The Ones with Rachel from Season 6 | Friends

Now, look, there's only one problem, though. There's only room for one, so I guess one of you will have to stay at Joey's. Well, since the fire was kind of my fault, I guess you should get to stay here. Hey, hey, hey, now, this was no one's fault, Pheebs, okay? It was an accident. Well, no, it was my fault, so you should get the nice room. Okay! So, Rach, you're the first guest at Hotel Monica. Yeah! You just have to tell me how you like your eggs in the morning. Oh, I thought I would bring them to you, you know, in bed. Well, you've been through so much. I have. This right here is where I keep the pizza. And, uh, that's where the napkin is. What's that smell? I know. So, did you sleep well last night? I did. Yeah? I did. Monica was so sweet. She left a little mint on my pillow. You know what Joey left on my pillow? What? Gum. Well, we determined the cause of the fire. Yeah, I know, I know. It was my candle, my candle. No, there was an appliance left on in the bathroom. It looks like a curling iron. I don't use a curling iron. Well, someone does. Don't look at me. My hair's straight. Straight, straight, straight. Could have been a hair straightener. Oh. This is where I keep the pizza. And, hey, where'd the napkin go? Oh my God, Rachel Green? Rob Tillman! No, no, it's me, Ross. Oh, I'm sorry, Ross Tillman. No, no, no, Ross Geller. Oh, of course, Monica's brother. Yeah, right. Wow, how are you? Good, good. I'm married. Oh, me too. Isn't it the best? Oh, it's the best. So, how's Monica? Oh, really, really great. Actually, she's right down the street. You know what, you should stop by and say hi. Oh, I would love to. Yeah, oh, she'd be so excited. Oh, okay. Come on. Oh, wait, don't you have to pay for your busty ladies? No, no, no, that's okay. Some kid asked me to pick it up for him, but I... Guess what? Barry and Mindy are getting a divorce. Oh, my God. What is the matter with you? No, Barry and Mindy. Oh, sorry. I hear divorce, I immediately go to Ross. Who's Barry and Mindy? Barry was the guy that I almost married, and Mindy was my best friend. Oh, wasn't he cheating on you with her? Yeah, but that just means that he was falling asleep on top of her instead of me. God, can you imagine if I'd actually married him? I mean, how different would my life be? I know what you mean. I've always wondered how different my life would be if I'd never gotten divorced. Which time? The first time. No, seriously, imagine if Carol hadn't realized she was a lesbian. No, I can't. I keep seeing it the good way. I bet I'd still be doing my karate. Towards the end of our marriage, I was doing a lot of karate as a way of releasing the tension from, you know, not doing anything else physical. Maybe the problem was you were pronouncing it karate. She's my best friend. Well, Joey's my best friend. I'm not your best friend. You just said... Of course you're my best friend. Would you please tell Rachel, though? All right. At least I'm prepared. Okay. Oh, yes. Hey! Hey, hey. These aren't for you. Are you upset? I am now. Hey, roomie. Okay, bye. Rach, there's something important I have to tell you. Are you pregnant? No, but I'm throwing this shirt away. I think there was a little misunderstanding before. When I said that Chandler and I wanted to live together, we meant alone together. Oh, my God. Oh, that's funny. I can't believe I did that. Oh, no, sweetie. No, you know what? This is my fault. I wasn't clear. I'm really sorry. Listen, you take as much time as you need to move out, okay? There's absolutely no rush. Okay. Oh, hey. Hey, what have you guys been up to? Oh, we went to a self-defense class today. Wow. Yeah, kicking a guy in the crotch all morning really takes it out of you. Takes it out of you. Now we can kick anybody's ass. After one class? I don't think so. What? You want to see me self-defend myself? Go over there and pretend you're a sexual predator. Go on, I dare you. Well, of course you could defend yourself from an attack you know is coming. That's not enough. Look, I studied karate for a long time. And there's a concept you should really be familiar with. It's what the Japanese call unagi. Isn't that a kind of sushi? No, it's a concept. Yeah, it is, it is. It's freshwater eel. All right, maybe it means that too. Oh, I would kill for a salmon skin roll right now. You know what, fine. Get attacked. I don't even care. Come on, Ross. We're sorry. Please tell us what it is. Unagi is a state of total awareness, okay? Only by achieving true unagi can you be prepared for any danger that may befall you. You mean in case someone's trying to steal your bamboo sleeping mat or your kettle of fish? All I'm saying is, it's one thing being prepared for an attack against, like, each other. Whole nother story being prepared for an attack, I don't know, like... Surprise! All right, you knew that