Red Flags in BRIDGET JONES'S DIARY

You shouldn't have to impress anybody. If you're needing to be fake or false to impress a person, your relationship is doomed to fail anyway. Do you love me? She doesn't know who she is. She's not being true to herself. Yeah. She's trying to adapt to what she thinks other people want her to be. And he's perfect. She is now filling in the gaps of who she thinks he is or could be based on that she likes the attention and that he finds her attractive and that he wants to sleep with her. We're gonna give him a f***ing chance. His motivations are, what can I get out of this relationship, not what can I give? You're the only one who can save me, Bridge. I need you. If this ever happens in your life, you run. We belong together, Jones. Red flag. And this! All the red flags. Hello and welcome to Cinema Therapy. I'm Alan Seawright, a professional filmmaker who needs therapy. I'm Jonathan Decker, licensed therapist who loves movies, and joining us today, the wonderful, the illustrious, and world-renowned Jane Austen expert. Nope. True facts. I'm Megan. I am a writer and producer on the show and married to this guy. Yeah. Jane Austen... Connoisseur? Enthusiast? I did teach British literature. There you go. She's an expert. What are we doing today? Today, I would like to have you respond to red flags in what is arguably the greatest Jane Austen adaptation of all time, Bridget Jones Diary. Okay, everyone needs to know this out of the gate. This is gonna be a roast. It didn't start out that way. Nope. And then we watched the film. We got so many comments, so many people wanting us to react to Bridget Jones Diary, and here's the thing. I watched it and I hated it. Hated this movie. If you love this movie, it's okay. We can all love things that are bad for us. Just keep your brain turned on and acknowledge, this is not how I'm going to live my life. A lot of what we're gonna be looking at is red flags from a character who is supposed to be a bad relationship. So without further ado, let's do this. And stop talking total nonsense to strangers. In fact, stop talking full stop. Yes, well, perhaps it's time to eat. Apparently she lives just around the corner from you. Mother, I do not need a blind date, particularly not with some verbally incontinent spinster who smokes like a chimney, drinks like a fish, and dresses like her mother. Yummy. Turkey curry, my favorite. For what it's worth, accusing someone of verbal incontinence is a pretty great insult. Here's the thing, Darcy is not wrong about any of the things that he says about her. He was maybe a little too harsh, coming in a little too hot, but not wrong. And I like that she sees that as kind of a wake up call. Well, this is sort of her moment of like, I'm gonna make a change. I'm gonna go out and I'm gonna change my life and do different things. I'm gonna exercise and you know, whatever all of her other stuff she's gonna do. And then she doesn't actually change. So here I have two red flags right out of the gate. One for the character and one for the filmmakers. Oh boy. For the character, okay, you may be right, Megan. The things you said are accurate. You may be right that, okay, this is a wake up call for her. It's also not a great thing to do, to talk poorly of someone you just met who only was ever trying to be kind and start a conversation. And I get that that's, you know, the whole Darcy arc, but that leads me to my other red flag. You're making a Pride and Prejudice remake. You rename all the characters except for Darcy. And then you cast Darcy from Pride and Prejudice in the role of Darcy. And he, so genetically- Literally four years later. Four years later. The f**k? Yeah, are we saying this like, is this another member of the Darcy family like generations later? He's a descendant of the original Darcy and Elizabeth. He's like their eighth great grandchild. That's the only way it works that his name is Darcy and he looks like that. It makes no sense. Hey, you know what might've helped Bridget and her parents avoid some of these relationship pitfalls? Therapy? Yes, she should have used BetterHelp, but I know that there can be a lot of hesitation to actually start going to therapy. And a recent survey by today's sponsor, BetterHelp, found that even though most British people, like Bridget Jones or Mr. Darcy 7.0, think mental health care should be viewed the same as physical health care, they are twice as likely to avoid getting therapy because of stigma. Good thing BetterHelp connects you with a licensed therapist who is trained to listen and give helpful, unbiased advice. To get started, click the link below or go to betterhelp.com slash cinematherapy and fill out the questionnaire to assess your specific needs. You'll get matched with a therapist, in most cases, in 48 hours or less. And they're committed to helping you find a therapist who's a good fit for you. So you can easily switch to a new therapist at no additional cost if the first one you're matched up with isn't a great fit. BetterHelp has a network of over 30,000 therapists with a wide range of expertise. You can choose a time that's convenient to you for your therapy sessions. And you can also choose how you want to do your therapy sessions, a phone call, video chat, or even via messaging. It's so convenient and personalized, it really helps overcome a lot of the barriers that people face to start therapy. Over four million