Once upon a springtime: A slow life in the English Countryside | I'M BACK! 🌸

Hello friend. So many things happened since we last spoke. I think it was still deep autumn when I picked up my camera for the last time. When I watched summer burst into gold. When I forgot to notice how seasons unraveled and passed. When I slept through winter as though it never happened. It's as though this time never existed. Autumn felt so fleeting, winter was the shortest of my life, yet it was also the richest. As the wind gently swayed the last autumn leaf to the ground, I stood there swaying him to sleep. I wondered at which moment in time did trees turn into naked carcasses, when did the sky turn silver slate grey. He was born when leaves were still golden, on an early morning mid-November, and perhaps on that same morning I was born too. This new, unfamiliar version of self I am slowly getting to know to this day. And it seems I only blinked, but we are almost through with spring already. This spring feels different than any other 30-something springs I lived through. I feel different. Perhaps the me before and me now are completely separate people, and if this kind of thought used to scare me, right now part of me is glad. Happy even, that I get to witness life grow anew, life that once grew within me now growing outside. I keep telling myself, don't rush the ever fleeting moments. In an attempt to seize the moment, I tried to romanticize and create the life I'd love to hold onto in my heart. I realized I've been hiding in my own comfort for so long, I needed a deliberate action to change. After a few months spent inside, both within my little family bubble and within myself, I have now yearned for the outside world to fill me with this spring-like softness too. The blooming trees, golden sunlight, delicate cherry blossoms swaying in the wind. Seeking, seeing beauty again with childlike wonder, this has been the time of abundant growth within me. I am discovering parts of myself I never knew existed, the softness I tightly locked away underneath the hard shell, afraid or even ashamed to expose. I open my eyes every day wondering, how is this little life I'm currently living even real? I want to share, want to capture, want to talk about it, yet I keep it quietly to myself, savoring every smile, every scent, every beautiful sight that imprints in my memory to delight in for years to come. I'm learning the art of looking, the art of seeing again, of staying quiet, listening, being here, now, grounded on my own two feet. This was the first time I went to the sea in a very long while. We drove four hours, turned seven with a crying baby for the first time in five months, soaked up the salty air, shared a few beautiful moments with friends, explored Welsh coastal walks. You know, I always loved the sea, there is something so freeing in it. Like waves, thoughts come and go. It's different from being amongst mountains, which I love. Mountains are wise and solemn, they are for retrospection and deep search within. But the sea is for lightness of being, for new ideas, new desires in life. Both are beautiful, but I think at this point of life I am drawn more to the sea indeed. Thinking about staying present, perhaps there is this impulse we all have at the sight of something delightful, we take the phone out and capture it. We have these tiny cameras in our pockets at all times wherever we go. But I then realized that I enjoyed most of these beautiful sights through the screen, only seeing them for mere seconds with my own two eyes despite being present in the physical space. It's a constant battle within me, perhaps you could relate too, wanting to live in the moment but also wanting to have a physical, tangible proof of experiencing it and looking back at it at a later time. Where is the balance, I wonder? And yet, there are a few things I managed to capture for you, of course. I'm sure somewhere down the line I'd want to see these scenes too. But that's also the reason I like to paint. Painting makes you look at the same scene or the same subject multiple times, especially when you paint just for pleasure, not for the result. It slows you down a little. So perhaps that's where the balance lies, in coming back to the same place, same subject, same thoughts multiple times, and every single time looking again and seeing something new in it. The spring is almost gone, yet another fleeting season of life. I am happy to be back here with you, sharing my thoughts and visions. I hope you're having the most wonderful springtime, and I will see you again in a short while. Hello friends! Oh my goodness, where do I even begin? I have been missing in action for about seven months now, if not more. And this feels so strange, coming back to YouTube and coming back to making videos, because my life is completely different now, yet it's still kind of the same. Life has been a rollercoaster. As you can see, I cut my hair, and I sort of regret it. Cutting hair or dyeing hair has always been just a thing that I did whenever I wanted any kind of change or experienced any kind of change in my life. So it's always been symbolic. So I decided to cut it, but I can't wait for it to grow back. But other than that, I just wanted to briefly chat with you and tell you that I am back. I don't know yet how often I'll be able to post, how often you will see my videos, but I will aim to appear here at least once a month. And everything else will be up to my little family to decide. Because I don't want to be fully fully back yet, but I do want to start making more videos and capturing more beauty. Especially because everything is so stunning outside right now, and my soul is full. And I started seeing beauty recently again, which is why I just wanted to come back and make videos. Purely because my soul is yearning for it. I am hoping that I will be able to share them with you more often. So thank you so much to every single one of you who checked in on me, who messaged me, who commented under my posts. This is an exciting time. I don't know yet how I'm gonna combine motherhood and creating videos. As I did say before, while my baby might appear here, but he's not gonna be a focus of my videos and the content will be the same. I mean, it will evolve as I evolve naturally. So wherever direction I evolve in, my content will evolve as well. It's sort of, I guess, silly to expect that it will be exactly the same, because I change and things around me change. But the baby is not gonna be the focus, even though you might see him every now and then afar or a hand or foot, as is in this video. I am really excited and I will see you again in the next video. In the meantime, if you do have any questions for me, anything you would like to know or any subject you would like me to talk about, do leave me a comment and I will try my best to answer all of those or make videos about those subjects. So I will see you very soon. Bye-bye!