Three Girls And One Guy? [Full Crowd Work Show - 16 minutes] - Michael Blaustein

How long have you guys been together? We've been together 18 years. How did he propose, ma'am? I don't know. Excuse me? Ma'am, you sat in the front row, b****. Are you high? Okay, you're acting a little high. Oh, she is high. That's why you're so f****** weird right now. Have you ever taken psilocybin? What, what? Are you a real person? You ever taken any drugs in your whole life? Oh, yeah. Okay, there you go. There you go. Now we're f****** getting there. Sifting, we're getting there. Please give it up for the very wonderful Michael Brownstein. How you doing, sir? Good, buddy. Good, man. F****** get tattoos and s***. F******, bro. What do you do? How many times have you been to jail, man? Have you been to jail in your whole life? I was detained. You were detained? That sounds like someone who knows the laws, bro. What were you detained for? Nope. Do you need sign language? What were you detained for, sir? I had a Bowie knife in my car. You had a Bowie knife in your car? Yes. Okay. Goodbye. Reacting more to that? This is normal? Oh, s***. Goodbye, everyone. Jesus Christ. Why did you have a Bowie knife, sir? Are you like a hunter guy? No. No? No, no. Rephrase that. What do you mean? What do you hunt? Women? What do you hunt? F*** make this. Don't make that. So why were you detained? Just because you had a Bowie knife. Is that illegal to have a Bowie knife in your motherf***ing car? That was fast. Nah, I worked at a graveyard shift for a security company. You worked at a graveyard shift for a security company. Okay, don't you have a f***ing yakaga or no? You got no f***ing yakaga. Where were you? What's the security? Where do you use security? Baltimore Inner Harbor. So you just security water? Just water? All the H and 2's and O's in there. We're good. What do you mean? Making sure motherf***ers don't get in the water? Is there a delay on this? How come? I'm asking him a question. I'm like, what are you security? He's like... A Bowie knife. So you currently work security? Or when you got detained, you worked security? Both. Both? Okay, so walk me through. What do you secure on the water? The mall. You secure the mall? Yeah. Okay, but it's a graveyard shift, so the mall's not f***ing open. So what are you doing? No, so when I go to my car, make sure that when someone attacks me, I have a weapon. So if someone attacks you, you have a weapon? Yeah. How many people attack you at a f***ing abandoned mall? Security. Security gets you. Safety reasons. Have you ever been pulled... So hold on, hold on. Stop. So you have a Bowie knife in your car because you're a security guy and people run up to you. Stab them. Okay, that's why you have a Bowie knife. And then why were you detained? Because you got pulled over? You got pulled over? You going fast? You going too fast? Were you drinking? No. Okay. So why was he searching the car? Because you look like that? You do have a horizon. I know you're... Man, thank you so much for coming, bro. I appreciate that, man. Thank you so much, man. What is your name before I leave you? Brad. Nice to meet you, Brad. That says Horn... Horn Pub. Oh, it's supposed to be Point Hub. That f***ing horny guy. Okay, that's cool, man. What is that? Is that where you work? You just like the bar? That's a bar up in Pennsylvania. It's a bar up in Pennsylvania. You frequent the bar or you just like the shirt? I go to the bar. You go to the bar all the time. Okay, is that your wife, girlfriend? Wife, girlfriend, mistress. F***ing much. He was too fast with it, so he playing that s***. But I wish that was f***ing true. Is it true? Yes. Wow. The fact that you guys aren't losing your f***ing minds right now. You guys gave more of a f*** about his stupid ass security job. And this dude's got a wife, a girlfriend, and a mistress. Still nothing? Okay, walk me through the logistics of this goddamn situation. This is too much b****y for you. This is three vajayjays and six lips. Actually, eight lips if you count the regular ones. Okay, hold on, hold on. Which one's the wife? Wife. And which one's the girlfriend? Girlfriend. And that's the mistress? Mistress. Okay, you know that the last one don't make no goddamn sense. Wife's best friend. My best friend's girlfriend. Your best friend's girlfriend. So how does that make you the mistress? No, she's the mistress. I understand what you said to me, but how does that make you a mistress? No, I'm her mistress. You're her mistress? Okay, you guys are f***ing lying to me right now? Huh? I said not me. You're not lying? No, no, no, they're lying, I'm not. They're lying? This is all them. This is all them? All them. Okay, you guys know that your plan is in the car and I want to kill all... Give me the Bowie knife. Give me the f***ing Bowie knife. Hey! Oh, I thought you f***ing had it. I thought he f***ing had it. S***. Cut six tits off. Your F-450, six tits, baby. How are you, sir? If you say that's your mistress, I will f***ing quit this show right now. That's my wife. That's your wife? Good, man. See? See how it is when you f***ing tell the truth? You f***ing b***h. Made me be a f***ing site center in a goddamn store. You lying motherf***er. You're going to hell. You guys stop laughing on some weird s***. Okay, man. What's your name, sir? My name is Mark. Mark. Hello, Mark, man. I'm Michael. So nice to meet you. You guys look like a very, very beautiful motherf***ing couple. This is very nice. And what do you do for your hobbies, sir? What do you do for your hobbies, Marcus? I play poker. You play who? Poker. You play poker. F*** yeah. You ever lose money? A lot of money lost? Yeah. S***. Okay. What's the most amount of money you ever lost, Marcus? Not that much. Not that much? 100, 100, 200 bucks? 