people have used BetterHelp to start living a healthier, happier life. If you think you could benefit from therapy, maybe even not as much as Bridget Jones, click the link below or go to betterhelp.com slash cinematherapy. You'll get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp so you can connect with a therapist and see if it helps you. Sexual harassment much? But you know, she takes it as flattery because he's handsome and powerful and she enjoys the attention. And don't get me wrong, that could happen in the real world. Oh, sure. You know, something that is a gross abuse of power and position and objectifying somebody who is lonely and vulnerable and emotional might appreciate the attention even though they are actually being sexually harassed. Honestly, really the only issue here is that he's her direct supervisor. Well, and the fact that he's literally never paid any attention to her until she shows up in a mini skirt. And then that's the only thing he notices about her is her skirt. So let's talk about, this is not appropriate workplace attire. Like just from like a standard of professionalism. Right? Like if that's the culture of your office and everybody's okay with that, then that's fine but it clearly isn't. Look, if you work at a fashion magazine, you're probably gonna be wearing high fashion stuff. And what are we talking over right now? Her joking but calling him out on his sexual harassment as a flirtation technique. And him saying your tits look great in that top. Him basically saying, yeah. And this. All the red flags. Responsible emailing over Bridget's non-existence. In fairness, the film itself is not saying this is okay. This is a character arc. The film is saying, she finds it charming. She likes the attention. She's gonna learn later. That's not love and what he did is inappropriate. So credit where it's due. I don't love the film, but at least it's not saying, look how lovely this is. It's saying they're all being idiots. The film is calling out, this is not a healthy relationship. The biggest red flag is that she's fantasizing about marriage. Because if she were fantasizing about a one night stand, not exactly healthy, but at least honest and realistic. Because she is now filling in the gaps of who she thinks he is or could be based on that she likes the attention and that he finds her attractive and that he wants to sleep with her. Why? Because she's got a hope to not be alone and to spend her life with somebody. She's got somebody giving her attention and she's filling in all of this with not reality. And that inevitably leads to heartache. You've heard me talk about the book, How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk by Dr. Jon Van Epp. How important it is to actually stop and check what your mental image is of this person actually matches with the reality of who the person is and adjust your mental image accordingly and see if who they really are is what you want. Not the fantasy version. Correct me if I'm wrong, doesn't she say something at the beginning of the movie that there's like been some scandal with him and somebody at the office? Like she knows. Alcoholics, workaholics, commitment phobics, peeping Toms, megalomaniacs, emotional or perverts. And especially will not fantasize about a particular person who embodies all these things. There's also psychologically the appeal of something that we know is wrong and it's gonna blow up in our face and we know it but we find it irresistible. The whole good guys or good girls are boring idea comes from the fact that when you do something that you believe to be wrong, there's an element of excitement and thrill. There's danger. You get adrenaline just like you do when you stick your head in a lion's mouth. Sometimes it can be very hard to do the things that we know are good for us and long-term can bring us peace and happiness because we have to mourn the loss of the thrill. Generally speaking, we are trading peace and joy for excitement. So how do you feel about this whole situation in Churchill? Is it a nightmare? I couldn't give a ****, Jones. Now look, how do you know Arcee Darcey? Apparently I used to run around naked in his paddling pool. I bet you did, you dirty bitch. What about you? Same, yeah. No, no, I was the best man at his wedding. Knew him from Cambridge. He was a maid. That should be a red flag if you're British, you know him from Cambridge. Nothing. They're both D-bags. Not everyone who goes to Cambridge is a D-bag, but statistically. Statistically. Another red flag is the fact that he is switching the roles and casting himself as the victim in the story and Darcey as the villain when the actual behavior he's describing was reversed. And lying to impress a woman is always a red flag. Lying to impress anybody is always a red flag. Also red flag, I absolutely believe women should dress however they want to, however they're comfortable, however they feel sexy and powerful. My red flag is that she is wearing that dress because she knows full well he's not into her for her brain. She's wearing that dress so she can keep him interested. It would be completely different if it was a healthy relationship where he fully valued her as a person and she just felt like wearing something like that. So again, I'm not judging the dress, I'm judging the motive for wearing the dress. Red flag. He doesn't actually care about what she thinks or what she has to say. Yeah. She