout this journey, Before I was married, if it wasn't for my mom, who has literally, literally had to pick me up off the floor at times throughout my career and throughout my life and speak the word, literally speak life into me. When I couldn't see it, when I was like, what is God doing? I don't understand. I want to get off this road. I've been there. This ain't it. This is not what, thank you, Lord, but this is not it. And just speaking a word of encouragement, To me, pouring into me, sometimes sitting in silence and just holding me like my mom has been my rock. Mothers are special. You know, you remind me I was this was I'm not going to date myself, but this was a while ago. But you look good. I was a young reporter in Bakersfield, California, which is an hour and a half north of L.A. in Kern County, very small, small town. And I remember, this was before GPS. Before social media. When you had the maps. Right. Right, this is when you printed out MapQuest directions and I remember I was in the middle of a cornfield, lost. Lost as I wanted to be. And I remember I called my mom and I was sobbing. I was like, I don't know if I could do this. My mother said you are about to stay right there because this is what you said you wanted to do and you dreamed about doing and so And God wouldn't have brought you that far to leave you, right? And so when you said that, it reminded me of that moment. And I think so many of us have had those moments. And we are so thankful for our mothers who prayed for us and pushed us forward, right? Our mothers, our communities, our aunties, because my husband and I, we raised his niece. His sister died before we got married. And so when I came into her life, here's me trying on my journey and her... on her journey trying to navigate that but God reminded me of how my mother was and he was like you've got to speak into her tell her what tell her what she doesn't see show her what I'm seeing in you and watch that begin to sustain her now she's 12 years old and I got her doing the same Same thing. Doing all the things. Doing all of the things. And my mother was just such a... An important, important part of my journey, I always say now I married my mama because I think I got her part, too, and my husband who's been there. But even if you don't have that, that still goes back to community. Who is speaking into your life? Who are you allowing in your ear? Who is encouraging you when you cannot stand in the gap for yourself? And it's important. Studies indicate that women are waiting later to have children. They are. Tell us a little bit more about where you are in your fertility journey right now. So I will say this. I walked down the aisle at 40. So I'm going to go ahead and date myself. And throughout these past seven years, there's been a conversation, do you want to do the embryo donation? We've looked at the cost of that, we've looked at opportunities, what the state of Maryland provides, where we can get money on that. But I think right now the conversation, it's funny because I haven't talked about this too much, but we've been looking at adoption. We've been looking at adoption. I have an older brother who's- And there's a need. There is a great need. A huge need. There is. And so for me, it's like, Lord, if it cannot come from my womb, I can still give love to someone else who needs it. Love. And so that is the conversation that we have been talking about right now. Am I still giving up hope? No, but I'm not going to put myself in a place of waiting and I allow grief to sit and I don't move on with life. So, yeah. Women in metropolitan areas apparently have their first child later than women in rural areas. When you hear some of these facts and statistics and the data, what comes to your mind? I mean, just life. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it. I mean, I'm a D.C. native through and through. And so, you know, your career, you're doing other things. I will say this. When I do talk to younger women, one thing, if you can, I always say, look into, if you want to have children, because I'm meeting more and more women who don't want children. But those who do, I'm encouraging them while they're younger, look into freezing your eggs. That's an option I didn't even think about because you never think. You plan out your life. I'm going to be work this, make this, married here. And to be honest, when you talk to most women, it does not always work according to your schedule. Often, the plan is derailed. It is derailed, but there is a journey for you. But I would also say as you go along that journey, pay attention to your body. Make sure that when you're going into a job, look at what plans are available for you, if they even offer that. These are things our mamas didn't know. These are conversations that were not even happening when we were coming up. No, they prepared us to what? To graduate, to go to school, to work, get that career, make that money. And get your education. Get your education, get a husband and do that. But as we live, I remember I called my mom last year one time and I said, baby, you did not prepare me for this. You prepared me for the career. Education and career. But this whole body thing is a whole other conversation. And she fell out laughing. She said, baby, I'm so sorry. But they were working hard. Right, right. And sacrificing so that we could have... What we have now. But, you know, I'm just grateful to share my information on the lessons that I've learned. And even our young one, our baby girl, I talked to her about her body. Now, funny story, I took her to get a physical. I talked so much about it along this fraternity journey. We took her to get a physical and she looks at the doctor and she says, Can we check my estrogen levels? And she was like all of 10 and I was, she was like, I take her along my journey with me. But that's funny. But it is important for us to do that. If you have a son or daughter in the home, I think