how to love yourself so much that life starts to love you back

Hello everyone, thanks for being here. Today I want to talk about one of my favorite topics, self-love. I have so many things to say in this video so let's dive right into it. I have a question for you. Do you think loving yourself is selfish? I've seen so many people being accused of selfishness when they start choosing themselves and I want to say something about this. To people who want to manipulate you and take advantage of you, to people who want you to sacrifice your happiness and your well-being for them, they will 100% accuse you of being selfish when you prioritize yourself. And let me tell you this, there are so many people like this. Sometimes they can even be your family members. Don't ever let anyone manipulate you into believing that loving yourself and choosing yourself is bad. I mean, let's get this straight, people who are unhappy when you choose yourself are those who benefit from you not choosing yourself. Just think about it. People who get angry and resentful when you live your life in a way that makes you feel truly happy only care about their own needs. So they will guilt trip you and make you believe you are selfish when they are in fact the most self-centered ones. You need to see through them. You need to be the first person to prioritize yourself because no one is going to do that for you. I mean, if you're happy sacrificing your health and energy for others, it's your life and I have nothing to say. But I just hope that you love yourself enough to always choose the best for yourself and never accept anything that is below your standards, whether it's a partner, a relationship, a friendship, or a thought, a belief, an identity. The moment you realize that something or someone is not benefiting you, they're not adding anything good to your life but only taking from you and harming you, it's time to leave. It's time to end things and free yourself. Always ask yourself, is this benefiting me? Is this improving my life? Is this enriching my life? If the answer is no, you need to do something and only you can save yourself. Anything that is toxic and negative needs to be removed from your life right away. And when you love yourself enough, you'll be so quick with this. As soon as you see people's true colors, they're out and never coming back. The same thing goes with negative thoughts and beliefs. They don't even stand a chance. That's how you know you love yourself and you'll start calling people out. I don't care who is disrespecting you. You should never let it pass. If they disrespect you, if they say things that hurt you, call them out. Ask them, what makes you think it's okay for you to say these things to me? Why do you say that to me? Why? Don't ever say the same things to me again. You need to stand up for yourself like that because no one is going to do that for you. You need to stand up for yourself, confront people, and never let anyone think it's okay to walk all over you. You either eliminate them completely from your life or you limit your interactions with them or you draw some strict boundaries. Don't ever let anyone mess with you, okay? There's this one harsh truth that you need to accept and that is no one is going to truly think for you. Everyone is thinking about themselves. Even people who always say they The best for you in their mind has to be the best for them first. You know what I'm saying? Many people are just imposing their own beliefs about what's good for you on you or convincing you to do the things that will eventually benefit them. So basically, everyone is thinking for themselves and hey, you should too. Be a little selfish. Especially if you're a woman, you need to be 10 times more selfish because there are thousands of ways other people and the society can take advantage of your softness, your kindness, your femininity, and your selflessness. If you don't prioritize yourself, you will never be someone's priority. I'm sorry. This is the real world. It's not like you sacrifice your energy, your health, your time, your beauty for someone and they are going to reciprocate. Not going to happen. I mean, you can easily see this in your life. Look around you, look at people and especially women who sacrifice themselves for others. Are they happy? Are they loved? Are they cherished? Or are they the first ones to be taken advantage of? Or are they the first ones to be blamed when something goes wrong? Or are they the ones who feel exhausted and depressed at the end of the day? Always put yourself first. And this is not selfish. Only when you love yourself, can you love someone else. If you're lucky enough to have a connection, whether a friendship or a romantic relationship with someone who has a firm foundation of self love and self accountability, like authentic, healthy self love, you will feel a huge difference. They are caring, gentle, emotionally mature, and respectful. They will be there for you when you need them. But they will also give you the space to do your own things and the freedom to make your own decisions. Like when you love yourself, first of all, you also have a rich and fulfilling life that makes you feel truly happy on your own, right? Then you won't be emotionally dependent on anyone else. And secondly, you will encourage others to love and take good care of themselves. You will be like a source of inspiration and positivity. But if you don't love yourself, the love you give to others will be very toxic. Because it's controlling, it's obsessive, and it's desperate. Like, I just don't understand how can you love someone else when there's no love here for yourself? It's impossible. This leads me to the next point. Don't ever trust people who don't love themselves. This is especially important when you first meet someone new. Like when you go on a first date or when you meet a new friend, you need to observe and ask them about the way they take care of themselves. Are they taking good care of their physical health? Are they physically active? Do they enjoy food that is good for their body? Or do they eat junk food all the time? Are they in touch with their emotions? Do they have the habit of observing and trying to understand their emotions instead of, you know, acting on them impossibly or blaming others for their feelings all the time? And also pay attention to the way they talk about themselves. If they talk about themselves with a mean and indifferent voice, don't expect them to treat you well. Because if they don't even respect and value themselves, how can they do the same thing for someone else? And, well, I think that self-love does not mean forcing or manipulating others to change themselves and sacrifice themselves for you. That's not self-love. So if you see someone who has the tendency to do these things or to express self-love in these ways, it's a red flag. You should run away. I think people who love themselves in a truly selfish way, like, you know, belittling others' needs and expecting others to sacrifice for them, actually have a lot of self-hatred. They hate themselves and they cannot make themselves happy. So they force others to do that for them and then play the victim when they don't get what they want. True self-love means you know what you need and you walk away the moment you realize the other person is not what you need. So you don't force people to change. You don't waste your time manipulating anyone. You just walk away. So yeah, if you are meeting someone new, make sure to observe whether they love and take care of themselves in a healthy way because the way they treat themselves