tries to talk about Chechnya and he's like, ugh. To be fair, she didn't actually care about that subject either. Oh no. She was trying to impress him. Yeah. But that's another red flag. Okay, this is a youthful mistake that we all make, but hopefully we mature out of. You shouldn't have to impress anybody. Right, if you're needing to be fake or false to impress a person, your relationship is doomed to fail anyway. How important it is to just be authentically you. Recognize some people aren't gonna want that and that's okay. They did you a favor by saying, I am not your person, let me see myself out. When you are authentically you and people see that, that is when you're setting yourself up to be seen, accepted, and loved. And that's not what she's doing. I'm piecing together some of the reasons that I do not like this as a Pride and Prejudice adaptation. And that is that Elizabeth Bennett never tries to be anyone that she isn't. She understands societal expectations, but she's still herself within those. She does not try to impress Wickham or Darcy or anyone else. She says, this is who I am. I'm smart, I am opinionated, I'm confident, I'm these things. And in this one, Bridget Jones, she doesn't know who she is. She's not being true to herself. She's trying to adapt to what she thinks other people want her to be. So she's not a good adaptation of Elizabeth Bennett. It's a complete inverse almost of who that character is. Do you love me? Shut up or I'll do it again. Do you love me? Right, you asked for it. I'm over eager. I'm gonna give you some advice. Distract her with whatever your illegal sex move is. Oh, so yeah, that's very evasive and charmingly so, but. I gotta go back to town. And now he's out of there. Meeting's coming up. On a Sunday? No, the meeting's first thing tomorrow. I've gotta work on some figures. You wanna know why he's leaving right now? Jess. Oh, we'll find out. Hop into the party for a minute. Well, I mean, that, but also, he can't just have sex with her all day. I mean, maybe he could to distract her from the do you love me conversation. Right. That worked last night, but now he's gotta skedaddle because he used his one card. He's leaving because he's got somebody else. But also, what'd you think you were gonna get with a guy who only looks at your butt and your boobs? Commitment, phobics, emotional, fuckwits, or perverts. Red flag for me is someone who can't talk to you about how they feel. Yeah. And doesn't follow through on commitments. He committed to her to be there, and then he makes up an excuse to get out of it, which we find out later is because he's going to see someone else. Yeah. But if somebody is not following through on their commitments, even if it's not because they're cheating on you, that's a problem in a relationship. That's a really big problem. Right, yeah. If they're not keeping small commitments, what's to stop them from not keeping larger commitments and larger commitments? Well, and he falls back on pleasuring her because, presumably, that's something that he's good at. But also, he wants to keep her around because it's a situationship for him. It's convenient. At the same time, he doesn't want to tell her that he loves her, which maybe is, to his credit, a little bit. That's a line he won't cross. Lying to keep her in bed with him. Yeah, but here's the thing. Let's do a little bit of therapy really fast. So this character, Wickham Light, I have him in my office. Somebody asks you, do you love me? And the answer is either no or I don't know yet. It's actually not that difficult of a conversation to have because you know what? Feelings are either there or they're not and sometimes feelings are in transit and you can vulnerably, honestly have a conversation with somebody without destroying them by honestly saying, I'm here because I'm interested. I'm here because I'm attracted. I'm here because I like you. But if you're asking if I love you, I'm not there yet. I don't know if I'll ever be there, but you deserve an honest answer. And then letting them do with that what they're gonna do. Yeah, it's not gonna feel great to hear that probably, but it's at least going to feel honest. We've had very good response. So he cheated on her. Yep. Or he cheated on the woman he was with, with her. Either way. Why not both? Either way, if he was lying to both of them. Correct, yeah. The thing is, with Lara and me, well, you know. No, you'll have to fill me in. Well, the truth is, truth is we're the same bridge, you and me. You know, we're two people of a certain age looking for the moment to commit and finding it really hard. He's projecting. And manipulating. Although she's not wearing anything revealing and he's still talking to her. So that's gross. Is it? No, it's not. I don't know, being American or something to do with confidence and being so, well, young, you know. I do think that he- Gross. Yeah, that is gross. I do think that he is latching onto the idea of Bridget as a woman who can fix him and help him to grow into an adult. He's starting to, yeah. We come around to that fully later. You haven't, have you, just met her? No, no, I got to know her pretty well when we were in the New York office together. Oh, so at least he's coming clean. But there's an issue with relationships used for one's own personal gain or pleasure. A real relationship is considered of the other person's wants, needs, and feelings. We're engaged. And