Lindsey Graham Is Dead. Mitch McConnell Is Alive…

Hi, hello. Today we are talking about Lindsey Graham's death and Mitch McConnell's life, how ICE murdered someone else in Maine, and the, you know, diarrhea parasite. Hey, hello, and welcome back to even more noobs. The first and only noobs podcast, apparently. I'm Katie Stoll. Much. I'm sorry, I'm Cody. Hi. Hello. Jonathan's also here. Hi. Yeah. Well, we did it, everybody. We survived another weekend, and there was lots of news. That was newsed, and now we are going to discuss it. There's so much that happened just this morning, and we're going to get to it, but the first thing we're going to do is the thing we all woke up to yesterday morning, which is that Senator Lindsey Graham has died. He had what the medical examiner says is an aortic dissection due to arteriosclerotic cardiovascular disease. You know, he was in Ukraine recently, a couple days ago, flew back, talked to the president on the phone, apparently, according to the president, said, we're going to get that Save America Act done, sir. Sounded a little tired, according to the president, and then complained to a staffer or someone around him that he wasn't feeling well, but said he would go to the doctor after his Sunday appearance on Meet the Press, and did not make that appearance because he died. Yeah, I think that all of us were surprised that that's the senator that was confirmed dead this weekend, and not another one. The polymarket odds were really swinging. What senator will die this weekend, if any? Who made the most money off the death of somebody? That's what we should really be... Those are the questions we need to know the answers to. Yeah, he's dead. It was very surprising. People did the thing that happens when somebody of this stature dies, and the other people got mad at the thing. Who has enabled a lot of bad things to happen over the years? Who was really clamoring for the war that's going on right now? Yeah, he's a Holden Bloodfeast type, if anyone's familiar with that. He just really likes war. He couldn't find a war he didn't like. You can find all kinds of quotes from the guy. We're killing all the right people is a banger from Lindsey Graham. I think that was this year. Lindsey Graham took up more space in my brain from term one than he does this time. Mostly this time, it's trotting him out to talk about the war. Another banger from Lindsey those early days, that tweet of his, if we nominate Donald Trump, he'll destroy us. And we'll deserve it. He certainly represents this wing of the Republican Party that was so horrified by the specter of Donald Trump and what that could mean, and then just immediately turned that around and started kissing his ass and fell in line. And so, you know, not a person of strong moral convictions, actually. No, he's one of the big three, I would say, of that era. It's like him and Marco and Ted Cruz were the three, like, we can't do this. Well, and Mitch. It's just not who we are. Right? I, you know, I could be wrong about that. More privately, maybe. Mitch actually dives to dive into that. Mitch, after January 6th, was like, well, this was really bad, and we shouldn't stand for it anymore. But let's stand for it a little bit. And that's, you know, there's like the 2016 era of like, this is not who we are. And the 2020 era of like, this is not who we are. But they've all obviously come back. And then there's the 2022 era of like, that's not who the FBI was, which it was. Which it was, yes. You know, and then they throw it all out. But Trump has really broken up about it. This is a big blow to the Save America Act, let me tell you. He told Meet the Press, he took over Lindsey Graham's spot on Meet the Press on Sunday morning. Kind of like how after the towers fell, he said, I guess I have the biggest building in New York now. Like, oh, I get to go on TV now. As he said on Truth Social, Lindsey Graham is dead. So sad. Quoting the president. So he didn't say, what, good riddance or like, I'm glad he's dead. I believe the direct quote is, I'm glad he's dead, right? Yeah, that was about Mueller. Yeah, I'm glad he's dead. No, not that he's not glad he's dead. Because it hurts. It's one of his allies. And I'm sure he liked him. So that is just kind of shocking news. And then on the same day, we get a proof of life photo of Mitch McConnell in rehab. With his wife holding a copy of yesterday's newspaper. But that's not enough for a lot of people. Because he's wearing the same shirt he wore a couple of years ago. And it's hard to make out the words in the newspaper. Look, we all know Mitch McConnell doesn't repeat outfits, Jonathan. Listen, that is the biggest. He just doesn't. He gets photographed on the red carpet. And he's like, this is done. He doesn't donate it. Yeah, he's very sartorial. We've always known that about Mitch