She's 60 with No Retirement

Xander shops all the top term insurance companies to save you money. Get started at xander.com I've been trying to help my mom get out of debt for three years and She's retiring in three years as well, or she wants to but I can't get her to become gazelle intent Okay, she's broke and staring down the barrel of retiring broke, but you know fix it. Why? I have no clue. I've asked and I prodded and I've tried to get her to to see how scary it could be Retiring if nothing, but how old are you looking? I'm 25. How old is she? Turning 60 this year Well, she's not gonna retire at 63 cuz she's not gonna have any money Yeah, she thinks she has a pension plan, but that's it's I've already looked and I've been helping her with her Finances and I don't see it working for her for covering all her expenses and still her debt. How much debt does she have? Currently 40,000 total. Okay, what's it in? 20,000 in student loans 16,000 in Personal loans from credit cards and then 4,000 and a remaining credit card Okay, did she go to school the student loans that hers or was it a parent plus loan? She was going to school, but she she didn't finish her last class and so these are just the remaining student loans Okay from her own degree. Okay. So when you sit and say mom, this is serious If you don't fix this, you're gonna be up a creek without a paddle. What does she say? She kind of laughs it off yeah, and And then we've we've gone through the baby steps and no we have you have Hasn't done anything except laugh. Yes. Yeah, my wife and I we've done it and and I tried using that as look at look at Well, we've kind of been able to do you could kind of live like this as well. But uh, yeah, I don't know It's not clicking Yeah, it's a hard reality when you realize you can't Force people to do anything You can't say the right thing well enough to get them to see this or that I mean like there is a point in an adult's life that they have to make a decision on what they're gonna do There are basics every family needs food shelter transportation and term life insurance term life is simple If you pass away, it pays money to your family so they can keep paying the bills Protecting the people you love is part of winning with money. And when you're ready to do that go with who I trust Zander insurance Zander shops top companies to find the right coverage at the best price and they've earned my Recommendation for nearly 30 years go to zander.com today There is a point in an adult's life that they have to make a decision on what they're gonna do And she's telling you through her decision-making of what she's gonna do And so there's a part Matt that I hate to say it. I think you've done everything that you can Possibly do mom. I probably have one closing conversation. It's mom. I'm not gonna bring this up again Unless you bring it up if you need some help Yeah, if you want some coaching fire, I'm going to be giving you zero money when you're old So you probably should figure this out, but I'm not gonna beg you to do this stuff anymore I I want you to win with money more than you want to win with money and I'm through talking to you about this and You laughing when I do it So we're not gonna talk about this subject anymore unless you call me and say help me and I will help you By teaching you I will never help you by giving you money period and then end it just to drop it because you you're not Making any progress. You're you're beating your head against a rock and She's not changing. She doesn't she doesn't want your advice And so one of the things I figured out when I started doing this show years ago is I quit Answering questions that people didn't ask. Yes You know, yes, I know coming into someone's life and presenting myself as the answer to your questions Yeah, if you ask a question, I'll help you I'm obligated then to answer your question But I'm not going to just walk up to somebody randomly in my life and go. Hey, that's stupid I know but if you ask me, I'll tell you that's stupid I love you enough to tell you the truth and what's frustrating Matt is what you've experienced you and your wife at 25 of going through the baby steps in doing this and probably paying off debt and have an emergency fund and Retirement and you're seeing the progress and you look over at someone you love like your mom And you're like you could be doing this exact same thing. And so the motivation is Totally understandable where you're coming from But you have to understand the result is not you have no control over that at all at all And so there's a part you have to let you start winning. It's something you want it for the people 100% you can't make them do it like, you know I've got a friend that lost a hundred pounds and his wife didn't and he's frustrated with her and I'm like, dude You know, that was you just a few years ago So you decide that you had to make the decision you have to make you can't Your wife's not gonna lose weight because you want her to she's gonna lose weight when she wants to Nobody got you to lose weight until you want it. Same thing. You got to make these choices You can't but he feels so much better and he feels his dignity coming back He got you know His clothing fits all this kind of stuff and he wants that for somebody that he loves and he can't but you can't make somebody Else do want something, you know, you can only present to them is what it's done for you This is what's worked for me You've done that and then I would I would have one closing conversation and say I'm not gonna bring this up again But also be forewarned I will not be writing you checks Because I've tried to help you and I'm not going to be writing you checks at any point in your life It's not gonna happen So you should figure this out This should scare you where you are is scary And if it doesn't I can't help you if you want some coaching some advice I'll be happy to show you what we did. I would be honored I'd be excited to show you what we did, but I'm not gonna bring it up again unless you do and just drop it That's what I would do and then move on to the next thing. You can't You know the problem with most of us is we love somebody we see them doing something that's hurtful to themselves and We want them to be healed more than they want to be Yes, and we want them to have a quality spiritual walk more than they want to We want them to lose weight more than they want to we want them to get out of debt more than they want to we Want and that's not unusual. That's most of us have had that experience. We want something for someone We love more than they want it and you just kind of stand back and go dad gum I just can't well and it's a weird feeling too. This is always funny saying next to you say this But Matt as a 25 year old is doing better Financially than his mom and when you become an adult and you start to outpace your parents in any level of life That is a weird feeling and so Matt you're kind of grappling with this like I'm more of an adult I'm more I'm like the parent in this situation That is how you're feeling and that's a weird role reversal and you don't have to do that But that's part of growing up too is seeing that and being like that feels so strange but I feel like I've passed my parents and whatever the category is in life and so that's part of Adulthood to Matt with your mom sadly. Yeah, that's just part of the thing And I was trying to think what category if I passed you and Dave then I think I think you've raised better kids than I did You're better at parenting than I was No, I laugh all the time though because sometimes my kids if they say something to me I've used this line multiple times every parenting expert probably like that's terrible But I always am like if I ever had said that to poppin Mimi growing up fill in the blank with my consequence It would not have gone. Well for my health Old school get away. Yeah, they do they we discipline but also Y'all ran a tight ship girl Probably tighter than once I do There's all kinds of ways you've passed us up, right? It's all good. You just gave me an underhand pitch It was t-ball Yeah, the thing is When you're trying to convince someone in your life that you care about About all you can do is not tell them what they're doing wrong instead Just show them what you've done and I can't tell you, you know How many ways things you can do to fix your life, but I can say this is what I did And I feel this way now. I had this route. I had this experience. No one can take your experience away from no It just tell people your story and in the marriage context. Dr John's alone. He talks about this all the time when you're trying to get your spouse on board use I statements versus you Well, you're doing this you're doing this Yeah So much about your story and what's going on inside of you is gonna be the thing that's gonna possibly move someone to a different action, but also it puts the self-responsibility on you and not that you're trying to implement and change someone else because at the end of the day you're not gonna be able to Xander is the best place to find term life insurance to protect your family visit Xander comm for quotes today