Telling an Uber Driver I’m a Stripper Was a Good Idea | Gina Brillon

I love this city, like I love this city. I'm a native New Yorker, I'm born and raised here and when you're born and raised in New York, you know New York ain't for everybody. That's how we like it. We don't want anybody just rolling up in here, right? Because people come to New York and then they complain about being in New York and we're like, then go. We did not request your presence, you just showed up. And they walk around the city complaining about everything, like New York is so gross. New York is so gross. I'm like, really? People don't openly poop in the streets where you come from? Well then where you live is lame. Spice it up. Are you guys, you guys seem so ready. Are you guys ready to receive comedy? I always feel like I need to poll the audience now because there's so much sensitivity. I feel like I have to be like, are you guys in a safe space for some jokes? Can you guys forget your trauma for a few minutes while I tell you about mine? I try, I try to be sensitive to everything but I'm losing myself in this PC world of being so correct. I don't know what to call people anymore. Like, I don't know what to call my garbage man. A garbage person? That seems harsh. Like if somebody were to tell me I'm a garbage person, I'd be like, no, you have such a good heart. Why would you say that? You're so fun and so kind. They're like, no Gina, I pick up trash for a living. You're an Uber driver? That's crazy. I take Uber too. I'm trashed. I do. My favorite new game is lying to Uber drivers about what I do for a living. Because I used to stupidly tell them the truth. I tell them I'm a comedian and then they'd be like, say something funny. But when I tell them I'm a stripper, no more questions. You don't want to know about my relationship with my father? Seems like an obvious line of questioning. Last time I got in the car, the guy asked me what I did for a living. I was like, sir, I'm not at liberty to discuss that. Please keep your eyes on the road. And then I just started wiping my fingerprints off of everything. He was so scared. Like I said, I'm a native New Yorker. I'm born and raised in the South Bronx in New York. Greetings, gangsters. A hearty you're to all of you. Being from the Bronx, there's always going to be a hood side to me. There's always going to be hood in me. There's hood me and then there's evolved me. But hood me is still there. Evolved me knows that hurt people hurt people. But hood me just wants to hurt people. She don't care about your backstory. They're constantly battling for control. Like hood me and involved me. I got to leave hood me repressed. I keep her repressed until I get angry. That's when the hood spirit inhabits my body against my will. And I can't control what happens. And it scares people because they don't expect it from me. It scares my husband. It do. Because I'll be like, honey, can you take out the garbage? And if he says the wrong thing, I'll be like, oh, word. Oh, we fighting now? Okay. Okay. You know what? I'm going to calm down before I key our car. Wish you would say I won't. That's why I got to let evolved me run the show. She's got to navigate through the non hood world. Because sometimes you want to handle something like you would on the block. Right? Because I'll be like on my block, this will be a fight. But I can't beat you down in a boardroom. So now I got to figure a way to verbally beat you down. You know, still sound intelligent. Not use the F word. I got a Rubik's cube, some words together. I don't mean to be offensive, but I'm not trying to hurt your feelings. All because I cannot take the are you stupid out of my tone. It's such a struggle. It really is. It is such a struggle. No matter what I say, if I don't like you, I can say good morning. And you'll be like, what the hell did you just say to me? I say good morning. Honey, call the police. By the way, when I say I'm hood, I'm not Cardi B hood. I'm like Drake hood. I'm not dangerous, but I will be the scariest person in Canada. I just celebrated my two year wedding anniversary. You could clap. I like him. I appreciate those of y'all who held your applause to make sure I was happy first. Oh, she good. She good. I got a good one. I married a good dude. I got me a 1978 Caucasian. My husband's white. That's what I'm trying to tell y'all. He's not just white. He is Midwest white. Yeah, that's right. That's organic, girl. That is. That is farm to table white. Y'all like that. I went to the source to get my white man. I am not white. I am Puerto Rican, which. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Probably my cousins. You know how we get around. My husband loves the fact that he's married a sassy Latina. He loves to bring it up in conversation when it has nothing to do with what we're talking about. Like, hey, guys, my wife's Puerto Rican. Enjoy your meal. I get it. I mean, he's excited. I'm the only Latin woman he's ever been with. So I'm his first. He's not my first white guy. I've I've been with white guys before, mainly to get information and take it back to my people.