McConnell. Look, I'm as shocked as anybody that Mitch McConnell has not in fact met his maker. Just yet. But that doesn't mean everything's AI. But it does highlight how ******* problematic it is to live in this day and age where it is really impossible to say anything. You can say, this is proof of life. And it's like, bullshit. His finger isn't there. No, his hand's bent. Some of the other ones. And then you get people having fun with it. And then they share a picture with like, no, that is a six-fingered person. You know, we get the Graham news and the McConnell news on the same day. You know, it's unclear who would be like controlling everything. Because I guess if Lindsey Graham did die very suddenly, they couldn't scramble to pretend he wasn't long enough. And I guess they had leeway. Like, I don't know exactly what the theory is. But anyway, there's been a lot of conspiracy theories that McConnell is actually alive. And it is confusing, right? Because he says, I didn't have a heart attack or a stroke. I had a fall. And that fall led to him being in the hospital where he got a mild case of pneumonia. And so he was in the hospital for weeks. And now he's in rehab. And like, this is no joke. That's like a lot of time to be in the hospital and then in rehab, no matter how old you are. They're not giving the full truth. Right. I don't think we know everything. And also, the guy has been like freezing in place several times over the last few years, which doesn't appear to be part of it. No, he's obviously been unwell for so long. Well, maybe that's a neurological. I mean, that's a neurological stroke, whatever. But something bigger has happened to be in the hospital for that long to now be in a rehab facility in the same hospital. And to have been radio silent, to have let the rumor mill run rampant for weeks and weeks and weeks and all the jokes and the daughter leaving Twitter, whatever, all of the like, there's so much there that they could have at least said something other than he's alive. Like he could have, they could have released it. So there's stuff that they're covering up. We'll have a have a have a five or 10 minutes. I know, like feeding into the narrative, but like to do a little quick phone interview instead of send 10 people out to say that they talked to you on the phone. He maybe can't do it. Exactly. So. So he's fine mentally. He's there, but he can't talk. Like, I don't know. I'm a doctor, but I don't know. We don't have not being able to analyze the patient myself. And like the Graham stuff, I can at least understand some of the conspiratorial thinking because he just came back from Ukraine. And so he visited a munitions plant that apparently got exploded. And then you were like, oh, right. Or, you know, Russians could have gotten there. They poison people, whatever, all this stuff. And then Kash Patel, for some reason, posted about Lindsey Graham. Like he's a devoted public servant, all that stuff. But then at the end said the FBI is assisting local authorities and has made every necessary resource available, which I think he just thought is a thing to say. So that's what that's my running. Like my main theory is like, well, this is how we talk, right? Yeah, but things happen. But when a crime doesn't happen, well, exactly assist the coroner. It's very weird. What are you talking about? Why would you say that? It's just a guy. A guy just died. Happens every day. He's got like a stack of note cards of like, this is what you say. This is the kind of stuff you say. And you got to post something. You got to post something. Like Kash Patel even never ******* meet the guy. He might as well have ended it with like, the woke left will not get this again. And here are the bullets with I hate Lindsey on it. And those bullets obviously exist, but they weren't used. He's got them ready. There was a glorious window of a few hours where I thought we lost them both. And in my mind, I was like, I just don't think Lindsey Graham could stand the thought of living in this world without Mitch McConnell. It's like those two old couples that die within a week. They have broken hearts. But I was wrong. Now it's actually a Romeo and Juliet situation where he thought Mitch was gone. And now Mitch is alive. Lindsey, how are you? Spoilers for Romeo and Juliet. Oh my God. I like I like the idea of like Mitch being like, no, I'm perfectly happy to go on living without Lindsey Graham. I will live as long as he did. What? Yeah, I don't care. Anyone else could die. It's all very predictable. The online discourse of fake outrage over people being shades of critical of Lindsey Graham and the scope of his life as if he wasn't a public servant that has done a lot of damage to certain groups that people have strong opinions about. And, you know, this is what happens. Now is the time to start airing out the