is also the way they treat others. It's always the same thing. To give you a small tip, you can tell whether a person loves or hates themselves by listening to how they talk about others. You know, whenever I go on social media and see a hate comment, I am always so curious because, like, how judgmental, mean, and cruel must this person be to themselves in order for them to be this judgmental, mean, and cruel to another human being. I mean, if you have a kind, loving, understanding inner voice, there's no way you can talk to someone else with such a cold-hearted attitude. Whenever I communicate with others, I am very careful with my word choice because I know that words carry power and they can lift someone up or push someone down to the darkest place. This is because I communicate with myself very kindly. I never say anything or think anything negative about myself, so that's why I don't say or, you know, think the same thing about others. That's why when I see a mean comment under my videos, there are not many though, I don't get offended or hurt, but I just feel bad for the person who left that comment. And you need to remember this next time when someone says something hateful, judgmental, or disrespectful towards you. Besides standing up for yourself if needed, just feel bad for that person. It's not your problem. It's their problem. They must have such a poor self-image and self-concept. They must hate themselves so much to have such evil thoughts about someone else, let alone say them out loud. They're suffering a lot internally. When you remember this, you won't take anything personally and you won't be easily hurt by all those words anymore. You need to like yourself so much that it doesn't matter whether other people like you or not. This is probably the biggest transformation that I myself have experienced. I used to be a very insecure person. I cared way too much about what other people thought about me and I needed external validation. Like whenever I said something, I wanted others to agree with me or have the same opinion as me. Whenever someone was not happy with something I said or did, I thought about it for days. And the only times I felt proud of myself were when someone gave me compliments and recognition. But then I was fortunate enough to be given many chances to develop a strong connection with myself and it got stronger and stronger and stronger to a point where I no longer care about what other people think about me. I mean, if they agree with me, okay. If they disagree with me, fine. If they like me, all right. If they don't like me, no big deal. I like myself. I like myself and that's all I need. Do you know what I want to recommend to you? You need to create a list of all the things that you love about yourself. Now if I ask you to list five things, just five things that you love the most about yourself, can you do it right away? It seems to be such a simple thing, but a lot of people don't even know what they love about themselves. They don't even know all the special and wonderful qualities that they have and it's so sad to see. Like in the English lessons I design and teach, I include many discussions and questions that can help develop a better sense of self-understanding and self-love. But whenever I ask my students the question, what is your best quality? None of them can answer, at least not right away. They get very bewildered because they've never thought about it before. You know when you enter a relationship, right? One of the things you like to do is ask your partner what they love the most about you with the expectation that they will list out dozens of things that you've ignored. Why do you need someone else to do that? Why aren't you the first person to recognize your beauty and acknowledge your abilities? You need to know yourself so well, you need to establish this firm indestructible foundation of self-understanding and self-appreciation so that no one can tell you who you should be or control how you should feel about yourself. Loving yourself means you never stop working on yourself and the things that you work on don't have to be the same things that other people and society expect you to work on. It can be something that you personally find fulfilling and enjoyable. It doesn't have to follow any trends or societal expectations. You just do the things that you personally enjoy that will benefit you in all aspects physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I think self-love is like a combination of self-acceptance, self-care and self-discipline. Disciplining yourself is also a crucial part that can create more balance and stability in your life and this can benefit you tremendously in the long run. It's like you love yourself across all timelines so you forgive and appreciate your past self, right? You accept your present self and you prioritize your future self's needs and all of your actions will benefit you in all timelines. So it's not self-indulgence, it's not about seeking short-term pleasures but it's about knowing what you truly need and making a consistent effort to bring it to yourself. True self-love means you love yourself unconditionally. You love yourself on both good and bad days. You love yourself when you are winning and losing. You love yourself at your best and at your worst. You know it's easy to love yourself when you are successful, happy, healthy, productive, optimistic but it's the love that you give yourself in the darkest, lowest points that will truly make you feel safe and secure in your own presence. I myself went through bad days on which I was not at my best at all. I lay in bed all day. I crashed out and acted impulsively. I watched all the negative thoughts that were lingering in my head for days and I still loved myself regardless. Whenever I looked at myself in the mirror and even when I looked like a mess, I didn't criticize myself. I just said, okay, Han is going through a hard time right now. She needs a break. She needs to express her emotions. She needs some rest but she's still my number one girl and she'll feel better soon. I watched myself pulling through those hard days with loving eyes and I didn't even say one negative thing about myself. I just tried to understand the reasons behind my emotions and my behaviors and gave myself what I truly needed. No judgment, no criticism, no disappointment, just pure love and care and thanks to this I usually get back on my feet very quickly. I know that a lot of things can happen in the past that make you feel worthy and valuable only when you achieve something or when you do something well but we are human beings. We're not supposed to be brilliant and productive all the time. You will make mistakes. You will mess things up. You will be lazy. You will lose motivation. You will fumble. You will fail and it's okay. I think a big part of self-love is learning to be your own good parent and parenting yourself does not just mean disciplining yourself but it's also about allowing yourself to have the time and space to rest, forgiving yourself and treating yourself well even on hard days. Okay, that's everything that I want to share in today's video. To be honest, I actually procrastinated on making this video for so long for some reason but finally it's here and I feel so happy and fulfilled right now after sharing everything that's been on my mind. I really hope that you find what you need to hear in this video. Remember to love yourself and choose yourself every day because when you do that, everything and everyone will also love you and choose you. Thanks for watching. I'll see you again soon. Bye!