all of these women in his life, he is affectionate towards them to the extent that it will get him what he wants. Even when he thinks he's in love with Bridget later, what he actually is is, oh, he sees enough to see, I've hurt people and I've kind of been a shallow playboy. I want to be more. But instead of, I will make myself more by doing the work to improve myself, he's latching onto, maybe Bridget can take me there. He says to her, I wanted you to be the first to know I'm getting engaged. He's willing to be open and vulnerable. I think he's doing that because he thinks it's going to get him something or absolve him from some guilt. What is your read on that? My read on that is, and I'd love to know yours, Megan. My read on that is he thinks he's being respectful. You deserve to know this and you deserve to know it from me. Which I guess is the very least monochrome of respect that you could show a person is, I completely treated you like garbage and cheated on you and lied to you. But I also didn't want anyone else to tell you that. As far as a bar to clear, that one's literally sitting on the ground stepping over it. Well, I think it's just that he doesn't see anything else to gain from lying to her anymore. So he's like, well, I might as well be halfway decent. And it's his way of sort of ending things because he knows he has to. Yeah. Without being the complete villain. Well, it's also confessing to something that you've already been caught with. Yeah. And so it's like, well, at least now I can play the nice guy, honest role. Right. Like I'm carrying a compassionate, but if she had never caught him, he never would have done this. Look, are you and Cosmo in this together? I mean, you seem to go out of your way to try to make me feel like a complete idiot every time I see you. And you really needn't bother. I already feel like an idiot most of the time anyway. With or without. This is why a lot of people relate to Bridget Jones though, because we've all felt that way. That is actually a really great line. It is a great line. And, you know, weird turn of events. Delivered pretty well. I'm sorry if I've been. Well, good self-awareness for like her. I don't think you're an idiot at all. In fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you very much. Apart from the smoking and the drinking and the vulgar mother and the verbal diarrhea. No, I like you very much. Just as you are. Mark, we really are making progress on the kissing here. I mean, just because he took it from Billy Joel doesn't mean it's not beautiful. Honestly, you could show me this scene in isolation apart from the rest of the film. Say it's a modern Pride and Prejudice and I'd be like, oh, they really nailed it. Oh, I'm on board. You know? But then there's the rest of the film around this scene. Well, and the real problem I have with this scene is not what's said in the scene or how the scene is played. That's all fine. It makes no ******* sense that he likes her just the way she is. Why? Why does he like her? She's been annoying and smoky and drinky and obnoxious and selfish and horrible, but he likes her because the script says he has to. Yeah, well, and they've had zero positive interactions, I think, at this point. Maybe some neutral ones, but I don't think they've had any positive interactions with each other. And we're just supposed to believe that he likes her because he says it. If they had had a moment or several moments where he thought all these things about her and then he observes a different side to her and he realizes, oh, I'm more than willing to tolerate all this other stuff because there's something that other people aren't seeing. Man, if only there was like a movie or a book that did that and showed that happening with characters that we could model this on. Okay. That would be incredible. Still, it's enough for me to put the red flag away just for the moment, even though I agree with everything you're saying. No, but just the notion of, I don't need you to make me feel like an idiot. I feel like that all on my own all the time is such a heartbreaking line because it speaks to how a lot of people feel. And to have someone say to you in return and mean it, I like you just the way you are, is beautiful, is healthy, is wholesome. Just because the film doesn't earn it doesn't mean that the concept isn't beautiful or wonderful. Again, taken in isolation, this scene is great. Diet Wickham shows up to her birthday party. I'm going crazy. I can't stop thinking about you. I'm thinking what a f***ing idiot I've been. Christ, is that Blue Sue? That Sunday in the country. Come outside. The fact is, you put Hugh Grant in a scene and even if the movie's not great, he will find moments. It's gonna be a great scene. Your parents are just panicked. You know me, I'm a terrible disaster with a posh voice and a bad character. You're the only one who can save me, Bridge. I need you. Without you... Where's that flag, Jono? Where's that flag? Oh, sorry. The flag came through it. I'm so hot. Over, over. Totally finito. Dump me. Dump me once you're done. I need you to save me. Oh, also the girl dumped me. I need you to save me from myself and also the woman that I was with just left me, so here I am. This ever happens in your life, you run. You throw them out. You can laugh first. His motivations are what can I get out of this relationship, not what can I give. This is not a concern for her