grievances, I guess. But people just get so angry. And like, of course, the left is going to rag on somebody that died immediately. And of course, we have to then point out what does the president say? We've already read. Yeah, it's just like at this point, whenever this happens, like, who cares? Like, I know it's going to happen. All right, say your jokes, do your dare you serves, whatever. This is going to happen every single time. And you thought people were mean to Lindsey Graham? Just you wait. Exactly. I don't think anyone's prepared for what is coming when it happens. Oh, I'm prepared. I've got a whole bunch of stuff locked away. Like, we've got the champagne coming out. We've got all the tweet drafts that I've been saving for now 10 years. I am thinking of buying, like, several cases of champagne. And then at a certain point, walking out into the street and just making a quick buck. $60 a bottle. If you need it right now, pop it in the street. Emergency. I don't know how much champagne costs. However much you want it to cost, because it's going to be an emergency. I don't know how I'd go about getting a crate. I really haven't thought this through. We better. Who knows what will happen? Before we do move on, one last thing I did want to mention. These two really funny tweets. The conspiracy theories are like, whatever. All the people are like, oh, I can't believe you made this joke, whatever. It's all kind of boring to me a little bit. Yeah, he died, and we have our things to say. But one person who always is there for me in times like this is Matt Van Swaal. The funniest poster in the world. And I want to read two tweets to you from him, if I may. Lindsey Graham lived 90 minutes from my doorstep, and he never came to visit us in Western North Carolina a single time after Hurricane Helene. He flew to Ukraine 10 times and tried to visit Israel every two weeks. It's no secret I didn't like him, but he voted with the president when it counted. Unlike many other rhinos, and that matters. Rest in peace, Lindsey Graham. He never came to visit me. Did he say North Carolina? He did say North Carolina. Why? So you know why I'm reading this tweet, then. Because Lindsey Graham is a senator from South Carolina? From South Carolina. That's why. But he didn't visit North Carolina during the hurricane. Is Van Swaal advocating for reunification? I don't think he knows. I don't think he gets it. Somebody must have pointed it out to him by now. He's so mad that nobody went. This other one from him I also find pretty spectacular. It of course got three times the likes as the one about how he didn't visit for whatever reason. I'm sorry, but Lindsey Graham dying out of the blue like this doesn't make any sense at all. We have him on camera yesterday looking perfectly healthy. None of this is making any sense. Do people just not die in the world? Well, everybody's conspiracy-minded. I know he's just trying to make money and stuff. I just thought it was really funny. The contrast. Speaking of conspiracy brains, quick plug for our video coming out. Oh yeah, yeah, it's true. I mean we could update it with so much stuff from just the past few days. We could update it with the Lindsey Graham false flag, absolutely. We absolutely could. But that's just a fun teaser and I may or may not make multiple appearances in the Speaking of sudden heartbreaking death, we also lost Sam Neill this weekend. No sarcasm there, actually. We all love Sam. Lots of great performances. Quite a bummer. One of those people that I just genuinely found delightful and you can see him from Delightful and by all accounts respected and kind and a lovely human being and so RIP to Sam Neill. There was some breaking news this morning that is still developing. We're still getting more information, but there has been yet another ICE shooting, another murder at the hands of ICE. Jonathan, can you give us the details as they stand right now? Yeah, you'll know more by the time you hear or watch this. There was a shooting in Bidford, Maine. Footage makes it look like they told a man in a car to stop, shot this person. The shot apparently did not stop the car. ICE pulled the man out of the car and according to a witness, he was bleeding profusely from the head. He was talking. He said, I tried to stop. This person has not been identified and that's another murder. We talked last week about how they have this 2,000 arrests a day mandate from DHS again under Mark Wayne Mullen. There seems to be a trend that has not abated since Rene Good in January where they will ram cars. They will step in front of a vehicle as they pretense to shoot someone because if they step in front of your car, even if you try to turn the wheel as we've seen multiple times now with Rene Good and it appears last week with Lorenzo Salgado Araujo, that appears preliminarily to be