Men Avoid Women Who Attach Too Fast

Alright ladies, so today I want to talk about something that I think most of you do with men. And if you don't catch it early, it will quietly cost you the relationship that you've been looking for. And let me explain what I mean. So every week a client sits down with me and she tells me that she finally met a guy who treats her like a priority, he's consistent, they have great chemistry. So I just simply ask her one question, how long have you known this man? And she's really excited. So she smiles and she says, Oh, just a few months or just a few weeks. And every time that I hear those answers, I take a deep breath, because I already know that she's standing at a crossroads. Because in these moments, a lot of you think that you're falling for this man. But what you're really falling for is for what he represents, okay, the possibility that maybe he could finally be the partner that you've been looking for, or the possibility that you don't have to start all over again, but getting emotionally attached before you really know a man is like watching the trailer of a movie and deciding that is the best film that you've ever seen. Because all of you know this, okay, you know that it takes time to see the full picture of one man truly is not who he is when everything is easy, but who he becomes when there's conflict, or when he doesn't get what he wants. My name is Ismael Gomez. And in this video, I'm going to show you how to get to know a man slowly and intentionally without closing your heart because the woman who attaches slowly, she's not cold, she's not playing games, she simply learned that peace comes from seeing a man clearly before making any future plans with him. Okay, so let's begin. Pace your emotional investment. The fix for attaching too fast is not to shut down or to avoid intimacy with a man is to pace yourself on purpose. And the way that you do that is by understanding what the first 12 months with him actually look like. Because what I notice is that most women have no map, you just follow your feelings wherever they lead. But when you know the timeline, something changes, you stop fantasizing so much about a man in month one. And instead, what you do is that you let each phase reveal more of who he is before you invest more of yourself. Okay, so now I'm going to walk you through the timeline of getting to know a man. Okay, so pay attention because you might be one of these phases. And if you're not, you know, just take the knowledge and apply for your next relationship. Alright, so the first month is what I call the curiosity phase. He's excited, you're excited, and it feels electric when you see each other. And this is the most dangerous phase of all of them because this is not the real him yet. This is the version of him that shows up when everything is new and easy and nothing has been tested. Also, in these early months, a man's testosterone is really high because he's wired to pursue this new opportunity and this new woman. And that deeper, settled sense of attachment usually happens later after there's genuine commitment. So what that means is that in this first month, you enjoy it, but you don't hand over your heart to a man that you've only seen at his easiest. Okay, remember, this is only the trailer, not the full movie. Now, from month one to three, you start seeing if his interest is actually genuine or just pure excitement. And again, his initial interest might be genuine, but interest and lasting commitment are not the same thing. Okay, the question is not whether he can create attraction. The question is whether he can sustain it. So this is the window where you watch for two things, consistency and escalation. Does he keep showing up? But not only that, does the relationship naturally move toward exclusivity or does it stay exactly where it is? This is the point where many women end up in situationships because he's being consistent enough to keep you hopeful, but not intentional enough to move the relationship forward. So he keeps enjoying all the benefits of being with you without ever making the commitment that should naturally come next. But let's assume that it keeps progressing and you enter a relationship with him. And now it comes month three to six. And this is how you see how he handles reality and the relationship dynamics. Now you hit your first conflicts, your first boundaries, and the first moments where things don't go his way. And you start seeing his true level of maturity when it comes to handling the issues in the relationship. Can he actually communicate when there's a disagreement? Or does he always shut down, become defensive and pull away? Can he actually take accountability when he's wrong? Or does he always find a way to make it your fault? And the last one, from six months to a year, you find out if there was real alignment between you two or everything was based on attraction and chemistry. And this is where the deeper truth comes to the surface. Do your lives actually fit together? Because now your differences are going to become harder to ignore and the patterns are going to reveal themselves. And let me point something out that is really important because Many couples notice the complete misalignment around this phase. Think about how many relationships, even marriages, have lasted for a decade when you know that they should have lasted maybe six months. And finally, let me add that these timelines are not supposed to be rigid. Some things happen a bit sooner, some later, but this is roughly the map that I see in most relationships. So write it down, re-watch this session again, and keep it in mind as you go through your experiences with men. Fantasy feels like progress, but it's not. All right, so now let me share something backed by real science that most women have never heard about. When you fantasize about a man, imagining the relationship, you know, picturing the future with him, all these things, how perfect everything could be, right? It's going to feel amazing. It's going to feel like you're And this comes from a psychologist named Gabrielle Oettingen, who spent over 20 years studying this, and she found something that surprised even her. When you vividly imagine a positive future with someone, your brain is going to respond as if you've already gotten it. Listen to that again. When you daydream about the relationship working out, your mind is going to experience it as it's already happened. And I know that you're probably thinking about manifestation, and this is how you manifest, you envision things, and then you attract them into your life. And yes, this is how manifestation works. But what happens to most people is that they end up living in fantasy world, and they forget about taking action. Because your brain thinks that it already got it. Okay, your motivation actually goes down. You don't want to spend the time to get to know a man. You want to rush to that fantasy that you've been living in your mind. She actually, you know, the psychologist in her studies, she could even measure it physically. People literally relaxed, like the goal was already handled. She even tested this on students with a crush. And what she found was that the ones who fantasize the most about the relationship, they were the ones least likely to have actually made it happen months later. So think about what this means for you. Okay, every time that you lie in bed, or you're thinking about, you know, running all these fantasies about you and this man, you're not building the relationship, you're not maybe even detaching, which is what you need to do. So how you stop falling for it is that the next time that you catch your mind drifting into the daydream, you know, the kisses, the conversations, the future, pause, okay, and do one thing. Instead, contrast the fantasy with reality. Ask yourself, okay, but what has he actually done this week? What has he actually shown me so far? And again, you have to catch yourself in the moment when you're doing it. And this question is going to Alright ladies, so I hope today's video helped you see that the goal is not to stop falling in love is to stop getting emotionally invested before you truly know the man. And before we finish, I've seen a lot of comments asking me if I'm from the Middle East, because my name is Ismael, but I'm actually Cuban American. Okay, I was born in Cuba, and I came to the US as a teenager, my grandfather was actually Ismael Gomez, the first, my dad is the second, and I'm the third, but our ancestors come from Spain. So I'm sure that there's some roots from the Middle East as well. Anyways, thank you for subscribing to my channel. And remember that for your relationships to change, you need to change. Okay, have a beautiful day.