On Wasting Your Life in Indecision ｜ Jung’s Puer Archetype & Plath’s Fig Tree

Something I've realized is that often the root of this indecision isn't perfectionism, it is fear. We are afraid of never realizing all we could be in life, so in hesitating to commit to anything, because we think that maybe there's something better out there for us, just waiting, we never actually commit to anything at all. I saw my life branching out before me like the fig tree in this story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband, and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet, and another fig was a brilliant professor. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest. And as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and one by one, they plopped to the ground by my feet. This is a quote from Sylvia Plath's novel The Bell Jar, and is one of the most painfully accurate descriptions of modern life. Nowadays, we have so many options, yet that's exactly the problem. Because many of us live like this, we spend years unable to choose a path, terrified that the moment we commit to one choice, we will lose all others. And so we wait. We wait to feel certain. We wait until we feel that we are ready. We are always waiting for some ideal that will never show up. And meanwhile, the years pass by anyway. This is what makes the metaphor of the fig tree so painful, because the problem isn't that the narrator of the story, Esther, lacks possibilities, it's that she has too many. Each of these figs that she describes represents a different future, a different identity or life that she could have lived. But the tragedy is that she cannot bring herself to choose, because choosing one life means giving up all of the others. And I believe that many of us are living life with the same kind of mindset. We live in wait, thinking that there is some perfect choice or perfect path for us out there. And we are always looking for this, whether it's in our career, relationships or passions that we pursue. We are always looking for the one perfect choice in everything. But by waiting for so long, life passes us by. So instead of actually living our lives, we find ourselves in a position where we are endlessly analyzing everything, every choice we make from the outside, trying to make the perfect decision before we actually allow ourselves to start living. But the problem is that life doesn't pause while we hesitate. The years are still passing by as we grow older, and eventually that feeling of always longing for an ideal turns to dread, because we know that we are running out of time. Something I've realized is that often the root of this indecision isn't perfectionism, it is fear. We are afraid of never realizing all we could be in life, so in hesitating to commit to anything because we think that maybe there's something better out there for us just waiting, we never actually commit to anything at all. Naturally, committing to one path means accepting limitation. It means accepting that we cannot become every possible version of ourselves. And I think for many people, especially ambitious people, that can feel unbearable. So instead we choose to remain stuck in this psychological paralysis where every option remains open to us, yet we never actually end up becoming anything. It's basically living a half-life, because by preserving our potential in theory, we never actually risk it in reality. We think as long as nothing is chosen, as long as we never fully try, nothing can fail. The imagined self remains perfect, untouched by reality. And psychologically, I think this comes from something much deeper than indecision. It is a fear of life itself. Because real life always demands a lot from us. It demands consistency, commitment, responsibility. It is extremely uncomfortable, and whatever life you want to build, it is going to cost you your old one. And a part of us naturally resists that. Now, Kai Jung describes this pattern through the archetype of the puer eternus, which is the eternal child. This is someone who remains suspended in possibility. They are full of dreams, imagination, and potential, but terrified of fully taking part in life and having that potential challenged. That's because as long as life remains imagined, it can never disappoint us. We can never fail if we never try. But the other side of that is that if we never try, we will never live. The condition of the puer can be described as a general fear of life and avoidance of responsibility. They will always have one foot in, one foot out. And it's by always keeping that one foot in the realm of possibility that they are always waiting for the perfect conditions. It looks like a constant hesitation in all choices. They're always wondering, is this the one? Is this the perfect career for me? Is this the perfect relationship? Is this the perfect life path? And ultimately, the problem is that because of this hesitation, they never commit to anything long enough to actually be successful in it. This can be disguised as perfectionism, but what it really is is a protection against imagined failure. It is that very belief that if I never fully try, I can never fail. And the sad thing is that the puer is often full of ideas and potential and inspiration, but often never gets to realize it in the world. They can spend their whole lives in this state of hesitation and waiting for an ideal. This way, the imagined self can still become anything. Everything is a maneuver to stay in this stagnant fantasy and avoid reality. Because reality threatens this very fantasy because it demands proof. It demands that we fail and learn from our experiences. And instead of just imagining ourselves already living the ideal version of all these different lives, we actually have to put in the uncomfortable work to get there. So in that sense, I find it's understandable. It makes perfect sense. If we can just imagine the life we want to live and we can feel a similar sense of joy or even pride in that, then why face reality? Why should we face that discomfort? Put in the work. Why should we risk failure and realize that we are not the person we imagine ourselves to be? Whatever we choose to do in life, trying means confronting the possibility of failure and limitation, judgment, and worst of all, mediocrity. So sometimes what looks like procrastination and indecision is actually self-protection. However, this also comes with a great risk. Kai Jung wrote, The perpetual hesitation of the neurotic to launch out into life is readily explained by his desire to stand aside so as to not get involved in the dangerous struggle for existence. But anyone who refuses to experience life must stifle his desire to live. And this is exactly why this constant search can become poisonous very quickly. Those who refuse to live, to take risks, to confront failure, to try, must also give up on life. This is where we see all sorts of self-destructive habits, addictions, reckless behaviors. They're all ways to avoid reality and stay in this fantasy. The Puerh will come up with every excuse to not face reality. They will blame others for their failures. They will use all their own experience in order to create a victim mindset. And this is all a way to avoid reality and the responsibility that comes with it. And we see this in the narrator of The Bell Jar. Esther is a pretty unlikable character. She is arrogant. She is obviously very intellectual. And she sees the world in a very negative light, where she is constantly judging and blaming other people for a lot of her own problems. She refuses to take accountability for her life. And as she withdraws, she becomes more and more numb to the world around her. And the ending of the