Reading more isn't the answer—try this instead

A lot of men will make the New Year's resolution to read more. More pages, more books. If you read a book a week, that's 52 a year. And while we admire the ambition, I've been wondering if maybe that's the wrong goal. Because instead of trying to read more books, what if the aim was to try and read better? To choose better books. To read them with more intention and patience. And to allow these books to change us a little. Because when men say they want to read more, what they really mean is they want to become the kind of man who reads more. And those aren't always the same thing. We live in a strange time for reading. On the surface, it's everywhere. Reading lists, book challenges, audiobooks playing at 1.5 speed all the time. But underneath all of that, reading has actually become kind of stressful for a lot of men. It's become another chore and another thing that you feel guilty about not doing enough of. I'm sure you recognize that feeling of guilt, just as I do. So you rush through books. You skim pages. You have audiobooks running in the background, even when you're not paying full attention, just to get through the books. But a month later, you barely even remember what you read, let alone how it affected you. And that's not because you're lazy or distracted. It's because books were never meant to be consumed like social media content or a podcast. They are meant to be lived with. Now here's a question that matters a lot more than page counts. Why do you want to read? Is it so you can say that you read a book a week? Or is it because of the kind of man you think it will help you become? More thoughtful, more articulate, more grounded, more interesting. For most men, it's the latter. And if that's true, the quantity of reading isn't what matters. The quality is. The depth is. One book read slowly and properly can stay with you for years. The best books don't just teach you things. They enter your character. They become a part of your identity. You notice how you speak differently after reading them, how you think about problems differently, how you move through the world differently. And this only happens when you stop treating reading like a race. One small thing that changed my relationship with books was the idea of being loving and disrespectful to them. Books aren't sacred objects. They are working tools. I like to crack the spine. I like to write things in the margins. I like to underline important phrases and passages. And I don't mind if I dog ear the pages. I don't mind if I spill coffee on them or cigar ash, which inevitably happens. I also like to write on the inside cover where I was when I bought the book and the date. That turns the book into a timestamp, a kind of snapshot of who you were and where you were when you were first introduced to those ideas. And years later, when you revisit the book, you're not just rereading the materials, you're actually revisiting that version of yourself. Ryan Holiday once said, if you're not reading with a pen in your hand, you're not reading at all. And while I don't think that's always true, that practice has stuck with me. A marked up book becomes yours. It becomes a conversation with yourself. Give yourself permission to buy more books, even if you have a ton of books at home that you haven't read yet. A book is not a piece of fresh fruit. It has no expiry date. Think of buying books like buying a really good bottle of wine. You don't have to open it that night. You're building a cellar. You're buying something to open when the time is right. A personal library isn't a to do list. It's a palace of options. And maybe some books wait on the shelf for years before they are ready to meet you. And reading lists, treat them as suggestions, not an itinerary. Most of the time, it's better to be guided by your own instincts. Read bestsellers, old paperbacks, essays, magazines, new and old. Keep going deeper on a subject you genuinely love and reread your favorites. Some books are worth reading time and time again. One of the reasons I started writing The Gentleman's Digest is because I wanted a place to share things like this. Books I'm enjoying, film, music that's meaningful to me. And each week, there's a reflection or insight that I share just with our readers. So if that sounds like your kind of thing, there is a link down below to sign up. Certain books follow you through life. You don't just finish them, you return to them. I've reread How to Win Friends and Influence People probably four or five times. And that's because I like the person that I become when I read that book. It actually makes me a better person. There are lessons in those writings that have become a part of my character. But I need top ups, I need reminders. If a book consistently makes you calmer, more disciplined, more thoughtful, that's a sign that you should return to it time and time again. There are no prizes for not rereading books. Being hyper familiar with something important is just as valuable as variety. Reading is not a competition. So instead of setting page goals, try this. Try reading with a timer. 10 minutes, 20 minutes, 30. This gives you permission to read slowly, to stop and reflect, to reread passages that speak to you. Also read aloud occasionally, especially with older books, things that are harder to digest. You may hear things that you'd otherwise miss with your eyes. Even if you only read five pages, but you really connected with what you read, you really felt those words. That was a really, really good session. And this is how reading becomes restorative and restful instead of taxing. And now at the same time, reading doesn't just happen. It's something that you have to make space for in the same way that you make space for eating well, going to the gym, meditating. So turn it into a ritual. Take your book out with you to your favorite coffee shop, to the beach, to the park. Ignore this strange modern idea that sitting alone with a book looks awkward or performative, and combine reading with things you already enjoy. A coffee, a drink, a cigar, a particular place, maybe some light background jazz or lighting a candle or taking a bath. Anchor books to these pleasurable moments, not to a sense of obligation. Always carry a book with you because here's another myth that people believe. It's only worth reading if you're going to get through a whole chapter or 10 pages. One page is enough. Half a page is enough. Because these moments add up and there's no right or perfect way to read. It's about truly enjoying that moment with your book whenever you can have it. If you want one simple habit that instantly improves your relationship with sleep, mindfulness and reading, it's to end every day with some fiction. Just a few pages before bed, no pressure to read a certain amount, no notifications from your phone, just being present in the moment with that story. And you can get lost in an entirely different world which takes your mind away from all of the anxieties and thoughts surrounding the next day or the day that's just happened. And certainly men who read fiction are way more articulate and they understand life through a different lens than somebody who solely reads non-fiction. I think it makes you more perceptive and it certainly makes you more human, more empathetic. When should you stop reading a book? Well here's my rule. You should stop reading a book whenever you want to. Good writing should never feel like dragging a suitcase uphill. And every time you feel like picking up that book is a chore or you have to make yourself do it, pay attention to that. Life is way too short to read out of guilt. So put that book aside, maybe come back to it later, maybe don't. Reading well is about being honest with yourself, not battling it out like some kind of endurance sport. Physical bookshops are one of the last places where shopping with your intuition still makes sense. Shop at big bookstores like Barnes and Noble where that smell of fresh paper is clear and strong. Shop at second-hand markets where they sell five dollar paperbacks with unknown histories, many many readers and owners before you. And don't be too snobbish to go to the library. Books are one of my favorite things to shop for, probably more than clothes, because you can let your curiosity choose and sometimes you'll pick up things at a physical bookstore that you would never have clicked add to cart on Amazon. Reading well isn't about discipline, it's about your relationship with reading and understanding what kind of reader you are. It's time to slow down and read less but experience more and let the books work on you, not just over the first few weeks when you read it but over the following years. This is how a modern gentleman reads and if this kind of thinking resonates with you, we run a private members club for like-minded gentlemen all over the world. Applications are currently open for the month of January so you'll find the link below to apply if you're interested. So remember, read slowly, read well and let the books do the work.