what this is of like, well, they're trying to get away. You just step that's closely in front of the car and then you can shoot. Exactly. They don't care. They're just trying to cause a spectacle and have some sort of just doesn't even have to look real. They just have to have something they can say like, well, I was afraid for my life or whatever. But with Lorenzo, it does not appear that he was even the target that they were looking for. They were looking for someone else. Yeah, we noted that we I mean, that's not the only time like whenever we noted when we talked about it, say it was a targeted operation specifically for somebody that was not the person who they shot and killed. So instead, they racially profiled somebody and shot and killed that person instead. And I think it's definitely worth pointing out. We obviously are able to dismiss all of the excuses from ICE and the right like, oh, well, if you followed the instructions, this wouldn't have happened. Or, well, how could you have been here for so long and not sought legal status? And there have been a lot of stories lately that I'm glad are coming out about how difficult it is to do it the right way, as the right always says they want. Oh, we like immigration. You just have to do it legally, do it the right way. And it is so difficult to do that. The Philadelphia Inquirer today has a headline, the wait to get legal status in the US cost Lorenzo Salgado Arafo his life. Like the attempt to either get citizenship or a work permit or visa, all this stuff, like they make it so difficult to do that while you're waiting, ICE can say, oh, you're on the list. And then you turn the wheel a certain way and you end up dead. While you're doing everything right, while you're going, even if you're showing up to your appointment, even if you're, as we know this, we've seen this happening over the past couple of years. It just doesn't make a difference. They want to hit a quota. And if you're brown, you're a target. If you heard about this in a dystopian novel or in another country, that the president's secret police force killed another person in the street today, we're trying to get details. And then the president's allies are rushing out there to try to say like, well, here's what the person did wrong that you wouldn't have done wrong. So don't worry about it. If you're in this situation, you're alive, this is a Kavanaugh stop and you're on your way, right? They want people to feel like they're in a protected group and the people who die are part of some other group. And as we've seen in situation after situation, in grainy phone video after grainy phone video, that's just not how it works. You can be trying to comply. The man said, I tried to stop. In this situation, you're not even allowing for the opportunity to, let's say, check to see, do you have a visa or what? Any information, they're just killing people and trying to clean up the mess after or not even trying to clean it up. And there's been no, they don't, you know, ICE doesn't come out and say we are conducting a thorough independent investigation or when they do that, that's the last statement about it ever. No, they do. They do post about investigations when a senator dies in natural causes. That's what they do. We're going to assist in any way we can. But this, it's like, this guy shouldn't have flinched. The guy shouldn't have adjusted his mirror. That's the way it happened. Yeah, and now it's up to local authorities to try to glean information from the feds, from this mysterious shadowy group. We don't know the names of the people who did it. We don't know if they're put on leave, if they're immediately transferred to another state, a murderer roaming around in a different roving gang. And I don't know how effective it can be. I saw this video of the mayor of Houston, who apparently is not that lefty a guy, seemingly very emotional about Salgado Araujo's death, and just saying, well, we're going to try to, like, put the pieces together of figuring out what happened, given that we're not going to be getting a ton of assistance from the federal government. And they might have allies in the state, you know, who want to shut any kind of investigation down. But it really is incumbent upon candidates running for House and Senate, as Democrats now, and whoever is running for president in 2028, to try to put some sort of plan together for accountability. Like, I think abolish ICE is the minimum thing, but also, like, what are we going to do about this? That we had a bunch of people who were able to operate with impunity. I need to know the plan. Yeah, what's the actual plan, not just sort of vaguely, like, we've got to, you know... It's not just talking points, it's what do you mean to do about it? And also, how do you mean to fix this system? Because people are languishing for decades