12 Social signs of autism in early childhood

Have you ever watched a child interact with other kids and thought something feels a little different socially? Maybe they seem to prefer playing alone, maybe they don't respond as expected when another kid like their peer their same age comes and talks to them or maybe they seem social in their own way but often misunderstood by their peers and have a hard time keeping friends. Today we are talking about 12 social signs of autism in early childhood. We're going to be sharing examples from our home to yours. My husband and I have five kids and our two youngest are autistic. Meet Ezra. Ezra loves cords. He loves spinning with cords, he loves cars and he loves hiking with his family. He also is autistic, level three which means he just needs a little bit more support. He is non-verbal and he communicates when he's highly motivated with an iPad and through spelling. And Ezra is 10 years old. Meet Simon. He's five years old, has level one autism which means he just needs a little less support and he loves cars as well. He loves lighting things up, he loves playing with his friends, jumping on his trampoline and spending time with his family. Number one is limited interest in peer interaction. So some autistic children simply do not feel drawn to other kids the way that many children do. Instead of joining group play they may prefer independent activities or like one-on-one activities. Activities like building spinning objects or exploring a specific interest. Maybe it's one of their intense interests. This does not mean they don't want relationships. It often means social interactions feel confusing or overwhelming and then you support. They need help and you're there you can help them. Number two, difficulty understanding social rules. We're never really taught social rules. Okay, they're invisible. They're not usually written down. Things like taking turns in conversation, waiting in line, knowing when to speak can be hard to decode. Autistic children may interrupt, walk away, need conversation or speak at unexpected times. It's not rudeness. Okay, it's usually a difference in how social cues are understood. Number three, reduced eye contact. Many autistic children may have less eye contact than expected but not all autistic kids. Like my son Simon, my five-year-old, he has great eye contact. I mean he hit all of his milestones. He was looking at us if we were trying to get his attention, he was looking right in our eyes even at a young age. But with Ezra, there was like no eye contact. Eye contact can feel intense, distracting or even uncomfortable to someone like my Ezra. Some autistic individuals say that making eye contact actually makes it harder to listen. So they may look away while still fully paying attention. If it doesn't, put in the comments. If you've got questions, put it in the comments. A lot of autistic adults watch the channel and answer your questions in the comments like way better than I ever could and I have learned a lot. So if you are an autistic adult, if you are autistic and you'd like to share maybe one that I missed because I'm only talking about 12, if you have 13th or 14th, please put it down in the comments because you never know who you might bless by sharing your own personal experience and your own point of view. Number four is a limited social back and forth. In a typical conversation, usually it's back and forth. There's this rhythm of one person speaks, another responds, ideas bounce back and forth. Autistic children may speak at length about their favorite topic or they may not respond when someone tries to engage them. The back and forth rhythm conversation can take time to develop and to learn and it may not be as natural. Now these signs do not mean that something's wrong with your child. Having an autistic trait is also not a diagnosis, okay? They simply help us understand how autistic children can experience the social world. We want this to lead to increased understanding, more awareness, deeper patience, kinder action in words, and greater acceptance for difference. And number five, not responding to their name. It's one of the earliest signs many parents notice, but it is a social thing and if your child doesn't respond to their name consistently that you might want to bring up to a professional. Sometimes parents wonder if their child has a hearing problem. They wonder if they need hearing aids or and in many cases the child hears perfectly well. They are just deeply focused on something else and they're not turned into social cues yet so they just might not have learned that, oh, I need to answer to my name. Or it could be that they don't notice because they're so focused. But even early on, Ezra did not respond to his name. Now he's 10 years old, he does respond more often. When he learns something it has to be repeated like over a hundred times and I'm not exaggerating, but he can learn and he's learned to say um to respond to very specific words. We actually share lots of examples in our story in a book that my husband and I wrote. It's called A Unique Normal 12 Mistakes We Made Raising Autistic Kids. You can click the link in the description to check it out and get a signed copy if you want. We just wanted to share our story so that more parents out there wouldn't make the same mistakes that my husband and I did. Okay, number six. Difficulty reading facial expressions. Faces carry a lot of information so imagine if the information is just too much. It's overload and maybe it comes to him completely unorganized. Maybe it's hard for him to organize and categorize information. Maybe it's hard for him to focus on a certain amount or a certain part of the information that he wants to. Like whatever the case is, a smile or raised eyebrows or a frustrated look all communicate meaning and autistic children may struggle to interpret these expressions. Especially if they don't have the opportunity to have someone explain something or to practice and to learn which can make social situations confusing. They may not realize when someone is joking or upset or expecting a certain type of response. Number seven. Is not pointing to share interest. Many toddlers will use gestures and pointing to show something exciting. They will share the moment. They will socially like they'll have a toy and then they'll look back and be like look at the toy or they'll be like look at that across the room look at that mom and they'll want to share that moment. Autistic children may point to request something but an autistic child may not point simply to share an experience. So they may not share the experience at all or maybe just not in a typical way. This skill is called joint attention and it is an important part of social development. Number eight. Preferring adults over children. This is the social thing that a lot of autistic kids will do. Some autistic children interact more comfortably with adults rather than kids rather than peers and those who were their same age. Adults tend to be more predictable and patient and structured. Adults tend to be more understandable because peer play can be chaotic, can be loud, can be hard to interpret especially when you're talking about children. They can be hard to understand. So a child may happily talk with adults but then struggle in group play with peers. Number nine is parallel play instead of cooperative play. Young children often begin with the parallel play right but autistic children may stay in the stage longer. They may sit beside another child but remain focused on their own activity. Again it's not a lack of interest. It's not a lack of like not wanting connection. It could mean that they don't know that they could. It is often a difference on how social engagement is developed. So number 10 is missing social cues. Autistic children may not notice the subtle signals that guide interaction. For example another child might want to join in their game but the autistic child may not recognize the invitation. It might be a social cue invitation. It might not be blunt or obvious. It might not just be because you know they could verbalize hey can I play with you? But what if they don't? What if they just kind of sit by them and try to get their attention and the autistic child doesn't realize it? That can happen too. Or they may keep talking about a topic even when others appear uninterested. They may not realize that the other person is done talking and listening about that subject. These cues are often learned over time with support. Number 11 is difficulty with pretend play. So pretend play often involves imagining what other people might think and feel like tea parties, superheroes, or playing house. It all involves understanding different roles. Some autistic children prefer real world structured or repetitive play instead. That is a possible sign of If they're playing like lining up toys and organizing objects and that's the play and that's the focus on on the play is how things work, they may have a difficult time playing with a peer. Number 12, our last one, is social interaction that looks different but not absent. So one of the most important things to understand is that autistic social behavior often looks different but it's still there. There's still a desire to have a friend. Many autistic children show connection through bringing objects like if they're going to share an object like here's my favorite thing and I brought one for you or sitting near someone that they trust or they feel safe with. That is a way of connection. Some kids will just talk about their favorite interests, their intense interest, laughing, stimming, or engaging in their own joyful connection. That could be the way they're socializing. It just might not follow the typical expectations and so sometimes the biggest shift happens when we stop asking why isn't my child being social and start asking how does my child experience connection? What kind of connection do they enjoy? Those are some good questions to ask. Here is 12 Signs of Autism in a One-Year-Old and here is our autism playlist and remember if you have an autistic child you're in good company.