Move In With My Mom So She Can Leave Her Boyfriend?

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. Should I move out of my house, which is owned by my mom and her partner? They are not married. They have two mortgages, which is the apartment I live in, which I pay in full for. Every month is $2,600. They have a home that they live in. Their mortgage is $4,300. They moved out of my apartment eight months ago to move into their home, and now she wants to leave him. We're trying to figure out what the best move is. She wants to leave him? Is that what you said? She wants to leave him, and she wants to either move into my apartment, or really, she wants me to move into her house. The one that they're paying for together, have him move into the apartment so no one gets, quote-unquote, burned. But that's going to be a big change in my life, and I'm going to be taking a lot more expenses. Yeah, so let's pause right there. Let's just pause, okay? And I appreciate, we're honored that you called for our opinion, and believe me, we have opinions, and we'll give them to you. But before we get there, let's just go where you are. Where are you at? What was your knee-jerk reaction? What is your feeling right now? What decision do you think is right for you? Tell us. My ideal situation would be to, I told them when they moved, I'm like, if I'm going to be paying everything, I'm paying the property tax, basically my own landlord, why not just give me the gift of the home, of the apartment, which they didn't do? My immediate reaction would be have my mom move in, though it would be, you know, a big change because I rent a business out of my house, so it's going to be a little bit tighter. But my mom is very, like, pushing me to move into the house because she feels like we won't be able to get into another house. Pause, pause, pause real quick. I'm sorry, and this is because I'm not really clear, and I don't want to confuse you or the audience. So, you're saying a currently living in a place, and you said your first reaction was for mom to move in with you where you are now, correct? Yes, because they just moved out of the apartment which they own that I'm living in to move into their house, so they took on a $400,000 mortgage. Yeah, not your problem. It's not your problem, though. I don't even care about that, and the musical house is just confusing. So, you think the best move is for your mom to move in with you, but it comes with some headaches. That's what I heard. Correct. All right. So, if you think that's best, we start there, and I can tell you, Rachel and I just said, her house is not your problem, and mom is trying to manipulate you, my viewpoint, to move in to help her with a mortgage that she can't handle. Yeah, it sounds like there's no boundaries. Alyssa, she's leaning on you almost like a second- She wants to break up with a boyfriend and move into your place. This is wacky. Yeah. Alyssa, is your name on any of these properties from a legal perspective of owning? My name is not on any property. Okay. And then they're going to break up. So, Alyssa, I mean, this sounds extreme. I almost, which would probably piss your mom off. This is an ad for BetterHelp. One of the most important things I've ever done in my life, as a husband, as a dad, as a community member, as a neighbor, is to finally break down and go see a therapist. It's not just for major traumas. It's for anyone wanting better mental and emotional health and peace. If you're thinking about trying therapy, try my friends at BetterHelp. BetterHelp is 100% online, so it's affordable and it's convenient. Visit betterhelp.com slash Ramsey for 10% off your first month. I almost, which would probably piss your mom off, but I almost would just move out, get out of the middle of this triangle and just go rent an apartment, be a complete bystander in this, and then be able to help and coach your mom of, hey, mom, yeah, these properties, because I bet both of their names are on the apartment and the home, which is going to be a mess for your mom because they're going to have to possibly refinance to get one name off the loan. I mean, it's just going to be a disaster. And so, if I were you, I see disaster playing out with unhealthy mom with no boundaries, and this would be a harsh move, but it would to say like, hey, I have to step away. And then from your point of strength, be able then to come in and help where you can and where it's appropriate, but not out of this desperation of your mom because she can't get her act together. That sounds mean, but- Can I add one more thing? Sure. Yeah, absolutely. I don't think, they've been together for over a decade. So, with that said, I don't think that one of them are going to go through the headache of taking each other's name off, like they trust each other enough, although they shouldn't, they trust each other enough, and they know that they're both stable enough to- Yeah, so they may not, but that's- Well, how does that change? Okay, great. How does it change what we're telling you that you should do? No, that doesn't change. I just- You just what? Well, I just, I mentioned refinance, so she's saying- Yeah. So, I'm not paying that much. I pay about $2,600 a month in total with everything. And my goal this year is, I'm in the baby steps, and my goal this year is to pay off my $30,000 in debt, which is more than possible. So, I just don't know. I mean, it's just going to be more difficult, but I guess- Why? What's going to make it more difficult? If you move? If I move. Yes. Give me some evidence. You may be right. I think you can find it- What? In my area, it's probably going to be more expensive. I am going to need a two-bedroom, at least, in order to continue running my side business- What is your side business? I am a waxer. A waxer. Oh, sorry. Got that one a little late. Okay, great. But I mean, why- Appreciate the service. That's great. But I mean, all you need, I mean, okay, two-bedroom, that's fine, but you could get a roommate, split a three-bedroom. You know what I mean? I would challenge you to find some small studio. I would just look into it. Do you know what I mean? And the reason to do all this is not really a financial move. It's more of a boundary play, because- Yeah, you got to get out of this mess. There's just a relational entanglement. I agree. Now, how's mom going to handle this? Or you either have to just have a strong boundary with your mom at some point in your life, right? I mean, it sounds like you're just like the third wheel, and you're the safety net for her when things go south. And that's just not a blossoming relationship. You know what I mean? From a daughter to a mother. So I'm just- Yes. Yeah. I would add- I've gotten used to living by myself, so I don't really want to live with her. Yes, and you don't have to. By the way, that's going to create a problem. And mom's going to try to manipulate you. I have a good feeling that if you tell mom, or you do what we're suggesting, that mom's going to throw the darts at you. Am I right or wrong? That's right. Okay. So are you prepared? You don't have to be on this call, but I mean, how prepared do you think you are to be able to stand up to that? I think I'm prepared. Okay. I hear the emotion. I trust you guys' judgment. What emotion? What are you feeling? Fear? Sadness? What's going on? Sadness to leave her on her own. But I mean, I've told her a million times, you know, my goal is to pay off my debt this year. And I've been doing a great job at that. And this is just something in the middle of that. I'm going to take on a lot more expenses, a lot more stress, I'm going to be farther from work, the job that actually pays me good, and that I'm going to try to make $100,000 a year for. So it's just, it's a lot. I know. Well, first of all, you're a good daughter. And there might be some thoughts that enter your head that I'm not a good daughter. Maybe your mom, I'm not saying that she will, but she might throw some statements at you that make you feel that way. And I want you to, before you leave us, to know that you're a good daughter, and you are making really good decisions for you and your future. And you can't, Rachel, how many times have we taken calls with children and adult parents where you really aren't going to be able to fix mom's stuff? And this is what Deloney says all the time is, when you put the boundary up, if the other person on the other end throws a fit and decides to, from an extreme standpoint, end the relationship or stop, that was their call. You didn't ask for that. You're not wanting to break a level of relationship with your mom. You're just trying to set up your own life. Alyssa, how old are you? I'm 23. Oh, okay. You are young. This is a great move. Alyssa, listen. This is going to be a pattern that you set for the rest of your life. I know you're sad right now, but I would rather you experience the sadness of this necessary ending than deal with madness. And this is setting up for that. And I don't mean just the angry feeling. I mean like some insanity of this revolving relationship between your mom and this guy. And it's so commingled that I think the further you get away from this and set up financial and emotional boundaries, I think you're going to be great. I'm going to recommend a book by our dear friend, Dr. Henry Cloud. It's called Boundaries. Read it and then follow that up with Necessary Endings. That's your one-two punch. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.