was coming, but that doesn't mean you have unagi. Oh, you know what? If we made reservations, we could have unagi in about a half hour. Danger! Danger! What the hell was that? A lesson in the importance of unagi. Oh, you're a freak. Perhaps. Now, I'm curious. At what point during those girlish screams would you have begun to kick my ass? All right, so we weren't prepared. I'm sorry I had to take such drastic measures to make my point, but, look, I just want you guys to be safe. Danger! Uh-huh. Unagi. Danger! Salmon skin roll. Say Jack? Yeah. Alex Trebek? Oh, of course. Chuck Woolery? Definitely, Phoebe. You will not find a single game show host whose ass I cannot kick. Oh! Say it! Say we are unagi! It's not something you are. It's something you have. Say it! You know what? I could easily get out of this, but there's a chance you could get very, very hurt. Uh-huh. Nowhere to run. I don't like sitting up here. I'm going to go over there. Wait till they got here first. Why is Ross doing that? Danger! Oh, my God! Why is he jumping on those women? We should help them. I don't think they need any help. Um... Why aren't we in bed together? I don't know. Do you have any clothes on? Yes. Really? No. But we didn't have sex, did we? I mean, I don't remember much about last night. It was such a blur. Oh! I remember laughing. I laughed a lot. Then we didn't have sex. Oh, honey, we were really drunk. I was glad we didn't do anything stupid. Tell me about it. Oh, hi. Hi. This is the guy I was telling you about. Yeah. And believe me, this suit does not do justice to what's underneath it. Okay. But, babe, I'm just sort of in the middle of something. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's okay. Have a seat. You can't do that! Maybe I should go. No, no. Sit down. We're winning. Okay, you know what? Maybe I should go. No, no, no. Have a seat. Rachel, you haven't touched Elton's hair. It is the softest hair. Touch it. I'm good. Rachel, Patrick is really rich. Give her some money. Oh. You know what, Phoebe? This isn't really worth the free massage. That's right, Patrick. Bye-bye. Elton is much more cooperative and he can dance. You dance for Rachel. No, no, no. Don't dance for me, please. What's the matter with you guys? Okay, let's talk it out. Am I the only one that this is embarrassing for? I'm a little embarrassed. Shh. I'll tell you who should be embarrassed. It's you guys. Come on. This is ridiculous. Thank you very much, but I do not need you to give me a date. Then why did she ask us to have a date? I am still talking. And then you chase away the one guy that I actually liked. I mean, no offense to you guys, really. I mean, congratulations on all the cash. And, you know, you really... Well, you do have very soft hair, but I would much rather go to the ball all by myself than go through any more of this. Goodbye. Now, do you use some sort of special conditioner on that hair? Yes, papaya extract. Thank you. Go ahead. I'll catch up. Okay, okay. You guys, I'm telling you, when she runs, she looks like a cross between Kermit the Frog and the Six Million Dollar Man. Monica had such a crush on him that she used to kiss his poster every night before she went to bed. Oh, I used to do that, too. Did you also have his album, It's Not Easy Being Green? Oh, my. So, Phoebe runs weird, huh? Yeah, yeah. You know what? And I know she's gonna want to run again. I just don't know how to get out of it. I mean, I live with her. Why don't you just be straight with her? Tell her the truth. You're right. You're right. I should just tell her the truth. Hey. Hey. Hey, this... Monica tripped me. I don't think I can ever run again, ever. Why? Why would you do that? I don't know. Rachel, I'm sorry that I hurt your ankles. Ankle. We'll see. It's me. I saw you grab your running shoes this morning and sneak out. You lied so you could run by yourself. No, no, Phoebe. No, I was... No. You know what? I was... I was actually just checking to see if I could run. And I can. Please, Rachel. I am not an idiot. No. Wait. Phoebe. Hey. Phoebe, can I talk to you for a second? Sure. Okay. Um... I... Phoebe, look. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry, okay? I handled the situation horribly. And I should not have lied to you. So, what should you have done? Well, I should have told you the truth. Uh-huh. Which is? Well, you know, the reason that I didn't want to go running with you is... Because, um... Well, you know, the way that you run is just a little... Well, it's embarrassing. People were looking at us like we were crazy. Why do you care? Because they're people. But people that you don't know and will never see again. Yes, but still, they are people with eyes. Well, I didn't get embarrassed running next to Miss... But, oh, okay. No, no, I can see why running with me would be embarrassing to you. Yeah, okay. You're uptight. What? I... But