When Your Life Feels Stuck (And You Don't Know Why)

I want to have an honest emotional discussion with you today. Are you ready? Now see, I've been having lots of discussions with people lately and when I review their struggles and even my own struggles, I honestly feel like life is just going around in circles for many of us. So many challenges and so many people feel so stuck, so helpless and almost losing hope. And this is not just So tell me, what about you? What's up with your actual life? Not your Instagram life, your real life. Honestly, do you feel like you're stuck? Like you're just waiting for a miracle to happen? Like if God could just answer your prayer right now? If your life is not anywhere near perfect, there are so many reasons why that could be. And many of those things might be out of your control. But you know what? There are some things that are actually in your control. Some of that stuckness that you feel was caused by you and me. And there's something that we can do about it. Now, before you click off thinking, well, this is the normal things are not working video, and you think you know what I want to say, just stay with me. Because I'm not here to just repeat what you already know. I'm not here to shame you either. I'm just here to wake you up, to wake me up. Because sometimes being woken up is uncomfortable, but it's what we all need. So let's talk about it. And I want to start by telling you a story about someone, a very relatable story. So there's this guy, his name is David. He's smart, very hardworking, and he has big dreams. But do you know what? He has been stuck on one particular loop that is beginning to look like voodoo, or juju for the Africans. So this is what happens. Every January, David makes a list of everything he's going to do that year. And every December, when he looks at that same list, almost nothing on it has changed. And this has been happening year after year, that the poor guy has just stopped making plans. And do you know what makes David's story so painful? He's not lazy. He works hard. He prays hard. He even speaks in tongues. And yet his life keeps going around in circles. And another thing scary about the story is that David is me. David is probably you. Maybe he's someone you know, your sister, your brother, your friend, your colleague. It's hard and sad to hope, pray, work hard, pray again, and not being able to move forward the way you expect. Today, let's talk about why we keep ending up in the same place. And more importantly, what we can do to finally get out and move forward. Now I know what you're thinking right now. You're thinking, Shay, but I am working hard. I'm doing everything I can. And I believe you. I really do. But here's the thing that nobody wants to say out loud. Hard work is not enough. I know. We were all raised on this idea. Work hard, stay committed, and everything will fall into place. Our parents told us that. Our teachers told us. Our pastors told us. And I'm not saying that those people lied to you. But I'm saying that they gave you an incomplete truth. Because hard work in the wrong direction doesn't build a future. Hard work in the wrong direction just digs you deeper into the same hole. Because think about it. If you are running as fast as you can, giving everything you have, but you are running in a circle, all that energy, all that effort, all that sacrifice, it brings you right back to where you started. So the question is not, am I working hard enough? The question is, am I working in the right direction? Now let me show you the five circles that I see people trapped in the most. And I want you to be honest with yourself as I go through these. Because healing starts with honesty. The first circle is the carrier circle. This is the person who has been in the same job or the same type of job for five, six, seven years. Not growing, not anything new. Just showing up to show up. Maybe you tell yourself, at least it's stable. At least I have something. And I want to say something that might upset some people right now. Stability is not always a blessing. Sometimes stability is just a comfortable prison. There, I said it. Now some of you are going to push back on that. And I understand. Stability pays your rent. Stability feeds your children. I am not dismissing that. But stability that stops you from growing, stability that kills your potential is not a gift. It is a trap dressed in comfortable clothing. Now for clarity, the carrier circle looks like this. You wake up. You go to work. You come home. You sleep. You repeat. And every year you tell yourself, next year I'll make a change. Next year I'll go back to school. Next year I'll ask for that promotion. Next year I'll start that business. And next year comes and you're still in the same circle. And if this is you, I see you. I really do. And I want you to know that this is not your fault. But it is your responsibility. Do what you need to do. The second circle, and this one is so common, it almost made me cry when I was putting this together. It is the financial circle. And many of us are stuck in this circle. We are working for money. Money comes in. Money goes out. And we are not building any financial house. We're not growing any financial trees. We can't seed. We can't invest. We are just surviving. Well, at least we can pay our bills and we are not sleeping out on the streets. And every month you tell yourself, once I get this next paycheck, I'll start saving. Once