here. It's not one administration or another administration, necessarily. I mean, you can point blame and nitpick about the way things change from one administration to the next, but it's unconscionable that someone can be living here for three decades and raise their children and put them through school and pay into, you know, our taxes and not be able to reap the benefits of Social Security and all of this stuff, and still struggle to find a pathway to citizenship. That is a ******* problem. And, you know, if we want to talk about it, like, we just don't want people here illegally taking, or whatever, blah, blah, blah. Well, then ******* make it easier. Then make it possible for people to come here and build a life here and make this country what it can be. This is, nobody is getting it right. That's what I have to say about that. Like, this is just, like, I need to know how we're going to fix this. Not just the accountability, because yes, the accountability, but like, this is so beyond broken. Yeah, I think there needs to be a shift in the way the normal people on the right, like, think about this. I played this clip a few weeks ago here, I think, with these two conservatives. Will Chamberlain was one. The other guy is like, I, yeah, I see myself as much, Ilhan Omar is as much an American as I am. How could I not believe that? She's a citizen. Once you start going down that road of I'm more of an American, I think it's a really dangerous pathway. And Chamberlain did not see it that way at all. Like, it's very easy for him to distinguish himself from the people who are being murdered by us. Couldn't be me, wouldn't be me, and I don't care about those people. Nobody I know, nobody I care about. The way it kind of hits you deep in your soul when you're like, this person has every right to be here as I do. This person is as embedded in the fabric of this country as I am. And they're just murdered for piddling reasons that they made up to not like you. I think that shift needs to happen and then you can have a groundswell for ripping up this system root and branch. We need people to be able to address this and really confront and have all the facts about what's going on. Bill Maher brought this up to fans recently. But it's such a deflection. Both of you have been saying it's never something they have to confront. They don't have to confront. Actually, here's what people on the right are saying about who is an American. Actually, here's what ICE is actually doing. You can say, well, some are criminals and some aren't. But here's the reality. Here's what happens every single step of the way. And here's how you and people in your party are talking about this issue. Because they're allowed to say it without saying it so explicitly. And it's impossible to get an actual conversation going because they just don't want to. They want to be able to say all the horrible things but then not say it at the same time. It's very frustrating. I think we're going to try to wrap things up here by kind of rapidly going through a few stories. Explosive diarrhea. Watch out, folks. Wash and cook your produce. Large percentage of my diet is made up of vegetables and produce. Not me. No problemo. No, this is bad. So yeah, I don't think we brought this up yet. It's been going on for a few weeks. But it's like this cyclosporiasis parasite. They don't know the source of it. It causes potentially weeks of explosive, watery diarrhea. The kind of thing that people say, I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy type of stuff. Don't go that far. But you know, it's pretty bad. And obviously, we fired all the people who tracked the parasites at some point in 2025 for some reason. I don't know how that would happen. So it's been tough for the CDC, USDA, FDA to kind of get together and track this down. It also, you might not see symptoms for a week or two. So it can be really tripping me out. Well, right. So they're trying to, you know, this kind of thing has been seen in bagged salad before, in raspberries, in cilantro. But it could, food could be contaminated from contaminated water. We don't know the source of that contamination. It's very, very tough to track. And they're not being very, the CDC is not being very helpful right now. They are not. They're not even accurately reporting the numbers yet. Because as of Thursday, the CDC said they'd received reports of 843 cases. But just, I believe just Michigan alone has over 1500. Yeah, Michigan and Ohio are the biggest spots for this right now. And it's tough, you know, like, because you can wash your produce, but that's not a guarantee. It can, maybe, maybe it'll help. But like, we really don't know. The only way to guarantee it is to, is heat that kills the parasite. But, you know, you might not want to boil your Caesar salad. So, you know, pizza, pizza and