Your Child Is Overwhelmed? Start With Yourself (Ages 5-9)

Your child is crying or angry and your first thought is how do I calm my child down or what should I do but the first person who made me to calm down is you. When your child emotions go up hours can go up too. So before you ask questions, correct the behavior or try to fix the problem There is something you need to do first. Calm yourself enough to guide the moment. When our child brings us a problem, you usually focus immediately on them. We almost instantly ask what happened, why are they crying, who did what, but I want you to start somewhere different this time. Before you respond, ask yourself, what is happening inside right now? Maybe your child comes home and says, I hate school, and suddenly you feel anxious. You think something terrible happened, or maybe you feel irritated. I have a million things to do, and now this. Maybe you feel guilty, maybe you feel embarrassed, maybe you feel helpless because you don't know how to fix the problem, or maybe their anger triggers your anger. This part matters, because sometimes we are not responding only to what our child is feeling, we are also responding to what their problem makes us feel, and sometimes their behavior can even trigger feelings connected to experiences we've had when we were children. So notice this, ask yourself, am I worried? Am I angry? Am I embarrassed? Am I trying to fix this quickly because I feel uncomfortable? Am I reacting to my child or am I reacting to my own fear about what this situation means? You do not have to judge yourself for any of those feelings. Just notice them. If you can recognize what is happening inside you, You have a better chance of choosing what to do next. You do not need to become perfectly calm. That is not realistic. You just need to become calm enough to guide the moment. Take one slow breath. Lower your shoulders. Relax your face. Slow your voice and if you need a few seconds before you respond, take them. Sometimes the most useful thing you can do is simply pause because when your child is overwhelmed, they are watching you. Children learn not only from what we tell them, they also learn from what they repeatedly see us doing. If we can't say, calm down, while your voice is loud, your face is tense, and your body is rushing. Our words are teaching one thing, but our behavior is teaching another. So ask yourself, what do I want my child to learn from watching me in this moment? Not perfection, but maybe I can feel something strongly and still slow myself down. I can be upset and still choose how I respond and that is a powerful lesson. Once you are calm enough to guide, you can connect to your child and keep it simple. You do not need high speech. You may say, you look really upset. That was really hard for you. That is enough to tell your child, I see you. I'm not afraid of your emotions. And if your child says, go away, you can say, okay. I will be nearby. Also, notice what you feel in that moment. Sometimes this kind of behavior can trigger strong feelings in us too. Connection does not always mean talking. Sometimes it means staying close. Sometimes it means giving a little space. Then the moment is slowed down. Maybe you sit quietly together. Maybe take a few slow breaths. Maybe your child needs a few minutes alone. The goal is simply to help the intensity come down enough that your child may think again. And remember, you are not trying to make the feeling disappear as quickly as possible. You are showing your child big feelings can happen and we can move through them. Later, when your child is calmer, you can reflect. Reflecting means taking time to look at the situation together and sometimes that reflection does not need to happen immediately, it can even happen the next day. Keep it simple, ask what happened or what was the hardest part and listen. This is where you may begin to separate what your child felt from what they concluded. Maybe they felt rejected and thought, nobody likes me. Maybe they felt disappointed and thought, I'm terrible at everything. Maybe the feeling may be real, but the conclusion may not tell the whole story. And if this is the part you find difficult, help your child separate a strong feeling. From the thoughts that come with it, I created a free guide called A 5-Minute Parent Guide to Helping Kids Separate Feelings from Facts. It gives you practical phrases, breathing techniques, and simple tools you can use during those moments. You can download it for free using the link in the description below. And there is one more thing I want parents to remember. You will not do this perfectly every time. Sometimes your child gets overwhelmed and you get overwhelmed too. Maybe you yell, maybe you react too fast, maybe you say something you wish you had not said. You can still come back later and repair. You can say, I'm sorry I yelled, I was frustrated. I should have handled that differently. I'm working on this too. That also teaches your child something important. We can make mistakes, take responsibility and try again. So, next time your child is overwhelmed, remember, first, notice what is happening inside of you. Then, calm yourself enough to guide. They connect. to your child. Help the moment slow down and reflect only when your child is ready. If this video helped you, give it a like and follow Powerful Skills Academy for more practical tools that help children build the skills they need for real life. And if you want the full connect, calm, reflect process, I explain all three steps in detail in my video, how to help your kid regulate emotions in three steps. You can find that video in this channel. And remember to download the free parent guide, the link is in the description below. Because before we can guide our children through big emotions, we often have to guide ourselves first. And these skills are built one conversation at a time.