it's important for you to talk to them about that other than the career, but also their bodies and life and emotions and how to process and what's OK and taking and maintaining your peace. Let me ask you, you talk about lessons that you have learned. What would you say are the big three takeaways, the big three lessons that you have learned that you would like to share with people at home who are watching? Or maybe you're watching this on your phone, wherever you are, and maybe you're navigating a fertility journey or another type of journey. What would be your three big takeaways? One first would be self-care. It would be to train others around you to give you your space because you're going to need it. And so many times we take on so much all the time and we do not create barriers and boundaries for ourselves. And it's okay to do that. The second thing I would say, I learned this, probably a good friend of mine straight out of college, I always repeat. He said, closure can be overrated. And I got so angry when he said that. I was like, what do you mean closure? And he said, because sometimes there was an issue I was dealing with. He was like, you're always looking for an answer to this. And you haven't gotten it, and it has stopped you in your tracks. And he was like, you've got to learn to push past and get over it. And I was like, OK. And then the third thing that I would say is lean in and remember, remember who God has called you to be and what he has said over you. And if you forget, go back to those diaries, go back to those little pieces of paper that you were writing down, all this motivational stuff that you put aside when you went through. But go back and it is important to remember. Wow. Can I just offer my two cents really quick when you talk about closure is overrated, your friend telling you that? That's a whole word. It is. Because you might not get the closure. And you probably won't. You might not get the apology. It was a relationship that I was dealing with at the time. You, me, everybody, you might not get the answers that you're searching for. Yeah. He said, it is overrated. And I was like, I was angry at the time. I said, what do you mean it's overrated? He said, I need, he said, look at you right there. Look at you. You're not going to get the answer. Wow. You brought up, as you navigate your fertility journey, you and your husband are exploring adoption. Absolutely. And when you said that, my heart felt full and warm because there is such a need for adoption, especially in black and brown communities. What is the message? Sometimes we want to design our full journey. Right. And so we have it mapped out. And at the end of the day, like we said before, it doesn't always happen that way. But in me is a desire to love and to mold and to help a child. Right. So that's why I was saying it may not come from me. And I am. Oh, I'm at a place of hope, but I'm OK. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I want to be of help to so many kids who didn't have the mother that I have, didn't have the father that I had, didn't have the community that I have. Why, if I am able to, why wouldn't I want to adopt? I love it. It's beautiful. Why not? It's a beautiful thing. And before we let you go, everyone who comes on The Good Word, we always ask them this question. So it's no, it's not something unfamiliar to folks who are watching, but I want to ask I want to ask you because I know that every time you were about to give up, You had these big blessings happen. So what would you say, with that in mind, what would you say is the good word? I would say that you are the good word. Because... There is a word that has been, I'm sure, deposited in you, and sometimes we have to sit and be still to access what we already know. Whether you have faith, believe a different faith, what is inside of you can come out of you, but I need you to pause and understand I am the good word. I do possess peace. Sometimes you have to speak a word. Over yourself and it's always in the midst of your greatest storm, but your remembering can be one of the most powerful things that you lean into because you literally begin to reprogram your mind and reprogram your body to go forward in the journey that is already created and made just for you, not somebody else's shoes, but your own shoes. So I say to myself in the morning, I am the good, the good word. There is something that's been deposited in me that I've just got to let out, and don't forget to speak and use your voice. Do not let every noun, every person, place, or thing silence you and make you think that goodness doesn't come from you, peace doesn't come from you, joy can't come from you, even in the midst of this. Wow. And let the church say amen. I feel like every first lady I know can preach a word. Child, that's what we've been through so much. I'm so worried. That's incredible. So before we let you go, I think it's important for folks who want to follow along on your journey. Where can we hear you, see you, find you? Where are you at? Here's where I am. Here's where I'm at. All across social media, at Ebony McMorris. And you can DM me. I told my husband, I said, let's begin to share this journey with this adoption process. We'll look like. And so he was like, okay. Right? Okay. And I'm like, I'm going to say, I'm the good word today, baby. We love it. We love it. And we love a supportive husband. Shout out to the husband. It has been. Ebony, thank you so much. I know that this was a vulnerable topic and you were so candid. And so I appreciate you sharing. No, thank you. Thank you for your journey and how you are helping so So many women really just. Open up their own mouths and share their own journey. I appreciate you. We love to see it. All right, we are On Demand on Fox Local Sundays at 10 a.m. and also on Fox Soul Wednesdays through Sundays. Check your local listings. I'm Tisha Lewis. Thank you for watching The Good Word. Until next time.