I finish paying this bill, I will invest. Once I settle down, I'll start building. But things never settle down, because for most people, your financial situation will never change until you change. And I know you're going to say, ah, but Shei, I don't earn enough to save. And I hear that. I'm not living in a bubble. I know the cost of living is real. Responsibilities are real. But I've met people earning very little who were building something. And I've met people earning very well who had absolutely nothing to show for it. The financial circle is not always about how much money you make. Sometimes it's about what you believe you deserve. Sometimes it's about the habits that you've normalized. Sometimes it's about who you're surrounding yourself with. And many times it's about financial knowledge. Money follows direction. And if your financial life has no direction, it will just keep going in circles. If you would like to do a quick money health care and see how healthy you are, I left something for you in the description. And it is free. Check it out. Now the third circle, and this is the one that people least want to talk about. It's the relationship circle. Relationship wahala. We keep having the same arguments with the same people, the same toxic patterns, the same friends who drain you but you keep going back to them. The same romantic situations that keep ending up the same painful way. And what do we tell ourselves? Ah, but I love him. She's my soulmate. They will change. Listen, love is not always a reason to stay. You can love someone deeply and still recognize that your relationship with them is keeping you in a circle. You can love your family and still understand that some family dynamics are designed unintentionally to keep you small and eat away at your self-worth. The people closest to you have the most power to either accelerate your growth or anchor you to the past. And please, this is not about cutting people off. No, this is about being honest about what certain relationships are actually costing you and being bold enough to get yourself out of that vicious circle. The fourth circle is the dream circle. Oh, this one is close to my heart. The dream circle is the person who knows exactly what they want. They can see it. They can feel it. They've talked about it. They've prayed about it. They've made vision bonds about it, but they haven't started. And every day they tell themselves that they are going to start. They are still learning. They are still researching. They are still waiting for the right moment. And you know what? There is no right moment. The right moment is a lie we tell ourselves to avoid the fear of starting. Now, I know you may believe in divine timing, and I believe in it too. I am a person of faith. But faith without action is just a beautiful dream that never becomes a reality. God gave you a vision, but he also gave you hands. He gave you a mind. He gave you agency. And waiting for perfect conditions to start your dream while you have everything you need to take the first step today, that is not faith. That is fear wearing the costume of wisdom. Wrong wisdom. And the fifth circle is one that I think that many of you who have been following me for a while will feel the most deeply. It's the location circle. This is a person who knows deep down in their bones that their current environment is not where they are supposed to be. Okay? Maybe it's a city that has run out of opportunities for you. Maybe it's a country whose systems keep working against you no matter how hard you try. Maybe it's a place where your potential is just capped. Not because of you, but because of what's around you. You know you need to leave that place. You feel it every single day. But you stay because it's familiar. Because it's scary to move. Because what if it doesn't work out, right? But here is some contrary belief about this that will divide the room. Some people will say bloom when you're planted. Don't move. And I say well if the soil you're planted in is not beautiful what you're trying to grow, then what? You cannot expect a mango seed to grow in the middle of winter. Sometimes the most responsible, the most courageous, the most faithful thing you can do is move. And for many of you watching this, that move is across a border. Maybe 12,000 kilometers away. And it's not for everyone. If it's not for you, no problem. But if you are sure and fear and uncertainty is what is holding you back, break away from that and take action. So having looked at the five circles, the real question is why? Why? Why do intelligent, capable, God-given people, people like you and me, stay in these five circles? Let me tell you three simple real reasons I have learned from my own life. And none of them are what you think. The first reason is this. The circle feels like effort. This is the most dangerous one. Because when you're busy inside the circle, it feels like progress. You're stressed. You're tired. You're doing things. So it must be working, right? Wrong. Busyness and progress are not the same thing. And we have been conditioned to confuse the two. The most exhausting place that you can be is running hard in the wrong direction. Because not only are you not getting anywhere, you are too tired to stop and ask why. The second reason is that the circle is painful. But it's a familiar pain. And familiar pain, as strange as this sounds, is actually more comfortable than unfamiliar hope. Think about that