book is quite literally a dissolving of individual consciousness, which is a terrifying consequence for not taking action, for not making choices in your own life. I find the ending in that sense can also be read as a metaphor, because in refusing our own agency, we are robbed of it. And honestly, for a long time, I lived a lot like this as well. I didn't know what I wanted to study. I didn't know where I wanted to live or who I wanted to become. I saw so many different futures and paths branching out before me that I felt paralyzed. And I think that's why this story resonated so much with me, because I was lucky to have many choices, many possibilities. Yet I struggled to choose and commit to any one. I was waiting so long for certainty, for some undeniable feeling that this was the right path for me. Just like Esther, I felt afraid that choosing one path would close the doors on all others, and that there might have been a different one that would have suited me better. Who knows? But you know what? Life still goes on. And we have to choose anyways. I also realize that a lot of these are impossible questions to answer, because we never know where any given choice may lead in the long run. We don't know what future possibilities might come with it. All we can do is make the best choice with what we know now. And I think this is part of the painful truth hidden underneath the fig tree analogy, because there is no way to live without loss. To choose one path is to let others go. But this is not failure, this is just what it means to live. As long as all of these ideas and possibilities remain a fantasy, they are not real. While you might think that you have unlimited paths and possibilities in your future, in reality, by not choosing and committing to any of them, you will be left with nothing. Because a meaningful life is not built through preserving every option forever. It is built through devotion to one thing that we choose. And through our effort and hard work, it becomes real. I think many people can spend years waiting for certainty before they begin. But one thing that I've noticed is that certainty rarely comes beforehand. Instead, it often follows action. This is why, when we are sitting beneath our fig tree, forever waiting and deciding which one to pick, all that matters is that we pick one. The Puerh tells a story of unrealized potential and a half-lived life. But the answer is not in endlessly waiting for an ideal. It means having the courage to face uncertainty and to act anyways. We must bring our ideas and dreams into reality and to fight for them. While embracing failure rather than avoiding it. And when I speak of potential, I don't mean it in the superficial sense. I'm not talking about fame, wealth, or success. But rather creating a life that feels meaningful to you. Whatever that may be, each of us has a calling. And we can feel it in those little moments of resonance with things. It is all of the things you feel drawn to but maybe have dismissed or been too afraid to pursue. Maybe you've dreamed of creating music, pursuing writing, starting your own business. A lot of the time, even if you try to brush it off, these kind of ideas don't go away. These are the things to pursue in whatever way you can. Jung famously said, where your fear is, there is your task. This means that often the things we are most afraid to do are the things we are meant to do in life. Because it's where we are going to grow the most and it is where we will find the most meaning. Another way to look at this is by asking yourself, what would you most want to do if you weren't afraid? If you knew you could not fail, what would you choose to do? The answer to the problem with the fig tree is not certainty. It is courage. We aren't actually waiting for perfection or certainty. Because if you think about it, what is the point of that? If we are perfect, then what? We can avoid failure. We can avoid making mistakes, judgment from others, a hit to our imagined greatness. So what? None of that actually matters. To live means making choices and living with the consequences. I really believe there's no such thing as the right choice. Whatever choice you make, you must make it the right choice. It takes courage to make choices that define us and to commit to them despite not having certainty. I've been waiting for certainty for years and I'm starting to think that there's no such thing. But what I do know is that if I keep waiting without making choices that will allow me to live my life, then I won't be living at all. Then I'm wasting the few years we have to actually do the things I want in life. So instead of trying to look at it as finding the right choice, the best path we can take in life, we need to instead learn how to act without certainty. That is what's going to take us far in life. In the end of the story, Esther is starved of life because she could not choose her fig. But maybe the tragedy isn't that she would lose all these other futures, it's that she believed she could have them all. We have to remind ourselves that more figs will grow from the ones that we pick. We need to tend to them to grow them with hard work and new possibilities will emerge. I think the danger in this story that a lot of us can relate to is that if we spend our whole lives waiting for the perfect choice, the ideal, the best life path, then we will never actually live. There are people who spend their whole lives imagining who they could have been, and there are people who actually dare to become someone. I believe to live fully requires a certain audacity. It requires the willingness to choose and commit despite uncertainty, to embrace imperfection and failure, especially failure, because these are the stepping stones that will actually lead us towards our goals in life. So if you also feel trapped in indecision, know that you're not alone. I think this is one of the most universal struggles we can face, and it's not necessarily a bad thing. It shows discernment, but that is only of value if we also know how to act. Perfectionism and procrastination are nothing but tools we use to avoid facing reality, to avoid having to prove our potential to ourselves. We are so afraid that if we actually try and fail, that it means we can never live our dreams, but that's not the best way to think about it. Personally, I'm a big believer that whatever we can set our minds to, with enough time, we can achieve it. But it will absolutely require a lot of failure. But that isn't a hit to your self-worth or the potential that you envision in your mind, it is rather the very lessons that you need to learn in order to get there. Failure is nothing. It is a step forwards, a proof of your effort. The more you fail, the closer you will get to your goals. Imagine reaching the end of your life. Would you rather know that you gave it your all, or feel regret that you never fully tried? That you will never know what you could have become if only you had committed yourself fully to it? So, to sum things up, take the leap. It doesn't matter what you choose, it only matters what you make of it. Maybe no choice will ever feel completely certain. Maybe any life we choose will require the loss of other possible lives, but the years pass anyway. And personally, I would rather fail at attempting to become something real rather than spending my whole life preserving the fantasy of who I could have been. But thank you so much for watching. I'd really love to hear your thoughts on this topic as well, because I believe every one of us shares this same struggle. This video has just been some of my own thoughts on the topic, which I hope will help. Thank you so much for watching, and I'll see you next time. Bye!