happiness and that's what an actual love story is. What he is looking for is a bandage in the shape of a woman. And also, anytime you think that one romantic partner can or should save you or that only one person can or should save you. Yeah. Not a good place to be. Yeah, you know what someone who loves you will do? They won't save you. They will stand with you as you work to save yourself. What is your problem? My problem? Yes. My problem is that I just did a statham through this window. You're noble and normal and helpful in the kitchen, but you're just as bad as the rest of them. Well, I can see that I've been laboring under a misapprehension. Very, very foolish mistake. Forgive me. We belong together, Jones. No! You poor little scurn. If I can't make it with you, I can't make it with anyone. No! Guess you can't then, bud. You basically just told her, like, you're the worst. Like, you're the best I could possibly do because you're terrible. That's not a good enough offer for me. He might mean that. He might also mean, like, you're the only one good enough to put up with me, you know? Quite sure. It's like you said. I'm still looking for something more extraordinary than that. Here, finally, at the end of the film, Bridget actually grows and does something resembling a human behavior that we can get behind. Some people say, you'll never do better than me. No one will love you but me. He's appealing to her guilt and saying, no one will love me but you. Yeah, he's guilt-lighting her. Yeah. Like, if you don't love me, I will be lonely and sad the rest of my days. Do you really want that on your conscience? All right, can I bring it back out? Important. For him, for sure. For him. Definitely an occasion for genuine rage. He's here and he loves me, so let's get busy. I'm gonna go put on some sexy underwear. And then the movie just kinda... Here's her open diary about how terrible he is. Opened to a page from months ago. I mean, wasn't it supposed to be like a year ago at this point? So maybe she's just that messy. Maybe it's been a year since she cleaned her apartment. Because it was the previous Christmas, right? And now it's Christmas again? Yeah. Why is her diary open from a year ago? Why? Because the movie script said it was. I mean, I do kinda like, I don't know if you're gonna show the whole thing here, but where this leads and what he's doing. Where he goes and he's getting her a new diary to start fresh, but like... We show it, I think. Okay, well I... And he can hear her. So he's going to get her a new diary and it's a sweet moment, except for it doesn't make sense because it's not human behavior. No. If you're pursuing a relationship with this person, you don't just walk out and ignore them when they're shouting at you and you're on the street. You go, be right back, just running to the shop, so I'm coming right back. Right. Or she comes out, hey, I saw this. I think it's time we get you a new diary. And they go out and they have a little date. Yeah. And they get a new diary to start fresh. But then we couldn't have her running through the streets in the snow in her underwear. Right. This entire movie could be renamed Turning Red. Because of the flag, because he held the flag up so much. No, they got it. That's why. You wanna know why? Because our fans are smarter than the screenwriters of this movie. At least they end where Darcy and Bridget Jones kind of leave their relationship is at an okay starting point. Yeah. It's just to get them there, they have to do things that human beings don't do. Listen, if you're gonna take one of the all-time classics of English literature, I'd say you could do worse, but you can't. Okay, I will write in for you Bridget Jones fans. Look, you've got charming actors. You've got some charming moments. You've got a character who's despicable because he's supposed to be despicable. You got a character who's despicable because he's supposed to be. And you've got a character who feels like an idiot and doesn't feel comfortable in their own skin. And somebody says, I see you and I love you for who you are. Again, the film doesn't earn that moment, but I get why that is a beautiful thing to latch onto. And if you enjoy Bridget Jones, that's fine. Great. Like what you like, enjoy what you enjoy. Just keep your brain turned on. And if it's not healthy, don't model your life after it. We haven't seen any of the other Bridget Jones movies. Are you gonna make us suffer through them? Let us know if you want us to, because we will do it. Yeah, we'll do it for you. And also, if you are in a relationship with someone who's exhibiting any of the behaviors that Hugh Grant's character exhibits. Get out. Lots of red flags. Find a healthier relationship. It's like Bridget says, she deserves something more extraordinary than that. When you say find a healthy relationship, start with yourself. When you truly love yourself, if someone treats you poorly, you can be like, I treat myself better than this. I don't need this in my life. Yeah, I'm gonna go spend a weekend with me. So until next time. I like you just as you are. I'm joking, you daft cow. Is that blue soup? And watch movies. Shout out and thank you to our patrons who help support this channel and get so much bonus content that you can't find anywhere else. Folks like Guardian of Energy. Traxathon. Hilary Egan. Alyssa De La Cruz. David Gornitsky. Thank you and we love you just as you are. We do.