for a second. You know exactly how your current life feels. You know the struggles. You know the disappointments. You've survived them before. They haven't killed you. But you see that dream, that change, that move? That's the pain of the unknown. You don't know what that feels like. You don't know what's out there. And the human brain would rather stay with familiar suffering than risk unfamiliar possibility. It's biology. And just because it's natural doesn't mean you have to submit to it. The third reason, and this one is the one people argue with me the most. We are waiting for someone to give us permission. Permission to leave the job. Permission to start the business. Permission to move countries. Permission to become who we were created to be. So I want to ask you something very directly right now. Who exactly are you waiting for? Your parents? Your partner? Your boss? Your circumstances? Your government? Because none of these people are going to show up one day and say, okay now it's your time. Now you can go. Now you have our blessing. Nope. That moment is not coming. The permission you are waiting for, you have to give it to yourself. It's in your own hands. Okay. So now that we've looked at all of this, all the circles, all the reasons, let me tell you what actually breaks the pattern. And I'm going to be very real with you. It's not a five-step plan. It's not a YouTube video. It's not even this conversation as much as I hope it helps. Breaking a circle comes down to three moves. Three real, uncomfortable, courageous moves. Move number one. Name your circle. Call the name. Not in your head. Say it out loud. Write it down. Say it to a trusted person. Say it to yourself in the mirror if you have to. I am stuck in the career circle. I am stuck in the financial circle. I am stuck in the relationship circle. I am stuck in the dream circle. I am stuck in the location circle. Because here's the thing about circles, they have power in silence. The moment you name them, the moment you speak them out, something shifts. Something in you becomes accountable to the truth you just admitted. You cannot fix what you refuse to see. The second move is to make one irreversible decision. I didn't say make a plan. Not a goal. Not an intention. An irreversible decision. There's a reason the most transformative moments in people's lives are always tied to a decision that could not be undone. You submitted the application. You booked the flight. You resigned. You said yes. You said no. You did something. Reversible decisions are comfortable but they keep you in the circle. Because deep down, you know that you can always go back. You need to make a decision that means that you cannot go back. And I know that sounds terrifying. But let me tell you something. The people I know who have changed their lives, really changed their lives, they all have a story of one moment, one decision, one line they crossed that changed everything. What is yours going to be? And move number three, change your environment. This is the one that will get the most pushback. Because we like to believe that we are stronger than our surroundings. We like to think that mindset is everything. That a determined person can thrive anywhere. And yes, mindset matters. It matters a lot. But here's the thing. You cannot think your way out of a circle that your environment keeps putting you back in. If every person around you is in a circle, if the system around you rewards stagnation, if the conversations you're surrounded by are conversations of resignation and survival, your mindset alone is not enough to fight that every single day. Sometimes the bravest, most strategic thing that you can do is physically move yourself to a different environment, maybe a different city, maybe a different community, maybe a different country, not running away from your problems, running towards a version of your life that your current environment can no longer give you. And for some of you, that is not a metaphor. That is a literal step that you must take. Okay, I know I have been sounding very philosophical today, but I want to close with something personal. When I made the decision to move, to step out of the circle that I had been in, I was scared. Genuinely scared. I didn't have all the answers. I didn't have a perfect plan. I had fear. I had faith. But I had a decision that I had already made in my mind. And standing on the other side of that decision, I can tell you that the circle was never as safe as it felt. The leap was never as dangerous as it looked. You were not put on this earth to repeat the same year over and over until you run out of years. You were put here to grow, to build, to move, to become. We don't have time. And if something in this video is speaking to you right now, that is not a coincidence. That is a signal. That is something inside of you that already knows that it is time. So I want to ask you just one thing before you leave. Which circle are you in right now? Drop it in the comments below. Is it career? Financial? Relationship? Dream? Location? Just one word. You don't need to explain it. Just name it. Because naming it, as I told you today, is the first move. And I'll be reading every single comment. Thank you so much for watching. I hope this conversation sat somewhere real with you today. And as always, I hope to see you where you're supposed to be very soon. Please check out the other videos on my channel and I will see you the next time.