Disney Lied To Me About Everything | Bianca Lala

Something I noticed living here in Prague, I see a lot of young divorced people here. Did you guys notice that? People divorce a lot here. People in my country just go missing. I didn't know that was an option. ------- crazy, yeah, right? Something else I noticed, what I don't like about Eastern Europe, more than the politics, healthcare, everything, is the Eastern European porn, okay? It's terrible, I cannot watch it. Cannot watch it, mainly because all the dudes look like my dad. Especially the dicks, I mean, it's just... Oh my God. You know, I see you got a little bit tense, right? So obviously not everything we say on stage is true. This one is though. So you can relax, okay? I was just kidding, that was a joke, right? I was just kidding. I don't know my dad, okay? We can all laugh about it. Could be any of them. I'm just... You know, happens, happens. Actually, I don't really watch porn. I'm more of a Disney fan. That was a great segue, by the way. I'm more of a Disney movie fan. Any Disney fans in the crowd tonight? Give me a scream. Just like a woo. Very shy, just like a woo. I love that. I ******* love Disney movies, right? It's so great. I just think that there's a problem when you start watching too many of them. You start having unrealistic expectations from life, right? Like, for example, you start believing ---- that isn't true, right? For example, I started believing, you know, that I was special or that I had superpowers, you know? Or that my parents love each other, you know? Crazy, crazy things. Obviously, I'm just kidding. You know, parents are always dead in Disney movies, which is... Because think about it, think about it, right? Snow White, dead parents. Cinderella, dead parents. Bambi's mom was made into a sausage at the beginning of the movie, which I'm sure it was delicious because who doesn't like venison, you know? But that's not the point. You know what I mean? It's not the point. Something else, though, I don't like movies about the future. You know what I'm saying? I feel like it's just lazy, you know? Because they take a problem that we deal with right now and project it into the future. You know what I'm saying? Like racism in space, you know? Right? Misogyny in holograms, you know? It's *******, yeah? Donald Trump in office, you know? What I mean? Crazy. Just lazy writing, right? Crazy. I wrote that joke before the election. That makes it even funnier. Yeah. But something I noticed, I'm a bit of a cynic in case you guys didn't notice that. I'm a bit of a cynic, which makes dating hard, right? Whenever someone's like, oh, Bianca, you're gonna find someone. We've been in love for 20 years. I'm like, 20 years, that's longer than political stability in my country, okay? I don't trust you. But then, you know, because I was in bed with this guy back home and asked him to choke me, all right? Because I'm not that much of a feminist. I said what I said, all right? So I asked him to choke me. I'm not kidding you guys. Motherfucker took me from behind with his elbow and strangled me like an MMA fighter, okay? I didn't know what was going on. I had to tap out. ****. Crazy. Of course, I did cum. But that's just because my parents used to beat me up as a child, you know? So what doesn't kill you makes you kinky. That's what you should know. But then, you know, you're like, okay, I've had enough of dating these Eastern European men, right? So you go to an actually developed, civilized country and then you date these men in their early 20s. You know what I'm talking about? Those guys, they think they're smart because they listen to podcasts. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah. And I was on a date with one of them and I was trying to, you know, joke around, like, so you're one of those alpha males, huh? He looked me dead in the eye. He was like, of course not. That is ridiculous. I'm a Sigma. I'm sorry, guys. If you call your mates Alpha, Beta, Sigma, Omicron, any of the COVID variants, I'm sorry, but that is just astrology for men, okay? I said what I said. You make fun of me for being a Virgo. You use a system not even wolves in the wild use, okay? Look it up. It's true. Pisses me off, right? And some of them, they listen to Andrew Tate and they're like, what do women bring to the table? I'm like, you don't even have a table at your house. You don't have a house. Your mom does your laundry. What are you talking about? ------- crazy. It pisses me off, you know? And then you decide, okay, 20, 20 is too young. Let's go 25, 25, right? It's a good number. But then they still hit you with that, babe, I'm not ready to commit, you know? I'm just looking for something casual, you know? Because I'm going through my quarter life crisis. Did you guys hear about that? Quarter life crisis. That's not a thing. You're not in a crisis. You're unemployed, okay? Get your ---- together. That's what I'm talking about, right? And then you decide, okay, 25 is still too young. 35, let's go 35, right? Last chance before retirement, all right? 35 is a good number, okay? And then somehow these men, they're still figuring themselves out. They're figuring, you're laughing way too hard. I'm so sorry. We're gonna go cry in the bathroom after the show. They're figuring themselves out at 30. What is there to figure out? You know what I'm saying? You're a 35-year-old with a receding hairline and a peanut allergy. What is the mystery, you know? If it weren't for modern medicine, you'd be dead, you know? Like, it's crazy because I come here, everyone has an allergy, you know? Peanuts, cats, confidence, it's crazy, you know? It's crazy. But then back home, you know, in my country, men die of real ----. Like alcoholism. And sepsis, you know? And witchcraft, you know? Real things. That's what I mean, yeah. It actually, you know, but I think love is dangerous because you do crazy things when you're in love, right? And I'm gonna end on this. You do crazy things when you're in love. For example, the craziest thing I did for love is I willingly moved in with a guy that was actually, at the time, diagnosed. It's a bit of a sad story. He was diagnosed with a French passport. Now. Don't laugh, he was born with it, okay? He still has it, he still has it. It's very sad. But then, you know, what I don't get about the French is that they're so impatient all the time. You know what I mean? Like, he ordered something online. He complained it took too long to get here. Two weeks from China. Now, I don't know geography, but I think China's pretty ******* far away, right? Don't you think? I mean, calm down. Two weeks? The child making it isn't even born yet. You guys have been absolutely fantastic. Welcome to the stage, Quest!