How to Know You’re With the Wrong Person

Here's how you know you are in a relationship with the wrong person. You are not okay with who they fundamentally are, and your happiness depends on them changing. You can't sit under an apple tree and expect a pear to come down. You have to know exactly who this person is, and you have to be okay with who the person is who's standing right in front of you, and say, even if you were never to change, I still choose you. That's not the same as wanting your partner to grow and evolve, and to have a curiosity about life, and to explore new things about themselves, and explore new things about everything, you know, about life. And some people, having a growth mindset is more important to others. People rarely change and evolve the way that we want them to. They do it on their own timeline. And I actually think it's a beautiful thing to believe and see someone's potential. I mean, if we didn't have anyone in our life who saw our potential, that would be really sad. You can't see someone's potential, but be dissatisfied with who they are today, because then you are going to be chronically unhappy, and you're going to turn your partner into a project, which is absolutely not what you want, and no one wants to be your project. We don't want to be anyone's project. It's probably one of the worst feelings, is being in a relationship with someone who's trying to change you. It's kind of awful. You have every right to end a relationship that isn't working for you. You have every right to say, you know what, this person isn't who I thought they were, or isn't who I need them to be. You have every right. But none of us have a right to be in a relationship with someone, and need them to be fundamentally different than who they are. Then we're the problem, essentially. Truly, the best relationships are ones in which both people fully accept one another. They may not like every single aspect about each other, but they accept them who they are. If you're going to be in a relationship with an artist, then you're going to have to accept their creativity and the way that they work, even if maybe you are really logical and work in a very different way. If you're in a relationship with someone who loves to travel, and loves to be sort of nomadic, no amount of trying to get them to be in one place is going to work. You have to accept that they're nomadic, or decide that, you know what, you don't want the apple, you want the pear.