What Men Over 40 Secretly Need to Fall in Love

The number one sign that someone is genuinely interested in you, they feel more connected to you when you open up to them and are vulnerable. They're not in it for just a chase. The more they see who you are, the more they want you. Because to feel desired feels really good, but it is not the same thing as being valued. When someone values you, when they are genuinely invested in you, when they are interested in you beyond the physical, they want to understand you. They want to know your story. They want to know what makes you happy. They want to know what makes you sad. They want to make plans with you. They want to spend more time with you. And so the most important thing is that you value yourself so that you're willing to walk away from anyone who may desire you but doesn't actually value you. Look, that's not to say that when we start dating someone, it's not like you just pour your heart out right away and tell them every deep dark secret of yours. That's not vulnerability. It goes in stages. I had someone write in and say, I've been seeing this guy and I've been seeing each other for several weeks now. And I just recently was hanging out with friends and I was on a hike and I saw something that really reminded me of him in a conversation that we had. So I took a picture of me smiling on this hike and I sent it to him with this little note of like, this made me think of you. And that's vulnerability. That's showing that you're thinking about someone. You're letting down your guard. It's like all the self-protective games that we play of trying to play it too cool. It's like that guard is coming down and she's just showing herself smiling with her hair up, no makeup, a little sweaty and just being like, I thought of you. And you know what? He never responded that day. He never responded that afternoon. He never responded that evening. It was like two days later that he responded like something with, oh, cool. And what breaks my heart is that this woman who wrote in said, I know that that didn't feel right, but maybe, maybe he was just busy. And it's like, no, it's not about that. It's about someone just not being that interested. You know, we could justify it. We could say maybe they're emotionally unavailable or they're not ready for a relationship and all those things, you know what? They could be true, but it doesn't change the outcome. It doesn't change the fact that here you are being vulnerable and this person doesn't care. There's no responsiveness to that. There's no nothing. And so if that happens, I know it's a bummer, but you have to see it as like, oh, well, that's boring because what's more fun or what's sexier actually than showing yourself in that way and then someone being really responsive and then you're being really responsive to their response. That's how we form a bond with someone. That's how we get connected to someone. That's how we form an emotional connection. Don't waste your time. Don't waste your energy on anyone who, when you start to kind of let down the walls a little bit and you just reveal yourself, whether that's revealing yourself in a sort of impromptu moment where you take a photo, whether it's sharing something about your history or your family that's personal, whether it's sharing how you feel, being really honest about your feelings. If that doesn't inspire this person to lean in, to be drawn to you, then they may desire you, but they definitely don't desire you beyond the physical. Because if we don't have vulnerability, then what do we have? Without vulnerability, there's no connection. And it really should be two people letting down their guard, opening up a little bit, and both people really responding to that. That's what creates trust and that's what creates safety between two people. And so, there's a lot of red flags, there's a lot of green flags. This is not the only thing that matters, but it truly is the number one sign that someone is genuinely invested in you. And it's not a guarantee that it's going to go anywhere. It's not a guarantee that it's going to be a relationship that works. No one can really guarantee it. But it is a very, very reliable sign that someone really wants to know you. And the more that they see you, the more that they want you and want to know you.