300 bucks? 700. 700 bucks? Okay. If she wasn't here, what's the actual answer? Yeah, much f***ing more than 700. Dude, because you said 700. What? She didn't know that. You know you lost 17 grand, Marcus. Damn. Okay, yeah. Dude, poker is good. But I can't really handle poker. I can't handle swings. I lose $9 and I freak the f*** out. So, I applaud that. That's very fun. Okay, cool. And what is your hobbies, ma'am? My hobbies? That's what I said. There's bed service right here. Just in this little area. Traveling. Travel, travel. What was the last place you went to, ma'am? Japan. Oh, s***. That's cool. Okay, cool. Did you go with Marcus? You did? F*** yeah. Okay. What was your favorite part about Japan, ma'am? What was that? What was your... Can you... What the f*** is happening? First of all, what are you? All right. Talk to you... God, f***. All right. Jesus Christ. That guy, that's the guy who f***ed you in jail. That guy. F***ing a mistress and a goddamn wife. That guy, right there. What was your favorite part about Japan? Man, here's the thing. Do you watch it? Ma'am, I have an hour. I'll stay here for an hour. You never watched a clip of mine? You don't know how to f***ing joke? No, I'm just joking. I told her. Yeah, you did. Okay, you did, Marcus. You did. Okay, you ever... What's your favorite category, ma'am? Everyone f***ing calm down. We're all adults. What's your favorite motherf***ing category? Okay, okay. You don't have to answer. Marcus, what's your favorite category? What do you mean, what's the subject? Stab them two. No, no, I'm just kidding. You don't have to answer. I'm just f***ing around. How long have you guys been together? You guys, again, look like a very beautiful couple. We've been together 18 years. 18 years. Congratulations, man. Congratulations, Marcus. Marcus is a good husband, isn't he? She can't even answer that f***ing question. Ma'am, he's a good husband, yes? He's a good husband. Okay, great. How did he propose, ma'am? Excuse me? Ma'am, ma'am. Ma'am, you sat in the front row, b***h. Okay, okay, it's okay. I know this might be a little overwhelming. I'm so sorry. Are you high? Okay, you're acting a little high. Oh, she is high. That's why you're so f***ing weird right now. Okay, I'm sorry. You took a little TAC? A little TAC? No? Okay, a little psilocybin? Ma'am, have you ever taken psilocybin? What's happening? I thought motherf***ers would come on stage. That was crazy. Have you ever taken psilocybin? Do I what? Have you ever taken psilocybin? Are you a real person? Psilocybin. You ever taken psilocybin? Mushrooms? Magic mushrooms? Never in your whole life? Okay, you ever taken any drugs in your whole life? Oh, yeah. Okay, there you go. There you go. F***ing getting there. Sifting. We're getting there. I'll f***ing sift. What type of drugs? You ever take the... You never... Just a little bit of... Oh, just a little bit of Weeds Weeds? That's it? That's all you've done in your whole f***ing life? Just weeds? You never done... Never done it? Never done? Marcus, what drugs have you done, sir? No needles. Of course. Okay. We'll save that for him. You ever... I don't know what that means. Okay. What's up, Marcus? What type of drugs have you done, sir? What type of drugs? Just some weed. Just weed. That's it? A little bit of coke. Hell, yeah, boy. Hell, yeah. F*** yeah. All right. You ever have any fun stories with the cocaine-ness? Cocaine-ness? Okay. You care to elaborate? No. No? Oh, s***. You f***ing Thai lady boy. Tell me. Ma'am, no... Huh? 22 points in one day. How does that relate to what the f*** I'm talking about right now? 22 points? Is he a basketball player? What are you talking about? What's 22 points? Ma'am? Driving record. 22 points. Okay. Oh, s***. I don't understand. Damn. You cheated. 22 points. What happened? What do you mean, 22 points? How did you accumulate? That's a lot of motherf***ing points. I got pulled over numerous times in one day. You got pulled over... No, no, no. We're going to stop there, Daddy. Pause. You said you got pulled over multiple times in one day? You got pulled over four f***ing times. Walk me through this right now. A long time ago. It was a long time ago. I don't give a... Dude, what is this? The f***ing catch on the right? Give me a story. It was a long time ago. It was also my birthday. It was also your birthday. Okay. None of this... I don't give... Okay. It was your birthday. Well, how long ago, Marcus? What the f*** was that? What is this? 30 years ago. Okay. 30 years ago. It was your birthday. Okay. Then you woke up and you had... Was it all a dream? A little bit. But later on in the day. Later on in the day. So what was it? About a fourth pullover. What do you talk... Dude, what do you... Where did you live? In Edgewood. Edgewood. It's f***ing... It's my favorite wood, man.