Sandra Bullock Reflects on Bryan Randall’s Death From ALS

I wasn't allowed to speak about it, that was the request, and I tried, I honored it, which is also... His illness? Yes. He asked me not to share, and I have my, I know why he asked me not, and it isolated me in the process, and plus, the entire world was locked in with the pandemic. It was literally like the final diagnosis, even though, I mean, he was ill for half of our relationship, and the diagnosis came almost at the same time with the cloak of the pandemic, so with COVID and all of that, and being asked not to talk, and I wasn't even allowed to tell Amanda. I wasn't allowed to tell anybody. My sister was the only one who knew for a while, and I, and at first, I go, oh, I can handle that, I can be quiet, but it really, it really... It's a huge weight. Why was it so important that you were under this sort of, this gag order, if you will, to not say anything? That you'd have to ask Brian, but I think where he was in his journey, both physically and mentally, I started grieving Brian four years before he passed, like something in my head said, start the grieving now, because I knew I would be the caregiver. You know someone through their eyes, and there was something that had shifted, and I go, it is a traumatic diagnosis. Also, you know, he'd been sober for 14 years, and you need medication, and I'm like, I don't give a ----. Give him what he needs. It's like, the man is suffering, give it, and so, the selfish part of me, my person left a lot earlier than the body left, and I had to, I don't think I ever dealt with that until after he passed, because you're just on this treadmill.