chicken nuggets it is, folks. Everything, just boil everything. Make everything soup. Everything is soup now. Not to say that a little outbreak or a little spread might have happened under a different set of circumstances or different administration. But something this widespread and at this scale, coming approximately one year after this program was gutted, or, you know, this is just so blatantly obvious case of cause and effect. And so far people haven't died of it. This is explosive diarrhea. It sounds very uncomfortable. Obviously there are health risks and long-term effects that can happen if somebody isn't experiencing this for prolonged periods of time, especially if you already have weakened immune systems or older or younger and all of that. But it's so terrifying. And this should be like such a clear warning sign of how poorly, how badly things can go wrong really quickly, especially when you gut government programs designed to regulate and prevent things like this from happening. This is not COVID, but it makes me real, real afraid for the next COVID, as it should all of us. Yeah, we don't know for a fact that an intact government public health team would have tracked down the source of this by now. But I guess we'll never know. You know, like... But that's why you have it there because you want all available options. You want to have procedures in place. You want to know what happens when something like this just starts so that you can easily track it, so that you can find the source of it, so that you can recall food, so you can warn people. And we are flying blind. And as of now, after weeks of this going on, they don't know where it originated. They can't say it's a bag salad or raspberries or your cucumbers or all of the above because there was some ******* huge flood and it contaminated all sorts of different... I don't know. We don't know is the point. And... Yeah, I mean, and I feel like Trump is going to get asked at some... I don't think he's been asked yet. Hey, what's the latest on the explosive diarrhea parasite? And he might be like, well, has anyone died of it? Bother me when people are dying. You know, like he might be quite flippant about it or make a joke about how he has people in his administration who could benefit from it, right? Like the ability to see what this is like for people. He's just like, my food comes from my garden. I do want to hear him talk about the explosive diarrhea as it relates to him and who he knows. I would like to hear him write on it for several minutes. I would like to. I have explosive diarrhea at least once a week. No big deal. The war? She back, baby. I guess. Straits closed. No, it's open. Straits closed. We're having... No, he says we're the guardians of the Strait. He says the USA will be from this point forward, known as, all caps, the guardian of the Hormuz Strait, et cetera, et cetera. Indiana Jones and the guardian of the Hormuz Strait. He really is just whatever. He just to say whatever. I hereby declare. It's just like, and this is the point too. It's just it's just Michael Scott declaring vacancy. It's just that over and over. His entire presidency is just him saying like, what if I say this? Does that do anything? Oh, I'm sorry. I hate to delay this even more, but there is a clip of Trump talking this morning that I think we have to play. It has nothing to do. I mean, I guess it has something to do with Iran, but it's the guy. If you look for 47 years, they've been tapping people along precedents. Every president got tapped along, didn't do anything, and they became more and more powerful. They should have been done 47 years ago. Shouldn't have been allowed to start. But Clinton let him go and Bush let him go. Everybody let him go. And Obama was the worst of all, because Obama actually went to their side. Obama, because, you know, he's a. Well, let's not say let's let's not say let's leave that for another time. Little bit of he's stopped himself. Yeah, so he's not racist. Let's not say let's say it another time. I guess he's still stopping himself. And he didn't say it. Someone he's a reasonable man like this. I'm for people listening. I'm waving. No, no, no. Now's our time. Here's the thing is that he might he might have been saying somewhere. We're not even thinking of some weird slur he made up in his head that he decided not. We don't know what we don't. Maybe he was going to say bad negotiator. Yeah, but I'm not going I'll save that for another time. Another time. There's another time. You're going to be the bad negotiator. That's too harsh. Our words on the way to say that. Like and subscribe to this video. We've got a Patreon. Check out this channel on Wednesday for a new episode of the show. And also, yeah. Comments help engagement for the news algorithm. And yeah. We love you very much. I'm Cody. Welcome. Oh. Much.