How to Deal With Disrespect?

What is the single most powerful thing you can do when someone disrespects you? Give them exactly what they're wanting. Give them exactly what they're asking for. And that is a reaction. That's the single thing you can do is if you want to, if you want to face somebody who's being disrespectful to you and you want to give them what you're asking for, that means you're going to give them control over you, give them the power over you, give them the reaction. So if you were to be disrespectful to me in this moment, the worst thing I could do is give you the power to decide for me how I'm going to show up right now. And if I'm able to cut that off and say, no, I hear that, but I still get to choose how I'm going to respond. That's not going to get a reaction out of me. And so one of the ways you can do that, that I, I love is I am going to add about five to seven seconds of nothing, just silence, because just like we talked about with liars, people who are disrespectful, fear that, that quiet, they want the immediate reaction. They want that hit of dopamine because they're feeling bad about something. They're fearful of something. They're angry about something. So they want to get a rise out of you that tells them it's okay for me to feel this way. I need to feel justified in my anger. So if they throw a level three insult and you come back at a level seven insult, when they go, huh, you're exactly what I just said you were. I knew it. I knew you were that kind of person. And now you've just given them all the opportunity and justification to go to a level 10, right? And it's now your fault. And so rather than jumping up and giving them something to grapple on to that moment of silence, it's scary to them. That's why they'll feel it a lot of the times with they'll capitulate in some way. They'll find some way to draw it back or it's going to make them really uneasy. But what you're doing in that moment is signaling control. I was saying, yeah, you can, sure. You can choose to say what you want to say. Knock yourself, knock yourself out. That doesn't, that's not going to get the kind of reaction you thought from me. Can you show me an example? So Jefferson, this jacket is silly. Oh, that was rough. So if you, if you were to say, yeah, Jefferson, that, that jacket is the stupidest looking jacket I've ever seen. I'd give it five to seven seconds and nothing. And then I'd look at my jacket and I look at you and I would say, I need you to say that again to me. You just say that again. That jacket is silly. Oh, so you meant to hurt my feelings when you said this jacket was silly? Yes. Yeah. Thank you. I thought so. And that's where you cut off and that's where you leave. If they double down and say, yeah, I think that was dumb jacket. And then you go, Oh, did you mean to offend me when you insulted my jacket or insulted my looks in some way? And they go, yes, I did. You go, yeah, I thought so. Thanks. In other words, thank you for showing me exactly who you are. Why in the world would I be around Jack? If you can't find another way of saying, Hey, that jacket's not really the best look for you, or why would they even care? So a lot of the times when you can parse that out and ask them to repeat it or use it, did you mean, it's going to question a lot of things that if you were in a group, people aren't going to like. So like one-on-one people are much of they're, uh, they're more comfortable being ugly than they are in a group because then it comes into evaluation of the community or the community. Are we going to approve that behavior or not? And so that, that goes into the court of public opinion. I do like the jacket by the way. Um, thank you.