Benedict Cumberbatch’s E-Bike Road Rage Sums Up Modern London

So apparently, Benedict Cumberbatch got into a full-on argument with another cyclist in London because he allegedly ran a red light on his e-bike. And honestly, this is the most London story I've ever heard in my life. I am listening to everything you're saying. You're deluded. You're lying. I was behind you the entire time. You verbally abused me. Oh no! I verbally abused a guy who completely drove along and then you went to a separate crossing. You've got Doctor Strange on a £7,000 electric bicycle arguing with a bloke dressed like he's training for the Tour de France outside King's Cross, while 12 people film it for TikTok and someone in the background is getting their phone nicked by a lad on a fat wheel e-bike wearing a balaclava. Along Park Lane Mayfair, when a criminal road passed on an electric bike, grabbed the victim's phone and drove off. The crime was so quick the victim didn't have enough time to react. This, ladies and gentlemen, is modern brain. If Benedict really did blast through multiple red lights and crossings on an e-bike in central London, then yeah, that's arrogant. But the self-appointed cyclist vigilante following him around filming and lecturing him for 10 minutes also sounds insufferable. There's a certain type of London cyclist who acts like they are simultaneously oppressed victims and traffic enforcement officers. Following someone around shouting accusations in public is weird behaviour too. And look, I'm at the point now where I genuinely think cyclists in London believe traffic laws are just polite suggestions. Red lights? Optional. Zebra crossings? Decorative. Pavements? Apparently an extension of the road. You'll be walking through central London and suddenly hear, move brov, as some delivery rider comes flying at you at 38 miles an hour, carrying a lukewarm coma and risking 6 human lives to save 40 seconds. And these e-bikes are ridiculous now. Half of them aren't even bicycles anymore. They are basically silent motorbikes with pedals attached purely for legal decoration. You see these things flying through traffic at Formula 1 speeds while the rider's wearing all black like he's about to do a side quest in GTA. No wonder phone snatchers love them. Honestly, if someone on an e-bike rides past me slowly now, I instinctively grab my phone, wallet, passport, national insurance number and family heirlooms. You can't trust anybody on a fat wheel e-bike in London anymore. They either want your iPhone or they are about to lecture you on carbon emissions while running through red lights. And I actually think a crackdown's coming now. I genuinely think within a few years, hopefully a lot sooner, we'll see little licensed players on e-bikes. Tax, insurance, registration. It's coming. Because governments love nothing more than finding something that was previously free and suddenly going, right, that'll be £180 a year please. Like the paper Mal wrote tax for electric vehicles. Anyways, if you are a cyclist, just ride your bicycle sensibly. There are idiots everywhere, in and on all forms of transport.