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My mom is financially irresponsible and depends financially on her mom.
Um, and I'm just kind of worried that at some point she's
going to be depending on me.
How do I kind of prepare for that and set boundaries when I need to about it?
How old are you?
I'm 22.
I wouldn't worry about it right now.
I really wouldn't.
I just, I'd worry about something else.
There's other stuff to worry about.
How old is your mother?
Um, she's about 50.
Okay.
She doesn't work.
Yeah.
No, she doesn't work at all.
Is she married?
No, no.
Uh, she, is she disabled in some way?
So she, um, she says she is having like an undiagnosed disability, but she
hasn't been able to get it diagnosed or, you know, get disability for it.
Um, so, um, don't laugh.
Is it like, like a, like a, um, like a, no, no, no.
I'm telling Dave not to laugh.
Raven.
You can laugh.
I'm sorry.
I thought we called that lazy.
Is it like an immune disorder?
Like what it is?
It's an auto immune disease.
Like real nation.
Has she, um, okay.
So anyway, back, back to, um, no.
I, I, I am, I'm very suspect of that.
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I'm very suspect of that.
The, to say the least the, um, I think, I think the thing is this number, number
one, I would pick up Henry clouds book boundaries and read it.
And that begins to teach you and prepare you intellectually for how, uh, how
difficult it's going to be to set boundaries with her.
No one has ever told her no.
And you're going to be the first one and it's going to be real difficult.
Okay.
So I just want you to go build a wonderful life for you.
And then if you've got millions of dollars and you want to help her out with some
groceries or something, that's fine.
But what you don't want to do is to take her on as your responsibility.
Cause she's not your responsibility.
She's 50 year old woman that won't work.
Okay.
And so, um, uh, and so, and she had every opportunity to do that and
that's what you're observing.
You called it financial irresponsibility.
You didn't call it a medical issue.
And so, and you were right.
So, um, anyway, when the time comes and you have to set a boundary, I'm going to
go ahead and tell you, it's going to be one of the most painful things
you've ever done in your life.
Because anyone that tells your mother, no, does not get a good
reaction from your mother.
No.
And her, my grandma's coming up on age and we will kind of have that discussion.
So I'm feeling like it's going to come up pretty close and I don't know.
Well, I mean, when you're, when your granny passes and your mom has to
figure out how to do life, you're just gonna have to tell your mom I'm 23
and I can't do this for you.
You're like the old woman.
You're supposed to figure this out.
I can't do it today.
You don't have the option of helping her.
You don't have the money, but let's say it's 10 years from now and you're
32 and you've, but you've put together a million dollars listening to the
stuff we teach and you're able to help, but still you don't, you're not
required to help, you still are going to have to tell her now in any case
where she actually has to take responsibility for her life, she's
going to be unhappy with the people that tell her that.
So that's the thing I want you to prepare you for.
There is no trick phrase.
There is no amount of money.
There is no angle or strategy that you can take.
That's going to make her not be pissed.
There's a hundred percent chance your mom's going to be pissed.
So you might as well get ready for that.
The only way she's not going to be is if you become as dysfunctional as
your grandmother and you take in this woman who won't work and you, you
continue to feed her and take care of her and she does to do nothing more.
And she runs, walks around whining, acting like there's something wrong
with her and there's not, she just lazy.
And so that is a disability, but it's a different kind.
And so, um, that that's what you're facing and I'm sorry for that, but, but
anytime you have to set boundaries with a boundary list person, the thing you
have to brace yourself for is the emotional pain because you're going to be
told how horrible a daughter you are and you're not, you're going to be told
you're crazy and you're not, you're going to be told everything's wrong
with you and you're not, but you're still going to feel those arrows as
they come at you because they sting.
They hurt.
And so just get ready for that.
There's no way to avoid it except to join in the crazy talk and join in the crazy
land and we're not going to join in crazy land.
And so the only other than the thing that's going to happen is a hundred
percent chance your mom's not going to react well for that.
She's a, she's a travel agent for guilt trips and she's going to pull out every
card in the book to get, you know, get money out of you and everything else.
And anything she could, well, I raised you.
Where were you when I was feeding you?
Well, that's like your job.
You had a kid.
That's where I was.
And so all that.
And so, but, but there's no amount of talking.
There's no amount of words that are going to fix this lady until she comes to
herself and says, I'm ready to get better.
I'm ready to get better at this thing called life.
And you can't make her do that at 22.
And I don't want you to worry about it another day.
I just, I do want you to brace yourself for when the time comes.
It's going to be painful.
She's not going to go well.
So pick up Henry clouds book boundaries.
You will, you will go, Oh, that's me.
I know that guy.
Yeah, that's who that is.
So that's how that works.
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