Sydney Sweeney Monologue - SNL

Ladies and gentlemen, Sydney Sweeney! Thank you very much. I am so happy to be here. My name is Sydney Sweeney. You may not have seen me in anyone but You Are Euphoria. You definitely did not see me in Madam Web. I do have a new film coming out called Immaculate. I play a nun, so it's perfect casting. But tonight, I'm excited for everyone to get to know the real me. I feel like people only see me as the girl on TV who screams, cries, and has sex. Sometimes it's all three at the same time. But I'm more than that. I'm from a town called Spokane, right on the border of Washington and Idaho. I feel a bond to both states. Like when people ask, where are you from? I say, Washington. But when people ask, did you go to a Trump-themed party for your mom? I say, Idaho. It was always my dream to be an actor. When I was younger, my parents drove me from Spokane to Los Angeles just to audition. That's a 19-hour drive. And I'm so grateful to them for believing in me. And I think the reason they did is because I presented them with a five-point plan to break into acting. It was a PowerPoint presentation, and I still have it. Check it out. Audition, get an agent, do commercials and short films, then get my SAG card. But if that failed, I also presented them with a backup plan. Next slide. Up here, I do want to talk about some stuff I've seen about me online. Like, I once said that I used to work at Universal Studios, and then someone online accused me of lying about that. Which is insane. If I didn't work there, how would I know all the Universal characters, like Shroff, the Munyans, and Harry Porter? Then, just last week, a woman on TikTok went viral because she claimed she was my nutritionist. I've never met her. And also, I've never had a nutritionist. I'm in shape because I run, avoid sugar, and do Ozempic. I'd say the craziest rumor I've seen is that while I was filming Anyone But You, I was having an affair with my co-star, Glenn Powell. That's obviously not true. Me and my fiancé produced a movie together, and he was there the entire shoot. And I just want to let everyone know that he's the man of my dreams. And we're still together and stronger than ever. He even came here tonight to support me. Can we, uh, cut to him? I've got a great show for you tonight. Casey Musgraves is here, so stick around.