I am not uptight. Listen, I am not uptight, man. That's okay, Rachel. I'm not judging you. That's just who you are. Me, I'm more free. You know, I run like I did when I was a kid. Because that's the only way it's fun. You know? I mean, didn't you ever run so fast you thought your legs were gonna fall off? You know, like when you were running toward the swings or running away from Satan? The neighbor's dog. You were right. This feels great. See? And you don't care if people are staring. It's just for a second, because then you're gone. Yeah. I mean, it's amazing. I feel so free and so graceful. Hey, look out for the horse. We've retrieved the Tribbiani from days of our lives. Just walked in here. Rach, he's a friend of ours. You are friends with Dr. Drake Ramore? Well, it's kind of hard to be friends with Drake because of his busy schedule and the fact that he's not real. Hey, hey. Or I could bring my keyboard here sometime. He's coming over. He's coming over. Joey! I know. Here, here. No. This is my friend, Rachel. We went to high school together. Hi. I love you on that show. I watch you every day. I mean, when you took out your own kidney to save your ex-wife even though she tried to kill you. Well, it's always nice to meet the fans. She's not crazy, is she? So, uh, how are you doing? We're gonna find love. Definitely. Yeah, I'm pretty confident about that. That's what makes it so easy for me to be 80% happy for Monica and Chandler. It'd be nice to have a little guarantee, though. What do you mean? Well, you know, some people make deals with a friend. Like, if neither of them are married by the time they're 40, they marry each other. You mean a backup? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, I've got that. You do? Mm-hmm. Who? Joey. Joey? Yeah. Are you serious? Yeah, I locked him in years ago. Wait, so if neither of you are married by the time you're 40, you're gonna marry Joey? Yeah, we shook on it. Yeah? But believe me, that is not how he wanted to seal the deal. Oh, seriously? Oh, yeah, I think his exact words were... Charming. Yeah, he's just a backup. Yeah. It's like, I guess I'm just really sad that I'm leaving. I'm gonna miss you so much. Well, this doesn't have to be so sad, though, you know? Maybe instead of just thinking about how much you're gonna miss each other, you should, like, think about some of the things that you're not gonna miss. I don't think there's anything. Come on, there's gotta be something. Nope. She's perfect. I have one. Great, okay, you can go first. Uh, well, I guess I'm not gonna miss the fact that you're never allowed to move the phone pen. Good, that's a good one. Okay, Monica, anything? You know, does Rachel move the phone pen? Uh, sometimes. Always, actually. Okay, good, there you go. Doesn't everyone feel better? It's not just the phone pen. I never get my messages. You get your messages? Yeah, well, I don't think it really counts if you have to read them off the back of your hand after you fall asleep on the couch. So, so you missed a message from who? Chandler? Or your mom? Or Chandler? Or your mom? Great, it worked. No one's sad. What, what, what the, how, how did, what the, how did what? Well, you know, he lost his keys, so he was looking for them. In your mouth? Nope. Downstairs, and we got to talking, you know, for like two hours, and I really liked him, so I invited him up here for a cup of coffee. You were at the coffee house? Ross, what's the big deal? So I kissed the guy. He is my girlfriend's father. Okay, it's, it's, it's weird. What, you dated my sister? Well, that was different. What, why? This is weird for me. Ross, look, look, this is good for you, okay? Let's face it. So far, the guy's not loving you. But I can turn that around. I got the inside track. We can all go out to dinner, you know, and I can talk you up. Plus, the guy is a very, very successful lawyer. How is that important? Oh, it's important. Hello? Hello, is Ross there? Uh, no, he's not. Can I take a message? Yes, this is Russell, Ross' divorce lawyer. Just tell him that since I haven't heard from him, I assume he's decided to give the marriage a try. Ross got married again? No! All right, I'm, I'm not English. I'm from Long Island. I was really nervous, and the accent just, um, just came out. I'm sorry. So, if we could just get back to the lecture. Um, were there any questions? About paleontology? All right. Look, I was just trying to make a good first impression. Obviously, I screwed up. But what you guys think of me is really important, because I'm, I'm hoping to get a permanent job here. So, if you just give me another chance to make a good impression. Ross! Are you crazy? I'm still your wife! What, were you just never gonna tell me? What the hell is wrong with you? Oh, I could just kill you! Voila, Rachel! I've had enough to drink. I'm just helping the kids. How is you drinking helping the kids? Because the more I drink, the less there is for the kids to drink. Mr. Tribbiani. What? Your generous contribution brings us a big step closer to building the youth center. Just out of curiosity, how much is that boat worth? I think it was valued at $19,000. That was pretty close. Uh, so, bad news. Um, I can't buy the boat. I don't have any money. Tell me something, Joey. I just fell right off the couch there. Yeah, you did. Okay. Here you go. Whoops. Let me ask you a question. Yeah. When was the last time someone told you just how beautiful you are? Wow. I can't, I can't feel my hands. Come on, come here. Huh? I can save you time, ladies. I'm right here. Chandler, why don't you take a walk? This doesn't concern you. We are looking for our Christmas presents for Monica. What? That's terrible. No, no, we do it every year. Oh, well, that makes it not terrible. No, yeah, we never find them. She's always bested us, that wily minx. We're just gonna search here for an hour, and then we're gonna go over to Joey's and search, okay? No, not okay. You can't look for Monica's presents. Oh, no, we have to. No, you don't have to, and you can't, because I live here, too. Well, then you should look with us. Why? Chandler, are you worried about what to get Monica for Christmas? No, I have a great idea for a present for her. Oh, that's it? A great idea? Chandler, that's not enough. I mean, what if she gets you a great present, two medium presents, and then a bunch of little presents, and you've just gotten her one great present? I mean, that's just gonna make her feel bad. Why would you do that to her, Chandler? Why? Why? If I helped, we could find them faster. That's right. Hey, call me when you get there, okay? Okay. Really, gonna miss you. Oh, I have your key. There you go. Thanks. Yeah. Oh, John, this is silly. I'm gonna see you in a couple of hours. Bye, house. She really left. I know. Thank you. No problem, roomie. Can I ask you a question? Sure. What the hell is that dog doing here? If she wasn't into me, why would she ask me out again? She asked you out again? Yeah, uh-huh. Tomorrow night, Valentine's Day, the most romantic day of the year. Who knows what could happen? I might not be shutting my drapes to show her my slides, if you know what I mean. Okay, okay, okay, okay, I got it, I got it, I got it. I can't, I can't, I can't. I'll not go with the you and my sister thing, okay? I just can't. It's just too weird, all right? I imagine the two of you together. I just freak out. It freaks me out. I can't do it, I can't do it. It's okay. Hey, it's too weird for you. I won't see her again. Thank you, I, yeah. I mean, after tomorrow night. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Please, please, I can't, I can't do it again. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay, I'll, I'll tell her tonight. I can't see her anymore. Do you want me to call her right now? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, I mean, come on. That's, that's crazy. I mean, that's crazy. So, what's, what's going on with you? What is going on with you? Well, um, oh. I may be teaching another class this semester. Yeah, do it now. Call her right now. You two were involved in a serious relationship. That really creates a problem. Ross, your honor, rest assured. That relationship ended two years ago. And can you please strike Consummated Like Bunnies from the record? Is there anything in this record that is actually true? Uh, well, yes. We, uh, we got married in Vegas. And, uh, and the names, I think. Well, based on what I've heard, you two certainly don't qualify for an annulment. If you don't want to be together, you'll have to file for divorce. That's great. You happy now? Look what you did with your funny, funny form. What? Me? What about you and your Consummated Like Bunnies nonsense? And what... And what are you typing that for? See, what he said. We don't get the annulment. Don't type that. What? Stop typing. Hey! Stop typing! Stop typing! Stop typing! Do you see? Do you see what you're keeping me married to? You need to get out of my chambers. All right, look. Lady, here is the deal. I came here for an annulment. And I am not leaving here until I get one. Would you like to spend the night in jail? Thank you for your time. Oh, my God. They let you keep that stuff? Sure. As long as they don't find out, you can keep whatever you want. And I want you to have it. No, no, no. Yes, yes. And every time you look at it, I want you to remember that you are a good person. Okay? Now, you had the chance to cheat. And... with me. But you didn't. And that's what this ring stands for. But I thought that ring stood for Capri's undying love for her brother. Look, you want the ring or not? Yeah. Mary! You said you were going to be away all weekend. Oh! That's right. I'm sorry. I am early. Finish, please!